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458 pages, Paperback
First published February 15, 2015

“Why was I so afraid of him finding out about my past when I never wanted him in my future?”

“When I want something, I always get it. Right now, what I want is you. I knew it as soon as you introduced yourself to me. And I don't necessarily need to know all about someone to understand that I want them and I won't stop until I have it.”
“Yes, he was a man that sucked air from lungs.”


“The things that mess us up in life are fantasies inside our heads telling us how life is meant to be. How life should be. When really, life is a living nightmare.”
“If I tell you my past, I'm scared you won't want my future.”


“Parks was slowly trying to destroy my barricade. He was trying to break down that defence I had built, and I had hoped I was strong enough to keep myself from caving in.”
“Do you even have a heart Parks?”
His lips twitched “Do You?”
That was easy. “No.” I said clearly.”


“If I tell you my past, I’m scared you won’t want my future.”

“You’re a woman with a broken smile, Evelyn. I just wish I knew why.”

“Don’t fuck with me, Miss Banks.”
“Then don’t fuck with me, Mr. Parks.”
“Oh I will fuck with you,” he grumbled, his eyes sliding down the length of my body. “And you will love every second of it.”

“The things that mess us up in life are the fantasies inside our heads telling us how life is meant to be. How life should be. When really, life is a living nightmare.”

“Then let me prove to you. If it’s words you need then I’ll give them to you. I’ll write you a whole fucking novel if I have to.”

Fear of happiness. I was a coward. A liar and deceitful. I felt empty. Lonely. A failure. The only person I had to blame was my very worst enemy. Myself.









This review has been a long time coming. I just actually finished the book since life got in the way and I couldn't better manage my time. I started this book two weeks ago and got to about 50% of it but eventually stopped, then resumed earlier last night and finished the rest of it in one go.
I don't know where to start actually, cause I really have a lot to say.
Caution: I haven't done a long review in a long time, but this one will be very long and may contain spoilers. :)
"I would rather be heartless than heartbroken."
As much as I want to hate Evelyn, I don't think I can. Frustrated with her, maybe, but she's just getting by her own way with all her "issues" and that makes her just another human trying to "survive" another day. The people she surrounds herself with though, she could do better without.
"The things that mess up in life are the fantasies inside our heads telling us how life is meant to be. How life should be. When really, life is a living nightmare."
Wade Parks, not necessarily Evelyn's boss, but the founder of the firm she works in. Another one of those rich "heroes" with a screwed up way of living and thinks they can get whatever the hell the want just because they can. Parks, as Evey likes to call him, is confusing as the heroine but can be really sweet when he puts his mind to it. LOL
"And you will be mine. even if I have to fight you for you."
If you think I hate Parks, I didn't, until in the end where he.... well, you have to find out what he did to make me go Anti-Wade-Parks on him. But throughout the book, he was hot and cold which was, for me, a good thing cause it made Evelyn on her toes and convincing her of opening up her horizons a bit. At least that's what I think.
As a recovering alcoholic for nine months, I think Evey was a bit confined. Home-work-home-work. I think that was her routine and it was keeping her in focus but I think she isn't "living" at all, just trying to "survive" each day and is giving into the pressure that others are putting onto her, especially her best friend.
"You haven't told him? Of course you haven't. Because you lie don't you, Evey? You lie and manipulate people so it suits you!"
Steph is Evelyn's "awful" best friend. I think she is awful because she doesn't ask Evelyn what she wants at all. As a friend, I think the most you would do would be to talk to your friend, to be there for them when they need you, and to listen. I think the reason why Evey doesn't talk to Steph in most cases here is because she was afraid to be judged, and judge DID Steph do. Not only that, she was pressuring Evey to date her brother and has this fucked up fantasy of being her sister-in-law in the future, not even cringing when she thinks her best friend is having sex with her brother. Yes, and I cannot think of anymore synonyms to tell you how messed up that is in another way.
Also, Steph had the nerve to give it to Evelyn but she is also confused as to where she was. She had a boyfriend who she didn't want and was always complaining and moaning about, and has a bad habit of collecting junk and scraps. She at least could admit to herself she has a problem as well, not just observing what mistakes Evey will be doing next, because that's what I think Steph is doing, she was watching Evey and waiting for her to slip up. So to conclude, Steph is just fucked up and selfish. At least Evelyn admits she's an alcoholic, how about her? And don't get me started on Alex, Julian, and Carla. *smh*
"Then let me prove to you. If it's words you need then I'll give them to you. I'll write you a whole fucking novel if I have to."
Back to Evelyn and Wade. So Wade wants Evelyn for more than just the sex, and Evelyn wants nothing to do with him because she doesn't want to feel emotions and get heartbroken. She's afraid and confused and every single time, she pushes Wade away. Wade is stubborn, he wants Evelyn and thinks she's his now but goes cold and distant when he chases her and realizes this. And this goes back and forth to the point where it becomes irritating and exhausting.
And with all these pressures and her issues, Evelyn succumbs to what she fears the most. She fears she will be like her parents, that she will be just like another addict who went back to her addictions, and ironically, she did. And they all left her in the end.
If I were Evelyn, I'd tell them all to shove it and fuck off instead of being sorry for herself. I stand by what I said earlier, she is better off without them. Maybe not Parks and her aunt and uncle, but the rest of them she could have done without. Why? Because as a person without any addictions whatsoever, if people push you and pressure you into doing stuff you don't want and messes up with the way you think things should be, it's only a matter of time where one will go off the rails, and that's what happened to Evelyn.
"Sometimes it's easier to be strong because it seems so hard when you're weak."
Ms. Lilly James book, by the end of it, will make you want more. I honestly could do without the grammatical errors, and too long unnecessary descriptions, but I surely can't wait to read the next succeeding books because she's still hiding a lot of Evelyn's issues, Wade's issues, and those mysterious glimpses wherein Evelyn thinks she's being followed. And I also can't wait for the enemies to follow through all their threats to her and Wade saves the day, that's what I'm looking forward the most, I think.
Denying Mr. Parks is one hell of a book. This is one full of messed up characters and confusing personalities that would make you want to throttle them all to oblivion. However, I think it is because of these characters that I think I fell in too deep with the story and made this book (what's the word?) "effective", I guess? I'm not sure, but in reading through the book I got to feel anxious, giddy, disgusted, angry, and had the occasional laugh-out-loud moments.
4 stars
;) written by: hwangchinren ;)