My 'Dam Life: Three Years in Holland

by Sean Condon

Sean Condon has moved to Amsterdam. He got married, and he’s unemployed (what’s worse, so is his wife). Sean is back and funnier than ever, this time exploring the strange habits of the Dutch. He also keeps a watchful and wonderfully self-deprecating eye on the whole strange business of writing about yourself doing, well, nothing much, in this post-modern age. Sean’s uncanny ability to find the absurd in everyday life misses nothing and My ‘Dam Life will strike a side-splitting chord with anyone who has ever been unemployed, been married or tried not to be deported from a foreign land.

Genres: Travel, Nonfiction, Memoir, Humor, Book Club, Biography, Travelogue

245 pages, Paperback

First published February 1, 2003

About the author

Since 1996 I have published seven books, beginning with the genre-busting travelogue 'Sean & David's Long Drive' up to 2013's comic novel 'Splitsville', my most accomplished work so far. I've also had work in many anthologies, including 'The Best of McSweeney's Humor'. I also co-wrote an episode of an excellent and very funny sitcom which was made into a non-excellent and mostly terrible pilot (abysmal direction was to blame) as well as several quite-good feature screenplays, one of which was very nearly produced by Michael Bay. I've had columns and articles in newspapers and magazines all around the world. 'Sean & David's Long Drive' was short-listed for the WA Premier's Award and I've received three Australia Council literature grants. All of it while failing to carve out a successful career in advertising.

I live in Melbourne with my wife and daughter. (We have no pets but I promise that if we did we'd have a dog or cat, whichever is your preference.)

Books

Sean & David's Long Drive (Lonely Planet Journeys. 1996)

In 1995 my friend David O'Brien and I drove around the eastern half of Australia in an old Ford or Holden or something. (It was definitely light blue.) This very popular book, which was reprinted nine times, is the result.

"One of the funniest road stories in print." Toronto Globe and Mail
"Funny, pithy, kitch and surreal." Time Out London
"I enjoyed it immensely." Bill Bryson
"Condon can be quite funny." Times Literary Supplement
"An amusingly subversive commentary on stereotypical travel writing... shrewd as well as funny." The Age
"Condon is a cool wit who comes off like Hunter S Thompson on prescription drugs." The Australian

Drive Thru America (Lonely Planet Journeys. 1998)

In 1996, David O'Brien and I, still friends despite the previous year's ordeal, made the mistake of driving around the United States in a rented Chrysler Neon (white). We didn't have much fun. The book has an excellent cover - designed and painted by David - and is genre-busting and brilliant.
"Funny and high on popular culture, it is one of the most accurate accounts of how travellers really experience America, and the most fun." The Times (U.K)
"When it's good [it] reaches well-paced brilliance." The Independent On Sunday (U.K)
"Hilarious." The Philadelphia Enquirer
"Hilarious and cruel." Elle magazine
"Tedious, self-indulgent, unrelentingly unrewarding... a cautionary example of exactly how not to write a book about a road trip across the United States." Sonoma County Independent

My Dam Life (Lonely Planet Journeys. 2003)

A hilarious - and yet frequently moving - account of my first three years in Amsterdam with my wife Sally. Parts of it were even quoted in a speech by the Dutch prime minister, Jan Peter Balkenende, in April 2006. It is an excellent book - in fact, my very best. If you're thinking about going to Amsterdam then this is a great point of reference for you. Although it's more of a memoir than a travel book it is nevertheless full of interesting information about Amsterdam and, to a lesser degree, me. It's also pretty funny.

"Fans of offbeat travel literature rejoice! Stylistically and philosophically, Condon is as close to Bill Bryson as it's possible to be. He mixes fascinating facts with hilarious humor... and keeps us thoroughly in stitches from beginning to end. This one's an absolute must-read." Booklist
"A smart and funny book." San Francisco Chronicle
"Condon is a humorous chap from Australia who writes humorous books... in a David Sedaris sort of way - dry and ironic with a skewed sense of the absurdity of it all." Chicago Tribune

Film (4th Estate. 2003.)

A semi-autobiographical novel about obsession, ambition, failure and redemption. With a beautiful cover.

"A stunning tragi-comedy." Vogue
"Funny and touching... On present form [Condon] is a storyteller who will be delighting us for many years to come." The Bulletin magazine
"Notably lucid and imaginative... whim

Reviews

[Liz De Coster]

Abandoned due to extreme dislike of the narrator. I am perhaps not in a place (personally) to read coy, tongue-in-cheek descriptions of an underachiever living abroad. I mostly wanted to shake him and tell him to grow up. If this book were made into a film, I'd bet Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen would be involved.

[Wealhtheow]

He’s not as funny as he thinks he is, but I was interested enough in his source material to battle through his schtick.

