If Only

by Norma Budden

While still in high school, Demi gave birth to a baby girl and, feeling she had no other options, put her up for adoption. Having moved on with her life – gotten married and having had two other children – 16 years later, Demi Glenn suddenly cannot get her firstborn daughter out of her mind.

After hiring two private detectives but getting no solid information to go on, Demi turns to the one man who will not come back empty-handed, who will not give up until he finds the answers – David Alexander, a married father of two daughters – the father of the baby she had given up so long ago who had no idea he had sired a child as a teen.

Together, will they be able to find their daughter without their families being torn apart or will fate intervene, upsetting their lives in a way they'd never dreamed in the pursuit of finding the daughter they can no longer live without?

Genres: Fiction

204 pages, Paperback

First published February 13, 2015

About the author

Norma Budden is a Canadian author and photographer who also publishes book reviews and author interviews. She has a passion for all things travel and enjoys hiking, swimming, kayaking and snowshoeing.

Norma is the proud author of the Freedom in Love Series which, currently, has five titles published: An Affair to Remember, When Love Abides, Soul Confessions, Divided Loyalties and The Promise. She is also the author of The Prayer, The Journey (both titles being part of The Wish Trilogy) and Coming Unglued: A Mother's Journey into Hell, a story inspired by true events.

Norma has also published a novella and short story, Written on The Stars and Hershey Falls, respectively, and is co-author of Angels Among Us, written with the late Michael. T. Ingram.

If Only is a stand-alone title as is her autobiography, Arctic Child.

Reviews

[Vicki · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading If Only by Norma Budden. The story had so much emotion and went in so many directions it was a roller coaster of a book. I was sad during the first, but in a way, it seemed I was more upset than the main character. I guess that made me a bit sad. I know people have reasons for what they do, but I have to say, David was a rock when it came to getting bad news, or unexpected news.

I liked David, he was such a compassionate father and boyfriend. Renee was a surprise. That she was able to reach out while sleeping was a blessing. It sure made finding her easier. I wondered about the clues that David found and I liked the ending. I would not mind reading more about these people and their current life. It is wonderful that the book was written in one sitting as if it were inspired.

The plot is interesting and again, full of emotion and details and it is a very good story. I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. and I am so glad I was given the opportunity to read it.

[Colleen Chesebro · Rating 4 out of 5]

*A copy of this book was provided to me by the author in exchange for an honest review, which follows.

Demi and David first meet in high school, where they fell in love at a young age. In no time, Demi is pregnant and decides to hide the truth from David about their child, because she does not want to influence his decision to go to college to become a private investigator. Instead, Demi takes it upon herself to have the child and give her up for adoption. This decision comes at a price to Demi’s psyche. Years later, she begins to have visions of her daughter, and feels an unexplainable need to find her child now, at any cost.

Compromising matters further, Demi is married to another man and has two children with him. Searching for her daughter has brought no leads from the current investigators, so Demi turns to the only man she knows will help her find their daughter – David, her lost love from long ago, who is now a successful private investigator.

Demi finally tells David about their daughter. David is also married to someone else with two children of his own. Breaking the news to their spouses creates a story of intrigue and suspense with more twists and turns along the way.

Sharing in the story, is the child herself, Renee who feels she cannot connect with her parents, and never has. Always the outsider, Rene wonders as an only child, if she was adopted. Before long, Rene starts having dreams and experiences an uncontrollable urge to meet a strange man - her father, David. As events unravel, Demi and David tumble through a maze of second chances, reconciliations, and realize many losses along the way. Eventually they find the love of a real family.

I felt great empathy for Demi and David, as they longed for the child they never knew. It was important that each character felt the pull of Rene, the missing link to their family unit, and the author was able to convey that message to the reader. I was drawn to the paranormal aspect of the dreams that Demi, David and Renee shared. I felt like there was an unforeseen force willing them all to find each other to complete their family.

“If Only,” tugs at your heart, and I found myself rooting for them all to find each other and become the family they were meant to be. Even though some of the events were predictable, and much time was spent inside the heads of the characters; I found myself caught up in the over powering human desire of ‘belonging’ that the author conveyed in her telling of the story.

This was an uplifting story of change and growth between two adults who felt the need to atone for decisions made as young adults. Our past always follows us, and Norma Budden leads her readers on a journey of love and acceptance one will not soon forget.

RATINGS
Realistic Characterization: 4/5
Made Me Think: 3/5
Overall enjoyment: 4/5
Readability: 3/5
Recommended: 4/5
Overall Rating: 4.0

[Michael Phelps · Rating 5 out of 5]

IF ONLY by AUUTHOR NORMA BUDDEN is a story that many, many people have known . . . of deep, dark, closely guarded secrets kept by those affected. Teenagers; first love . . . the forbidden act of consumation . . . fear . . . regret . . . shame. A baby is born . . . yet given away out of shame, fear and regrets. Fast forward sixteen years. The teen mother has feelings . . . her 'unwanted' child is in jeapordy . . . SHE needs her! Now, a successful businesswoman, happily married, with two young children . . . but with her heart aching for her first born.

She hires pribate detectives to locate her daughter, to no avail. She turns to a private detective with a stake in her quest . . . the child's biological father, her high school sweetheart. Sixteen years have passed. He too is happily married, with two young daughters of his own, IF ONLY . . . he had known . . . perhaps their lives would have taken an entirely different course.

Now, DEMI GLENN must confess . . . to David Alexander, her first born's father . . . to her husband Robert of her deception hidden all these years. Tragedy is about to envelope the Glenn and Alexander families . . . and the search for Demi and David's ill conceived daughter takes on an unexpected urgency that spans the country.

The daughter knew she had been adopted . . . and wondered "IF ONLY". Hee boyfriend is intent on helping her. David Alexander wakes in the middle of the night . . . hearing his daughter's voice . . . this is real . . . over and over. He knows she is in trouble . . . and only he can save her. IF ONLY . . . this is a case he must solve . . . and the clock is ticking.

AUTHOR NORMA BUDDEN has woven an inticate love story with deepening suspense and characters so real, you feel their emotions leaping off the pages. IF ONLY held me in growing suspense and did not let go. I HOPE MS. BUDDEN will not leave her readers locked in time . . . there must be more to this story . . . IF ONLY!

I have read three of AUTHOR NORMA BUDDEN'S novels and find her to be an exciting Writer who has a way of bringing her readers inside her stories.

IF ONLY deserves nothing less than FIVE STARS!

[Isis Ray-sisco · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Only by Norma Budden is a great romance read. It's about redemption and love. I quite enjoyed reading David and Demi's story. There were parts to the story that I really didn't like but they didn't make me hate he rest of the story. And truth be told they were believable parts of life and human nature. I would hope that I would react differently to the situations that came up but I can't say I would for sure. If Only has a good mix of romance, drama, and mysteries. There were some twists and turns I didn't see coming while others were more predictable. The plot moves at a steady pace and keeps you turning the pages. I wanted to know what was going to happen and how it would all unfold. I would highly recommend If Only to anyone who enjoys reading romances with a little more substance to them.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had me in tears. As you read the summary of the book, you learn that Demi gave up her unplanned daughter she had in her teens. But she can't forget her and wants to find out what happened to her. After several fruitless tries, she turns to the child's father to help her. And that begins a roller coaster ride of mystery that held me captive for a few days.

I enjoyed the ride so much! Laughter and tears, and soul searing pain was all in this story. I loved itQ

I received a copy of this book from the author in return for an honest review.

[Karla Bostic · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful story that started with a High School first love. When Demi discovered she was pregnant she made the decision not to tell the love of her life David, so he could complete his dreams of going to college and become a Detective. For years the loss of her child has haunted her, as well as her decision not to tell David about the baby girl she had given up for adoption. Premonitions and visions become more intense as they tell her she has to find this child.
Over the years they each have both grown into successful business careers. Trying to put the past behind her, Demi eventually married and had two children. David had finally gotten past her sudden departure from his life and excepted the loss. After a time he eventually married and started his own family with twin daughters.
When the two detectives Demi has hired, failed to turn up any information about the baby girl she gave away 16 yrs ago, she becomes more and more desperate. The premonitions and dreams continue to eat at her daily until she can’t let it go any longer.
With nowhere else to turn she reaches out to the best detective in the country to help her search for her child. Desperate times call for desperate measures and she seeks his help. The only catch; he was the love of her youth and the father of the child she was now searching for.
Suspicious actions around the records of the adoption have left them both with more questions than answers.
There is an emotional pull for David, toward his first love needing his help and his wife and twin daughters at home. He has to find a way to let his wife know he has another child. A child that he feels more and more is in need of his help. Due to a history of premonitions in Demi’s family, he knows they are something that can’t be overlooked. When he first learned of the deception he was full of anger and yet he knew he had to help his child. His child… Another daughter he never knew he had.
Who had her? What was her life like? What was her name?
Demi had never told her husband or anyone in fact about the child she had given up for adoption but with these premonitions growing more and more aggressive she can’t put this on hold any longer. Telling her husband didn’t go as planned. He was furious beyond reason and just took the children and left.
Tragedy incites and suddenly David’s wife is gone… How could this be. Who would help him raise his daughter’s? How could he possibly leave his twin daughters at home when they are going through such a massive change in their life. Yet at the same time he finds a lead on his firstborn.
Demi and David work together with her assisting him with his girls desperately missing their mother while they follow down leads.

During this whole endeavor we are sitting beside a beautiful teenage girl Renee, who has always felt a disconnect with her parents. They have nothing in common and she can’t seem to find any similarities with either of them. She always secretly wondered if she could possibly be adopted. We see her life and how it has unfolded with the choices that have been made. Her best friend is the only one she can really talk to and explain her feelings. Her only connect in this world and he is about to move away to college for two years before she will be able to join him. She can’t imagine her life without him. Somehow convincing her family who never spent any time with her anyway, to let her spend her last two years of schooling with her aunt who lives near the college sounded like the perfect fit for everyone. Without hesitation they gave permission to just let this child slip away.

That alone should have shown us a disconnect. A lack of attachment of any kind. This child had grown up in a home with no nurturing and love. A sterile, crisp life of rules, regulations, and expectations. We see Renee begin her adventure to this new life with the man she secretly hopes to one day marry. The bond they have is truly special. There are many twist and turns in this plot which I won’t reveal. That’s the fun part though right??
I love how Norma writes a beautiful relationship between her characters without making it seem seedy and overly sexualized.
The story is one that tugs on your heart strings and will touch so many hearts. We all either know someone who was given up for adoption, or someone who has searched for a child. Or perhaps a parent who gave a child away when they were too young to take care of it and lived to regret that decision? That is why it is so easy to fall in love with this story and the connection that the child who had never met her parents has, is just utterly amazing. Life is drawing them together… There is a plan…
Watching this story unfold brought out such emotion in my heart. The longing of this mother for the child she never forgave herself for letting slip through her fingers. The Child who has longed for a connection with someone, anyone, who would just show her a bit of love. A shocked father who learns of a child he never knew he had and is amazed at what lengths he will go to find that child. Their hearts are searching for one another and calling out. If only…
Absolutely stunningly written. I see a lifetime movie in my head as I read along. Norma always gives us a love story with characters who have morals and that is something that is rare in our over sexualized lives of today. Standing Ovation Norma. I give you 5* all the way.

[Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the first book I have read by this author, but I certainly will be reading others by her. She has combined wonderful characters and an intriguing story line that had me pulled in from the first pages. The story is a wonderful story of redemption from past mistakes and carries the reader on a roller coaster of emotions. There is also a touch of the paranormal which adds an interesting twist to the story. This is a book that I thoroughly enjoyed and definitely recommend.

[Jill · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an emotional rollercoaster of a ride! Norma Budden does a superb job of weaving a touching story of a family united. But in the union, other losses are experienced. If Only is heart-wrenchingly beautiful tale that will make you laugh, cry, then laugh some more.

[Sandra Stiles · Rating 5 out of 5]

"If Only." How many times have we looked back on some aspect of our life and thought those words. After reading this book I realized that I'd heard those very words in my own family. After my husband and I married, our second for each of us, he kept telling me he felt like he had a kid “out there”. When he was seventeen his girlfriend got pregnant. They argued. He went back to her house a week later to work things out and was told his girlfriend had miscarried and they didn’t want him around any more. Fast forward twenty one years. My husband received an email from his former girlfriend’s father stating she had died and they needed to talk. He immediately called and said, “I have a kid don’t I?” His daughter contacted him. She had been told he was dead. Standing graveside at her mother’s funeral her grandfather told her he knew where her biological father was. Her first question to her grandfather was “why”. She wanted to know why they had told her this lie and at the same time kept tabs on his life. After all, she lived in Illinois and he lived in Florida. Not more than a month later we saw his aunt at a store. They both had been told the other was dead. Her next comment was, "I know where your father is." He'd never known his father. His father had spent his entire life looking for him. My husband got to meet him and learned he had three sisters and a brother. I immediately saw the parallels with this book. I love when art, in this case writing, imitates life.

Norma Budden has created a story with characters that are very believable. A young girl (Demi) gets pregnant in high school and then gives the baby up for adoption. The father of the child (David) never knows about the baby because she didn’t want to “ruin his life”.

Sixteen years later both Demi and David have married and have families of their own. Demi starts having premonitions that she needs to find her daughter. They grow stronger and stronger. She hasn’t had any luck with the private investigators she has hired so she has to find another way. The plan she comes up with is to get in touch with David who is now a detective. This means she has to tell him the secret she kept from him all those years. This also means she is going to have to tell her husband. If David accepts the job he is going to have to tell his wife.

There was a lot of heartache in this book. The parallels between the book and the real life story of so many other people make it believable. You don’t have to worry about the paranormal aspect of the book, because it is light and wonderfully handled. The visits come in the form of dreams. I am hoping there will be at least a sequel to this book. I’d like to know what happens next to David and Demi. I’d also like to hear Alexis’ side of the story. What was it like growing up forher. There is so much more we can learn. I would also like to know what happens to Alexis and Kevin. I definitely recommend this book to everyone who loves real life drama with a side of paranormal.

I received a copy to facilitate my review. The opinions expressed here are my own.

[Jeff Dawson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good story for women

I received a free copy for review.

Male view:

I’ve been following Norma for the last few years since her first book, “Hershey Falls.” I have been a fan ever since, but this one didn’t quite register with me.
Being adopted I was very interested in how the story would shake out. From the beginning, the paranormal aspect left me flat. Why? We know how the stories going to turn out before we become fully entranced with the characters. At times I couldn’t buy into the feelings the main characters were exhibiting, especially the men. They came across as extremely wishy-washy.
Another big problem is the interaction between Demi and David. David’s wife dies and in less than a day or two is falling all over Demi again. Why? They were high school sweethearts. Unbeknownst to David, Demi became pregnant and left town never telling him. Flash forward sixteen years and they become involved again as she seeks him out to help find their daughter. He’s a P.I.
I lived this scenario when my true love Debbie died in 2009. Believe me, I met a few women over the months and years after she passed, but did not go head-over-heels into a relationship.
Another issue is how accepting David’s parents are of their son falling in love with Demi, who’s still married. I went through a similar situation twenty years ago and I can assure you, my father wasn’t as understanding.
For me, it missed the mark thus garnering a three star rating; however, let’s look at it through a woman’s eyes.

You gals are going to love this tale! It’s full of emotion, heartache, loss and an HEA. There’s plenty of intrigue and tissue moments as Demi and David combine their forces and seek out their daughter.
Five stars.

Four star story.

[Dean Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting and satisfying work.

I received this novel in exchange for a copy of my Pro-Life thriller, Her Choice. No obligation was established to review either work.

If Only:
After 16 years, long-separated biological parents join forces in a desperate search to find their adopted-away daughter.
Riding constant waves of emotion, Norma Budden takes the reader on a paranormal journey from the biological parent’s reunion, to the foreshadowed meeting with their psychic daughter.
The physical, as opposed to the psychological, progression of the story is fully texturized (although somewhat stage directed) by Norma’s expansive knowledge of the depicted locale and handling of the characters.
The multiple viewpoints expressed by the daughter, her biological parents and their damaged spouses, work well in projecting the correct amount of tension as the story works its way toward a not totally unexpected conclusion.
Despite minor inconsistencies concerning the actual plot motivation verses the anticipated one (that the daughter was in trouble), and my belief that an additional editing source would have proven beneficial; Norma has once again provided us with an interesting and satisfying work. 4 Stars

[Lynn Hallbrooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was provided an opportunity to do an ARC review on this book. I am certainly glad that I read the Advance Reader's Copy.

I think of this book as a Christian Paranormal Suspense.

A teenager may make a major decision because they think they are grown up. Sometimes they decide to hide the truth because of an indiscretion they feel ashamed about. Because of these factors they do not always seek advice of one who is older and wiser.

That's what happened with the main character, Demi. She made a choice thinking it was the best for everyone concerned. Sixteen years later, she feels compelled to revisit that decision and seeks help from the one person she should have consulted all those years ago. Find out how they deal with the roller coaster of events that unfold as they move forward in order to put right what Demi now knows is a wrong.

I enjoyed that Ms. Budden kept me guessing until the final reveal. This story is filled with emotional highs and lows that I think will tug at the heart strings of both genders.

Warning: There are tragic events depicted that may have a negative impact on some people.

This book can be pre-ordered until February 14, 2015.

[Katherine P · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought that this story was unique in the focus of the story. Most adoption stories that I have read focus on the child who is trying to find his/her parents while If Only focuses on the the birth parents. It was interesting and heartbreaking to see the effects of carrying this secret for so long on Demi and it was hard not to feel sorry for her as she felt that she was doing the right thing at the time. It's also very easy to understand her "what might have been thoughts" .

But, while I understood her "what might have been" thoughts I did get frustrated with Demi as her visions seemed to be on the unrealistic side and never really seemed to realize the challenges for both her and David as well as their child if she had chosen to keep the baby and inform David. While, the pacing was good throughout the book there was too much internal discussions for my taste.

While this book ended up not being quite for me the characters were developed and the pacing never dragged. I enjoyed that this one focused more on the emotions than the investigation involved.

[Marilyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Only is a powerful and gripping story. Demi Glenn adopted daughter was always on her mind and she was determined to find her. The emotions and unexpected happenings throughout this story kept me turning the pages until I was read the last page. Each character is well developed with realistic families and issues they faced. The dreams and spirit of Demi’s adopted daughter with her desire to find her biological parents, after living with a couple who really didn’t care for her added depth to this 5 star book. This is the first book I’ve read by Norma Budden and wow, what an incredible story that reeled me in. I definitely want to read more by Budden in the future.

I won an e-copy of If Only from the author through a blog giveaway. I was not required to write a review, but have expressed my honest thoughts.

[Annette Witherow-Van Horn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was my first of I hope many reads Norma Budden. If only .This was a great read it had me from the very beginning of the story. There was so many different feelings in this book from first love, to life changing decisions, tragedy, to finding answers to many questions, and then finding the one thing that completes your life. I feel that she did a very good job at pulling you into her story and making you feel as if you were one of the characters .

[Hannah Baston · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Only is the first book I have read by Norma Budden. The cover caught my eye immediately. The story is beautifully written and weaves the past and the present together. The characters were so real, especially Demi. She gave up her child thinking she was doing the right thing but never forgot them. Definitely a story worth reading. It explored the issues surrounding adoption and giving up a child.

[Billie Copas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Utterly Amazing!

I'd give 10 stars if I could! I definitely hope there is a follow up book, I need to know how it all ends. Very well written, excellent character development. I fell in love with all of them from the first. Norma Budden is a must-read author, you will not be disappointed! The only thing I disliked was the fact that it ended. I'd love to read more!

[Randi Robinson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I decided to read this book because I thought it had an interesting premise. I could foresee all sorts of problems with old loves, married to others now with families of their own, reuniting to find a child who may not want to be found, and I was right. Demi and David had been true loves in high school. When Demi became pregnant she did not want to hold David back from his dreams so she went away to have the baby and put it up for adoption without David ever knowing she was pregnant. Now it is 16 years later and Demi is searching for her daughter. She has hired detectives who have had no success and she is feeling a sense of urgency, so she turns to David who is a private investigator. Of course this throws their family lives into total disarray. The story follows their search for their daughter amid the crises in their own lives. The story is told in the alternating viewpoints of David, Demi, and their daughter. There is a slight supernatural element in the psychic connection between David and his daughter but it only adds to the story. I would not classify this as a supernatural story. The characters seemed very real to me and I wanted to keep reading to see what happened to them. There is a little suspense, more in the ending and anywhere else. I found this to be a very enjoyable read that dealt well sensitive issues in a good way. There was no sex or violence in this book.

[InD'tale Magazine · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5/5.0

A contemporary story with a slight paranormal twist, the basic idea of the story is a great one.

Read full review in the 2015 June issue of InD'tale Magazine.