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Stretch Marks: Essays for the Unfinished Woman
In the movie Shirley Valentine, the heroine attempts to cover up her stretch marks as she's about to make love to her Greek suitor. True to Mediterranean fashion the lover insists her imperfections are a badge of honor—that they come from embracing and creating life. Stretch marks should be celebrated, he tells her. Revered.
Shirley ran away to Greece intent on rebelling against domesticity, her dominating husband, and her grown, dependent children. She was intent on becoming a Shirley, someone more attuned to that once-upon-a-time woman who'd gotten lost in life's mundane rituals.
The Latin definition of "intention" is: to stretch toward something. Shirley may have chosen to make a mad dash abroad, but we all have our own ways of stretching. For me, that's why I write—to reach toward a better understanding of who I am and what I believe, and then to evolve and change.
No doubt I'm marred along the way, tripping over my own feet as I stumble toward my next stage. But instead of getting rid of those stretch marks, scars, and blemishes, I believe they should be shown off with pride. For the situations that created them served as life lessons, each one telling the story of when I worked through adversity to bring myself, indeed others, through a portal. With each mark comes progress, offering the experiences I've needed to make me who I am today and lay the foundation of who I'll become tomorrow.
Everything I know I've learned from living, not books. What's more, it's all come in fits and starts. Evolution is not linear, and nor are my thoughts. No doubt I've rubbed salve on a few of my memories, and surely some thoughts and feelings have faded, but the important aspects of a woman's life—becoming an adult, the joy and failure of marriage, growing children, and incidental happenings—continue to be, for me, what's important.
These tales serve as a tribute to our resilience as women, and it's my hope that they engender discussion and soulful understanding in each of you. The agonies and ecstasies of my past are not particular to me, rather I am a seeking to define woman like everyone else. As a general rule we tend to see things collectively and find companionship in our commonality. It often helps us to not feel alone, ashamed or afraid when we discover that what we think or do others also think or do. Certainly open sharing can save us a trip to the therapist's office. Like my mentor Joan Erikson said, "If we don't share our feelings, we might as well be men."
So may you find solace in the thoughts herewith, and celebrate all the marks you've created on your body and in your life. Because each one means you've dared to live, to strive, and to stretch toward something.
Shirley ran away to Greece intent on rebelling against domesticity, her dominating husband, and her grown, dependent children. She was intent on becoming a Shirley, someone more attuned to that once-upon-a-time woman who'd gotten lost in life's mundane rituals.
The Latin definition of "intention" is: to stretch toward something. Shirley may have chosen to make a mad dash abroad, but we all have our own ways of stretching. For me, that's why I write—to reach toward a better understanding of who I am and what I believe, and then to evolve and change.
No doubt I'm marred along the way, tripping over my own feet as I stumble toward my next stage. But instead of getting rid of those stretch marks, scars, and blemishes, I believe they should be shown off with pride. For the situations that created them served as life lessons, each one telling the story of when I worked through adversity to bring myself, indeed others, through a portal. With each mark comes progress, offering the experiences I've needed to make me who I am today and lay the foundation of who I'll become tomorrow.
Everything I know I've learned from living, not books. What's more, it's all come in fits and starts. Evolution is not linear, and nor are my thoughts. No doubt I've rubbed salve on a few of my memories, and surely some thoughts and feelings have faded, but the important aspects of a woman's life—becoming an adult, the joy and failure of marriage, growing children, and incidental happenings—continue to be, for me, what's important.
These tales serve as a tribute to our resilience as women, and it's my hope that they engender discussion and soulful understanding in each of you. The agonies and ecstasies of my past are not particular to me, rather I am a seeking to define woman like everyone else. As a general rule we tend to see things collectively and find companionship in our commonality. It often helps us to not feel alone, ashamed or afraid when we discover that what we think or do others also think or do. Certainly open sharing can save us a trip to the therapist's office. Like my mentor Joan Erikson said, "If we don't share our feelings, we might as well be men."
So may you find solace in the thoughts herewith, and celebrate all the marks you've created on your body and in your life. Because each one means you've dared to live, to strive, and to stretch toward something.
- GenresNonfictionMemoir
184 pages, Paperback
First published February 4, 2015
2 people are currently reading
92 people want to read
About the author
Joan Anderson
11 books210 followersEver since I can remember I have been curious—asking questions, trying to figure out life’s meaning—all in an effort to live fully and get it right. My career began as a stringer reporter for the Gannett newspaper chain. As I practiced the craft of writing, I moved on to photo essays books for children, then the breakthrough book, Breaking the TV Habit, and finally into the genre of memoir. The latter happened quite by accident after I ran away from home, lived a year by the sea on my own, and realized that there was something in this experience worth writing about. So many women I knew wanted or needed to stop the craziness of their lives but had not the will or the ability to do so. By writing my story it has given hundreds of thousands of women the excuse to take themselves away, have their turn, and see who they are beyond the roles that they play.
The six books that have come out of my experiences have all been best sellers and many have been printed in foreign languages. My big boost came when Oprah called and invited me on her show—not once, but twice! There have been several appearances on the Today Show, Good Morning America, ten book tours, and numerous articles headlining me as the “woman who got away,” the runaway wife,” or “the woman who took a sabbatical.” Actually, I’m not any one of these descriptions. I am simply a person who wanted to become a scholar of self and soul.
A vocation has come as a result of my search and my books. I conduct weekends by the sea on Cape Cod for women seeking nourishment and weekend retreats in other parts of the country and abroad such as Sonoma, California, Sedona, Arizona, Iona, Scotland, Omega Institute, Rhinebeck, New York, Kripalu, Berkshires, and Whidbey Island, Washington. Beyond that, I have the pleasure of speaking on women’s topics for organizations throughout the country (see past appearances). I guess you could say that I am truly “as unfinished as the shoreline along the beach, meant to transcend myself again and again.” It is my delight to encourage women to know they too are unfinished.
The six books that have come out of my experiences have all been best sellers and many have been printed in foreign languages. My big boost came when Oprah called and invited me on her show—not once, but twice! There have been several appearances on the Today Show, Good Morning America, ten book tours, and numerous articles headlining me as the “woman who got away,” the runaway wife,” or “the woman who took a sabbatical.” Actually, I’m not any one of these descriptions. I am simply a person who wanted to become a scholar of self and soul.
A vocation has come as a result of my search and my books. I conduct weekends by the sea on Cape Cod for women seeking nourishment and weekend retreats in other parts of the country and abroad such as Sonoma, California, Sedona, Arizona, Iona, Scotland, Omega Institute, Rhinebeck, New York, Kripalu, Berkshires, and Whidbey Island, Washington. Beyond that, I have the pleasure of speaking on women’s topics for organizations throughout the country (see past appearances). I guess you could say that I am truly “as unfinished as the shoreline along the beach, meant to transcend myself again and again.” It is my delight to encourage women to know they too are unfinished.
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
May 18, 2020
I wasn't sure exactly how this book would fit in with the previous five books I'd read by Joan Anderson, but in a way it was better in the sense that it focused on the lessons learned as much as on Joan's life. It helps that I am in a similar stage of life. My son is 33, he lives in another state, and what he shares with his father and me are only the surface details of his life. It's hard when you still feel like a parent but your child is no longer a child. That is only one of the topics Joan addresses in these essays.
One thing I noticed is apparently this book is self-published. I found quite a few errors, mostly of the crossed-homonym type (pouring instead of poring, for example). Joan, if you're reading this and you would like a line editor for your next book, I'm volunteering - no charge.
One thing I noticed is apparently this book is self-published. I found quite a few errors, mostly of the crossed-homonym type (pouring instead of poring, for example). Joan, if you're reading this and you would like a line editor for your next book, I'm volunteering - no charge.
October 5, 2020
I've read and love all of Joan's previous books. Unfortunately, this one was a disappointment.
February 26, 2015
So Real, Brave & Honest
I’ve been a fan of Joan’s for many years, having read every one of her books- many of them having read more than twice. They have inspired me to peel away the layers of what no longer serves me and they bring me home to what my soul is calling me to do.
“Stretch Marks” being a book of essays I wasn’t sure I’d like it, as I enjoy memoirs as they slowly unfold. But oh, how pleasantly surprised I was!
Filled with just as much wisdom as her other books, I found myself identifying with many of the stories. Some made me laugh. Many made me feel not alone in the many feelings we go through as women.
Joan is a friend to all women through her honesty and encouragement to keep stretching to that place inside us that is yearning to be free
.
One of the best things I’ve ever done for myself is discovering the writing of Joan. She has helped me to be brave in letting my inner light shine.
Every one of Joan’s books sit on a shelf in my writing cottage. And now “Stretch Marks” will be there too like another friend I can turn to when I need someone to assure me that going through all the many phases of womanhood has many gifts to offer.
I’ve been a fan of Joan’s for many years, having read every one of her books- many of them having read more than twice. They have inspired me to peel away the layers of what no longer serves me and they bring me home to what my soul is calling me to do.
“Stretch Marks” being a book of essays I wasn’t sure I’d like it, as I enjoy memoirs as they slowly unfold. But oh, how pleasantly surprised I was!
Filled with just as much wisdom as her other books, I found myself identifying with many of the stories. Some made me laugh. Many made me feel not alone in the many feelings we go through as women.
Joan is a friend to all women through her honesty and encouragement to keep stretching to that place inside us that is yearning to be free
.
One of the best things I’ve ever done for myself is discovering the writing of Joan. She has helped me to be brave in letting my inner light shine.
Every one of Joan’s books sit on a shelf in my writing cottage. And now “Stretch Marks” will be there too like another friend I can turn to when I need someone to assure me that going through all the many phases of womanhood has many gifts to offer.
January 9, 2025
The moral of each essay seemed to be to live your life to the fullest and not to take any moment for granted. It seemed repetitive. Read through the book in 2 days just to get through it. I enjoyed the authors other books much more. This seemed to just repeat a lot from the other books.
June 25, 2018
Very timely book for me. Going through many of the life moments she writes about. Loving the freedom of aging. Will reread this one for sure.
December 5, 2016
I loved all of Joan Anderson's other books but I didn't particularly enjoy this one. Maybe it's because I don't have children and found her laments about not being involved in her adult sons' lives whiny and self-pitying. Maybe it's because I'm 57 so I'm the middle age she talks about, but since she is writing from the perspective of a 70-year-old, our concerns are no longer matching. I really wanted to read some new insights, but didn't find them. Instead, this series of little essays consisted of elaborations on other people's thoughtful words in the form of brief quotes from David Whyte, Anna Quindlen, Henry David Thoreau and others.
Joan's previous books changed my life. I admired her. This book was a major disconnect for me. I kept having the feeling that she really, really wanted to publish again and, when she couldn't get a mainstream publisher to take her manuscript, she decided to self-publish. The book lacked the depth of her previous work.
Joan's previous books changed my life. I admired her. This book was a major disconnect for me. I kept having the feeling that she really, really wanted to publish again and, when she couldn't get a mainstream publisher to take her manuscript, she decided to self-publish. The book lacked the depth of her previous work.
March 28, 2015
If you have liked Joan Andersons previous books , you will like this one as well. If you have not read her other books , you can still read this one but you get to know HER better if you read the others first. This book is like reading a blog...and I mean that in a good way. If you are familiar with Joan, reading this is just like continuing on her journey with her...only years later. She is later in life and still having the same questions and issue the rest of us have ---with family , like, aging...oh that aging. how to accept it? do you even accept it? how do you relate to your adult children? and so much more. Good read.
October 7, 2016
This is the first book that I've ever read by Joan Anderson. If I remember correctly, I stumbled across it recently while on the hunt for new books to borrow from my local library. The book's summary peaked my interest and I decided to read it. It's a good book. Similar in format to Regina Brett's books, which I am a huge fan of! I would recommend Stretch Marks to women of any age that desire a quick read about life through the eyes of a woman that experienced it as best as she could. However, I would also highly recommend that you check out Regina Brett's books as well, specifically God is Always Hiring and God Never Blinks.
March 4, 2015
Calling all women of a "certain age." This is the book we've been waiting for. Joan Anderson lovingly addresses issues women over 60 think about and discuss with friends as we bear witness to becoming an elder.
You'll laugh at the bathing suit essay and nod in agreement when she talks about the joys and pitfalls of a long marriage.
Funny, insightful or sad, each essay contains a wealth of wisdom. Reading them is like sitting down with your best friend over a glass of wine for a heart-to-heart talk.
Buy this for your friends, sisters, etc. It's truly a gift that will keep on giving!
You'll laugh at the bathing suit essay and nod in agreement when she talks about the joys and pitfalls of a long marriage.
Funny, insightful or sad, each essay contains a wealth of wisdom. Reading them is like sitting down with your best friend over a glass of wine for a heart-to-heart talk.
Buy this for your friends, sisters, etc. It's truly a gift that will keep on giving!
February 19, 2016
What a delight to hear your voice in someone else's words! A beautiful portrayal of navigating through the unknown of post menopausal years. I am going to buy several copies of this book to give to friends as a gift, it truly is a gift
June 25, 2015
So spot on..so real....I felt like I was reading about myself!! I found myself shaking my head 'Yes..Yes..Yes!'
January 31, 2016
Lots to think about. I enjoyed this
September 20, 2016
As always, Joan's wisdom is timely and wonderful.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews