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When Evil Is a Pretty Face: Narcissistic Females & the Pathological Relationship Agenda
Finally…a book specifically written for male victims who have endured the verbal (and often physical) abuse of female narcissistic partners. “When Evil Is a Pretty Face” is actually a unique compilation of the best content from all three of Zari Ballard’s three popular books on narcissism in relationships but with the gender references reversed and with special chapters added that specifically speak to a man’s experience with a female narcissistic partner. This is the information you've been looking for.
Is your wife, girlfriend, or lover a pathological liar, a cheater, and someone who is nothing like the person you fell in love with? Does she accuse you incessantly of cheating even though her own stories and excuses as to her own whereabouts never seem to add up? Does she blame you for everything wrong with the relationship and take accountability for nothing even when you catch her red-handed? Are you subjected to silent treatments, sudden disappearances, and cold shoulders for no reason at all and will she use “the power of the pussy” to manipulate you into taking her back?
Answer yes to any of the above and it’s likely your woman has a narcissistic personality and your life has become a confusing psychological nightmare from which you can’t recover. It’s also likely that, in your quest to find support, you’ve run into roadblocks since much of the information available focuses on the female victim of the male narcissist as if the reverse never even happens. Moreover, this lack of support is exacerbated by the fact that we live in a society that doesn’t provide a whole lot of sympathy for male victims of anything. Unlike the male narcissist who has to be substantially more covert in carrying out his agenda, the female narcissist knows that society will both sympathize and participate and she relies on this fact, using her female ways to cover her ass all day, every day.
“Lacking a moral compass, a female narcissist will stay in multiple relationships, diligently working to keep partners unsure or unaware of the existence of the others, for as long as she can and even after her crime has been discovered. The fact that she causes pain to others is the fuel to her fire. Narcissists live their lives via the proxy of their partner’s suffering and via the “rules and requirements” of the narcissist’s relationship agenda.” – When Evil Is a Pretty Face, 2015
This book will explain why the female narcissists does what she does, says what she says, and how her twisted mind thinks relative to her pathological agenda. The truth is that the female narcissist has her male counterparts beat hands down in the evil department and because she’s a female, she is allowed to live her life in a way that is above reproach. But there is one thing that all narcissists have in common and that is that they can never be fixed – not with love, therapy, or with any magic pill. No Contact is the only way to escape the relationship alive and Zari Ballard has written a book that will show you the way.
Is your wife, girlfriend, or lover a pathological liar, a cheater, and someone who is nothing like the person you fell in love with? Does she accuse you incessantly of cheating even though her own stories and excuses as to her own whereabouts never seem to add up? Does she blame you for everything wrong with the relationship and take accountability for nothing even when you catch her red-handed? Are you subjected to silent treatments, sudden disappearances, and cold shoulders for no reason at all and will she use “the power of the pussy” to manipulate you into taking her back?
Answer yes to any of the above and it’s likely your woman has a narcissistic personality and your life has become a confusing psychological nightmare from which you can’t recover. It’s also likely that, in your quest to find support, you’ve run into roadblocks since much of the information available focuses on the female victim of the male narcissist as if the reverse never even happens. Moreover, this lack of support is exacerbated by the fact that we live in a society that doesn’t provide a whole lot of sympathy for male victims of anything. Unlike the male narcissist who has to be substantially more covert in carrying out his agenda, the female narcissist knows that society will both sympathize and participate and she relies on this fact, using her female ways to cover her ass all day, every day.
“Lacking a moral compass, a female narcissist will stay in multiple relationships, diligently working to keep partners unsure or unaware of the existence of the others, for as long as she can and even after her crime has been discovered. The fact that she causes pain to others is the fuel to her fire. Narcissists live their lives via the proxy of their partner’s suffering and via the “rules and requirements” of the narcissist’s relationship agenda.” – When Evil Is a Pretty Face, 2015
This book will explain why the female narcissists does what she does, says what she says, and how her twisted mind thinks relative to her pathological agenda. The truth is that the female narcissist has her male counterparts beat hands down in the evil department and because she’s a female, she is allowed to live her life in a way that is above reproach. But there is one thing that all narcissists have in common and that is that they can never be fixed – not with love, therapy, or with any magic pill. No Contact is the only way to escape the relationship alive and Zari Ballard has written a book that will show you the way.
- GenresSelf Help
153 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 14, 2015
34 people are currently reading
87 people want to read
About the author
Zari L. Ballard
5 books34 followersZari is a Freelance Writer/Author (and single mom) who resides with her son in sunny Tucson, AZ at the base of the Catalina Mountains. Motivated by the success of her first book "When Love Is a Lie", Zari has since published four additional books about narcissism in relationships including her newest, "Narcissism In a Nutshell".
Currently, Zari's blog - TheNarcissisticPersonality.com - receives upwards of 4000 new hits per day and has become the "go-to" information resource for abuse victims worldwide. Via her blog, Zari provides over 80 original and informative articles about narcissism, free advice to those who write in or comment, and an opportunity to book one-on-one recovery support.
For 2017, Zari plans to complete a podcast series based on her books as well as several recovery videos for her YouTube channel. She is also currently working on a book about her son's journey with mental illness and several fictional novellas. There may even be an internet radio show!
Be sure to check for updates - it's certainly going to be a busy year!
For informative articles on narcissism and the opportunity to communicate with Zari one-on-one, please visit Zari's blog TheNarcissisticPersonality.com.
Currently, Zari's blog - TheNarcissisticPersonality.com - receives upwards of 4000 new hits per day and has become the "go-to" information resource for abuse victims worldwide. Via her blog, Zari provides over 80 original and informative articles about narcissism, free advice to those who write in or comment, and an opportunity to book one-on-one recovery support.
For 2017, Zari plans to complete a podcast series based on her books as well as several recovery videos for her YouTube channel. She is also currently working on a book about her son's journey with mental illness and several fictional novellas. There may even be an internet radio show!
Be sure to check for updates - it's certainly going to be a busy year!
For informative articles on narcissism and the opportunity to communicate with Zari one-on-one, please visit Zari's blog TheNarcissisticPersonality.com.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
February 13, 2018
Alright, continuing on with my apparent selfhelpocalypse: I loathe picking on a self-published author who is just trying to make it, so we’ll keep this short & polite.
This text lays out an argument regarding the abstract psychiatric object 'narcissistic personality disorder' (here specifically applied to purported female persons, but that bit of gender ideology can be shrugged off).
Two minor difficulties. First, methodologically, the argument proceeds from case studies (including the author’s own case) that are “deliberately non-clinical,” as author is “not a doctor, teacher, or a therapist” (see author’s preliminary note). Second, the text is formatted in a confusing manner, and could use a bit of editing at times for orthography.
That said, the primary difficulty is the abstract psychiatric object itself, NPD, and how it is handled. These sort of pop psych books, even when written by professionals, must be consumed with caution by laypersons (I am one such layperson). Before getting into anything clinical, there’s a slick philosophical suggestion that the narcissist is something like Baudrillard’s simulacrum, a copy without an original, insofar as “we’ve grown attached to the narcissist’s fake persona […] the person that s/he is incapable of becoming” (4). Likewise, the narcissist is presented as a “monster of emptiness” (10) (and later “an empty human shell (57)), which should get all the RSB fans freaking out that NPD is basically a method of the Inchoroi (obscene rape aliens, i.e.)—very cool. And it is beyond cool to think of the narcissist in Derridean terms because the narcissist is “completely incapable of feeling empathy because she has no archive [NB] to draw from” (12)—kickass. NPD takes on Terminator aspects: “emotionless killing machine” that does not stop (59). Attorneys will recognize NPD as hostis humani generis, the “enemy of all” (58).
Lay readers can take these things in. Consider, by contrast, however, the presentation of the clinical factors (DSM V lists nine) that are to be checked for the diagnosis of NPD in a patient: “But seriously, who really gives a fuck?” (57). I appreciate this unceremonious dismissal of the expert opinion, as one of my main objections to pop psych texts is that lay readers will lack the training to assess clinical factors, and will accordingly not know which facts are clinically significant (it’s much like law—laypersons will not know which facts are legally significant, even if they can comprehend law). This is not to suggest that expertise is to be disregarded; that is the path of subliterate and deliberately indifferent Dunning-Kruger errors.
Instead of the clinical factors, this text presents a list of non-clinical factors: narcissists demand obedience, act aloof, are physically abusive, cheat sexually, lack empathy, manage down expectations, mimic virtue, use the silent treatment, decline responsibility, gas-light, and so on (see 62-75). Even assuming these items correlate to the clinical factors (and there appears to be some overlap), a lay reader will not know what conduct is clinically significant, as the categories are vague. Silent treatment and gaslighting are particularly obnoxious conceptually, as they require an assumption about the intention of the other person, inferred from acts alone. It is not the silent treatment, for instance, if someone genuinely is breaking up (which author acknowledges in discussing the no-contact rule); it is not gaslighting if someone is reasonably disagreeing about what happened in the past. Probably it is safe to assume that everyone can make mistakes in perception, understanding, and memory—there is often little need to assume a lack of sincerity.
Regarding insincerity, making the lay-diagnosis requires a number of cynical inferences. As the title indicates, the person afflicted with NPD (we must recall that this abstract psychiatric object is first of all a severe mental disorder) is not held out as negligent or disabled or incompetent—but as ‘evil.’ They do it for the “thrill” (14), it is argued. The narcissist “will do whatever it takes to get what she wants while destroying you in the process” (35)--and narcissists want “chaos” (44). To obtain it, they use “the ability to control and manipulate” (107). I don’t see how these and similar uncharitable inferences are warranted, except as fictive survival mechanisms for use by those subject to abuse by mentally ill persons.
This text works nicely with Aaron James' Assholes, insofar as “there are two character qualities that […] separate the true narcissists from, say, the guys and gals that are just assholes” (111): crossing any boundary and inability to compromise. It may well be that these are species within the same genus, all lumpenized antisocial nihilists created by the imperatives of postmodern capitalism: destructured consciousness as product of the culture industry, say. I think that’s more reasonable, anyway, than the assumption of an abstract psychiatric object that boils down to being Bakker’s Inchoroi. I’m not sure that this abstract psychiatric object actually exists (i.e., outside of theoretical abstraction), as defined in DSM V—though I can appreciate that it is used to describe the conduct of certain persons that is inconsistent with the norms of civilized society.
Very much relationship advice in the manner of an agambenian rule (see Homo Sacer VIII): self-help as a genre of peculiar literature that seeks to create an eidos zoe.
Likely some effective techniques at the end of the text (157 ff.) for recognizing when one is in an abusive relationship and how to get out.
This text lays out an argument regarding the abstract psychiatric object 'narcissistic personality disorder' (here specifically applied to purported female persons, but that bit of gender ideology can be shrugged off).
Two minor difficulties. First, methodologically, the argument proceeds from case studies (including the author’s own case) that are “deliberately non-clinical,” as author is “not a doctor, teacher, or a therapist” (see author’s preliminary note). Second, the text is formatted in a confusing manner, and could use a bit of editing at times for orthography.
That said, the primary difficulty is the abstract psychiatric object itself, NPD, and how it is handled. These sort of pop psych books, even when written by professionals, must be consumed with caution by laypersons (I am one such layperson). Before getting into anything clinical, there’s a slick philosophical suggestion that the narcissist is something like Baudrillard’s simulacrum, a copy without an original, insofar as “we’ve grown attached to the narcissist’s fake persona […] the person that s/he is incapable of becoming” (4). Likewise, the narcissist is presented as a “monster of emptiness” (10) (and later “an empty human shell (57)), which should get all the RSB fans freaking out that NPD is basically a method of the Inchoroi (obscene rape aliens, i.e.)—very cool. And it is beyond cool to think of the narcissist in Derridean terms because the narcissist is “completely incapable of feeling empathy because she has no archive [NB] to draw from” (12)—kickass. NPD takes on Terminator aspects: “emotionless killing machine” that does not stop (59). Attorneys will recognize NPD as hostis humani generis, the “enemy of all” (58).
Lay readers can take these things in. Consider, by contrast, however, the presentation of the clinical factors (DSM V lists nine) that are to be checked for the diagnosis of NPD in a patient: “But seriously, who really gives a fuck?” (57). I appreciate this unceremonious dismissal of the expert opinion, as one of my main objections to pop psych texts is that lay readers will lack the training to assess clinical factors, and will accordingly not know which facts are clinically significant (it’s much like law—laypersons will not know which facts are legally significant, even if they can comprehend law). This is not to suggest that expertise is to be disregarded; that is the path of subliterate and deliberately indifferent Dunning-Kruger errors.
Instead of the clinical factors, this text presents a list of non-clinical factors: narcissists demand obedience, act aloof, are physically abusive, cheat sexually, lack empathy, manage down expectations, mimic virtue, use the silent treatment, decline responsibility, gas-light, and so on (see 62-75). Even assuming these items correlate to the clinical factors (and there appears to be some overlap), a lay reader will not know what conduct is clinically significant, as the categories are vague. Silent treatment and gaslighting are particularly obnoxious conceptually, as they require an assumption about the intention of the other person, inferred from acts alone. It is not the silent treatment, for instance, if someone genuinely is breaking up (which author acknowledges in discussing the no-contact rule); it is not gaslighting if someone is reasonably disagreeing about what happened in the past. Probably it is safe to assume that everyone can make mistakes in perception, understanding, and memory—there is often little need to assume a lack of sincerity.
Regarding insincerity, making the lay-diagnosis requires a number of cynical inferences. As the title indicates, the person afflicted with NPD (we must recall that this abstract psychiatric object is first of all a severe mental disorder) is not held out as negligent or disabled or incompetent—but as ‘evil.’ They do it for the “thrill” (14), it is argued. The narcissist “will do whatever it takes to get what she wants while destroying you in the process” (35)--and narcissists want “chaos” (44). To obtain it, they use “the ability to control and manipulate” (107). I don’t see how these and similar uncharitable inferences are warranted, except as fictive survival mechanisms for use by those subject to abuse by mentally ill persons.
This text works nicely with Aaron James' Assholes, insofar as “there are two character qualities that […] separate the true narcissists from, say, the guys and gals that are just assholes” (111): crossing any boundary and inability to compromise. It may well be that these are species within the same genus, all lumpenized antisocial nihilists created by the imperatives of postmodern capitalism: destructured consciousness as product of the culture industry, say. I think that’s more reasonable, anyway, than the assumption of an abstract psychiatric object that boils down to being Bakker’s Inchoroi. I’m not sure that this abstract psychiatric object actually exists (i.e., outside of theoretical abstraction), as defined in DSM V—though I can appreciate that it is used to describe the conduct of certain persons that is inconsistent with the norms of civilized society.
Very much relationship advice in the manner of an agambenian rule (see Homo Sacer VIII): self-help as a genre of peculiar literature that seeks to create an eidos zoe.
Likely some effective techniques at the end of the text (157 ff.) for recognizing when one is in an abusive relationship and how to get out.
February 3, 2017
Amazing reading, Finally after many years since I was divorced I managed to put all the pieces together
September 16, 2017
Nice to be able to look at things from a male perspective.
It was every informative. I like that different people were sharing their story about what was going on with their lives.
It was every informative. I like that different people were sharing their story about what was going on with their lives.
August 20, 2021
Content is good, useful for male victims of narcissists. It needs some editing. One email from a victim was printed twice in different chapters, attributed to a different person. There are a lot of typos ("being" instead of "begin", etc.). In one section the author is talking about her ex-husband, but looked like she'd done find/replace he for she in the rest of the book, so she's using "she" when talking about her ex-husband. Still, there is some good information here to potentially help victims escape and begin to recover.
January 30, 2017
A very interesting and truely amazing book. Finally after many years could put all the pieces together
April 6, 2020
Essential reading for victims of the female vampires among us
So well articulated, points made that I never thought of. It's the beginning of relief, a first step toward leaving evil behind when it's "a pretty face." Simply excellent! Thank you Zari Ballard for writing this book for the men suffering the horrors at mercy of evil Ns...
So well articulated, points made that I never thought of. It's the beginning of relief, a first step toward leaving evil behind when it's "a pretty face." Simply excellent! Thank you Zari Ballard for writing this book for the men suffering the horrors at mercy of evil Ns...
March 23, 2024
DNF. This contains useful information on female narcs but is extremely poorly written and edited. In fact, I think it’s the most poorly edited book I’ve ever read.
It’s also filled with praise for the author who seems to think far too much of herself. Could she BE one of those women? 🤔 There’s also the fact that she records every man who’s ever read her blog as stating she’s a life saver. 🤔🤔🤔
The editing and the writing plummet as you keep reading, so I stopped.
It’s also filled with praise for the author who seems to think far too much of herself. Could she BE one of those women? 🤔 There’s also the fact that she records every man who’s ever read her blog as stating she’s a life saver. 🤔🤔🤔
The editing and the writing plummet as you keep reading, so I stopped.
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews