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Nine Essential Things I've Learned About Life
From the beloved author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People, deeply moving and illuminating reflections on what it means to live a good life.
As a congregational rabbi for half a century and the best-selling author of twelve books on faith, ethics, and how to apply the timeless wisdom of religious thought to everyday challenges, Rabbi Harold S. Kushner has demonstrated time and again his understanding of the human spirit. In this compassionate new work, his most personal since When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Kushner relates how his time as a twenty-first-century rabbi has shaped his senses of religion and morality. He elicits nine essential lessons from the sum of his teaching, study, and experience, offering a lifetime’s worth of spiritual food for thought, pragmatic advice, inspiration for a more fulfilling life, and strength for trying times.
With fresh, vital insight into belief (“there is no commandment in Judaism to believe in God”), conscience (the Garden of Eden story as you’ve never heard it), and mercy (forgiveness is “a favor you do yourself, not an undeserved gesture to the person who hurt you”), grounded in Kushner's brilliant readings of Scripture, history, and popular culture, Nine Essential Things I’ve Learned About Life is compulsory reading from one of modern Judaism’s foremost sages.
Distilling the wisdom of an extraordinary career, this profoundly inspiring yet practical guide to well-being is truly the capstone to Kushner’s luminous oeuvre.
From the Hardcover edition.
As a congregational rabbi for half a century and the best-selling author of twelve books on faith, ethics, and how to apply the timeless wisdom of religious thought to everyday challenges, Rabbi Harold S. Kushner has demonstrated time and again his understanding of the human spirit. In this compassionate new work, his most personal since When Bad Things Happen to Good People, Kushner relates how his time as a twenty-first-century rabbi has shaped his senses of religion and morality. He elicits nine essential lessons from the sum of his teaching, study, and experience, offering a lifetime’s worth of spiritual food for thought, pragmatic advice, inspiration for a more fulfilling life, and strength for trying times.
With fresh, vital insight into belief (“there is no commandment in Judaism to believe in God”), conscience (the Garden of Eden story as you’ve never heard it), and mercy (forgiveness is “a favor you do yourself, not an undeserved gesture to the person who hurt you”), grounded in Kushner's brilliant readings of Scripture, history, and popular culture, Nine Essential Things I’ve Learned About Life is compulsory reading from one of modern Judaism’s foremost sages.
Distilling the wisdom of an extraordinary career, this profoundly inspiring yet practical guide to well-being is truly the capstone to Kushner’s luminous oeuvre.
From the Hardcover edition.
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First published September 1, 2015
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About the author
Harold S. Kushner
62 books403 followersHarold S. Kushner is rabbi laureate of Temple Israel in the Boston suburb of Natick, Massachusetts. A native of Brooklyn, New York, he is the author of more than a dozen books on coping with life’s challenges, including, most recently, the best-selling Conquering Fear and Overcoming Life’s Disappointments.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 126 reviews
April 11, 2021
This is the first book that I’ve read by Harold Kushner and I would love to read more. Any book that reminds me to trust in God is a winner. This was an insightful and comforting read. I would recommend it to anyone who is going through challenging times. I imagine that all his books are this way.
I highlighted so many quotes that I loved and there are so many gems in this book. Here are just a few. The rest should show up below my review.
“It isn’t God’s job to make sick people healthy. That’s the doctors’ job. God’s job is to make sick people brave, and in my experience, that’s something God does really well. Prayer, as I understand it, is not a matter of begging or bargaining. It is the act of inviting God into our lives so that, with God’s help, we will be strong enough to resist temptation and resilient enough not to be destroyed by life’s unfairness.”
“God’s role is not to make our lives easier, to make the hard things go away, or to do them for us. God’s role is to give us the vision to know what we need to do, to bless us with the qualities of soul that we will need in order to do them ourselves, no matter how hard they may be, and to accompany us on that journey.”
“The truth is, life is unfair, and we would do well to come to terms with that fact. Boorish people are blessed with athletic or musical skills that qualify them to earn more money in a year than many of us will earn in our lifetime. Saintly people are struck down by disease before they can use their gifts to help others. The task of religion is not to teach us to bow our heads and accept God’s inscrutable will. It is to help us find the resources to live meaningfully and to go on believing, even in a world where people often don’t get what they deserve.”
I highlighted so many quotes that I loved and there are so many gems in this book. Here are just a few. The rest should show up below my review.
“It isn’t God’s job to make sick people healthy. That’s the doctors’ job. God’s job is to make sick people brave, and in my experience, that’s something God does really well. Prayer, as I understand it, is not a matter of begging or bargaining. It is the act of inviting God into our lives so that, with God’s help, we will be strong enough to resist temptation and resilient enough not to be destroyed by life’s unfairness.”
“God’s role is not to make our lives easier, to make the hard things go away, or to do them for us. God’s role is to give us the vision to know what we need to do, to bless us with the qualities of soul that we will need in order to do them ourselves, no matter how hard they may be, and to accompany us on that journey.”
“The truth is, life is unfair, and we would do well to come to terms with that fact. Boorish people are blessed with athletic or musical skills that qualify them to earn more money in a year than many of us will earn in our lifetime. Saintly people are struck down by disease before they can use their gifts to help others. The task of religion is not to teach us to bow our heads and accept God’s inscrutable will. It is to help us find the resources to live meaningfully and to go on believing, even in a world where people often don’t get what they deserve.”
October 7, 2019
Kushner writes common sense:
....practically on spirituality...
....practically on humanness...
for both religious and secular readers
“Preface:
This book is in part a memoir, a description of a path I followed from adolescence to a career as a rabbi, and of the challenge my wife and I faced when our son was diagnosed with an incurable illness. It is also the story of how organized religion, and all of its branches and formulations, has changed over the course of my lifetime. The religion I teach and practice is very different from the religion I was taught”.
After graduating from Columbia in 1955, Kushner enrolled in the Seminary’s rabbinical school and emerged five years later as a conservative Rabbi.
After years of intensive study of classical texts, Kushner left school full of answers. The implicit message at my rabbinical school was: ‘These answers are the essence of Judaism’”.
After Kushner’s own son got sick, and died from a rare disease, called Progeria, he began to question the rabbinical pat answers - instead he re-examined all that he learned.
“More than anything else, my half century of congregational service and my dozen or so books have been dedicated to reformulating that traditional theology”.
“God Is Not a Man Who Lives in the Sky”
“God is not found in churches, synagogues, or holy books. God is found between people connecting with actions of love”.
“Truth is, life is unfair, and we would do well to come to terms with that fact”.
“The task of religion is not to teach us how to bow our heads and accept God’s inscrutable will. It is to help us find the resources to live meaningfully and to go on believing, even in a world where people often don’t get what they deserve”.
Great balls of fire in Kushner’s teachings.....
or...
perhaps better said:
....he soothes the soul!
Shanah Tovah - to my Jewish friends.
....practically on spirituality...
....practically on humanness...
for both religious and secular readers
“Preface:
This book is in part a memoir, a description of a path I followed from adolescence to a career as a rabbi, and of the challenge my wife and I faced when our son was diagnosed with an incurable illness. It is also the story of how organized religion, and all of its branches and formulations, has changed over the course of my lifetime. The religion I teach and practice is very different from the religion I was taught”.
After graduating from Columbia in 1955, Kushner enrolled in the Seminary’s rabbinical school and emerged five years later as a conservative Rabbi.
After years of intensive study of classical texts, Kushner left school full of answers. The implicit message at my rabbinical school was: ‘These answers are the essence of Judaism’”.
After Kushner’s own son got sick, and died from a rare disease, called Progeria, he began to question the rabbinical pat answers - instead he re-examined all that he learned.
“More than anything else, my half century of congregational service and my dozen or so books have been dedicated to reformulating that traditional theology”.
“God Is Not a Man Who Lives in the Sky”
“God is not found in churches, synagogues, or holy books. God is found between people connecting with actions of love”.
“Truth is, life is unfair, and we would do well to come to terms with that fact”.
“The task of religion is not to teach us how to bow our heads and accept God’s inscrutable will. It is to help us find the resources to live meaningfully and to go on believing, even in a world where people often don’t get what they deserve”.
Great balls of fire in Kushner’s teachings.....
or...
perhaps better said:
....he soothes the soul!
Shanah Tovah - to my Jewish friends.
November 19, 2017
I loved this book! Rabbi Kushner has a way of explaining complex religious issues in clear and relatable prose. He can be intellectual, funny and down to earth all in one paragraph. He talks about his life as a rabbi in a suburban Boston synagogue and some of the life lessons he learned along the way. Quoting Hebrew Scripture, other learned texts and citing his own experiences he brings clarity to Judaism as he sees it. There is a lot of wisdom in this book, and I read it with pencil in hand, underlining passages and writing in the margins. This is a book I will go back to when I want to be inspired.
My favorite passages were about the concept of "Original Sin" which is not a Jewish concept at all.
"Eve, in my understanding of the story, is not the villain whose vulnerability to temptation brought misery into the world. That is a distortion born of a misogynist, Hellenistic bias, and perhaps a need to put women down. She is the heroine. If having a conscience, knowing the difference between Good and Bad, is what makes humans different from other creatures, Eve is the first human being, bravely stepping across the line that separates humans from other creatures and inviting her husband to follow her."
He later writes:
"If this reading of Genesis 3 is correct, cleansed of anti-feminine Hellenistic prejudice, the biblical teaching would be that we inherited from our first ancestors was not Original Sin but Original Virtue, the uniquely human gift and burden of being able to know right from wrong, good from bad."
BOOM!
This book is an absolute recommend!
My favorite passages were about the concept of "Original Sin" which is not a Jewish concept at all.
"Eve, in my understanding of the story, is not the villain whose vulnerability to temptation brought misery into the world. That is a distortion born of a misogynist, Hellenistic bias, and perhaps a need to put women down. She is the heroine. If having a conscience, knowing the difference between Good and Bad, is what makes humans different from other creatures, Eve is the first human being, bravely stepping across the line that separates humans from other creatures and inviting her husband to follow her."
He later writes:
"If this reading of Genesis 3 is correct, cleansed of anti-feminine Hellenistic prejudice, the biblical teaching would be that we inherited from our first ancestors was not Original Sin but Original Virtue, the uniquely human gift and burden of being able to know right from wrong, good from bad."
BOOM!
This book is an absolute recommend!
January 21, 2016
Totally amazing. Very insightful.
1. G-d is indefinable.
2. G-d doesn't create problems, but if sought will provide the strength to get through.
3. Some things are wrong. Having a conscience is what makes us human. It is innate, and seemingly G-d given.
4. Forgiveness is a favor you do for yourself.
5. Leave room for anger and doubt in you relationship with G-d.
6. Religion isn't what you believe. It is what you do.
7. If you want to feel better, help others.
8. Judaism is a religion of "not yet". The world isn't yet what it could or should be, but we are to keeping moving forward in order to make the world better. Living a life of ethical and righteous behavior(think mitzvot and gemilut chesed) will serve as an example to others and hopefully assist in making the world better (tikkun olam).
1. G-d is indefinable.
2. G-d doesn't create problems, but if sought will provide the strength to get through.
3. Some things are wrong. Having a conscience is what makes us human. It is innate, and seemingly G-d given.
4. Forgiveness is a favor you do for yourself.
5. Leave room for anger and doubt in you relationship with G-d.
6. Religion isn't what you believe. It is what you do.
7. If you want to feel better, help others.
8. Judaism is a religion of "not yet". The world isn't yet what it could or should be, but we are to keeping moving forward in order to make the world better. Living a life of ethical and righteous behavior(think mitzvot and gemilut chesed) will serve as an example to others and hopefully assist in making the world better (tikkun olam).
October 24, 2015
I'm surprised to find myself the second reviewer of this book. Almost a first for me.
Nine Essential Things is a fine little book by Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People but is not quite up to that standard. In both books, Rabbi manages to capture a standard of faith and spirituality that speaks to me better than most other authors I have encountered. The Judeo-Christian (and to the best of my knowledge, Muslim) ethic too often seems to revolve around a punitive and angry God which conflicts with near simultaneous descriptions of a loving God. As a physician, I find many of my patients confronting the cruelty of life and wondering what the role of the God of their beliefs might be in their personal tragedies. Kushner is a man who has lived through great pain and loss and witnessed even more. He has come out with an intact faith and is able to share his reasoning with the rest of us. In chapters, such as "God does not send the problem," Kushner helps the reader reconcile faith with pain and makes it easier to be a spiritual person in a deeply flawed world. Although Kushner is a Rabbi, this book seems appropriate to people of many faiths who are struggling to find meaning.
Nine Essential Things is a fine little book by Rabbi Harold Kushner, author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People but is not quite up to that standard. In both books, Rabbi manages to capture a standard of faith and spirituality that speaks to me better than most other authors I have encountered. The Judeo-Christian (and to the best of my knowledge, Muslim) ethic too often seems to revolve around a punitive and angry God which conflicts with near simultaneous descriptions of a loving God. As a physician, I find many of my patients confronting the cruelty of life and wondering what the role of the God of their beliefs might be in their personal tragedies. Kushner is a man who has lived through great pain and loss and witnessed even more. He has come out with an intact faith and is able to share his reasoning with the rest of us. In chapters, such as "God does not send the problem," Kushner helps the reader reconcile faith with pain and makes it easier to be a spiritual person in a deeply flawed world. Although Kushner is a Rabbi, this book seems appropriate to people of many faiths who are struggling to find meaning.
Read
February 21, 2024Lots of good stuff in here. One tidbit I found interesting was his arguing that Eve's transgression was beneficial, not detrimental. I've never heard anyone outside of the Latter-day Saint faith argue that:
For context, Kushner argues that 1) the fundamental difference between humans and all other creatures is having a conscience and 2) the standard interpretation of the Adam and Eve story was developed during an age when women were essentially property, and therefore it is not surprising that people during that age interpreted the story as "the woman ruins everything". He then says:
"Eve, in my understanding of the story, is not the villain who's vulnerability to temptation brought misery to the world. That is a distortion, born of misogynist Hellenistic bias, and perhaps a need to put women down. She is the heroin! If having a conscience - knowing the difference between good and bad - is what makes humans different from other creatures, then Eve is the first human being, bravely stepping across the line that separates humans from other creatures, and inviting her husband to follow her."
For context, Kushner argues that 1) the fundamental difference between humans and all other creatures is having a conscience and 2) the standard interpretation of the Adam and Eve story was developed during an age when women were essentially property, and therefore it is not surprising that people during that age interpreted the story as "the woman ruins everything". He then says:
"Eve, in my understanding of the story, is not the villain who's vulnerability to temptation brought misery to the world. That is a distortion, born of misogynist Hellenistic bias, and perhaps a need to put women down. She is the heroin! If having a conscience - knowing the difference between good and bad - is what makes humans different from other creatures, then Eve is the first human being, bravely stepping across the line that separates humans from other creatures, and inviting her husband to follow her."
May 7, 2020
A favorite author and a new favorite book.
“For many years on the High Holy Days, I would share excerpts from a meditation entitled “The Protester and the Prophet,” credited to Robert Rowland. “I was hungry and you formed a humanities club to discuss hunger. I was sick and you thanked God for your good health. I was lonely and you left me alone while you prayed for me. You seem so holy, so close to God, but I’m still hungry, I’m still lonely and I’m still cold.”
Kushner also says spirituality is what we feel, Theology is what we believe, and religion is what we do.
My favorite part was about how God is not found in churches, synagogues or holy books. God is found between people connecting with actions of love.
“For many years on the High Holy Days, I would share excerpts from a meditation entitled “The Protester and the Prophet,” credited to Robert Rowland. “I was hungry and you formed a humanities club to discuss hunger. I was sick and you thanked God for your good health. I was lonely and you left me alone while you prayed for me. You seem so holy, so close to God, but I’m still hungry, I’m still lonely and I’m still cold.”
Kushner also says spirituality is what we feel, Theology is what we believe, and religion is what we do.
My favorite part was about how God is not found in churches, synagogues or holy books. God is found between people connecting with actions of love.
April 6, 2019
Rabbi Harold Kushner has given me an insightful and practical book to help understand some of life's most vexing questions. Chapters governing how we know the difference between right and wrong, how to interpret religious traditions, how to feel more optimistic about yourself and the community you are a part of and how to understand the essence of being human are all covered with nuanced references to biblical stories and the Rabbi's own experience counselling members of his congregation. This is not a book filled with high theology or explanations of obscure dogmas; the preoccupation is with the everyday questions most often asked by people who face critical episodes in life or who simply question the relevance of religion. There is also no attempt made to convert skeptics. The intent seems simply to demonstrate how religious stories and beliefs can help navigate moral and existential challenges. Kushner is erudite without being wordy; his open style brings you in and makes clear connections between ancient stories and modern dilemmas. I really liked his reinterpretation of the stories in Genesis especially the stories of Adam and Eve and Abraham. He used his interpretation of Hellenistic culture and the translation of key words in the text to give new and useful meaning to these stories. Such a contrast with the bludgeoning approach to religious interpretation I have experienced in the Catholic church.
April 10, 2021
I read this book slowly, sometimes rereading a chapter before going on to the next because Rabbi Kushner's words were comforting even when challenging my thinking. Identifying the importance of people's questions in matters of faith, discussing the thorny questions of suffering and tragedy, and giving the reader permission to doubt or to even be angry with God are just a few of the topics that define what Rabbi Kushner has learned over his long life. Perhaps my favorites were the chapter on forgiveness with its focus on releasing the power others have on us through forgiveness..."Forgiveness is a favor you do yourself"...and the chapter exploring the difference among theology, spirituality, faith and religion..."Religion is what you do, not what you believe"...Filled with references to the Talmud, to the stories of his congregants, to the writing of other scholars, Kushner offers wisdom in navigating our often tumultuous world.
November 17, 2019
2-1/2 stars. Kushner isn't a profound thinker but he is interested in helping people, and this is the summing up of his approach. Having just read Mama's Last Hug I was struck with one of his arguments that depends on the lack of moral and emotional continuity between animals and humans. His main idea - that God isn't responsible for the bad things in life, but is there to help people through those misfortunes and seems to get some credit for the good that happens - I find intellectually and theologically bankrupt. But it was how he reconciled his experience of God with his child dying from an incurable syndrome. It's not a bad book but I wouldn't recommend it.
February 4, 2024
”The heirs of Abraham, whether they identify themselves as Jews, Christians, or Muslims, honor Abraham’s memory by sharing his faith that the world we live in is not yet what God meant it to be, and by working to bring about the day when what should be, will be.”
December 20, 2017
"As the Persian poet Rumi once wrote, 'Light enters at the place of the wound.'"
"God's name, God's essential identity, is 'the One who will be with you' when you have to do something you're afraid will be too hard for you."
"'What might have been' is a pretty good definition of Hell."
"But when it comes to a conflict between two individuals, in the eyes of God, all human beings are part of a single body, a single entity fashioned in the image of God. To deliberately harm another person for hurting you is to harm yourself a second time, for the other person is 'as yourself.'"
"Our souls yearn to be guided, to be focused on what makes us human."
"The religion of your heart becomes real only when it is translated into action."
"Sins--and, for that matter, virtues--refer to how we treat other people, not to what we think or feel in the privacy of our hearts. Only when those feelings are translated into action do they become part of our shared world."
"Accepting anger, ours and that of people close to us, has to be part of any honest relationship. If the opposite of faith is not doubt but despair, then the opposite of authentic love, wholehearted love, is not anger but pretense, censoring our feelings."
"'Go eat your bread in gladness and drink your wine in joy, and your acts will be approved by God.... Enjoy happiness with someone you love all the fleeting days that have been granted you on this earth' (Ecclesiastes 9:7-9)."
"I am sustained by the words of Martin Luther King Jr., quoting Theodore Parker, an abolitionist who died in 1860: 'The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.'"
"God's name, God's essential identity, is 'the One who will be with you' when you have to do something you're afraid will be too hard for you."
"'What might have been' is a pretty good definition of Hell."
"But when it comes to a conflict between two individuals, in the eyes of God, all human beings are part of a single body, a single entity fashioned in the image of God. To deliberately harm another person for hurting you is to harm yourself a second time, for the other person is 'as yourself.'"
"Our souls yearn to be guided, to be focused on what makes us human."
"The religion of your heart becomes real only when it is translated into action."
"Sins--and, for that matter, virtues--refer to how we treat other people, not to what we think or feel in the privacy of our hearts. Only when those feelings are translated into action do they become part of our shared world."
"Accepting anger, ours and that of people close to us, has to be part of any honest relationship. If the opposite of faith is not doubt but despair, then the opposite of authentic love, wholehearted love, is not anger but pretense, censoring our feelings."
"'Go eat your bread in gladness and drink your wine in joy, and your acts will be approved by God.... Enjoy happiness with someone you love all the fleeting days that have been granted you on this earth' (Ecclesiastes 9:7-9)."
"I am sustained by the words of Martin Luther King Jr., quoting Theodore Parker, an abolitionist who died in 1860: 'The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.'"
April 2, 2024
I found many good thoughts in these reflections. I do not expect to agree with everything in his book, especially his concept of sin, but there are many things worth pondering.
November 18, 2023
I could listen to Harold Kushner all day. He is so wise, kind and insightful!
April 9, 2017
"During the great waves of immigration from Eastern Europe between 1881 and 1924, which Eastern European Jews were most likely to emigrate and which ones were more likely to stay behind?" -- Arthur Hertzberg
“For me, the alternative to faith is not doubt but despair, the conclusion that we are alone in a cold and unreliable world.” – Rabbi Harold Kushner
"Judaism begins not in wonder that the world is, but in protest that the world is not as it ought to be." -- Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks
“Beware of anything that threatens to take away your joy in the name of religion. In the end it will probably take you away from God as well.” – Rabbi Arthur Green
March 16, 2022
Rabbi Kushner's Nine Essential Things I've Learned About Life is consistent with the theology described in his other writings: God is found in the interconnectedness of us, individuals. God, he argues, is not a thing outside of us, rather he is love, warmth, courage and kindness we find within ourselves. The book is broken down into nine smaller essays which all build on this theme of a divinity that is only found in our wounds. The Rabbi is less concerned with halacha (laws) and Oral Torah and more focused on the strength, courage, and connection we muster up in our everyday lives.
I am unsure whether to include this book on my self- help shelf. On the one hand, this book is a call for self growth but on the other hand Kushner equates growth with God. Rabbi Kushner addresses many theological points such as "What is God?" and "Where can we find Him?" while also making more simple (yet powerful) claims such as "Helping others will make you feel better" and "By holding a grudge, you are choosing to be a victim." He weaves the self- growth and the divine ideas together, depicting a God that is warm and a world that is hopeful. This book is serves as a call- a call to choose God and to choose religion- from an emotional perspective (without the fluff from grade school). He portrays humans as fragile and shows how religion, God, and community can help in times of hurt.
Overall, I enjoyed :)
I am unsure whether to include this book on my self- help shelf. On the one hand, this book is a call for self growth but on the other hand Kushner equates growth with God. Rabbi Kushner addresses many theological points such as "What is God?" and "Where can we find Him?" while also making more simple (yet powerful) claims such as "Helping others will make you feel better" and "By holding a grudge, you are choosing to be a victim." He weaves the self- growth and the divine ideas together, depicting a God that is warm and a world that is hopeful. This book is serves as a call- a call to choose God and to choose religion- from an emotional perspective (without the fluff from grade school). He portrays humans as fragile and shows how religion, God, and community can help in times of hurt.
Overall, I enjoyed :)
March 17, 2016
Rabbi Kushner identifies nine principles related to happy, faithful living, none of which are terribly surprising (i.e., the power of forgiveness, happiness found in service to others, etc.). But, what I like about almost anything written from the Rabbinic tradition is the fresh perspectives they provide for those of us in the Christian tradition on the Hebrew Scriptures themselves. Rabbi Kushner illuminates his nine principles with interesting interpretations of the Creation stories in Genesis, the akedah (the binding of Isaac), the story of Naomi and Ruth. Those interpretations alone make this book worth reading.
October 12, 2020
Having read Kushner before, I go back and forth on whether I find him insightful or trite. If dog-earing pages is any indication, this short book is thought provoking and wise. He also references other authors and sources worth exploring.
February 22, 2020
In Nine Essential Things... Kushner looks back on 80 years of life and decades of service as a Rabbi and explores what he sees as the most important lessons of life.
Kushner is a man of deep faith; a congregational Rabbi, theologian, and writer who has spent a lifetime teaching the enduring moral and ethical lessons of Judaism and helping others grapple with their belief in G-d. But his writing and life lessons come less from his formal Rabbinic training than from his ability to grapple with the realities of a complex life. Like many of us, Kushner has encountered both great joy and immense personal tragedy.
Kushner's son was diagnosed with Progeria at the age of three - a rare and incurable aging disease - and died a few days after his 14th birthday. These tragic events challenged Kushner's faith and led him to write the best selling book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" (which I highly recommend). The experience left him badly shaken and altered (but did not extinguish) his theology and belief in G-d.
It is this horrifying experience, and his many years counseling others in their grief, that have given him a uniquely nuanced understand of life in all it's beauty and tragedy. It is this understanding (and his eloquent and fluid writing style) that makes "Nine Essential Things" such powerful reading.
"The task of religion," he says, "is not to teach us to bow our heads and accept God's inscrutable will. It is to help us find the resources to live meaningfully and to go on believing, even in a world where people often don't get what they deserve."
The lessons he delivers are relevant to all humanity regardless of religious affiliation (or lack thereof). In a chapter entitled "God Does Not Send the Problem; God Sends Us" Kushner argues "God does not send the problem, the illness, the accident, the hurricane... Rather, God sends us strength and determination of which we did not believe ourselves capable...."
In another chapter about the importance of helping ourselves by helping others, Kushner writes of a women in despair that came to him for counseling. Although aging, this congregant was healthy yet in a deep depression and despairing of life. She could find no more cause for her to continue living. In this despair, Kushner saw a human who had no one to mother or care for and recommended that in the midst of her depression that she find others to help. "That is the Bible's prescription for finding one's way out of despair," he notes, "find someone else to help, find someone you can take by the hand and guide to a better place. You will not only help that person, you will help yourself."
This may seem a simple prescription, but there is extensive research that suggests that people who volunteer (a form of helping others and finding meaning) are happier on average than those that don't.
All in all, Kushner's Nine Essential Things, while essentially a framework for understanding the world and our lives through a theological lens, is a powerful missive on accepting and embracing life and finding happiness.
Kushner is keenly aware of his mortality as he enters his 8th decade of life and ends the book with a love letter to the world. "Dear World," he writes, "We've been through a lot together... There were days when you more generous to me than I could possibly have deserved. And there days when you cheated me out of things I felt entitled to. There were days when you looked so achingly beautiful that I could hardly believe you were mine, and days when you broke my heart and reduced me to tears. But with it all, I choose to love you."
What more can any one of us say?
Kushner is a man of deep faith; a congregational Rabbi, theologian, and writer who has spent a lifetime teaching the enduring moral and ethical lessons of Judaism and helping others grapple with their belief in G-d. But his writing and life lessons come less from his formal Rabbinic training than from his ability to grapple with the realities of a complex life. Like many of us, Kushner has encountered both great joy and immense personal tragedy.
Kushner's son was diagnosed with Progeria at the age of three - a rare and incurable aging disease - and died a few days after his 14th birthday. These tragic events challenged Kushner's faith and led him to write the best selling book "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" (which I highly recommend). The experience left him badly shaken and altered (but did not extinguish) his theology and belief in G-d.
It is this horrifying experience, and his many years counseling others in their grief, that have given him a uniquely nuanced understand of life in all it's beauty and tragedy. It is this understanding (and his eloquent and fluid writing style) that makes "Nine Essential Things" such powerful reading.
"The task of religion," he says, "is not to teach us to bow our heads and accept God's inscrutable will. It is to help us find the resources to live meaningfully and to go on believing, even in a world where people often don't get what they deserve."
The lessons he delivers are relevant to all humanity regardless of religious affiliation (or lack thereof). In a chapter entitled "God Does Not Send the Problem; God Sends Us" Kushner argues "God does not send the problem, the illness, the accident, the hurricane... Rather, God sends us strength and determination of which we did not believe ourselves capable...."
In another chapter about the importance of helping ourselves by helping others, Kushner writes of a women in despair that came to him for counseling. Although aging, this congregant was healthy yet in a deep depression and despairing of life. She could find no more cause for her to continue living. In this despair, Kushner saw a human who had no one to mother or care for and recommended that in the midst of her depression that she find others to help. "That is the Bible's prescription for finding one's way out of despair," he notes, "find someone else to help, find someone you can take by the hand and guide to a better place. You will not only help that person, you will help yourself."
This may seem a simple prescription, but there is extensive research that suggests that people who volunteer (a form of helping others and finding meaning) are happier on average than those that don't.
All in all, Kushner's Nine Essential Things, while essentially a framework for understanding the world and our lives through a theological lens, is a powerful missive on accepting and embracing life and finding happiness.
Kushner is keenly aware of his mortality as he enters his 8th decade of life and ends the book with a love letter to the world. "Dear World," he writes, "We've been through a lot together... There were days when you more generous to me than I could possibly have deserved. And there days when you cheated me out of things I felt entitled to. There were days when you looked so achingly beautiful that I could hardly believe you were mine, and days when you broke my heart and reduced me to tears. But with it all, I choose to love you."
What more can any one of us say?
May 14, 2017
The art book of Harold Kushner I ever read made me an avid fan and led me to reading them all. His thinking, insights, tolerance, compassion and wisdom have helped guide me in my own spiritual development, leading me to greater depths of thought and re-assuring me when many of my own ideas and thoughts coin inside with his.
This, his latest book, continued that tradition. He addresses beautifully the statement made by so many, I am not religious, but I am spiritual," by clarifying what that means and implies. He asserts that to have no religion leaves a person without the support thy need, not only in times of trouble, but also in encountering the everyday beauty of life as we live it.
His definition of the concept of "God' is especially strong and clear. God is not the magic Santa Claus who exists outside of us both judging us and answering our prayers. Instead, Good is the great unknown that is with us always, strengthening us through difficulties and giving us the tools to find meaning and enjoyment in life. We are all parts of the divinity of God and our spiritual experience is the discovery of the gold presence within us.
In chapter 6, Kushner quotes another spiritual thinker, Rabbi David Wolpe, who said, "Spirituality is what you feel, theology is what you believe, religion is hat you do." Kushner's book is a wonderful exposition on the fullest meaning of this word.
This, his latest book, continued that tradition. He addresses beautifully the statement made by so many, I am not religious, but I am spiritual," by clarifying what that means and implies. He asserts that to have no religion leaves a person without the support thy need, not only in times of trouble, but also in encountering the everyday beauty of life as we live it.
His definition of the concept of "God' is especially strong and clear. God is not the magic Santa Claus who exists outside of us both judging us and answering our prayers. Instead, Good is the great unknown that is with us always, strengthening us through difficulties and giving us the tools to find meaning and enjoyment in life. We are all parts of the divinity of God and our spiritual experience is the discovery of the gold presence within us.
In chapter 6, Kushner quotes another spiritual thinker, Rabbi David Wolpe, who said, "Spirituality is what you feel, theology is what you believe, religion is hat you do." Kushner's book is a wonderful exposition on the fullest meaning of this word.
September 24, 2020
I was happy to find that I liked this book way more than I thought I would, since it was chosen for me by my Book Club. I took away some thoughts about living a good life that I did not have before. On forgiveness and not letting the person who hurt you have that power of making you a victim. Of how helping another person is empowering and lets us feel strong and competent.
I also had a few favorite quotes from this book: Spirituality is what you feel, theology is what you believe, religion is what you do. The religion of your heart becomes real only when it is translated into action. True satisfaction comes from what we do for others more than what others do for us.
And the story I liked the best: Kushner was on an interfaith panel. An evangelical pastor said he would go to hell because he didn't believe in Jesus and an afterlife of Christianity. He responded "You mean I get to spend eternity with Einstein, Gandhi, and Freud, and not with you?"
Even though Kushner was a Conservative Rabbi, this book is more about how to live a good life and I think anyone could enjoy it and get something worthwhile from it. It is a small book and a quick read. One person in bookclub said they were re-reading it as it spoke so much to her personally.
I also had a few favorite quotes from this book: Spirituality is what you feel, theology is what you believe, religion is what you do. The religion of your heart becomes real only when it is translated into action. True satisfaction comes from what we do for others more than what others do for us.
And the story I liked the best: Kushner was on an interfaith panel. An evangelical pastor said he would go to hell because he didn't believe in Jesus and an afterlife of Christianity. He responded "You mean I get to spend eternity with Einstein, Gandhi, and Freud, and not with you?"
Even though Kushner was a Conservative Rabbi, this book is more about how to live a good life and I think anyone could enjoy it and get something worthwhile from it. It is a small book and a quick read. One person in bookclub said they were re-reading it as it spoke so much to her personally.
February 2, 2019
Well, this is the second book of Harold Kushner’s that I’ve read after recently reading “Living a Life that Matters”, which I though was really good. This book took a lot of the wind out of my sails for Harold Kushner, though - I found it tough to get through. Almost any book I finish will get three stars from me - I’ll stop reading a book if it’s not at least “three-star” good. This book was barely that for me. I think the only reason I made it through was because I thought so highly of the book I read first. If you want to read something by Harold Kushner, buy that book. I wouldn’t say I’d give this book a strong recommendation. Really bogged down, and I found it pretty disappointing by comparison. I can’t even think of a specific thing to comment on about this book. When I got done I found myself thinking, “how did I make it all the way through this book?”... All that being said, there were some decent enough moments. Just not enough, and most anything decent was in the first half of the book for me...
September 4, 2019
This book was shared by author Kevin Walsh who hosts and created the podcast Why I Read Non-Fiction. I had been a guest on the podcast and after our conversation he suggested I read it and lent me his copy. Kevin is Catholic and I was raised Jewish. He has become personal friends with Rabbi Kushner through his recent years as an author and we have come to be good friends also during this time. Kevin was right that this was a very inspiring and thought provoking book. Rabbi Kushner who is now in his 80s and was born the same time as my parents shares his wisdom through life long experiences that helped build his faith and sense of a common good in this world. I particularly enjoyed the latter chapters where he explains that there is no absolute black and white. To have a positive faith means living and having belief in a future. Think “not yet” vs not possible.
September 4, 2025
I listened to the audiobook, which Rabbi Kushner does a good job of reading himself. It’s a compact book, with some excellent chapters, such as the best explanation I recall reading of Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden. I also agree with Kushner’s recommendation that if you are in any way unhappy with your life, help others and you will feel better, more successful, more purposeful, more connected, etc. I hope to re-read this in a few years because I suspect I’ll get different things out of it at different ages. Kushner addresses theology many times in the book, which I’m sure won’t work for everyone (I’m reading a different book right now, Making Sense of Suffering for example, that explains the Orthodox Jewish belief system is in opposition to what Kushner shares) but even when I couldn’t agree with any one statement I found it all interesting.
January 23, 2024
Kushner writes very clearly and concisely on religious topics without making it feel like he's trying to convert you. His writing and ideas are uplifting. I do not agree with some of his ideas, but everything is still very encouraging.
Each chapter is something he learned, including some biblical texts/events, personal or others' experiences and plenty of narrative to explain his learnings. Basically a book of 9 devotionals.
- You're allowed to be angry at God if you claim to love God.
- We forgive others for our own benefit, not for others'.
- God doesn't give us problems, but God gives us strength.
- To help ourselves, we need to help others.
Highly recommended, especially since it's short and full of uplifting lessons.
Each chapter is something he learned, including some biblical texts/events, personal or others' experiences and plenty of narrative to explain his learnings. Basically a book of 9 devotionals.
- You're allowed to be angry at God if you claim to love God.
- We forgive others for our own benefit, not for others'.
- God doesn't give us problems, but God gives us strength.
- To help ourselves, we need to help others.
Highly recommended, especially since it's short and full of uplifting lessons.
May 8, 2022
1) Deus não é um homem que mor no céu
2) Deus no envia o problema. Deus nos envia a força para lidar com o problema
3) O perdão é um favor que você faz a si mesmo
4) Algumas coisas são simplesmente erradas; saber disso nós faz humanos
5) Religião é o que você faz, não aquilo em que acredita
6) Deus espaço para dúvida é raiva em sua perspectiva religiosa
7) Para se sentir melhor consigo mesmo, encontre alguém para ajudar
8) Dê. Deus o benefício da dúvida.
Com uma linguagem sábia é simples, o rabino Harold nos dá ferramentas para enfrentarmos os grandes questionamentos que permeiam nossa mente e coração.
2) Deus no envia o problema. Deus nos envia a força para lidar com o problema
3) O perdão é um favor que você faz a si mesmo
4) Algumas coisas são simplesmente erradas; saber disso nós faz humanos
5) Religião é o que você faz, não aquilo em que acredita
6) Deus espaço para dúvida é raiva em sua perspectiva religiosa
7) Para se sentir melhor consigo mesmo, encontre alguém para ajudar
8) Dê. Deus o benefício da dúvida.
Com uma linguagem sábia é simples, o rabino Harold nos dá ferramentas para enfrentarmos os grandes questionamentos que permeiam nossa mente e coração.
August 7, 2024
Before this book I don’t think I had ever read a spiritual text from the perspective of a conservative rabbi, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that it was extremely similar to all the other books I’ve read on spirituality whether they be from the perspective of Buddhism, Christian ideology, or secular philosophy. The principles that will lead one to a fulfilling life are universal between sects. Chiefly, living an altruistic life with an emphasis on charity, helpfulness, and community is the most common tenet I find repeated over and over in all my searches for meaning and purpose and I can’t help but agree that it is the optimal ubiquity of the human soul.
July 10, 2017
Another winner
Rabbi Kushner gives us food for thought in this remarkable book. He shines his wise.perspective on the story of Adam and Eve, he proposes a philosophy of "not yet" and he reminds us that the best way to help ourselves is by helping someone else. Deep, yet accessible, I highly recommend it! It was the right book at the right time for me, especially with regard to the aging process.
Rabbi Kushner gives us food for thought in this remarkable book. He shines his wise.perspective on the story of Adam and Eve, he proposes a philosophy of "not yet" and he reminds us that the best way to help ourselves is by helping someone else. Deep, yet accessible, I highly recommend it! It was the right book at the right time for me, especially with regard to the aging process.
October 6, 2017
Very useful, clearly-written and touching book with Rabbi Kushner's Reconstructionist theology underpinning the narrative. Probably best utilized in an adult education class, or with a group discussing their ideas/feelings about God and a worthy way of life. Even for knowledgeable Jews, he always challenges one's beliefs (or non-beliefs). If you've read his other books, many of the ideas will seem similar.
November 26, 2017
Written in 2015 when the author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People turned 80, it helps console the soul with intelligence and sincerity about religion and the world today. You can be “spiritual, but not religious” and/or of any denomination and still draw some revelations from his practical learnings. It is not as good as his famous previous book and at times he jumps from thought to thought, but I still recommend it.
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