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12 pages, Audible Audio
Published May 7, 2026
It was erratic and ruthless, one day completely dormant, the next explosive and all consuming, those up-down emotional battles leaving a person exhausted.
Sierra chooses to hide behind work, stay busy and push all her feelings deep inside the boxes she keeps in her spare room. For someone who has not experienced this kind of loss, she may come off as cold or unfeeling, but she spends most of her day telling herself she’s fine and refuses to feel what she needs to.
When her eyes burned, she blinked once and steeled herself, refusing to give in to the tears. She cleared her throat, told herself: You’re fine.
‘If I didn’t show you how broken I was it was only because I was trying to be strong – for you, Sierra. I thought if I could just keep it together for a little while, I could hold you while you broke.’
Nobody could prepare for that. Nobody thought that they would have to watch the person they loved most in the world suffer through the biggest trauma of their life, or that when it happened, they would have no power to help them.
Sierra didn’t make a sound as the rendering halved her, dividing her into Sierra-Before and Sierra-After, one so hopeful and excited, one so numb, so empty.
Sierra had survived her parents’ accident – barely. But she had never really worked through her grief, so that by the time their baby had died, she’d had no more room for any more. She had shut down.
It had taken him losing their baby to understand why women got upset when people asked those seemingly innocent questions: Are you guys going to have kids? When? To one woman, those little questions were so simple to answer, so exciting. But for another woman, for many women, those questions were lashing reminders of empty wombs, of little urns, of revised dreams.
‘I just get lost sometimes …’ Benji looked at her as he slid into her, watched her eyes darken and then close completely when he sank to the hilt. ‘I’ll always come find you,’ he whispered.