[WiscJennyAnn]

I really wanted to like this book-- a lay-about ex-pat trying to make a go of it in Amsterdam? What's not to like? (It bears some resemblance to my life, after all!) But the stream of consciousness writing kept getting worse, more random and detached the longer it kept going. And by the end I was just relieved to have them get on that plane. I found Sean mildly funny, his wife more funny and the collection of characters entertaining enough. Also, on a number of occasions I felt a surge of happiness to know that I wasn't alone in thinking some Dutch customs confusing or absurd. But in the end, nothing much happens and there isn't anything tying things together (apart from the underlying worries about being deported or evicted). I disagree with some comments suggesting that this is typical of travel writing-- that it is always just descriptive and about place rather than plot. There is much better travel writing out there. This book lacked destination. It is as directionless and lost as its author-- which is saying something, I guess.

And, ironically, here I am writing a stream-of-consciousness review.

[Spiros]

In the middle of my winter's dose of Trollope novels, half way through the Palliser series: this is a kind of amuse-bouche between heaping plates of Victorian fiction. Condon's account of three years in Holland is by turns amusing and tedious, much as I suppose three years living in Holland would be. His descriptions of dealing with Dutch bureaucracy, and with Amsterdam's strange fauna, both autochthonous and ex-pat, are pretty droll, his constant whinging about his own purposeless and mortality a lot less so. As with Karl Pilkington, whose pod-cast descriptions feature accounts of his life with girlfriend Susanne, one marvels at the forbearance of Condon's wife, Sally.

[Pat Jennings]

Three years in Amsterdam with his lovely wife, Sally, Sean Condon's sarcastic humor is entertaining. Until it is not. I found this book to start out a bit like a Bill Bryson read but then goes every which way. I had high hopes to learn so much Amsterdam. I learned with delight there are many dogs. The owners do not clean up after them. There are numerous barber/beauty shops, unsavory food, and interesting plumbing. There was little positive information about the "Venice of the North". From that standpoint, I was not bemused. The first one hundred pages kept my interest. The last 30 pages kept my interest. All the stuff in the middle was just blah.

[Susy]

I picked this up prior to a trip to Amsterdam to get a feel for what it's like to live there and to read about Dutch customs through the eyes of an ex-pat. I read about 70 pages and just couldn't do it anymore and had to return the book to the library (so very glad I didn't waste my money on it). I did not care for the author's writing style at all. I can appreciate that style of humour but he tries way too hard to be funny that it's annoying.

[Tré Sweeney]

This book has been on my shelf for 12+ years and it was about time that I picked it up. Also I’ve lived in Amsterdam for 8 years and thought that it would be a great to read about someone’s experience living in my city. However I just couldn’t finish reading this book because of the author’s writing style. It’s was sheer pain to keep turning the pages and going further. So I succumbed to my feelings and ended after 30 pages. Maybe this is a great book for other but not for me.

[Amanda]

Though it's been over ten years, Condon's humor and observations are still relevant in terms of life in Amsterdam. There are also moments where he drops the humor, and I believe that's where this book really gets its value from.

[Bea Mantel]

Een Australiër die van 1998 t/m 2001 in Amsterdam verblijft en herkenbare Nederlandse situaties op humoristische wijze beschrijft. Als hij in het tweede deel van het boek overstapt naar een dagboekvorm vind ik het minder. Schokkend is dat nog steeds veel hetzelfde is.....

[Kathryn Thompson]

Lent by a friend, who told me it was funny. I enjoyed the nostalgia for Amsterdam - though the Amsterdam I lived in ten years later seemed quite a different place - but the author seems like a bit of a lazy prat, mostly, and I had no urge to know even this much about his life.

[Boris]

It's light and funny, but somewhat lacks solid point

[Kristel]

Get on with it already!

[Katie]

Discovered this at the boekenzolder - what a nice surprise!

[Chris Godwaldt]

Not horrible...not amazing! Hard to empathise with the narrator in any way shape or form; often more embarrassed for him then not.

Cute enough to push through to the end. Light fluff for vacation.

[Persephone Abbott]

Fair enough. White man expat blues with some self depreciation.

[Joel]

My 'Dam Life is Condon's account of living in Amsterdam for three years with his wife and a revolving cast of friends and co-workers. Like many travel books, there is little in the way of plot, the book is instead a linear progression of events throughout which the author tries to show us just why he likes living in one of the most expensive cities in Europe.

The book is fun, although not at the level of his previous ones, and has a few moments of honest introspection and epiphany. However, the pace is a bit slow and the whole of the book seems rather pointless, as if even the author wasn't sure why he was writing it. There are several meta points in the book where Condon tells the reader about the book he is going to write about living in Amsterdam which are cute at first, but grow old quickly.

Still Condon's humor comes through with an easy clarity that makes, for the most part, reading the book fun; it's more like chatting with a recently returned friend than reading in many parts and that is well worth paying for.

[Liralen]

Oh hey! I don't even have to review this properly, because Condon did it for me:

Critics and reviewers: here is an ideal opportunity for those of you so inclined to take what I've written and use it to make snide, yet obvious remarks about how I needn't have bothered writing this book and didn't end up saying much, if anything at all. Try this on for size: At one point Condon disingenuously writes that he had no intention of writing a book about his life in Amsterdam. 'What the hell would I say?' he asks. Unfortunately, the answer is very little. (137)

My more charitable side reminds me that I'm really not the target audience for this brand of British/Australian male humour (no, really, it's a thing), and my impressions are coloured by that. Too much trying really, really hard to be witty and snarky and one-liner-y in every single sentence. And, for all that, not nearly enough about living in Amsterdam itself...

[Josh Kinal]

I think one of the big problems with describing this book is that it's not a travel book. It's a personal account of one man's time spent in Amsterdam. As such I think it's a hilarious and fascinating look into the mind of the writer.

There are some amazing stories in here and it takes the reader through an emotional roller coaster. Rather than just describing Amsterdam and how amazingly liberal it is, we get to see what it's like for a foreigner to live there with all its difficulties and specific bureaucracies.

At its very heart, this is a fish-out-of-water tale, not an ooh-look-at-those-pretty-buildings-and-prostitutes description of Amsterdam.

It's such a simple and enjoyable read, it would make some great holiday reading.

[veronica]

I'm headed to the Netherlands this summer and picked up this book for a bit of a larf and for some background about a country about which I know nothing (other than, like, tulipmania and the Van Goghs through the ages). It was comforting to know that some people head to a new country knowing even less than that.

Sean Condon is a funny guy and I got several excellent snorts and guffaws out of it. But on the whole the book was all right, just a pleasant diversion. The slightly hackneyed, oh-we-learn-so-much-about-ourselves-when-we-travel ending left me cold. But! I'm glad I read it. If I hadn't I might never have learned how to say "assholes" in Dutch (Klootzaks!).

[Erin]

A friend gave me this and I had nothing else to read. The author and his wife leave their native Australia to live in Amsterdam. The eventually fall in love with the city as a temporary job leads to the search for a more permanent one.

Never been to the Netherlands and didn't know anything about them previously. The author was funny about some of the quirkiness of living in Amsterdam. Not a bad book.

[Allison Floyd]

I'm (temporarily) moving to the Netherlands in September. So, when I happened upon this book at the library, I said (silently, as it was the library), why not. It was a quick, entertaining, if not terribly illuminating, read. There were a couple of laugh-out-loud moments, although the author's self-deprecating shtick wore thin pretty quickly, as it's not especially convincing. Still, not a bad way to while away a lazy summer day or two.

[Michael Scott]

Great travelit for a short ride... I read this one between Delft and London via Schiphol (and back), and did not regret a single minute of the otherwise idle time. The book is a humorous account of what it means to be living in Netherlands, though the story is as much about NL as about the tonsils of the author, the escapades of the author, the down-underness of the author, the ... you get the message. Not thrilling, but fun and interesting.

[Andrea Elkins]

I didn't even finish the last two chapters. I'm not seeking spiritual enlightenment, merely entertainment and a bit of insight into another culture. But Condon's deprecating style and the fact that he is essentially a wastrel without the ability to plan irritates me no end. Pass on this one. And I probably won't pick up his other 2 travel memoirs, either, which is a shame as they sounded interesting. But as he's the central character in each one -- nah.

[Paul]

Generally entertaining. The book is a snapshot of one Australian man's life in Amsterdam around the turn of the 21st century. It drags at various points and I found myself bored with both the writing and the writer at times. The author was in his mid-30's at the time but he comes across as lazy, immature, and self-absorbed. The better aspects of the book are getting a view of Dutch life and culture from the perspective of an outsider.

[Alex]

Amsterdam is my favourite city and I've often thought I'd like to live there one day. This book gives an insight into the advantages and pitfalls of doing so, whilst also giving a humorous insight into the Dutch psyche. Very enjoyable.

[Janice]

Had to reread this (I think it's the only book about living there on my shelves) now that I've actually experienced Amsterdam, its manic cyclists, abundance of tourists, etc., etc. Not as good as Sean & David's Long Drive or Drive Thru America, but it hit the spot.

[Katrina]

I really wanted to like this book, but unfortunately I thought the author was just a big whiner. I wanted more information about Amsterdam and the expat life there, and less about the author's personal problems. I just didn't connect to him.

[Jenny]

Very funny! Chronicles the author's relocation to Amsterdam from Australia, and his adventures trying to find a job and an apartment as an outsider in another culture.

[Pru Shady]

I read this before moving to the Netherlands. I am not sure what it really prepared me for - but it was worth a read.

[Allison]

Loved how this author depicts life in Amsterdam. I read this while I was living in Germany and I could totally relate to the silly little things you notice from other cultures.