honestly don’t know how to feel about this book. part of me loved it, and part of me walked away disappointed.
for me, this didn’t really feel like a why choose romance. yes, Amelie loved two people. yes, they all had sex together once. but it never felt fully realized. it felt like she had two separate relationships rather than one shared love story.
my biggest struggle was how Amelie treated Jane during everything she was going through. i know she was dealing with grief and carrying an unimaginable amount of pain, but some of her actions were hard for me to overlook. when you love someone, you don’t keep hurting them the way she hurt Jane. i was getting the ick, truly. and because of that, i constantly felt like El was her great love while Jane would always come second.
that was the vibe i got throughout the entire book, and it broke my heart because Jane deserved so much more. even on Amelie and Jane’s wedding day, it felt like the focus was still on El. we barely got to see Amelie and Jane exist in their happily ever after because everything kept circling back to El and don’t get me wrong, I loved El. i loved the side of Amelie that she brought out, and that goodbye video absolutely destroyed me. i was sobbing. their love was beautiful and unforgettable.
but Jane is human too😭
through everything, she stayed. she was patient. she was understanding. she was perfect and while everyone else was focused on El, i found myself focused on Jane and everything she sacrificed to be by Amelie’s side. my heart ached for her.
that being said though, there were still moments between Jane and Amelie that i loved. their chemistry was undeniable, and the tension between them was so good. what i loved most was how well they understood each other. Jane's autism was never treated as something Amelie needed to "fix", she paid attention to her sensory issues, knew when she was overwhelmed, and always seemed to know exactly how to bring her back during a panic attack. Jane did the same for Amelie. they understood each other on a level that felt incredibly intimate, and those moments are what made me root for them so hard.
“Because you are worth sacrificing everything else for”
^^like i’m crying. Jane is perfect😭🥹
all in all Jane will forever be my girl
and r.i.p beautiful El. i’m pissed i couldn’t get to know you better. i just know the 3 of you together would have ruled the world😭