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KICKASS!!: The Book of Witty Quotations
Ego
"Don’t be so humble - you are not that great."
- Golda Meir (1898-1978), to a visiting diplomat
Logic
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944)
Science
"I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Edison (1874-1931)
Religion
"We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we have only one."
- Confucius (551-479 B.C.)
God
"I contend we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Stephen F. Roberts
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did’."
- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
Society
"You laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same."
- Unknown
Death
Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die."
- Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004)
Stupidity
"What do you take me for, an idiot?"
General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy
"I don’t know anything about music. In my line you don’t have to."
- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
Proverbs
"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
- Proverb
"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig."
- Proverb
Miscellaneous
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
- Dennis Wholey (1937-)
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
- C. G. Jung (1875-1961)
Definitions
"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
- Gloria Leonard
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
- Tom Clancy (1947-), paraphrasing Mark Twain
Motivation
"It’s easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission."
- Proverb
Politics
"I like to play poker with politicians. They’re easy to beat. Sometimes in poker it’s smarter to lose with a winning hand so that you can win later with a losing hand. Politicians can’t accept that."
- Havana (1990)
Conflict
"It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both."
- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), The Prince
Humility
"After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one."
- Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato)
Education
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Last Words
"Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
- Pancho Villa (1877-1923), last words
If for any reason you are unsatisfied, there is a 100% money back guarantee!
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
"Don’t be so humble - you are not that great."
- Golda Meir (1898-1978), to a visiting diplomat
Logic
"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944)
Science
"I have not failed, I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Edison (1874-1931)
Religion
"We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we have only one."
- Confucius (551-479 B.C.)
God
"I contend we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours."
- Stephen F. Roberts
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is ‘God is crying’. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is ‘Probably because of something you did’."
- Jack Handey, Deep Thoughts
Society
"You laugh at me because I am different, but I laugh at you because you are all the same."
- Unknown
Death
Do not stand at my grave and cry, I am not there; I did not die."
- Mary Elizabeth Frye (1905-2004)
Stupidity
"What do you take me for, an idiot?"
General Charles de Gaulle (1890-1970), when a journalist asked him if he was happy
"I don’t know anything about music. In my line you don’t have to."
- Elvis Presley (1935-1977)
Proverbs
"Even a stopped clock is right twice a day."
- Proverb
"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig."
- Proverb
Miscellaneous
"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian."
- Dennis Wholey (1937-)
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."
- C. G. Jung (1875-1961)
Definitions
"The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting."
- Gloria Leonard
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
- Tom Clancy (1947-), paraphrasing Mark Twain
Motivation
"It’s easier to seek forgiveness than ask for permission."
- Proverb
Politics
"I like to play poker with politicians. They’re easy to beat. Sometimes in poker it’s smarter to lose with a winning hand so that you can win later with a losing hand. Politicians can’t accept that."
- Havana (1990)
Conflict
"It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
"It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both."
- Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), The Prince
Humility
"After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one."
- Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato)
Education
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
- Mark Twain (1835-1910)
Last Words
"Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
- Pancho Villa (1877-1923), last words
If for any reason you are unsatisfied, there is a 100% money back guarantee!
"The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
210 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 4, 2015
2 people want to read
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