How to Exasperate Your Wife

by Douglas Wilson

How to Exasperate Your Wifeand Other Short Essays for Men"Marriage is not a vending machine, and love is not two quarters to put into it. It's a manner of life, not an exchange of commodities. So what does it look like when a man loves a woman?"

Douglas Wilson answers that question in How To Exasperate Your Wife and Other Short Essays for Men, and his responses are as wide-ranging and humorous as they are incisive and down to earth. Douglas explains why men's distorted view of wisdom handicaps their understanding of their wives, and he exposes rigid (and wrong) approaches to marriage and relationships. He gives practical advice for identifying unhappy households ("Mom is ignored") and replacing abdicating dads with true leaders ("Measure strength not in decibels but performance"), all combined with hot tips on how to exasperate your wife (you may start with leopard underwear).

Both realistic and insightful, How to Exasperate Your Wife and Other Short Essays for Men points husbands (and wives) towards a passionate married love that is particular, sacrificial, sacramental, and muy caliente.

Genres: Marriage, Christian, Theology, Family, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Relationships

108 pages, Kindle Edition

First published December 1, 2006

About the author

I write in order to make the little voices in my head go away. Thus far it hasn't worked.

Reviews

[Old Dog Diogenes · Rating 4 out of 5]

My first taste of Douglas Wilson's writing, and it did not disappoint. Touching on subjects such as marriage, masculinity, lust, and our modern culture. He writes in a humorous and provocative style that I am partial to. Most of the material here is straight to the point and practical. I will be reading more of Wilson's works.

[Dan Glover · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very good book, but the title is misleading. If you were to implement the counsel in this book, chances are your marriage would become uncharacterisally full of joy and peace. Therefore, anyone buying this book in the hopes that it will supply them with easy step-by-step instructions about better, more effective ways of making their wive's lives more miserable needs to be warned: this is not the book for you.

[Jacob Rush · Rating 5 out of 5]

Slam dunk. Superb. These are bite-sized chapters of biblical wisdom on topics of masculinity, sexuality, marriage and the various and sundry hindrances that get in the way of them. I am not married, but any man who is or desires to be ought to pick this up. It's a good basic introduction to Doug's other works on these topics, so don't stop here. Take up and read.
Plus it ends with a chiasm, and who doesn't love that?

[Jake McAtee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read for the audio book. Stay tuned suckers.

[Riley Carpenter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thanks Doug

[Samuel G. Parkison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great stuff here. Short, pithy, provocative, and to the point. Some of Pastor Wilson’s best insights to husbands in one spot.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderfully written overview of Christian marriage from the husband’s perspective. Lots of great advice and godly wisdom to be found here presented in a very down-to-earth, folksy manner. A great little book that could be read with your wife as a devotional and a discussion starter. Done so, most (if not all) of the chapters should result in a more satisfying sexual relationship. (How’s that for marketing!)

[Nick Whitehead · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short, practical, and biblical. Honoring of wives and challenging words for husbands. Of course, it comes with some unsettling comments that I find unbecoming of a spiritual leader, but that’s Doug for you.

[Spencer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. Worth revisiting from time to time.

[Benjamin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phenomenal! This read like a summary of Doug’s thoughts on manhood and marriage, very good.

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

A grab bag of topics, but all good material.

[Jared Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short listen! Fantastic practical advice on how to approach a marriage. Only reason it isn’t higher is due to some crass language and drifting toward sacramentalism (I.e. viewing sex like a sacrament and the marriage is renewed through the sacrament). Otherwise, a worthwhile read.

[Márcio Sobrinho · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pancada! Em breve em português pela Monergismo.

[Peter Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

A short, great book for men who have a twisted view of headship, which means most of us. His chapter on tenderness was excellent as was the sexuality catechism as the back. I am not sure why he included the essays on sex in heaven. They were fine essays, but felt a bit out of place. Other than that the book is wonderful.

[Knowlton Murphy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great thoughts on living with and loving your wife. The titular chapter will probably seem familiar to most of us men. Also, a really good take on lust, as its own sin, but also as a symptom of other sins--most specifically, discontentment. Wilson has widely been called misogynistic. An honest reading of this book, and others by Wilson, ought to deftly lay these sorts of claims to grave.

[Caleb M. Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I've read on marriage for men to date, and I've read a lot of them in the past year or so.

[Daniel Bouchoc · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent

[Michael T Moos · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of good stuff in here.

[Joshua Bremerman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just some absolute gems in this book: The wife as the husband's crown; The interplay between 1 Timothy 5:14 and Prov 31:11—resulting in true trust of a wife and rulership in the home; the tenderness of a Christian husband; the house wall analogy for the head of the house; marital "key" as grace not law; wife as husband's glory; sex in heaven explanations.

I think a lot of Wilson haters have never read, or choose not sit with, the moments above. Scripturally sound, unafraid of hard passages, nuanced in application (and yet practical). A TON to learn from for Christian husbands.

That being said, when Wilson is off, it's loud: The nuisance lust chapter actually *feels* offputting; other one-liners are distasteful from a pastor; love as sacramental; the title essay doesn't really teach, admonish, or encourage and landed flat.

Showing as much charity as possible, in his search for practicality, Wilson gets far too earthy and overly intimate when talking about sex. Perhaps the immature guy in the room can read this and go far off into the deep end, but I personally think the juice is worth the squeeze for Christian husbands and fathers.

[Jason Kolar · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this one. Douglas Wilson thinks differently, therefore he writes differently. I really enjoyed his perspective on a wide range of topics in this book. Even though every chapter is a different essay on how to be a better husband, this book doesn't feel surface level. Wilson only needs a couple of pages to make you think. For that, I'm grateful. This would be a great book to read with a couple of other Christ-following husbands and talk it through.

[Donald Owens II · Rating 5 out of 5]

Should be longer. Seriously. He has a good start on being Chestertonian, but as the little boy said to the ice cream man, "Is that all?" The third section, The Meaning of Sex, is the best I've read on the subject.

[John Rimmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

The best kind of advice, that which makes you laugh in agreement.

There were a few lines in here that I believe Wilson derived from the Witch of Endor after summoning up the spirit of P. G. Wodehouse. The latter was none too amused, but always amusing.

[Kofi Opoku · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book. Doug with his usual pointed but humorous expressions of truth.

[Shannon McGarvey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hubby and I read this together. I enjoyed all but one chapter. But especially enjoyed his chapters in heaven and marriage in heaven, since that is a question I have wrestled with for a long time.

[Max Cojevnicov · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some solid food for men.

[S. Paterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. I don't know why I never read this one. I think it was the title and cover.

[Anders Clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me to understand how bad of a husband I am, but also encouraged me to be a better one.

[Simon Esmond · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very helpful book. I was convicted and encouraged. Doug Wilson's writing style relies heavily on rapid-fire metaphors and fast analogies. This can seem inscrutable but usually just takes time to unravel.

[Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Since a good sermon should be exegetical, the appropriate place for a topical sermon is in a booklet like this. Good stuff for both men and women to be aware of.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

This, indeed, is how to exasperate your wife. Every man should read! And every wife should buy it for her husband! 😂