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If I Don't Return: A Father's Wartime Journal
"This journal was once a gift to our young sons. It is now a gift to anyone who cares to read it."
When Major Mark Hertling deployed to Iraq in 1990 as the operations officer of an armored cavalry squadron, his unit was told 50 percent of them would likely sustain casualties. To him, that meant he might not return home and may perhaps never see his family again. To prepare for that potential outcome, he began keeping a journal, hoping that one day, if he didn't return, his stories and wisdom would be passed to his young sons.
In an army-issued green notebook, Mark began recording his thoughts and hopes for his boys. He wrote of character, leadership, camaraderie, battles, cultural differences, religion, love, fear, and the things he wanted his boys to know about him and his experiences. In unfiltered, handwritten entries, Hertling captured the reality of combat in Operation Desert the waiting and missions, the chaos and courage, the brotherhood and grief, and the lessons of duty and humanity forged in war. What began as a father's private messages became a rare chronicle of leadership and life in preparation for the crucible of battle.
But he survived, returned home, and was able to watch his boys grow into men. Decades later, after both his sons became combat veterans themselves, one of them typed those original pages as a gift to his dad—to preserve the legacy for the family's next generation. In revisiting those original journal entries, Hertling—having been promoted, having served in various positions, and having returned to the battlefields of Iraq over the next two decades—added reflections drawn from his life. Reflecting on various military assignments, then his post-retirement jobs as a cable news analyst, health care executive, and professor of leadership, these journal entries now provide valuable lessons on character, leadership, and service.
When Major Mark Hertling deployed to Iraq in 1990 as the operations officer of an armored cavalry squadron, his unit was told 50 percent of them would likely sustain casualties. To him, that meant he might not return home and may perhaps never see his family again. To prepare for that potential outcome, he began keeping a journal, hoping that one day, if he didn't return, his stories and wisdom would be passed to his young sons.
In an army-issued green notebook, Mark began recording his thoughts and hopes for his boys. He wrote of character, leadership, camaraderie, battles, cultural differences, religion, love, fear, and the things he wanted his boys to know about him and his experiences. In unfiltered, handwritten entries, Hertling captured the reality of combat in Operation Desert the waiting and missions, the chaos and courage, the brotherhood and grief, and the lessons of duty and humanity forged in war. What began as a father's private messages became a rare chronicle of leadership and life in preparation for the crucible of battle.
But he survived, returned home, and was able to watch his boys grow into men. Decades later, after both his sons became combat veterans themselves, one of them typed those original pages as a gift to his dad—to preserve the legacy for the family's next generation. In revisiting those original journal entries, Hertling—having been promoted, having served in various positions, and having returned to the battlefields of Iraq over the next two decades—added reflections drawn from his life. Reflecting on various military assignments, then his post-retirement jobs as a cable news analyst, health care executive, and professor of leadership, these journal entries now provide valuable lessons on character, leadership, and service.
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Published March 11, 2026
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
March 27, 2026
A good father, a good man
I was surprised his notes to his sons only went for a few months, but what great lessons he provided. A good read and some nice life lessons. Wishing we had this kind of integrity at the highest levels today.
I was surprised his notes to his sons only went for a few months, but what great lessons he provided. A good read and some nice life lessons. Wishing we had this kind of integrity at the highest levels today.
March 25, 2026
Wow !!!! Wonderful and heartfelt reflections and insight a young soldier wrote for his sons in the event he did not return from war. I have to admit that I was so overtaken with emotion at times I had to put the book down and return to it later, even though I was anxious to read what was next. The reflections as well as the original entries were excellently combined.
A code of trust and humility for all of us to aspire towards. Thank you Lt General (retired) Mark Hertling !!!!!!
A code of trust and humility for all of us to aspire towards. Thank you Lt General (retired) Mark Hertling !!!!!!
July 31, 2026
The humility that he possesses is so powerful for his experience as a US Army General, is truly remarkable.
May 22, 2026
I typically don't share book reviews, but this one holds personal significance for me, and yes I'll explain...
As a simple description, this is a book about LEADERSHIP, whether leading your family, your coworkers or simply just conducting yourself in way that inspires others to follow. If you aspire to lead in any capacity or wish to gain insight into the fabric of real and inspiring leaders, this book is a must-read.
You might recognize Lt. General Mark Hertling from his frequent appearances on CNN as a military commentator, or maybe you know him because he commanded the US Army's 1st Armored Division during the "surge" period of the Iraq War.
I know General Hertling because I served with him in 1/1 Cavalry (1st Armored Division) during Operation Desert Storm, which is the backdrop setting for this book and General Hertling's memoir writings contained therein. Mind you, he was a Major at the time, the S3 officer for our unit, and I was a 19 year-old Private just barely out of High School, having arrived at our unit in Katterbach, Germany just three days before myself and the rest of A Troop hopped on another plane and flew to Saudi Arabia for Operation Desert Shield. In fact, I turned 19 on the day the plane landed in Riyadh that December of 1990.
Frankly, there were no other soldiers in our unit more green than I was, couldn't possibly have been. Major Hertling was busy attending war strategy meetings and I was busy pulling guard duty, cleaning weapons, and literally burning sh*t. This is the duty -could easily have inserted "doodie" here- you get when you have ZERO rank. I'm happy to say Gen. Hertling acknowledged us lowly field-sanitation-heroes in this book. You certainly could say we both had our "roles."
l was really looking forward to reading Gen Hertling's memory recall. Would it line up with mine? Well, YES is the short answer. The longer answer is that it brought on a swarm of memories, feelings/emotions that maybe I wasn't ready for but really needed and yes, even enjoyed processing.
What I wasn't expecting was how surprisingly well General Hertling's writing brings the experience of being a Soldier (whether officer or enlisted) into something that can be understood by the reader and easily translated into life philosophical lessons. In fact, the book is just that, a leadership and life philosophy lesson, delivered to his then young sons as it's initially intended audience, with real combat experience as it's spicy ingredient.
General Hertling became somewhat a legend amongst those of us who served with him during Desert Storm. He was the officer who continued calling in the A-10s and the artillery, even after having been wounded from friendly rocket fire, during the battle that would be later named "Medina Ridge." General Hertling opens up about his feelings here, something notoriously difficult for soldiers, and the result is a very real and powerful message about leadership and life.
As a simple description, this is a book about LEADERSHIP, whether leading your family, your coworkers or simply just conducting yourself in way that inspires others to follow. If you aspire to lead in any capacity or wish to gain insight into the fabric of real and inspiring leaders, this book is a must-read.
You might recognize Lt. General Mark Hertling from his frequent appearances on CNN as a military commentator, or maybe you know him because he commanded the US Army's 1st Armored Division during the "surge" period of the Iraq War.
I know General Hertling because I served with him in 1/1 Cavalry (1st Armored Division) during Operation Desert Storm, which is the backdrop setting for this book and General Hertling's memoir writings contained therein. Mind you, he was a Major at the time, the S3 officer for our unit, and I was a 19 year-old Private just barely out of High School, having arrived at our unit in Katterbach, Germany just three days before myself and the rest of A Troop hopped on another plane and flew to Saudi Arabia for Operation Desert Shield. In fact, I turned 19 on the day the plane landed in Riyadh that December of 1990.
Frankly, there were no other soldiers in our unit more green than I was, couldn't possibly have been. Major Hertling was busy attending war strategy meetings and I was busy pulling guard duty, cleaning weapons, and literally burning sh*t. This is the duty -could easily have inserted "doodie" here- you get when you have ZERO rank. I'm happy to say Gen. Hertling acknowledged us lowly field-sanitation-heroes in this book. You certainly could say we both had our "roles."
l was really looking forward to reading Gen Hertling's memory recall. Would it line up with mine? Well, YES is the short answer. The longer answer is that it brought on a swarm of memories, feelings/emotions that maybe I wasn't ready for but really needed and yes, even enjoyed processing.
What I wasn't expecting was how surprisingly well General Hertling's writing brings the experience of being a Soldier (whether officer or enlisted) into something that can be understood by the reader and easily translated into life philosophical lessons. In fact, the book is just that, a leadership and life philosophy lesson, delivered to his then young sons as it's initially intended audience, with real combat experience as it's spicy ingredient.
General Hertling became somewhat a legend amongst those of us who served with him during Desert Storm. He was the officer who continued calling in the A-10s and the artillery, even after having been wounded from friendly rocket fire, during the battle that would be later named "Medina Ridge." General Hertling opens up about his feelings here, something notoriously difficult for soldiers, and the result is a very real and powerful message about leadership and life.
April 6, 2026
I heard an interview with the author and it sounded so fascinating that I went right out and got the book and am listening to it now. UPDATE, I just finished it, it was long and since I am not of a military nature some parts were very dry but it was still very worthwhile to read. After all the whole reason he kept a journal was the main point!! So I listened to all of his remarks that he made afterwards and I agree that it is very worthwhile to listen to and really appreciate that he took the time to write this!!
March 18, 2026
A great read!
One of the best, if not the best, memoirs I have ever read. Every person who aspires to leadership should read and heed the leadership lessons in this text.
One of the best, if not the best, memoirs I have ever read. Every person who aspires to leadership should read and heed the leadership lessons in this text.
Want to Read
March 13, 2026WSJ's reviewer gave this book high marks:
https://www.wsj.com/arts-culture/book...
(Paywalled. As always, I'm happy to email a copy to non-subscribers)
Excerpts:
"Both of Mr. Hertling’s sons grew up to become Army officers, deploying multiple times to Iraq and elsewhere. (I belonged to the same ROTC battalion as Mr. Hertling’s eldest; he once spent a long afternoon teaching me how to march.) Military service in 21st-century America has increasingly become a family trade—according to Pew, 70% of new recruits report a family member serving before them...."
"Mr. Hertling didn’t return home after Saddam’s defeat in 1991. In the liminal space after combat, Mr. Hertling played volleyball with Iraqi deserters. A group of American soldiers found rotting corpses in the desert that had been left there for weeks. They buried them as no one else was around to do it. Returning from war is never clean nor quick."
This sort of thing makes me eternally grateful that I manged to stay out of combat during my service, during the Vietnam war.
https://www.wsj.com/arts-culture/book...
(Paywalled. As always, I'm happy to email a copy to non-subscribers)
Excerpts:
"Both of Mr. Hertling’s sons grew up to become Army officers, deploying multiple times to Iraq and elsewhere. (I belonged to the same ROTC battalion as Mr. Hertling’s eldest; he once spent a long afternoon teaching me how to march.) Military service in 21st-century America has increasingly become a family trade—according to Pew, 70% of new recruits report a family member serving before them...."
"Mr. Hertling didn’t return home after Saddam’s defeat in 1991. In the liminal space after combat, Mr. Hertling played volleyball with Iraqi deserters. A group of American soldiers found rotting corpses in the desert that had been left there for weeks. They buried them as no one else was around to do it. Returning from war is never clean nor quick."
This sort of thing makes me eternally grateful that I manged to stay out of combat during my service, during the Vietnam war.
July 13, 2026
Mark Hertling is a good man, and in this book he reminds us of the many dedicated, intelligent, honorable, and respectful leaders there are in the military, in spite of the leaders at the top.
Read
March 23, 2026An essential read.
Read
July 5, 2026Mark Hertling was a career soldier (retired as a lieutenant general) who commanded armored cavalry in Europe and Iraq. When he was deployed to Iraq in December 1990, he started a journal in which he makes notes to his sons (then 8 and 11) about his day-to-day experiences. He wanted them to know not only what he did and show examples of everyday life in combat, but also leave lessons for them to learn as they matured.
His impetus to start the project was a comment form a briefing in which his commander stated that 50 percent of the troops being deployed would likely not return. In the event his would be killed, he wanted to leave a message to his sons. As it turns out, U.S. casualties were far less, and he was able to bring the journal (which covered Dec 1990 to April 1991) back homme.
It sat for a while before he gave it to his sons. As an adult, one of them took the hand-written journal and typed it up and gave it to his father, suggesting he write a book based on it.
The format of the book is to present a daily diary entry and then post a reflection. The reflections at times add on and interpret the diary entries, and at times bring in Hertling's thoughts on leadership and life.
Hertling has lectured and taught many times about leadership in the military and in medicine, a career field he entered after leaving the Army. A lot of the reflections seem to be ways for him to make the points about leadership that he must use frequently in his teaching.
This book allows a glimpse into the life of a combat officer, but also gives a broader view of leadership, and the way forward to an effective and enriching life.
His impetus to start the project was a comment form a briefing in which his commander stated that 50 percent of the troops being deployed would likely not return. In the event his would be killed, he wanted to leave a message to his sons. As it turns out, U.S. casualties were far less, and he was able to bring the journal (which covered Dec 1990 to April 1991) back homme.
It sat for a while before he gave it to his sons. As an adult, one of them took the hand-written journal and typed it up and gave it to his father, suggesting he write a book based on it.
The format of the book is to present a daily diary entry and then post a reflection. The reflections at times add on and interpret the diary entries, and at times bring in Hertling's thoughts on leadership and life.
Hertling has lectured and taught many times about leadership in the military and in medicine, a career field he entered after leaving the Army. A lot of the reflections seem to be ways for him to make the points about leadership that he must use frequently in his teaching.
This book allows a glimpse into the life of a combat officer, but also gives a broader view of leadership, and the way forward to an effective and enriching life.
July 7, 2026
If I Don’t Return is a long letter by General Hertling to his sons when he was sent to Kuwait in 1991.
Hertling feared that his two sons would never know him if he was killed in combat. While in combat, he sent them letters, and the book is those letters plus explanations. Many of the explanations are not pretty. Hertling describes the horrors of war and the almost worse horrors after the war as society implodes. I think Secretary of State Colin Powell said, if you break it, you own it. Not the best written book, but a tearjerker when you realize the colossal sacrifice that our troops and their families make to keep us free. This book made me proud of our soldiers. With an army like this, we are in good hands for the future. Hertling believes that our amazing and easy success during the Kuwait war came back to bite us, as we figured Afghanistan would also be easy. Both Afghanistan and Iraq both turned out to be nightmares for their citizens and us. Hertling is an absolute hero, as not only did he serve in the Kuwait War but he also had, I believe, two tours in Iraq after that war. While we are coddled in America, these men are protecting us. Also protecting us are the families who serve while fearing the worst, and trying to shield young children from the truth of their parents warfare.
Hertling feared that his two sons would never know him if he was killed in combat. While in combat, he sent them letters, and the book is those letters plus explanations. Many of the explanations are not pretty. Hertling describes the horrors of war and the almost worse horrors after the war as society implodes. I think Secretary of State Colin Powell said, if you break it, you own it. Not the best written book, but a tearjerker when you realize the colossal sacrifice that our troops and their families make to keep us free. This book made me proud of our soldiers. With an army like this, we are in good hands for the future. Hertling believes that our amazing and easy success during the Kuwait war came back to bite us, as we figured Afghanistan would also be easy. Both Afghanistan and Iraq both turned out to be nightmares for their citizens and us. Hertling is an absolute hero, as not only did he serve in the Kuwait War but he also had, I believe, two tours in Iraq after that war. While we are coddled in America, these men are protecting us. Also protecting us are the families who serve while fearing the worst, and trying to shield young children from the truth of their parents warfare.
May 6, 2026
This is one of those books that I expect to refer back to many times in the years ahead. It is personal, but intellectually rigorous. It conveys messy historical events, with important life and leadership lessons drawn from each. Lieutenant General Mark Hertling is a patriot and a role model, to his family, professional colleagues, and to all who read his insightful words. I highly recommend setting aside focused time to absorb his wisdom, told through a career of experience in service to his country.
This book is a particularly valuable contribution to the extensive literature on leadership. At the core of effective leadership, Lt. General Hertling argues, is trust -- hard to earn, easy to lose. He also provides excellent examples of why values are core to effective leaders and to successful organizations. But, as he sums up, "values only matter when they are whole and lived." Lt. General Hertling has lived his values throughout his remarkable life and we are fortunate that he has opened a window for us through which we can see what shaped him as a respected public servant and leader.
I have known Lt. General Hertling for many years and he is in person the same humble yet impactful leader who comes across so powerfully on every page of this remarkable book.
This book is a particularly valuable contribution to the extensive literature on leadership. At the core of effective leadership, Lt. General Hertling argues, is trust -- hard to earn, easy to lose. He also provides excellent examples of why values are core to effective leaders and to successful organizations. But, as he sums up, "values only matter when they are whole and lived." Lt. General Hertling has lived his values throughout his remarkable life and we are fortunate that he has opened a window for us through which we can see what shaped him as a respected public servant and leader.
I have known Lt. General Hertling for many years and he is in person the same humble yet impactful leader who comes across so powerfully on every page of this remarkable book.
July 3, 2026
It is appropriate that I complete this American patriot's reflections on the eve of our nation's 250th anniversary.
The genesis of Lt. Gen. (ret.) Mark Hertling's journal was his writing it, in the event that he did not survive, for his two young sons during his deployment to the Desert Storm war. Should the worst happen, he hoped to leave behind a sense of who he was as a man, a husband, a father, a soldier, and for his children to understand his philosophy of life, about leadership, trust, love.
For Christmas, 2024, Hertling's younger son presented him with a copy of that journal, typed and bound from the original hand-written document. Encouraged by his family to expand upon his journal entries with current-day reflections on those days in 1990-1991. Hertling's work is a unique document, a legacy not only for his own family, but also for all patriotic Americans.
The genesis of Lt. Gen. (ret.) Mark Hertling's journal was his writing it, in the event that he did not survive, for his two young sons during his deployment to the Desert Storm war. Should the worst happen, he hoped to leave behind a sense of who he was as a man, a husband, a father, a soldier, and for his children to understand his philosophy of life, about leadership, trust, love.
For Christmas, 2024, Hertling's younger son presented him with a copy of that journal, typed and bound from the original hand-written document. Encouraged by his family to expand upon his journal entries with current-day reflections on those days in 1990-1991. Hertling's work is a unique document, a legacy not only for his own family, but also for all patriotic Americans.
August 1, 2026
Mark Hertling is a true hero, to his family and to all Americans. What he originally intended as a posthumous gift to his wife and sons is now a gift to all of us. "If I Don't Return" is a portrait of servant leadership.
My only criticism -- and this is just me -- is how technical his account is in places, especially in the early part of the mission. I have to confess that I skimmed some of that. But General Hertling observes that his entries grew more thoughtful and introspective over time, reflecting his own personal growth.
"Thank you for your service" has become a cliche'. But I am truly grateful for General Mark Hertling and his integrity, humility, honesty, empathy, and courage.
My only criticism -- and this is just me -- is how technical his account is in places, especially in the early part of the mission. I have to confess that I skimmed some of that. But General Hertling observes that his entries grew more thoughtful and introspective over time, reflecting his own personal growth.
"Thank you for your service" has become a cliche'. But I am truly grateful for General Mark Hertling and his integrity, humility, honesty, empathy, and courage.
June 13, 2026
Wisdom, perspective and understanding about life, war, leadership, parenting, faith, family, friendship, sacrifice, commitment, history, you name it. I found a lot of the stuff about Iraq fascinating because my son served 2 tours at about the same time. I think Gen Hertling might have been his boss so to speak. It was especially significant to think about the fallen soldiers and the advice to “make it matter”. I’m sorry so many Americans don’t value our military. We should honor them and their families. I think we all need to embrace sacrificial love…. what a better world this would be.
May 6, 2026
Wonderful insight into a soldier's journey
I really enjoyed LTG (ret) Hertling's journal and his follow on comments. He takes the reader through many emotions as he grows during his time deployed in Operation Desert Storm. He shows that true leadership is based on what you can do not what is done for you. This is especially important during the chaotic times we are living through.
I really enjoyed LTG (ret) Hertling's journal and his follow on comments. He takes the reader through many emotions as he grows during his time deployed in Operation Desert Storm. He shows that true leadership is based on what you can do not what is done for you. This is especially important during the chaotic times we are living through.
April 26, 2026
The subtitle under sells it IMHO. It is the book that every family needs to promote dinner conversations. It’s the book every school principal, counselor, and teacher needs. It’s the book every faith leader needs when counseling young couples. I plan on buying copies to gift to my friends.
Thank you!
Thank you!
May 21, 2026
This is a good book that gives a wonderful perspective on what it is like to be a soldier and leader in combat, especially if one has not served in the military. I got lost a little in the military jargon. However, for me, the chapters on "Mom" and "My Sons" made reading the book very worthwhile. Thank you, General Hertling, for your distinguished service.
June 27, 2026
A solid collection of what it means to be a leader. The book is full of advice to those that are leaders or are looking to improve their leadership capabilities.
I love the way he uses the letters to his son to then tell a story about people, life, and what it means to live an exemplify the best of leadership within integrity.
I love the way he uses the letters to his son to then tell a story about people, life, and what it means to live an exemplify the best of leadership within integrity.
June 7, 2026
Hertling has a lot of interesting experience and good insight, but he's not the best writer. I didn't expect the journal entries to be polished, but I did expect more out of his reflections added for the book.
June 27, 2026
3.5 stars Heartfelt book from a thoughtful and genuine person. I had the privilege of meeting Mark Hertling twice and had this book signed by him. His message is an important one. The book was highly repetitious. That said it should be required reading in leadership programs.
July 24, 2026
I so respect & admire Lt General Mark Hertling. So honorable & truthful, writes in a way that even a non military person can understand . He never lost his integrity, faith or honesty so lacking in so many leaders. It was a journey that he welcomes all of us along.
April 19, 2026
so elegantly written
Lieutenant General Mark Hurtley
This a beautiful book all the details.
Job well done. Thank you for your service. Thank your family for their service
Lieutenant General Mark Hurtley
This a beautiful book all the details.
Job well done. Thank you for your service. Thank your family for their service
Read
May 26, 2026Not for me
I skimmed a lot of it
Was not
Quite what I was expecting
I skimmed a lot of it
Was not
Quite what I was expecting
June 1, 2026
Well written.....full of heart and intelligence....learned a great deal about the the author....his job and life
June 27, 2026
A quality book written by a quality human being.
July 22, 2026
I really enjoyed this book. Good leadership info in it.
August 6, 2026
2.5 stars.
I was hoping to love this book, as I have great admiration for Lt. Gen. Hertling (Retired). And while there was some very good stuff in it, it had far too much military jargon for the average reader who has not served. However, one hopes that our military has many people of Mr. Hertling's humanity and ethics representing us.
I was hoping to love this book, as I have great admiration for Lt. Gen. Hertling (Retired). And while there was some very good stuff in it, it had far too much military jargon for the average reader who has not served. However, one hopes that our military has many people of Mr. Hertling's humanity and ethics representing us.
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews