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Upside Down: Understanding and Supporting Attachment in Adoptive Families
Adoptive families working through attachment issues often feel alone. It doesn’t have to be this way, though.
They are on the front lines, under fire, and need reinforcements. The communities around us want to help, and yet they usually don’t know how when it comes to attachment issues.
A little perspective can change all of that.
Upside Down shares stories and perspective from dozens of families healing through the spectrum of attachment issues, from general attachment concerns to Reactive Attachment Disorder. It explains how communities can provide support without causing further damage to a hurting child and more isolation to the families working so hard to heal them. Topics include:
the reality behind the rose-tinted movies
the why behind the weird limits
the tangle of community
what adoptive families really wish for…besides coffee
sample letters for care providers
links and further resources
What adoptive parents, family members, and community members are saying about Upside Down:
“I would think my son is at your house with how accurately you describe things. It’s a comfort and an encouragement, at the same time it brings tears. My goodness this is hard…I wish there was a place to talk openly about it without backlash from those who don’t understand. It has been helpful to share your posts to give those we interact with a better picture of what we are dealing with.”
“Thank you so much for these posts. We have just felt completely hopeless as we come up on nearly 1 month of [our daughter] being home with us. I feel broken, my husband feels broken, and we just today admitted to one another that we just need hope, hope that things will/CAN actually get better and that we will all get through this.”
“I just got here to say THANK YOU, so very much and that God really has used/is using your words and sharing across miles to help us, this newly-home adoptive family of a wounded 5 1/2 year old, to feel like we will not drown in this life… and for me, as mama, to feel like there is hope that all my efforts to love and provide consistency will one day pay off.”
“Thank you for sharing your life, family and heart with us. Thank you for teaching us about ‘hurts that cannot be seen’ ~ this is so important for us to understand…even if just a little bit at time.”
“As an adoptive sister, thank you, thank you for writing this series. Trying to explain, ignore, excuse, correct, laugh-off, butt in…it’s exhausting. Sometimes I think my aunts and uncles will never “get” their nieces and nephews, my siblings. It takes a lot of patience.”
“I just about cried reading this. Oh, how I wish more people knew how tough it can be when our children need so much healing. I wish they’d rally around us, so we can better do what we need to do to love and support our children with attachment issues. I wish people didn’t take our child’s boundaries personal but could see them for what they are and not as “mean”. Thank you for ALL of this series thus far – it has blessed me so very much, as an adoptive mama of a special needs child.”
Upside Down – encouraging adoptive families and equipping the communities around them in less than sixty pages. Chocolate and coffee not included (but highly recommended).
They are on the front lines, under fire, and need reinforcements. The communities around us want to help, and yet they usually don’t know how when it comes to attachment issues.
A little perspective can change all of that.
Upside Down shares stories and perspective from dozens of families healing through the spectrum of attachment issues, from general attachment concerns to Reactive Attachment Disorder. It explains how communities can provide support without causing further damage to a hurting child and more isolation to the families working so hard to heal them. Topics include:
the reality behind the rose-tinted movies
the why behind the weird limits
the tangle of community
what adoptive families really wish for…besides coffee
sample letters for care providers
links and further resources
What adoptive parents, family members, and community members are saying about Upside Down:
“I would think my son is at your house with how accurately you describe things. It’s a comfort and an encouragement, at the same time it brings tears. My goodness this is hard…I wish there was a place to talk openly about it without backlash from those who don’t understand. It has been helpful to share your posts to give those we interact with a better picture of what we are dealing with.”
“Thank you so much for these posts. We have just felt completely hopeless as we come up on nearly 1 month of [our daughter] being home with us. I feel broken, my husband feels broken, and we just today admitted to one another that we just need hope, hope that things will/CAN actually get better and that we will all get through this.”
“I just got here to say THANK YOU, so very much and that God really has used/is using your words and sharing across miles to help us, this newly-home adoptive family of a wounded 5 1/2 year old, to feel like we will not drown in this life… and for me, as mama, to feel like there is hope that all my efforts to love and provide consistency will one day pay off.”
“Thank you for sharing your life, family and heart with us. Thank you for teaching us about ‘hurts that cannot be seen’ ~ this is so important for us to understand…even if just a little bit at time.”
“As an adoptive sister, thank you, thank you for writing this series. Trying to explain, ignore, excuse, correct, laugh-off, butt in…it’s exhausting. Sometimes I think my aunts and uncles will never “get” their nieces and nephews, my siblings. It takes a lot of patience.”
“I just about cried reading this. Oh, how I wish more people knew how tough it can be when our children need so much healing. I wish they’d rally around us, so we can better do what we need to do to love and support our children with attachment issues. I wish people didn’t take our child’s boundaries personal but could see them for what they are and not as “mean”. Thank you for ALL of this series thus far – it has blessed me so very much, as an adoptive mama of a special needs child.”
Upside Down – encouraging adoptive families and equipping the communities around them in less than sixty pages. Chocolate and coffee not included (but highly recommended).
132 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 25, 2014
9 people are currently reading
90 people want to read
About the author
Shannon Guerra
20 books18 followersShannon Guerra is an author, wife, ministry leader, and mama of eight kids via birth and adoption. She lives in Wasilla, Alaska, and writes about personal growth, heart wholeness, and living deep and wide at www.copperlightwood.com.
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Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
April 7, 2017
This book is bringing hope and joy to adoptive (and foster) families! It's one of my very favorites. I might be shamelessly biased, though. :D
January 6, 2021
This book feels like talking with a friend who just gets you. I wish it was longer and went in more depth, but it's a great starting point.
Attachment is hard. It's so so so HARD. It's unlike anything I've ever done in my life and it's exhausting work.
But it is good work and it's worth working at.
I would love if everyone in our "circle" would read this so that they have some idea of where we are coming from, why the things we do might seem a little weird, and why our kids needs what they need.
Please read it if you have adoptive/foster families in your life. And if you don't have any, maybe look for some. We all need friends who want to understand where we are coming from.
Attachment is hard. It's so so so HARD. It's unlike anything I've ever done in my life and it's exhausting work.
But it is good work and it's worth working at.
I would love if everyone in our "circle" would read this so that they have some idea of where we are coming from, why the things we do might seem a little weird, and why our kids needs what they need.
Please read it if you have adoptive/foster families in your life. And if you don't have any, maybe look for some. We all need friends who want to understand where we are coming from.
May 17, 2022
A beautiful and encouraging read for adoptive families and those close to them.
March 5, 2017
This was a great quick read as an introduction to the reality of attachment disorder parenting. As a potential adoptive parent, I appreciate those who have gone before and shared their learnings.
December 9, 2022
Accessible, raw, and engaging short read. Helpful for those unaware of how attachment issues (even in early development) can impact SO much of a child’s behavior and how this in turns impacts caregivers supporting the child to foster safe connection.
I would encourage anyone who regularly engages with children who have experienced early broken attachment (children in foster care or adoptive settings particularly) to read this!
I would encourage anyone who regularly engages with children who have experienced early broken attachment (children in foster care or adoptive settings particularly) to read this!
June 20, 2018
Easy, 30 minute read but a must-read for every parent of an attachment-challenged child. Also a must-read for anyone supporting a family with an attachment-challenged child. Guerra does an excellent job of explaining attachment difficulties, the different parenting styles these parents must embrace, and how to support families in the trenches.
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May 13, 2020So few people understand what is going on with you or your household when you adopt a child with attachment issues and you ask them to treat the adopted child so differently. Shannon does a great job exposing the truth about our lives and our upside down logic. Love her writing and her honesty!
February 21, 2023
If you are thinking about adopting (especially overseas/older children) this book gives you a realistic outlook. Even if you have no plans to adopt/foster read this to help/understand what parents of these children may go through.
February 26, 2018
Excellent quick read to better understanding attachment issues and the struggles parents face in helping adopted children develop healthy relationships.
April 26, 2018
Excellent book! Helpful on many levels. It will help me in my interactions with adopted children in the future for sure.
September 23, 2020
The most important information for readers to know before picking up this book is that it was self-published by a blogger and mother of biological and adoptive children. The perspectives and experiences of individuals who are connected to adoption are important resources, but for readers who want to learn more about attachment issues, I would recommend a book that was written by a psychologist, social worker, or other professional in the field. The author’s lack of formal education in child psychology or a related field made me skeptical of her advice about what’s best for children with attachment issues. The author’s connection between her adoption experience and Christian faith will surely be appreciated by some Christian readers, but for me, the frequent and sudden transitions between discussions about attachment and faith-based messages of encouragement were distracting, and they tended to dilute the author’s message. I would recommend this book to Christian adoptive parents looking for encouragement, but it might be less useful to people of other/no faith and those looking for more practical information.
February 20, 2018
I’m not sure I completely agree with everything this author advocates for, but I haven’t adopted yet, so I don’t have the personal experience to counter what she says. The best part of the book seemed to be quotes from other adoptive parents. There was a lot of encouragement in this book and the message to not care about what other people think, just do what is best for your child. This book seems best to give to family members or friends to help them support you.
September 28, 2019
The author doesn’t have much to say...she just describes the challenges she’s faced in adoption and makes the point that people should respect the boundaries parents set for their adopted kids.
June 2, 2020
Read Popsugar 2020 book with an upside down image on the cover. Decent but harrowing look at adoption I didn't rate higher because I found aspects difficult to follow and all the extra bits unnecessarily ploddy
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews