Unicorn Butt Cops: Beach Patrol

by Chuck Tingle

Jeff just can’t seem to catch a break. Once a working professional at the top of his game, a string of bad luck has sent Jeff to the gutter, literally, where he struggles to survive as a homeless man on Venice Beach.

Things go from bad to worse when Jeff is caught stealing a carnitas taco, and is promptly chased down by the Unicorn Butt Cops, a new branch of government that specializes in hot, gay, anal poundings on inline skates.

The sentence is for a hardcore, double anal threesome, but little do these unicorn cops know that Jeff is an expert in all things gay and anal, leading to a twist ending that’s sure to blow your mind!

This erotic tale is 4,300 words of sizzling human on unicorn action, including anal, double anal, threesomes, blowjobs, rough sex, and hardcore Unicorn Butt Cop punishment.

Genres: Romance, Queer

15 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 8, 2015

About the author

Chuck Tingle is a mysterious force of energy behind sunglasses and a pink mask. He is also an anonymous author of romance, horror, and fantasy. Chuck was born in Home of Truth, Utah, and now splits time between Billings, Montana and Los Angeles, California. Chuck writes to prove love is real, because love is the most important tool we have when resisting the endless cosmic void. Not everything people say about Chuck is true, but the important parts are.

Management and general inquiry: infotingleverse@gmail.com

Literary agent: DongWon at dongwonsong.com

Reviews

[Kest Schwartzman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciate the conscientious attention to consent in this cop fantasy.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A+ cover design, as usual. That plot twist though. o.O

[SheReadsALot]

I...just got my life.



Through Tingle, greatness is possible.

[Lizzy (reviewsshewrote) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Chuck Tingle you get the fuck outta here with these plot twists

[Astra Night · Rating 5 out of 5]

Literary masterpiece with a surprise twist at the end

[Bakes · Rating 5 out of 5]

We love consent 👏 even when it comes in the form Unicorn Butt Cops who want to spit roast you in the sand… no notes.

[Mel · Rating 3 out of 5]

The fucking twist 💀

[Meep · Rating 3 out of 5]

Weird and funny. Was not expecting that plot twist at the end

[Lauren (Northern Plunder)]

please use lube
--
My review was first posted on Northern Plunder, you can read more of my reviews there too.


So I’m back from America now and honestly what better way to announce my arrival back in the UK other than with some erotica reviews.

But not just any erotica. No.

Chuck Tingle erotica.

Now if you haven’t noticed yet then uh go double check the title of this book and its cover before you continue…

Back?

Okay well Chuck Tingles work is on the questionable side of serious so possibly don’t be put off by the fact its erotica.

One dark and stormy night my book club and I were doing our usual chattings and shenanigans and we found out about the God that is Chuck Tingle with his amazing book covers and titles. We banded together and created a fan-tumblr and all promised to read at least one of his amazing works of art.

I picked up Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt because I just had to know how this would be written. Also that cover is something.

The writing isn’t terrible but its also hard to say with a straight face that this is strictly erotica. It was very comical and therefor I wasn’t entirely sure how to rate it.


I mean there are even some wise words within

So how does this winged butt creation come about?


Oh you know, my pure accident.

One of my favourite passages:

which 14 other people agreed with.

Once your butt exists what would you do? Keep it in the lab for further testing …or maybe take it out to a fancy restaurant?


Yup the restaurant it is, because an expensive dish is the predecessor of a good old butt pounding.

With a flying butt.

AND NO ONE QUESTIONS IT. At all.

Not the waiter or any guests. It simply happens.

Which is brilliant.

Anyway, the actual pounding was a pounding indeed and they both seemed very happy. Especially considering the butt has his memories so he knew exactly how to please him.

Once these 38 pages were over I was graciously greeted with another story that I didn’t realise was included.

So now we move to Unicorn Butt Cops: Beach Patrol and honestly if that cover at the top of the post didn’t inspire you to read this I’m not sure what else will.

This one is only 15 pages but you get a full in public anal threesome as punishment for stealing. Oh and two of them are half unicorns because why not.

If you’ve read any Chuck Tingle books let me know! If you haven’t, are you gonna try them?

Also I have just found out that he is now creating a podcast with Nightvale Presents so check that out if it’s more your thing.

[Devin Hartnett · Rating 5 out of 5]

twist ending

I've read a few Tinglers before, but this twist ending completely blew my load! Mind! I mean it completely blew my wad. DAMMIT!

[Ellis Billington · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, I’m officially addicted to Chuck Tingle now. Like his other work, this was a fun and hilarious romp. In the twenty-five minutes or so it took me to finish this story, I don’t think there was a single moment that I wasn’t smiling. Dr. Tingle is truly a master of absurd humor. The premise of unicorn cops on inline skates doling out “homoerotic punishment” to weongdoers is just... I don’t even understand how someone comes up with that, but I’m glad somebody did. I appreciated that the main character was clearly very, uh, eager for the punishment he was receiving, so this didn’t give off any noncon vibes. I also loved the ending, which took me by surprise but was perfectly on brand for Dr. Tingle’s work.

As a sidenote, I don’t think I’ve ever read a book where the main character was a homeless person before? Kudos to Dr. Tingle for adding that bit of diversity. I also appreciated the complexity of the main character’s situation, being homeless due to medical debt after being laid off from his job, his only crimes during his period of homelessness being stealing food. He felt very human, and I’m glad he got a happy ending. (I didn’t mean “happy ending” in the euphemistic way, but that applies too, I guess.)

As always, however, there were numerous typos in this that should have been caught during the editing process. I listened to an audio version of this one, actually. While not having to see the typos on the page was nice, it was still distracting when the narrator would either have to read out a wrong word or stumble over a bit of phrasing. Also, while the two unicorn butt cops did have relatively distinct personalities, I did notice at least one instance where Tingle got their names mixed up.

So, yeah. Delightful romp, needs sharper editing.

[Jennie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I follow Chuck Tingle on Twitter, because he is an utter delight, but I had never actually read one of his Tinglers. (Improbable and fantastical creatures having sex is not usually my preferred genre, but gosh, they make for interesting titles.) I, uh, rectified that last night (heh heh). It was pretty much what I expected: bizarre, amusing, occasionally gross, with explicit sex acts that defy nature. As you might guess, Unicorn Butt Cops have glittery bodily fluids.



BUT(t): the real joy here is the bonus second story, which I will not ruin for you, and made me snicker out loud several times.

I don't know that I'll be indulging in any more Tinglers in the near future. I do know that I will be bringing this one to my subversive-unicorn-obsessed book club.

PS: Chuck, you need a copy editor.

[Faith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jeff has had a string of bad luck and is now homeless. He gets caught stealing food and now he's about to be punished by 2 UBCs (unicorn butt cops). After they obtain consent, they're going to do him in public, right on the beach in front of a cheering crowd- in order to deter other criminals (obviously).

[Halden · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chuck Tingle you insane bastard!

[Patty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Entertainment factor was way high. That twist at the end was like woah. 🤯

[Maddy]

I am not ok

[chloesreadingcorner]

I have many regrets...
My friends are sadists and I’m now a different person

[Oz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hot, though another couple annoying errors. Think this'll be my last Tingler for the year 🎆

[Ellison · Rating 5 out of 5]

That plot twist at the end leaves me hopeful there's some follow up.

[Karmen Tovar · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve been inducted to the Tingleverse bc why was this better than Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt? This was so silly and wild and i loved it

[Joel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Somehow it felt a bit unimaginative compared to other Tinglers, which feels weird to say of a story about the UBC.

[Matthew Chapman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love is real!

[Emma Durand · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unicorn butt cops. No notes.

[DtD01 · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is my first book of 2023.

[Brad · Rating 2 out of 5]

it only gets worse