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134 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 26, 2026
No one should come to the door dressed like that.
I always approached my grandfather cautiously. One time
he was sitting in a tent by the river which said, ‘This is a
relax product.’ The tent, that is. My grandfather was rolling
a cigarette.
‘Never take up this smoking thing,’ he said to me. ‘It’s a
filthy habit.’ He spat on the ground. ‘And try not to spit
either. Women don’t like it.’
He gave me his old tobacco tin. He said if I opened it, I
would be in serious trouble. Of course I did open it, a few
days after he died. Just some rather sad old nails.
But now it is time to visit the Shining Cuckoo rest home,
where a man called Eric is always taking off his trousers.
When the staff see this, they lead him away to his room.
Probably they beat him there. Probably he only takes off
his trousers to show his bruises. They are black and blue,
like bruises in a story. When the staff see this, they lead
him to his room. That is how a pattern gets established. His
underpants are green. They lead him to his room. Eric, they
say, we tell you and tell you. A dog barks in the distance.
Yes probably they beat him there.
The phone rang.
Billo said: That might be Alexander. Quick answer it.
Hello, said Nana. Is that Alexander?
A voice said: Hello, I am a giant monkey who likes to ring
people up!
Goodbye, said Nana.
Nana said. That is entirely wrong Alexander. I would
always want to talk to a giant monkey who likes to ring
people up.
Over in the far corner is the man whose wife disappearedA similarly infuriating acquaintance can be found in the poems called ‘Double Honk’:
when she went for a pedicure. She had saved for months,
and the last time anyone saw Iris Croake she was standing
on an escalator in a tall building in the mercantile district,
rising up to … where? Well, we all ask ourselves that now.
Croake has written many poems about this moment, all
rejected by sympathetic editors, who commonly attach a
handwritten note. He keeps referring to ‘the whole sorry
episode’. None of us want to talk to him.
My annoying friend no longer has the energy to be a pain
in the neck. He is tired. When he gets to his feet to go
home, he looks exhausted. We have known each other
for years and he has always annoyed me. Yet now I am
beginning to feel sorry for him. I wish I did not find him
so annoying, I wish I were a more generous person. My
poor friend can barely get into his car. Now he gives a
chirpy double honk on the horn. This is typical. Not the
honk so much as the double honk. I will be glad to see the
back of him.
One bird explains the sky to another.
That’s the way they operate.
+
In the 1950s all the boys had big ears.
Those were embarrassing years.
+
Every boy with his book.
Every sheep with its showground.
+
We used to call the stove the range.
I don’t see why that should have to change.
+
Raewyn keeps in touch.
I never liked her much.