Fiercely Funny and Profound
In Fierce Invalids Home From Hot Climates, Tom Robbins once again expounds on the meaning of life, death, religion, politics, and humanity, but this time he also goes on about sub-atomic particles, pyramids, Matisse, the CIA, John Foster Dulles, the Amazon, Syria, Sacramento, Seattle’s Pike Place Market, Finnegan’s Wake, Broadway Show Tunes, parrots, anacondas, the relative value of wheelchairs and stilts, sexual experiences perverse or otherwise, the humanizing power of a good sense of humor, and... Our Lady of Fatima. Who else but Robbins could run an extended, mind-bending commentary on all of this while telling a very funny story? Her’s the plotline.
Erstwhile CIA agent Switters lusts after his 16-year-old stepsister, Suzy. Against his better judgment, Switters helps the young lady research and then write a very conventional term paper on Our Lady of Fatima and the three prophecies she was supposed to have made during her last appearance in 1917. But before the paper is finished, and after botching a carefully-planned tryst with Suzy, Switters heads off on another assignment taking with him his grandmother’s parrot named Sailor Boy and promising to set the bird free in the wild Amazon jungle.
While in the Amazon, Switters encounters a pyramid-headed shaman who believes that a sense of humor may be the talent most separating humans from the other animals. He thinks it may actually be the key to humanity’s salvation. But then the guy eats Sailor Boy and puts a curse on Switters saying that the CIA agent will die if his feet ever touch the ground again. Cleverly, Switters takes to a wheelchair and is so unencumbered that he agrees to another dangerous but humanitarian CIA mission. He manages the task swimmingly, but on his way home he stops at an oasis in the desert of Syria, and there falls in with a group of aging feminist nuns, who are outspoken advocates of birth control, and in possession – it turns out – of the 3rd never-revealed prophecy made by Our Lady of Fatima in 1917. It’s all about the future of the world and of the church.
Eventually the nuns are excommunicated for their stand against overpopulation and soon openly encourage Switters into the bed of their youngest and horniest member, Sister Fannie. The next morning, for whatever reason, Fannie leaves the convent and heads out to tell selected authorities about the existence of the prophecy document, which the church believes it has destroyed. Just as Switters begins to fall in love with a sweet, older, but very sexy French nun name Domino Theory, the Vatican demands that the defrocked sisterhood turn over the document.
The abbess, who calls herself Masked Beauty, refuses to give in to the demands of the church. In her youth she posed nude for Matisse, and the resultant painting had hung for years in Switters’s grandmother’s living room; in fact Switters has lusted after it for most of his life, unaware that some day he would come face to face with the model who posed for it.
Switters and Domino help Masked Beauty negotiate an advantageous exchange of the third Fatima prediction for papal reinstatement of their order of nuns. Still, there’s trickery afoot, and when Switters enters a papal garden with Domino to deliver the document and decides that the woman he has fallen in love with is about to be shot, he stands, steps away from his wheelchair to save her, and in the process invokes the curse.
What happens next? Read FIHFHC to find out. It’s brilliant, insightful, and a whole lot of fun... for many reasons including the fact that Switters is an irreverent philosopher, a fighter, but also a lover. And as the author continuously reminds us, “Women simply love those fierce invalids home from hot climates.”