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Repatterned: How to Transform Your Conflict Defaults and Reclaim Your Life
Most of us do not choose our conflicts. We repeat them.
The same arguments. The same reactions. The same sharp words we swore we would never say again.
Masha Rusanov spent years believing her ability to avoid conflict was a superpower. Then came a too-bright café, a marriage-ending conversation, and a single breath that changed everything. That exhale did not save the marriage, but gave her enough space to see a different path forward.
How to Transform Your Conflict Defaults and Reclaim Your Life is for anyone who has ever asked, "Why do I keep reacting like this, even when I know better?"
Through the Exhale-Explore-Engage® method, this book offers a framework for interrupting emotional autopilot and reclaiming your voice in moments that matter most by learning to pause, get curious, and choose differently.
Conflict behavior is a pattern. And patterns can be changed.
The same arguments. The same reactions. The same sharp words we swore we would never say again.
Masha Rusanov spent years believing her ability to avoid conflict was a superpower. Then came a too-bright café, a marriage-ending conversation, and a single breath that changed everything. That exhale did not save the marriage, but gave her enough space to see a different path forward.
How to Transform Your Conflict Defaults and Reclaim Your Life is for anyone who has ever asked, "Why do I keep reacting like this, even when I know better?"
Through the Exhale-Explore-Engage® method, this book offers a framework for interrupting emotional autopilot and reclaiming your voice in moments that matter most by learning to pause, get curious, and choose differently.
Conflict behavior is a pattern. And patterns can be changed.
- GenresSelf Help
215 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 19, 2026
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
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April 28, 2026I love Repatterned because it explains conflict in a simple, kind way - showing how our body’s old reactions like freezing or running are just habits from the past. Masha’s real stories make the science easy to get, and her Exhale-Explore-Engage steps offer quick tools to pause, notice patterns, and respond better in tough talks with family, friends, or at work. It’s warm and helpful, building calm and connection one breath at a time.
May 28, 2026
I’ve been trying to work on my anger and conflict responses for years. I tried different approaches, including therapy, meditation, breathing techniques, and other self-help methods. Some of them helped to a certain degree, with understanding my patterns and managing my emotional state under normal circumstances. But deep triggers were still there, and in difficult moments, I could still find myself slipping into the same spiral of anger or conflict.
What I found valuable about this book is that it offered a much clearer and more practical pathway. It helped me better understand what was happening internally and, more importantly, gave me a relatively simple technique that I could actually apply in real situations with practice.
Apparently, significant improvement is possible without endlessly digging into past experiences or spending hours meditating. For me, this approach felt much more practical, time-efficient, and cost-effective than many other things I’ve tried.
If you’re someone who understands your triggers intellectually but still struggles to change your reactions in the moment, this book may be genuinely helpful.
What I found valuable about this book is that it offered a much clearer and more practical pathway. It helped me better understand what was happening internally and, more importantly, gave me a relatively simple technique that I could actually apply in real situations with practice.
Apparently, significant improvement is possible without endlessly digging into past experiences or spending hours meditating. For me, this approach felt much more practical, time-efficient, and cost-effective than many other things I’ve tried.
If you’re someone who understands your triggers intellectually but still struggles to change your reactions in the moment, this book may be genuinely helpful.
Review of advance copy received from Author
This is a Masterclass in Practical Awareness and Relational Healing. As a life coach, a colleague, and a friend of Masha Rusanov, I have seen firsthand her dedication to helping others transform their lives. In Repatterned, she has managed to do something rare: bridge the gap between deep psychological insight and the messy reality of everyday life.
What I treasure most about this book are the practical exercises. Masha doesn’t just explain the "why" behind our trauma; she gives us the "how" for moving through it. I particularly appreciate how she separately addresses different areas of life: family, colleagues, partnerships, and work. This structure, paired with her in-depth case studies, provides a clear roadmap for anyone feeling stuck in repetitive dynamics.
Her ability to break down complex patterns into simple, everyday language, grounded in her own personal examples and Eastern European background makes this incredibly relatable. For those of us with similar roots, seeing how cultural and life events shape our patterns is a powerful "lightbulb" moment.
This book is a guide to practical awareness. Her simple three-step Exhale–Explore–Engage® process is a game-changer for interrupting the "emotional autopilot" that keeps us reactive. It is especially useful for those who don’t yet fully understand where their trauma comes from but need a tangible way to stop the cycle today.
Masha’s book is grounded in real-world personal examples, which builds immense trust and relatabilityfor the reader
I highly suggest Repatterned. I think it’s gonna be the practical manual for real change.
Zhanna Shybaila MS.SpEd. ICF ACC Life coach. Relationship and Identity coach. Teens & Parenting Coach.
What I treasure most about this book are the practical exercises. Masha doesn’t just explain the "why" behind our trauma; she gives us the "how" for moving through it. I particularly appreciate how she separately addresses different areas of life: family, colleagues, partnerships, and work. This structure, paired with her in-depth case studies, provides a clear roadmap for anyone feeling stuck in repetitive dynamics.
Her ability to break down complex patterns into simple, everyday language, grounded in her own personal examples and Eastern European background makes this incredibly relatable. For those of us with similar roots, seeing how cultural and life events shape our patterns is a powerful "lightbulb" moment.
This book is a guide to practical awareness. Her simple three-step Exhale–Explore–Engage® process is a game-changer for interrupting the "emotional autopilot" that keeps us reactive. It is especially useful for those who don’t yet fully understand where their trauma comes from but need a tangible way to stop the cycle today.
Masha’s book is grounded in real-world personal examples, which builds immense trust and relatabilityfor the reader
I highly suggest Repatterned. I think it’s gonna be the practical manual for real change.
Zhanna Shybaila MS.SpEd. ICF ACC Life coach. Relationship and Identity coach. Teens & Parenting Coach.
Review of advance copy received from Author
Masha shows up on every page.
That's the first thing I noticed and the thing that kept me reading. This isn't a conflict book written from behind a lectern. Masha's stories from her own life are real — they have grit, they aren't sanitized for publication, and that honesty is both cathartic and disarming. You trust what she's telling you because she clearly lived it before she wrote it down. In a genre full of authors who keep themselves at arm's length from the reader, that presence matters.
The second thing worth saying — and I say this as someone who works in conflict resolution professionally — is that the core invitation of this book is deceptively simple: pause. Breathe. Regulate your body. Then come back to the conflict. I know that sounds elementary. It is elementary. And it still isn't widely practiced, institutionalized, or strategized around in most people's lives or workplaces. Masha finds fresh language for something that genuinely cannot be said enough times in enough different ways.
If you're someone who keeps asking yourself why do I keep doing this, or if you work in a field where you help other people ask that question, there are both personal and professional reasons to pick this up.
That's the first thing I noticed and the thing that kept me reading. This isn't a conflict book written from behind a lectern. Masha's stories from her own life are real — they have grit, they aren't sanitized for publication, and that honesty is both cathartic and disarming. You trust what she's telling you because she clearly lived it before she wrote it down. In a genre full of authors who keep themselves at arm's length from the reader, that presence matters.
The second thing worth saying — and I say this as someone who works in conflict resolution professionally — is that the core invitation of this book is deceptively simple: pause. Breathe. Regulate your body. Then come back to the conflict. I know that sounds elementary. It is elementary. And it still isn't widely practiced, institutionalized, or strategized around in most people's lives or workplaces. Masha finds fresh language for something that genuinely cannot be said enough times in enough different ways.
If you're someone who keeps asking yourself why do I keep doing this, or if you work in a field where you help other people ask that question, there are both personal and professional reasons to pick this up.
Review of advance copy
Repatterned is a thoughtful and practical take on something I deal with myself—I often get triggered in high-pressure moments, especially in cross-cultural environments where tone, context, and expectations can easily be misread.
That’s why this book resonates. It focuses on what actually happens in those moments and gives a simple way to pause and respond more intentionally. I like how usable the Exhale–Explore–Engage method is. It’s something I can see applying in real conversations, not just in theory.
In my work, I see innovation break down not because of strategy, but because of human reactions—misalignment, tension, and default behaviors under pressure. This book speaks directly to that layer.
That’s why this book resonates. It focuses on what actually happens in those moments and gives a simple way to pause and respond more intentionally. I like how usable the Exhale–Explore–Engage method is. It’s something I can see applying in real conversations, not just in theory.
In my work, I see innovation break down not because of strategy, but because of human reactions—misalignment, tension, and default behaviors under pressure. This book speaks directly to that layer.
Review of advance copy received from Author
A massive eye-opener on many levels. I realized that I've spent much of my life avoiding the mere thought of conflict. The book helped me see that my habits of dealing with hard moments were survival strategies learned years ago.
There are many books about communication during a conflict but this one is focused on your inner communication. It also forced me to look at my inner conflicts as well.
I am now learning how to act from my own point of balance, finding my body yes, my authentic and clear self. If you feel like it's hard for you to act authentically during a conflict or any other unpleasant situation, you need to read this book.
There are many books about communication during a conflict but this one is focused on your inner communication. It also forced me to look at my inner conflicts as well.
I am now learning how to act from my own point of balance, finding my body yes, my authentic and clear self. If you feel like it's hard for you to act authentically during a conflict or any other unpleasant situation, you need to read this book.
June 9, 2026
Honestly I have always been the type of person who just shuts down whenever an argument starts. I thought it was just my personality but reading this really made me realise that it is just a behaviour pattern I picked up years ago. The whole idea about how our nervous system tries to keep us safe while our soul wants the truth really hit home. It is a very practical book and the exhale method she talks about is something you can actually use in real life when you feel your chest tightening up during a row. It is not an easy read emotionally because it makes you look at your own flaws, but it is definitely worth it if you want to stop repeating the same old fights over and over again.
June 9, 2026
I usually find self help books a bit too preachy but this one felt quite different and genuine. The author shares her own massive wake up call during a marriage ending moment in a café and that level of honesty really made me trust her advice. It is all about how we get stuck on emotional autopilot and just say the same sharp words without thinking. Repatterned gives you a proper framework to actually pause and change how you respond to tension. I have started trying the explore part of the method at work when my boss gets on my nerves and it really does help me choose a better reaction instead of just snapping or storming off like I usually do.
June 9, 2026
If you are someone who constantly asks yourself why you keep reacting the same bad way even when you know better then you need this. It is a really grounded look at how we handle conflict. The writer Masha Rusanov shows that avoiding arguments isn't actually a superpower like many of us like to think. It is just another coping mechanism. The book is very focused on real world usefulness which I appreciate because I do not have time for vague theories. It has helped me recognise my own defaults and given me the space to breathe through tense family moments instead of letting things escalate into the usual shouting match.
June 9, 2026
Bought this because my partner and I were stuck in a really bad loop of having the exact same argument every single weekend. This book has been an absolute lifesaver for helping us understand what is actually happening to our bodies when we fight. It explains how your nervous system is just trying to protect you but how that often stops you from saying your actual truth. The framework is simple to remember even when you are angry, which is usually the hardest part with these kinds of books. It is written in a lovely conversational style, that feels like a wise friend talking to you rather than a lecture. Highly recommend it for couples.
June 9, 2026
This is such an eye opening read about the patterns we fall into without even realising it. I always thought my quick temper was just something I inherited but this book proved to me that conflict behaviour is just a habit that can be broken. The exhale explore engage method is brilliant because it gives you something concrete to do in the middle of a stressful situation. It has made me a lot more curious about my own reactions instead of just being ashamed of them after the event. A very honest, comforting, and practical guide for anyone wanting to improve their relationships and reclaim their voice.
June 10, 2026
Honestly, I always thought avoiding arguments was just me being the mature one, but this completely changed my perspective on how I handle stress. It made me realise how much I just shut down on autopilot when things get heated with my partner. The whole idea of breathing and breaking those old patterns is so practical, especially the exhale step. It is not an overnight fix, but it gives you actual tools to use in the moment. I found myself really reflecting on my own defaults. A very human and helpful read.
June 10, 2026
I really appreciated the calm, observational tone of this entire book. It does not shout at you to change, but gently shows you how your patterns were formed and how you can choose a different path. The emotional honesty throughout is really refreshing. It has helped me understand my partner's reactions better too, which was an unexpected bonus. A highly recommended read for anyone wanting better relationships.
June 10, 2026
For years I have kept having the exact same arguments with my family, and it is so frustrating because we always say the same sharp words. This book really hits home if you are tired of that loop. The author, Masha Rusanov, shares a really personal story about her marriage that felt so authentic and grounded. It is all about how our nervous systems are just trying to keep us safe, but we end up trapped in these old behaviours. The framework is surprisingly easy to start practicing in real life.
June 10, 2026
If you are someone who always wonders why they react so badly even when they know better, you should give this a go. I tend to completely freeze up during work conflicts, which has always bothered me. Repatterned helped me understand the actual science behind why my body does that, but in a very accessible way. It focuses a lot on getting curious about your feelings instead of just panicking. It is definitely written for real people dealing with real daily struggles, not just theory.
June 10, 2026
This is easily one of the most practical guides on emotional communication I have read in a long time. I love that it does not promise to magically fix all your relationships, but instead focuses on changing your own internal response. The Exhale-Explore-Engage method is incredibly useful because it is simple enough to remember when you are actually upset. It has really helped me pause before I say something I will regret later. Quite an eye opener.
June 12, 2026
I picked this up because I was tired of my own dramatic reactions to minor inconveniences. The book explains how our past shapes our conflict defaults, and it really resonated with me. I appreciate that the tone is calm and observant rather than overly academic or preachy. Masha Rusanov has a very honest way of writing about her own failures, which makes the advice feel much more trustworthy. It has helped me find a bit more space to breathe during tense moments.
June 12, 2026
This book really makes you look at your own behaviour in a completely new light. I never realised how much my instinct to run away from tension was hurting my relationships until now. The chapters are well organised and the exercises are genuinely useful for daily life. It really helps you honour your own truth while still keeping your cool. I have already recommended it to a few friends who struggle with work anxiety. A solid, helpful read.
June 12, 2026
I found myself nodding along to so many pages here, particularly the parts about repeating the same old arguments. It is comforting to know that our brains are just wired for safety, but this book shows you how to actually change those deeply ingrained patterns. The focus on the nervous system makes so much sense. It is a very relatable and honest book that does not feel like a typical, dry self help guide. Definitely worth a read.
June 12, 2026
There is a real emotional honesty to this book that I did not expect. The author shares a really raw moment in a café that completely changed her path, and that vulnerability makes the advice stick. I tend to get very defensive very quickly, and using the simple pause and exhale technique has actually helped me deescalate a few tense situations at home recently. It is small progress, but it feels incredibly significant for me.
June 12, 2026
An excellent framework for anyone looking to reclaim their voice. I have always been a people pleaser who avoids conflict at all costs, but this book helped me see that hiding my truth is not actually safety. Repatterned: How to Transform Your Conflict Defaults gives you a clear path forward without making you feel judged. The writing is very conversational, with just enough personal anecdotes to keep it engaging and deeply human.
June 13, 2026
Such a grounded approach to a topic that usually feels overwhelming. I really like how the author breaks down our emotional autopilot into manageable steps that anyone can practice. It made me realise how much energy I waste on the same old disagreements. The advice on getting curious about your reactions instead of beating yourself up is incredibly kind and effective. A really beautiful balance of science and soul.
June 13, 2026
I am usually quite sceptical of books that promise to change your life, but this one is different because it feels so realistic. It admits that patterns are hard to break and that we will still mess up. That honesty made me trust the author completely. I have been using the explore method to figure out why certain comments trigger me so much, and it is genuinely working. It is a fantastic tool for personal growth.
June 13, 2026
If you want to understand your own triggers better, this is the book to buy. It explains the connection between our physical reactions and our emotional choices so well. I love that it focuses on real world usefulness rather than abstract ideas. The writing style is very relaxed and easy to digest, despite dealing with some quite heavy topics. It has made a real difference in how I communicate with my teenagers.
June 13, 2026
This book is filled with so much practical value for everyday life. We all have those moments where we say something sharp and immediately wish we could take it back. Masha Rusanov offers a way to stop that before it happens. It is all about learning to choose differently in the moments that matter most. The framework is simple, memorable, and most importantly, it actually works when you are stressed.
July 7, 2026
A brilliant guide to breaking free from the repetitive arguments that ruin so many relationships. I found myself nodding along to almost every page because the descriptions of conflict defaults were just so accurate to my own life. The practical value of the framework cannot be overstated, it is something you can use immediately. It has helped me to reclaim my voice in a way that feels calm and powerful rather than aggressive. If you want to transform your relationships, start with this book.
May 20, 2026
I enjoyed reading the book. What makes it stand out is the author’s honesty — she does not write as someone who has everything figured out, but as someone who lived through difficult conversations, emotional reactions, and the hard work of change.
A meaningful and encouraging read for anyone ready to break old patterns and reclaim their voice.
A meaningful and encouraging read for anyone ready to break old patterns and reclaim their voice.
June 13, 2026
A deeply reflective book that came at the perfect time for me. I was feeling so stuck in my relationship dynamics, just constantly repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results. This book helped me interrupt that cycle. It is not a rigid lecture, it feels more like a supportive guide through your own mind. It has helped me find a lot more peace and clarity during stressful moments.
Review of advance copy received from Author
I like the book because it taught me many new things. One thing it does well is that it teaches you the many steps of conflict.
Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews