The Ugly Underneath: Navigating the Emotional Toll of Investigating Crimes Against Children

by Carlos Rodriguez

Hunting predators comes with many costs.

The Ugly Underneath is a stirring and honest firsthand account of the world of crimes against children and one man’s dedication to fighting it. Shedding light on the emotional and psychological toll that investigating the horrible acts that occur just beneath the surface of our communities inflicts, author Carlos Rodriguez takes you through the development of his career in the Washington State Patrol and behind the scenes of several investigative operations to capture child sex offenders during his time as the leader of the Missing and Exploited Children Task Force.

To navigate the daily stress, Rodriguez learned to compartmentalize trauma into mental "boxes”—a coping mechanism he unknowingly developed long before his law enforcement career. And while it allowed him to endure through his work, the act of storing away that suffering exacted its own toll on his personal life. Through anecdotes of resilience, mistakes, and growth, he explores how carrying pain shaped him and what it meant to finally begin unpacking it.

Melding personal stories, true crime narratives, and exposés on the many difficulties that law enforcement officers face, Rodriguez shares his compelling experiences with resolute honesty and lightening moments of humor. This book offers a raw perspective on enduring the unimaginable and learning to live beyond it.

246 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 24, 2026

About the author

Throughout his career, Carlos Rodriguez has worked to protect children from some of the most serious crimes imaginable. A former crimes-against-children detective sergeant and FBI Task Force Officer, he retired from the Washington State Patrol after 27 years of service. He led WSP's Missing and Exploited Children Task Force, where he developed proactive investigative operations targeting those who attempt to sexually exploit children, operations that have been nationally modeled and replicated in jurisdictions across the country. A nationally recognized subject matter expert, Carlos continues to present on human trafficking and child exploitation at national and international conferences, is the author of The Ugly Underneath, a firsthand account of the emotional toll of this work, and volunteers with the International Association of Human Trafficking Investigators (IAHTI).

Reviews

[Jess · Rating 4 out of 5]

"We will walk through hell to get the devil."

There is a certain courage in vulnerability, and it's hard to be vulnerable when fighting a war. A very personal, visceral, and yet gentle reminder to be gentle with yourself when the war takes a toll. A good read for anyone in this profession, where the people who take on the weight don't know how to put it down.

[Martyn Beeny · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Ugly Underneath: Navigating the Emotional Toll of Investigating Crimes Against Children is a deeply powerful, courageous, and emotionally honest account of the unseen psychological burden carried by those who work to protect vulnerable children from exploitation and abuse. Carlos Rodriguez delivers a gripping blend of memoir, true crime insight, and emotional reflection that sheds light on both the horrors investigators confront and the human cost of confronting them daily.

One of the book’s greatest strengths is its raw authenticity. Rodriguez does not simply recount investigations he explores the emotional survival mechanisms, personal sacrifices, and psychological impact that accompany years spent working in deeply traumatic environments. His discussion of compartmentalization and emotional endurance gives the narrative remarkable depth and humanity, making the book as emotionally resonant as it is informative.

The behind-the-scenes look into investigative operations involving crimes against children is compelling and eye opening, offering readers insight into the realities faced by law enforcement professionals tasked with protecting the vulnerable. At the same time, Rodriguez balances the darker subject matter with moments of resilience, self awareness, and even humor, which adds emotional realism and humanity to the narrative.

What makes the book especially impactful is its willingness to address mental health, trauma, and emotional recovery within law enforcement culture subjects that are often overlooked or left unspoken. The result is a work that is not only informative, but also deeply compassionate and important.

Honest, emotionally gripping, and profoundly human, The Ugly Underneath is a remarkable memoir that will strongly resonate with readers interested in true crime, law enforcement, psychology, trauma recovery, and the realities behind protecting society’s most vulnerable.

[Kari · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley and River Grove for the ARC!

I read The Ugly Underneath as a work-related book. I appreciate the brutal honesty, snap shots of the CSAM arena, and providing the professional law enforcement lens. As someone who works with all sides of this coin (perpetrator, survivor, fellow therapists in the field, and law enforcement) I am thankful for the work the author has done for himself to heal including connecting his childhood to how he is showing up as an adult. This book may be "too much" for some people due to triggers, however the reality of child exploitation is not something that we as a society can turn our backs on. Thank you for also providing resources for the community on how to get involved and the continuous reminder for those in the field to not overly compartmentalize.

[Hanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is brutally honest, please read the trigger warnings. It's unimaginable to see what these people put themselves through to protect the most vulnerable and yet their work is so important. It's good to see how the author has tried to heal.

The book starts with the authors childhood. Not what I expected, but it is an important part of the story.

Thank you NetGalley for providing me an ARC of the book in exchange for an honest review.

[Bethany Bonner · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was okay. Some of the stories were truly gripping and informative of how some of these operations work and their impact, but I felt things kind of jumped around a good bit and the flow felt choppy at best. Respect to Carlos and his team and their great work.

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! Thank you for your service and writing this book!