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IT IS WHAT IT IS: Walking Beside My Mother Through Dementia
What do you hold onto when dementia keeps taking things away?
After decades of living abroad, Chantal Patenaude returns to Canada and persuades her seventy-nine-year-old mother, Pierrette, to move from California to Ottawa. With her mother nearby, Chantal expects to worry less.
Instead, she witnesses troubling changes in her mother’s language and behavior. What first seem like “senior moments” eventually lead to a devastating diagnosis of aphasia and frontotemporal dementia (FTD).
As Pierrette’s world grows smaller, Chantal steps into the unfamiliar role of caregiver and makes a simple vow: to make her mother smile every time she sees her.
Some days she succeeds. Some days she doesn’t.
Through each stage of decline, Chantal learns to meet her mother where she is, never losing sight of the woman behind the disease, and finding moments of laughter, tenderness and joy alongside the worry, frustration, grief and constant adaptation of caregiving.
It Is What It Is is an intimate memoir about the realities so many families face when dementia enters their lives: the gradual role reversal between parent and child, the difficult decisions, the heartbreak of progressive loss, and the small moments that suddenly mean everything.
Honest, moving and unexpectedly uplifting, this is a story not only about what dementia takes away, but about what remains: love, dignity, joy and connection.
After decades of living abroad, Chantal Patenaude returns to Canada and persuades her seventy-nine-year-old mother, Pierrette, to move from California to Ottawa. With her mother nearby, Chantal expects to worry less.
Instead, she witnesses troubling changes in her mother’s language and behavior. What first seem like “senior moments” eventually lead to a devastating diagnosis of aphasia and frontotemporal dementia (FTD).
As Pierrette’s world grows smaller, Chantal steps into the unfamiliar role of caregiver and makes a simple vow: to make her mother smile every time she sees her.
Some days she succeeds. Some days she doesn’t.
Through each stage of decline, Chantal learns to meet her mother where she is, never losing sight of the woman behind the disease, and finding moments of laughter, tenderness and joy alongside the worry, frustration, grief and constant adaptation of caregiving.
It Is What It Is is an intimate memoir about the realities so many families face when dementia enters their lives: the gradual role reversal between parent and child, the difficult decisions, the heartbreak of progressive loss, and the small moments that suddenly mean everything.
Honest, moving and unexpectedly uplifting, this is a story not only about what dementia takes away, but about what remains: love, dignity, joy and connection.
318 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 14, 2026
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
Review of advance copy received from Author
Review of Advance Reader Copy
“It Is What It Is is a powerful and heartfelt story that beautifully portrays a mother’s journey with dementia and the unwavering perseverance of her daughter as her caregiver. With every page, I felt the deep love and devotion between them. It’s a must-read for any family navigating the challenges of this devastating disease. The story is a touching reminder that patience, advocacy, compassion, and even moments of laughter can light the way forward.” — Tanya Gardiner, Healthcare Aide
“It Is What It Is is a powerful and heartfelt story that beautifully portrays a mother’s journey with dementia and the unwavering perseverance of her daughter as her caregiver. With every page, I felt the deep love and devotion between them. It’s a must-read for any family navigating the challenges of this devastating disease. The story is a touching reminder that patience, advocacy, compassion, and even moments of laughter can light the way forward.” — Tanya Gardiner, Healthcare Aide
March 15, 2026
This beautifully written memoir draws you in with vignettes of daily life that will be familiar to anyone who is, or has been, a caregiver. By sharing emotions and experiences, Chantal Patenaude provides subtle guidance and lessons learned for others on this long road. Chantal’s vivid and poignant narrative makes you feel like you are part of her family, not an outsider looking in, and you will find yourself both smiling and crying as she deftly paints a picture of the roller-coaster life of caring for someone with dementia. It Is What It Is also serves as a reminder that you are not alone as a caregiver—there is a community of people who understand what you are going through, and a wealth of ways to feel supported through the good days and the bad. Sometimes it helps to have a book like this to remind you to embrace those moments of joy, no matter how small, and to give yourself the grace to be as authentic as Chantal in caring for her lovely mother, Pierrette. — Victoria Holliday, Daughter – Caregiver
August 10, 2026
This is a moving and compassionate story of a daughter walking alongside her mother through dementia. Rather than focusing only on the illness, the author beautifully captures the enduring bond between them, reminding us that love, dignity, and connection can remain even as memories fade. The story is honest, heartfelt, and filled with moments of sorrow, grace, tenderness, and even laughter. It will leave its readers with a greater understanding of the challenges, resilience, and quiet acts of love that define the caregiving experience. A memorable and touching read.
July 4, 2026
IT IS WHAT IT IS: Walking Beside My Mother Through Dementia
By Chantal Patenaude
What a touching journey! Dealing with dementia is not easy, in any way, and this book shares how a daughter is able to walk beside her mother with courage and compassion.
It took me back to my Nanny, and when her health started to decline. Is this what was going on, as there were so many questions. What is described in this book touches on so many levels of the progressive disease, the subtleties of loss and basic daily skills that get us through life - this disease strips that away.
The author shares her story of watching her mom’s health decline, what she and her family all experienced, the good & bad days, holding on to those little moments, the support system setup, and the aftermath, in such a loving and insightful way.
With how prevalent dementia is now, this book shares how, with love, respect, persistence, and a good health care plan that can be ever-evolving, a family may be able to notice the subtleties and changes, and be able to get the care their parent(s) will require to continue living with dignity, until death.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful journey!
By Chantal Patenaude
What a touching journey! Dealing with dementia is not easy, in any way, and this book shares how a daughter is able to walk beside her mother with courage and compassion.
It took me back to my Nanny, and when her health started to decline. Is this what was going on, as there were so many questions. What is described in this book touches on so many levels of the progressive disease, the subtleties of loss and basic daily skills that get us through life - this disease strips that away.
The author shares her story of watching her mom’s health decline, what she and her family all experienced, the good & bad days, holding on to those little moments, the support system setup, and the aftermath, in such a loving and insightful way.
With how prevalent dementia is now, this book shares how, with love, respect, persistence, and a good health care plan that can be ever-evolving, a family may be able to notice the subtleties and changes, and be able to get the care their parent(s) will require to continue living with dignity, until death.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful journey!
August 12, 2026
Lovely tribute to the author's mom, gently but honestly written.
Review of advance copy received from Author
Reading It Is What It Is by Chantal Patenaude, I was struck by how honestly it captures what it means to care for a parent as dementia slowly reshapes both memory and relationship. There’s a quiet mix of devotion and strain throughout, with unexpected moments that feel deeply human.
What stayed with me most is how Chantal shows up for her mother, Pierrette, meeting her exactly where she is, and holding onto a simple goal: to make her smile each time they’re together. That intention feels like the emotional heart of the book, balancing acceptance with grief, and presence with loss.
At times, the story felt intimately familiar, echoing parts of my own experience with my mother. And yet, it also served as a reminder that no two journeys through caregiving and dementia are ever quite the same.
I appreciated that Pierrette is never reduced to the illness. She remains a full person throughout: complex, present, and deeply loved.
Heartbreaking and compassionate, It Is What It Is stayed with me as a deeply human reflection on caregiving and the complexity of love.
What stayed with me most is how Chantal shows up for her mother, Pierrette, meeting her exactly where she is, and holding onto a simple goal: to make her smile each time they’re together. That intention feels like the emotional heart of the book, balancing acceptance with grief, and presence with loss.
At times, the story felt intimately familiar, echoing parts of my own experience with my mother. And yet, it also served as a reminder that no two journeys through caregiving and dementia are ever quite the same.
I appreciated that Pierrette is never reduced to the illness. She remains a full person throughout: complex, present, and deeply loved.
Heartbreaking and compassionate, It Is What It Is stayed with me as a deeply human reflection on caregiving and the complexity of love.
May 3, 2026
This book takes you on a path that we can all relate to. The subject is difficult, but the narrative is anchored in moments of profound humanity - small gestures, fleeting recognitions, quiet acts of love, and also moments of joy that illuminate the bond between a mother and a daughter.
What makes this work is its elegance. Chantal Patenaude does not shy away from the harsh realities of cognitive decline, yet she approaches those with restraint and grace, allowing dignity to coexist with loss. Her prose captures the emotional complexity of the journey: the grief of gradual disappearance, the tenderness of caregiving and the resilience required to remain present in the face of inevitable change.
A lesson in carpe diem. A must read!
What makes this work is its elegance. Chantal Patenaude does not shy away from the harsh realities of cognitive decline, yet she approaches those with restraint and grace, allowing dignity to coexist with loss. Her prose captures the emotional complexity of the journey: the grief of gradual disappearance, the tenderness of caregiving and the resilience required to remain present in the face of inevitable change.
A lesson in carpe diem. A must read!
April 29, 2026
This book is a living memory of Chantal’s journey with her mother, Pierrette, noting the initially imperceptible changes which led to the consequences that dementia causes over several years. IT IS WHAT IT IS helped me relive and understand my own and my sisters’ experiences with our mother. It captures the unforgettable fleeting moments of joy that we hold close, as we travel together through life’s challenges. This is a moving story of respect, love and family. I recommend this book!
Review of advance copy received from Author
It’s not often that a book on dementia turns out to be uplifting. But Chantal Patenaude has written so intimately and so tenderly of her beloved mother’s decline, that the unsettling details somehow manage to come together harmoniously, captivating the reader.
It Is What It Is is the nuanced account of her mother Pierrette’s triple afflictions — dementia, aphasia, and Parkinson’s — and the corresponding expansion of Chantal’s caregiving role. It captures both, head on. Never florid, never maudlin, it shines a respectful light on Pierrette’s daily diminutions: the steady loss of awareness, of capacity, of communications, yet manages to balance the scale of forfeiture with the small joys that slip through: a bowl of ice cream, an outing to a dress shop, the sweet attentions of a late-in-life admirer.
Chantal never camouflages the relentlessness of caregiving, despite the help and support from siblings and professionals. And she never allows her own responsibilities to overshadow her mother’s story. As her cherished mom slowly loses her hallmark elegance and tenacity, Chantal makes it possible for her to hold on to what is salvageable, even as she herself is buffeted by the emotions and upheavals so common to caregiving: sadness, guilt, annoyance, anxiety, frustration, and ultimately gut-wrenching grief.
The book is beautifully and elegantly written. Chantal has allowed us to witness her journey alongside her mother, and we are humbled by her grace.
It Is What It Is is the nuanced account of her mother Pierrette’s triple afflictions — dementia, aphasia, and Parkinson’s — and the corresponding expansion of Chantal’s caregiving role. It captures both, head on. Never florid, never maudlin, it shines a respectful light on Pierrette’s daily diminutions: the steady loss of awareness, of capacity, of communications, yet manages to balance the scale of forfeiture with the small joys that slip through: a bowl of ice cream, an outing to a dress shop, the sweet attentions of a late-in-life admirer.
Chantal never camouflages the relentlessness of caregiving, despite the help and support from siblings and professionals. And she never allows her own responsibilities to overshadow her mother’s story. As her cherished mom slowly loses her hallmark elegance and tenacity, Chantal makes it possible for her to hold on to what is salvageable, even as she herself is buffeted by the emotions and upheavals so common to caregiving: sadness, guilt, annoyance, anxiety, frustration, and ultimately gut-wrenching grief.
The book is beautifully and elegantly written. Chantal has allowed us to witness her journey alongside her mother, and we are humbled by her grace.
March 24, 2026
It Is what It Is is a lovely tribute to the relationship between a mother and her daughter, chronicling memories and the different stages of life as dementia reshapes that relationship.
Chantal Patenaude shares anecdotes, snippets of conversations, and moments of emotional connection that reflect family life, struggles, celebrations, and reflection. The writing is engaging and reflective, demonstrating a personal understanding of dementia and how it robs a loved one of their ability to be fully present. The reader is given the privilege of getting to know her mother and her family as they adapt to increasingly difficult challenges.
Throughout the journey, we experience firsthand the cruelty of dementia, but also the incredibly beautiful moments that become cherished memories.
This book will resonate with many. Although at times sad and mournful, it also reflects the strength of the human spirit and the importance of family ties. It is a tribute to a dearly beloved mother who was supported and surrounded with compassion nd dignity. It will remain with you long after the last chapter.
Chantal Patenaude shares anecdotes, snippets of conversations, and moments of emotional connection that reflect family life, struggles, celebrations, and reflection. The writing is engaging and reflective, demonstrating a personal understanding of dementia and how it robs a loved one of their ability to be fully present. The reader is given the privilege of getting to know her mother and her family as they adapt to increasingly difficult challenges.
Throughout the journey, we experience firsthand the cruelty of dementia, but also the incredibly beautiful moments that become cherished memories.
This book will resonate with many. Although at times sad and mournful, it also reflects the strength of the human spirit and the importance of family ties. It is a tribute to a dearly beloved mother who was supported and surrounded with compassion nd dignity. It will remain with you long after the last chapter.
Review of advance copy received from Author
Review of advance reader copy: With tenacity and unwavering love, It Is What It Is traces Chantal Patenaude’s journey through her mother’s gradual decline without ever losing sight of the woman herself: gentle, elegant, fiercely independent. The steady grind of caregiving—the worry, the showing up, the constant adaptation—is there, but it never overwhelms her love for her mom. She captured the quiet role reversal between mother and daughter without melodrama, without becoming a victim. She stays one step ahead of her mom’s changing needs alongside her own life’s demands—work, parenting, and significant health challenges. Life doesn’t quit just because your mom has dementia! The writing is precise and sensitive, full of tiny, poignant moments that reminded me so much of my time with my own mom. I was left both grateful and teary-eyed, and wishing I had known her mother. — Kate Greenaway, RN, MSN, Daughter – Caregiver
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August 11, 2026I bought the book looking for answers and explanations, as both my parents suffer from cognitive disorders. Yet, beyond the insights the author shares, I discovered a fascinating story that chronicles the enviable relationship between a daughter and her mother. The details are never too brief nor too long—always concise. Anecdotes are woven throughout the narrative, and there are moments that make you laugh out loud. The author manages to be both universal and deeply personal. It is beautifully written—a long love letter from a daughter to her mother. I hope to have a relationship like that with my own children.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews