Rock*: A Mainstream Alternative History of Alternative Mainstream Music

by Chuck Klosterman

Kaleidoscopic culture critic Chuck Klosterman rewrites the history of reality in an “ingenious” ( Kirkus Reviews ) work of speculative fiction based on a question that has never been considered or (in all likelihood) even What if The Beatles had only developed a cult following while the Velvet Underground emerged as the most popular band in the world?"This twisted, ironic tribute will delight, surprise, and provoke rock fans.” ( Publishers Weekly starred review)The Velvet Underground & Nico was released in the spring of 1967. For decades, the cliche has been that it initially only sold 10,000 copies, though everyone who bought it supposedly started a band. It is the definition of a record whose influence outstrips its mass popularity. But what if the opposite had transpired? What if instead of selling 10,000 copies, it had sold…10 million copies? What if it had sold 100 million copies? What would have happened if the Velvet Underground had inexplicably become the biggest group in the history of popular music, and everything about the rest of the 20th century was merely a footnote to that phenomenon?Whatever answer you imagine is an infinitesimal splinter, at least when compared to Rock*. Chuck Klosterman has generated a fictitious universe where almost everything is different, except for the songs. The songs remain the same―the difference is how they are heard and what they now mean. Lou Reed is a messiah, reversing the monoculture and dictating the outcome of presidential elections. The Beatles disappear, though they never break up. The Rolling Stones collapse while Led Zeppelin goes bankrupt. Punk rock fills stadiums, undermined only by insouciant radicals like Boston and Van Halen. Disco is destroyed. Hip-hop becomes country. The 1980s are defined by disposable pop icons (like G.G. Allin) and Christian revivalists (like Madonna). Lenny Kravitz lets love rule, Oasis collides with a wonderwall, and the terrorist attacks of 9/11 are somehow blamed on the Strokes.Presented like The Rolling Stone History of Rock & Roll if written by Philip K. Dick, Jorge Luis Borges, and Patrick Bateman, Rock* intermixes satiric contrarianism and Spinal Tap-ish absurdity with darker theories about what makes art popular, how success delineates perception, and the inescapable consensus of subjective history. It is not, nor does it claim to be, the greatest book ever written about rock and roll. But it’s probably the last one that ever needs to be written.

Genres: Music, Fiction, Historical Fiction, Humor, Satire, Audiobook, Rock N Roll

336 pages, Hardcover

Published September 22, 2026

About the author

Charles John Klosterman is an American author and essayist whose work focuses on American popular culture. He has been a columnist for Esquire and ESPN.com and wrote "The Ethicist" column for The New York Times Magazine. He was awarded the ASCAP Deems Taylor award for music criticism in 2002.

Reviews

[LPosse1 Larry · Rating 2 out of 5]

★★☆☆☆

Why did I do it? I spent time reading another Chuck Klosterman book.

Well, I’m a rock music fan. I enjoyed The Nineties, and I tolerated his book about football, with a few nods of agreement along the way. So why not give his alternative history of rock music a shot?

The premise is clever: What would rock history look like if the Velvet Underground had become the biggest band in the world while the Beatles attracted only a cult following? In Rock⁎, Klosterman takes that idea and runs with it, creating made-up histories and fake interviews that turn familiar music history upside down.

It’s funny at times and occasionally interesting. But, man, the joke goes on too long. What starts as an entertaining idea eventually feels like a single joke stretched into an entire book.

It reminded me of writer and actor John Hodgman’s books, including The Areas of My Expertise and That Is All. Those also played with invented facts and absurd histories, but I remember them having more wit and more variety.

There are some laughs here, but the premise wore out its welcome long before I finished. One of my least favorite reads of the year. Two stars.

https://substack.com/@lposse1

[Peter Derk]

...this might be the only Klosterman DNF for me.
Here's the thing: I don't know a shitload about rock history of the 60s and 70s, so as I read this, I have no idea which parts are manufactured by Klosterman and which are basically as they happened in real life. I've never really listened to The Velvet Underground, so I don't really know which parts of this are based in reality, which are made up, and which are, most importantly, pretty funny jokes to those who DO know about this stuff.
I know super basic stuff, like "The Beatles were extremely popular," but I don't know anything about Lou Reed other than the fact that he collaborated with Metallica on what is easily their worst album and what I hope is also Reed's worst album.
I just might not have the background for this to really hit.
I LOVE that Klosterman is doing his own thing lately. His Football book was also not something I expected to really love, but love it I did.
And for publishers and so on considering paying Klosterman, just know I pre-ordered this book, and I'll pre-order his next one, no matter what it seems to be about.

[Dan · Rating 1 out of 5]

I love Chuck's writing, but this book is a rock version of an Eli Cash novel.

"Well, everyone knows Custer died at Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes is... maybe he didn't?" Eli Cash, The Royal Tenenbaums

[Samantha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m generally not wild about fictionalized non-fiction, but this was a solid change of pace for Klosterman and it is, at times, truly hilarious.

There’s a lot here that just reads like absurdism and nonsense, and it makes it hard to get through the book without your mind wandering pretty frequently, but the story certainly has its moments. I suppose one could argue that it’s no more absurd than real rock criticism, and that definitely counts for something.

All the Lou Reed/Velvet Underground stuff is kind of exhausting (admittedly in a deliberate sense), but there are some great laugh out loud moments: describing Exile on Main Street as “derivative,” as well as the bits about the government-mandated “wall of sound,” the discussion of the Strokes being partly responsible for 9/11, and the general failure of the Beatles.

Confused? That’s the idea, and while it’s tiresome and too much at times, it’s funny enough often enough that this is worth a read.

*I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.*

[Perry · Rating 1 out of 5]

Let's say I decided to tell you a joke and you decided to listen. I warn you that it is a long joke and you say that's ok. The joke goes on and on. It is possible that you get into the spirit of the joke and start laughing at points, even though I keep telling the joke without pausing for your laughter. It is also possible that you find the joke increasingly annoying and not funny at all. I think that might be comedic novels in general and this book in specific. My guess is that Klosterman had a lot of fun writing. I wish it were more fun to read.

[Michael Reilly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picture Chuck Klosterman giggling while he wrote this book.

The premise of this alternative history is that when the Velvet Underground released their first album "The Velvet Underground and Nico" in March of 1967, it changed pop music. It became the bestselling album of all time. It's New York cool decadent intellectual style set the model for the future of rock music. The Beatles "Sgt Pepper" was a flop. "When the hippies became outmoded, the Beatles became lame."

The idea is that this book is written in 2002 by a rock critic who is retiring from "Velveteen" magazine. Jann Wenner changed the original name, "Rolling Stone", when it became clear as they were issuing their first issue that the future of rock was the Velvet Underground.

The writing is a perfect parody of a snarky hipster rock critic. Klosterman revisits the whole history of pop music and twists it into this alternative history.

Elvis lives on as a spokesperson for Jimmy Dean sausage.
Andy Warhol, who produced the Velvet Underground album, becomes the most important record producer of all time.
The Monkeys have an insane way to measure how good their performances are.
Howard Cosell reports during MNF on the assassination of a Rock superstar, but it is not John Lennon.
(Spoiler Alert) Karen Carpenter marries Steve Martin
The CIA distributes bad acid at Woodstock
And on and on.

Klosterman rewrites American history. The change in musical tastes changes the results of a presidential election

Rock Critics, who are finally being listened to, turn into a dark force. They form the National Association of Rock Critics aka NARC, a great joke right there. NARC becomes a hugely powerful political force. It partners with the Mafia. It forces Hollywood to use rock music in all the blockbuster films. "Star Wars" features music by Thin Lizzy and Steely Dan. NARC conspires to destroy disco and it gets rap music to be thought off as a type of country music.

Klosterman perfectly captures the self-importance and intolerance of a certain type of rock critic. On a grander scale, it shows the danger when intellectuals get political power.

Although there are some serious undercurrents, this is basically a very funny book. He has great fun coming up with song and band descriptions.

At a Led Zeppelin concert the "lowest point ...had to be the recitation of a new power ballad about gold and stairways and the shrubbery of heaven."
The Band is "a group of Canadian accordion enthusiasts."
U2 is "an Irish group who relied on technological gimmicks to overcome their musical limitations."
The Beatles "Please Please Me" was "about soixante-neuf". (Goggle it)

Did I mention the Phil Spector-Andy Warhol hostage taking or the brutal take down of John Fogerty or the origin story of Dire Strait's song "Money for Nothing"? There is also a bonus appearance by my favorite science fiction writer P. K. Dick.

Klosterman hides a lot of serious stuff behind all of the funny stuff. The NARC manifesto is a dead-on parody of the worse kind of intellectual intolerance. This is a brilliant funny/serious book about an alternative rock music world.

[Logan Dalton · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is basically Danny Boyle’s Yesterday for The Ringer listeners/readers.

Chuck Klosterman’s alternate history novel where The Velvet Underground become the most important band in history and change the course of the world is hilarious, insightful, and at times, frustrating. The NARC organization is a joke that wears thin eventually, but I enjoyed reading about the fates of the Beatles, Stones, Elvis, KISS, Van Halen, Boston, and Yo La Tengo.

I’m curious to see the reader reaction to this one and might be more careful about my Velvet Underground>Beatles and Stones quips.

[Marci Stern · Rating 5 out of 5]

What would the music (and larger) world look like if the Velvet Underground were the most popular, explosive band of our lifetime? In Rock, Chuck Klosterman takes us into this alternate universe, and I was SEATED. This is a genius work that frequently made me laugh out loud. I truly loved every minute of it. That said, I don't think it has universal appeal. I'd say go for it if you (1) already adore Chuck Klosterman, and (2) enjoy reading about music history. Otherwise, proceed with caution.

[Elliot Morris · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like Klosterman a lot. This book was playful and funny, but found it a little slow flowing at times.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

My thanks to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing - Da Capo for an advance copy of this work of speculative music fiction that looks at a world where the British invasion didn't claim the high ground of the record charts, where a small band from New York became the arbiters of taste, style, drugs and more, and what came after.

Besides the words "We are going to be doing some songs from our new album" the words,"What If", are probably the saddest in just about any language, from vocal, clicks and even sign language. What if I asked the person out. What if I tried a little harder, what if I went right and not left, taken the harder path and not coasted on easy. What if means that things might be better. This isn't always true, Different yes, but not always better. Life has a way of taking what seems like a Perfect World, and making it well a lot of Metal Machine Music. What if if a popular concept, used in comics, science fiction, even in non-ficition. Many a music fan has always wondered, what would have happened if a record label actually pushed certain bands, not said ughh that's not commercial and just dumped it. And what if by chance the a band that was perceived as the bad guys won. Questions asked in this fascinating, fun, and totally anti-fab book. Rock*: A Mainstream Alternative History of Alternative Mainstream Music by music critic and historian Chuck Klosterman is a look at what the world would be like without the Beatles, the Summer of Love, a world where the sound from car radios were songs about rattled with the Heroin, and Sister Ray and others, and what that future might hold.

The book begins as an introduction, written not noted music writer and Editor for Velvetten magazine Lester Conway Bands, looking back at the book that tried to encompass a musical movement that no-one had seen coming, and one that changed the world. There was Elvis, there was the Rolling Stones, and there were the Beatles, whose album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band was going to make the Beatles, the band to be reckoned with. Instead a little album by a band few had heard of The Velvet Underground & Nico dropped their self-titled album. And changed the world. Backed by their label, something few expected, soon the sounds of Nico were changing the way young women talked. The songs changed minds, making drug use something to be discussed, sexual and trans issues brought to the surface, not in a fearful way but in positive ways. And Lou Reed became the voice of a generation. No Beatle cuts, no Summer of Love, and a world that was left different. In ways that were better, and in some ways worse.

I don't want to to ruin much. This book is amazing, especially for music nerds. True confession, I went into reading this without really looking, so at first I thought it was a real nonfiction book. Imagine my confusion. In fact don't read anything further, just read this book. There is so much here, so much research, so much thinking. Ok if this happened, what would happen next. What would this band do with different influences. Different ideas. The ending of the Rolling Stones, Led Zepplin going over like a lead balloon, returning most of the members back to studio work. Neil Peart of Rush only playing in 4/4 time. So many in-jokes, but one can tell a lot of work went into this. A Velvet Underground Cinematic Universe. I was laughing out load, wanting to argue about certain sections. A book that was so much more, and so much better than I expected.

I really enjoyed this on so many levels. The work involved. There are even music charts at the end of the book covering the seventies with songs in the top ten, critics choice and more. A book for music fans. As I wrote, and I know it is too late, don't read anything about this book. Just sit and read and get lost in what might have been. It sounds both magical, and awful, much like some of the songs Lou Reed wrote.

[Robert Fletcher · Rating 2 out of 5]

Chuck has written a couple of my favorite non-fiction books (The Nineties, Killing Yourself to Live).

He also wrote one of my least favorite novels of all time (Downtown Owl).

This one doesn’t rank that low, but it was an eye-roller and a waste of time that I’m not getting back.

I knew the risks when I went in - it was worse than I thought.

[R.]

Yessssssssssss

[Jake · Rating 5 out of 5]

"You get popular, but you never know why. And then you're suddenly less popular, but you never know why that happened, either. And then maybe you get popular once again, but only so you can return to unpopularity at a later date. It has very little to do with who you are or what you do, and it's not my job to figure out what happened."

- Fake Paul McCartney, quoted in a book by Fake Lester Bangs, written by the real Chuck Klosterman. Got all that?

Chuck Klosterman (writing as L. Conway Bangs) writes a cultural and social history of rock music from 1967 to 2002. Only, in the universe of this book, The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's was a major flop, and The Velvet Underground fills that cultural void. So how does the world look where the Velvets are bigger than Jesus and Lou Reed is the voice of a generation? Honestly, I don't think it's a timeline in which I would like to live.

- Heroin becomes the new cannabis

- After putting out one album, the members of KISS are killed in a freak accident reminiscent of the Hindenburg disaster and leaving behind a legacy of proto-punk pioneers

- An industry group called the National Association of Rock Critics (NARC, for short) gains cartel-like power over arts and entertainment. Their nefarious deeds include forcing George Lucas to put "The Boys are Back in Town" over the end credits of Star Wars and convincing the cutlrue that hip-hop is a subgenre of country music.

- MTV rebrands and ROCKSPAN and features in-depth intellectual programming about rock music, in addition to showing music videos.

- With their flawless studio production, Boston and Van Halen are commercially unsuccessful critical darlings

- With punk attitudes becoming mainstream, Christianity becomes counterculture. The hit single "Like a Virgin" from Christian singer-songwriter Madonna is instrumental in repealing Roe v. Wade in the 1980s.

- The Beatles (who have existed all this time, playing at Japanese casinos and fairs in the north of England all this time) go on a 1993 episode of ROCKSPAN unplugged, resulting in a brief reappraisal of their work

I loved the worldbuilding, but beyond that I loved the way it makes you think about culture, who gets popular, why they get popular, and what it means. Music (and more broadly "culture" and "art") has meaning because we give it meaning. If one group is a mainstream success, and another is a critical darling, and another is panned but popular, it happened for a (often silly) reason beyond anyone's control.

It's also the funniest Klosterman has been in a while. As much as I like his more philosophical books, this one feels more like his writing from the Fargo Rock City to Killing Yourself to Live era. The fake interview with John Fogerty about the Vietnam War is probably the hardest I've ever laughed on an airplane. Fake interviews with Lou Reed and Michael Stipe are also highlights.

Oh, and the last chapter details the conspiracy theory that The Strokes were involved in some capacity in the terror attacks of 9/11.

[John Spiller · Rating 2 out of 5]

"What is this shit" is how Greil Marcus famously began his Rolling Stone review of Bob Dylan's double album, Self Portrait. Marcus' question would be equally applicable to Chuck Klosterman's "Rock*: A Mainstream Alternative History of Alternative Mainstream Music." Klosterman starts with an interesting premise: what if "The Velvet Underground & Nico" became rock's best-selling and most influential album, consigning The Beatles, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, and Elvis Presley to afterthought status. Imagine a world where GG Allin and Jandek played stadiums, and teenagers adopt the affect and accent of Nico. Like so many deceptive record reviews I have read in my time, it sounds so much more promising in description than in execution. "Rock" reads like a McSweeney's Quarterly humor piece that was overlong by a factor of 350 pages. It is puzzling. Klosterman is a good writer, and rock music is his metier. If anyone could have pulled off a "Man in the High Castle" counterfactual history of rock, it would be Klosterman. And yet, this book is uninteresting and unfunny. To put it in terms that Klosterman would appreciate and understand, this is his "Cut the Crap." ("Cut the Crap" being the massively anticipated and hugely disappointing album by The Clash.")

[Mattschratz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must give this five stars, because it is maybe the weirdest book I have ever read. Other books take a counterfactual to illustrate something about the world, the way that The Man in the High Castle or The Plot Against America try to imagine what specific versions of fascism would look like with more historical success. This book sets out to imagine what would've happened if the Velvet Underground were more popular than the Beatles in 1967, for the purpose of imagining what things would be like if the Velvet Underground were more popular than the Beatles in 1967. Things that happen include Lester Bangs living into the new millennium, the Rolling Stone's last record being It's Only Rock and Roll, and the Strokes being blamed for 9/11. This is like writing a book about, what if Charles Guiteau missed when he shot James Garfield? And the answer is, somehow, that the two Dakotas were admitted to the Union as East and West Dakota instead of North and South. The reader would say: okay! I guess! That is what I thought reading this book. I loved it!

[Douglas Biggs · Rating 2.25 out of 5]

I like rock music, i like history books, I like alternate history books, I like Chuck Klosterman and enjoy reading him and listening to podcasts. Unfortunately, this book was not that enjoyable. It felt like you were being lectured to by a pedantic rock critic, which might have been one of the points of the book, and any time your music knowledge didn't allow you to follow the story, it just became unbearable. Sometimes I could tell the point he was making or I was in on the joke he was telling and it was great, but for large swaths of this, I felt like I was not in on the joke, or was being chastised for liking music that was popular.

[Nate Deprey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A super complicated four stars. In many ways Rock* is the longest issue of Marvel's "What If" ever published. This book is Chuck Klosterman's Mars Attacks in that Mars Attacks is the funniest movie Tim Burton ever saw and either you were either on his wavelength and rolling on the floor with laughter or thought Burton had become too weird to bother with. With Rock* there are long stretches I wasn't along for the ride but there were five or six times this book made me laugh out loud in a way books pull out of me. I'll bet he had a blast writing it.

[Ali · Rating 3.5 out of 5]

*I won a free copy of this book through a Goodreads Giveaway.*

Madonna as the best selling Christian artist of the 80s, Led Zeppelin as an under appreciated art band, and the Beastie Boys as a Jewish Cowpunk Trio? This book makes me grateful to live in a universe where the Velvet Underground did not supersede The Beatles. The quips are quite humorous here, but this will go right over your head if you don’t have a passing knowledge of 20th century pop music history. There were a couple artists that I had to look up for context.

If you are a rock music fan with an appreciation for ridiculous humor and sarcastic quips, you have come to the right place. Thank you to Goodreads for the book!

[Egghead · Rating 4 out of 5]

fun boondoggle like
billy idol's cyberpunk
question: where's james brown?

[Dan · Rating 3.5 out of 5]

It took me an embarrassingly amount of time before I realized what was actually going on. That made this book soooo much better.

[A · Rating 2.5 out of 5]

What in the -- and I cannot emphasize this enough -- actual fuck

[Garth Jones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally, the definitive true history of rock and roll.

Eat your heart out, Julian Cope.

[Russ Morey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t fully appreciate the idea of the Velvet Underground being the focus of this book until I got to the third chapter. I love the alternate universe in which Klosterman puts the reader in. The outcomes of some of the biggest bands in the world are overshadowed by Velvet Underground is daft, yet extremely entertaining! The fake interviews, the members of prominent bands as we know and love them are replaced by other artists, and the utterly ridiculous story about KISS makes for a great read! I also purchased the book on Audible with Chuck Klosterman narrating so I can relive the story as I drive to and from work.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

…some parts are just funny, almost absurd, until you think about it. I’ve not had more fun during a read in a long time!! Thank you, Mr. Klosterman!!

[Brendan O'Meara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a wild reimagining of music history. It's challenging if you don't know all the original rock facts and history so you know when Chuck is cutting against the grain of what happened vs. what didn't. It's a fun book, and we need fun books.

[Victor Martinelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this book in two sittings. About 36 hours from start to finish. I loved this book!

So first, I need to start with the fact that this book is very niche and written for someone just like me. It leans heavily into modern continental philosophy of the last 70 years and modern music history of the last 70 years. If you are not really well versed in the history of obscure music acts of the 60s, 70s, and 80s, along with the philosophies of Zizek, Butler, Foucault, Lacan, Adorno, Chomsky, and Derrida, then the inside jokes will not land as hard, otherwise this is the greatest and funniest in tone book ever about these subjects.

Is this review sounding pretentious, Yes! But this really is a smart person’s book. It’s a book that takes what happens and reinterprets its meaning, and asks you to build a world where the meanings are reversed or inversed depending on the situation. This book tests your knowledge of sociology as well. Not your standard book, really a great but challenging read if you lack the background. Extremely thought provoking!

Read Major Labels by Kelefa Sanneh before this book to get all the jokes

Happy to live in a timeline where Chuck Klosterman publishes two books in a year!!

[Eric Rovie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A funny and clever alternate universe history of music where (among others) The Velvet Underground are the biggest band of the 60’s, Big Star’s records go to #1, and the Rock Critics Union becomes the most powerful union in the USA. I couldn’t put it down. And I laughed a lot.

[Drew Blake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Crazy and niche concept for a book that somehow works. Hilarious and insightful, and the voice work by James Austin Johnson on the audio version is incredible.

[Rob Harvilla · Rating 5 out of 5]

The George Lucas film Star Wars was released in theaters on May 25, 1977. It is perhaps the only twentieth-century pop product rivaling the impact of The Velvet Underground & Nico. A space western with time-honored themes and archetypical characters, Star Wars was the biggest box office juggernaut of its era and the most merchandised movie ever made, as famous today as it was in the summer of its release. It is familiar to everyone, including those who have never seen it. Yet if not for NARC, Star Wars would be a very, very different cinematic experience than the product we currently understand. If not for NARC, it's quite possible that Star Wars would have contained no rock music whatsoever.

The first test screening for Star Wars was hosted in February of '77. It was staged at the Parkhouse screening room in San Francisco and presented to a small audience of Fox film executives, ultra-insiders, and friends and colleagues of the thirty-three-year-old Lucas (Steven Spielberg and Brian De Palma among them). The wild card in attendance was a Canadian college student named Tom Harrison, working as unpaid NARC intern as part of a scholarship program through the University of British Columbia. Harrison had been tasked with viewing a litany of preview screenings along the West Coast, instructed to report back to NARC with any musical anomalies he happened to notice. At the time of the test screening, the entire Star Wars score was orchestral music, created by classical composer John Williams (1). Harrison's memo on Star Wars was brief but trenchant.

"Kids are going to go bonkers for this shit," he wrote in his report. "The suits from Fox have no clue what they have here. The story is whatever, but the f/x are incredible. Even girls will like this. The only problem is the soundtrack. It's grandpa music. this could be a real opportunity for us."

Two days after the screening, Alan Livingstone, the president of Fox's entertainment division, received a phone call from an anonymous NARC lobbyist regarding the Star Wars soundtrack. What was said in this conversation (or what was exchanged) remains secret, as Livingstone has never discussed it publicly. But by the end of the week, Lucas had received a directive from the studio, articulated in the strongest possible terms: The music played over the closing credits of Star Wars, a dramatic piece Williams had titled "The Throne Room," was to be replaced with Thin Lizzy's "The Boys Are Back in Town." Three days later, Lucas was subsequently informed that a scene set inside a cantina filled with alien bounty hunters would now be soundtracked by "East St. Louis Toodle-Oo," as covered on the 1974 Steely Dan record Pretzel Logic. Two days after that, he was told a key moment on the desert planet of Tatooine (when lead character Luke Skywalker longingly stares at a pair of binary suns setting on the horizon) would be better served by Elton John's "Funeral for a Friend."

"I wasn't enthusiastic about these notes," Lucas would later acknowledge, "but having made American Graffiti and having dated Linda Ronstadt, I was aware of the emotive power of rock music. But I can't take any credit for those alterations, because it wasn't my choice. Fox wasn't going to release Star Wars without some Thin Lizzy. I had to do it. A force greater than my self was in control."

The "force" to which Lucas refers did not end with with Star Wars. When its sequel, The Empire Strikes Back, hit theaters in 1980, most of the soundtrack was recent Top 40 hits: "Los Angeles" by X, "Tear It Up" by the Cramps, "Bette Davis Eyes" by Kim Carnes. When Lucas produced Spielberg's Raiders of the Lost Ark in 1981, all of the music was written and recorded by Krokus, much in the same way 1979's Star Trek: The Motion Picture had been entirely scored by Roxy Music and 1980's Flash Gordon was entirely scored by Queen.

The NARC cinematic mandate, though never officially announced or verified, was unilateral and absolute: Any movie with blockbuster potential had to include rock music. There were no exceptions (even Quest for Fire and Clan of the Cave Bear were compelled to use period-inappropriate postpunk). To those working in Hollywood, it was a draconian prerequisite that made certain cinematic approaches untenable. When the 1980 epic Heaven's Gate bombed spectacularly, director Michael Cimino placed the blame squarely on the NARC fiat.

"I was trying to tell a realistic story abut nineteenth-century Wyoming immigrants," Cimino said in an interview with Gene Siskel. "What the fuck does that have to do with 'My Sharona'? How was I supposed to find a place for 'Cars' by Gary Numan when all the characters are riding horses? I told United Artists I'd quit the picture if they made me include a song about cars, and they eventually did let me swap it out for 'A Horse With No Name.' But that still didn't make narrative sense. All our horses had names. We put all this effort into building a roller rink inside a barn, we spent sixteen hours a day shooting from every possible angle, I risked my life and my career to make this one special scene feel like reality—and then I'm told in post-production that the accompaniment has to be some song by Ronnie James Dio. And not even a song featuring Ritchie Blackmore! I mean, I have nothing against Vivian Campbell's guitar tone, but let's at least be honest with the audience. There was nothing I could do, though. Absolutely nothing. I'd been able to stop them from forcing "Smoke on the Water" into The Deer Hunter, but now they had the leverage. I wouldn't even classify NARC as a union. It's a cartel. How the hell did these people get so much power? I don't know who they are, what they want, or why they would want whatever that is."

(1) Williams's song Joseph would later front the avant-garde pop band Toto.

[Tamara Coleman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an interesting re-imagining of Music History. It's a critics book about music and cultural criticism and how our cultural landscape shifts and changes with the premise. As a fan of the Velvet Underground and Nico, it was so good to see them get the recognition they deserve. As a fan humor, criticism, and satire this was a laugh-out-loud almost philosophical take on the state of music and the industry.