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After a Good Man Cheats: How to Rebuild Trust & Intimacy With Your Wife: Intimacy After Infidelity
You are a good man who made a bad decision. You were unfaithful in your marriage. You love your wife, and now that you see clearly what your infidelity has done to her, you are incredibly sorry that you have hurt her so much.
You want to save your marriage. You don't want to lose your family. I know that you are doing your best to regain your wife's trust, but no matter what you do, you seem to make it worse. She has so many questions about your affair. So. Many. Questions.
Not only is your wife furious, but she's also emotionally volatile. Sometimes she seems to love you more deeply than ever, and other times she kicks you out of the house.
You are on a roller coaster. You want your marriage back, but you're not sure how to help your wife trust you again and move forward. She doesn't know what she wants, and her volatility exhausts and upsets you. You both are stuck.
My name is Caroline Madden. I've been a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles for over a decade. I have helped countless couples restore their marriages after infidelity.
I've seen women just like your wife go through the whole process--from uncovering their husbands' affair to making it to the other side, heart healed and marriage restored. I have heard their innermost thoughts and concerns as they try to process their husbands' betrayal. I know what specific stages your wife will experience. I know what prevents women from moving forward, and I know what women need in order to trust and forgive.
Most importantly, I know the things men say and do that they think are helpful but that actually make things worse.
This book is a practical action plan that will walk you through the first stages after your wife has discovered your infidelity. Learn the tools to fix your marriage. Avoid the (sometimes fatal) mistakes I've seen so many men make.
In this book, you'll learn the things your wife is going to feel, say, and do, giving you the
* Insight into what she is thinking and why this is so hard for her to get over
* Practical advice so you know exactly what to do at this important stage
* Actual scripts so you know what to say in response to very specific situations
* Clear explanations as to why certain words and actions you think will be helpful might be making this worse
* Two self-administered quizzes to help you determine why you cheated so that you can get a better understanding of what triggered your affair.
Included at the appropriate points are scripts of what to say and why you need to say those words at that time. You will want to translate the scripts into your own natural wording, using the meaning of each script as a launching pad for productive, healing dialogue with your wife.
Also, other these other questions are
* She doesn't know. I feel guilty. Should I tell her the truth?
* We aren't married yet? How does that impact recovering from the affair?
* I didn't have a physical relationship with my Affair Partner, why is my wife so upset?
* What is an Emotional Affair?
This is the most important time for you to get things right, because your wife is actively deciding at this stage whether or not she wants to stay with you. Buy "After a Good Man Cheats" today.
You want to save your marriage. You don't want to lose your family. I know that you are doing your best to regain your wife's trust, but no matter what you do, you seem to make it worse. She has so many questions about your affair. So. Many. Questions.
Not only is your wife furious, but she's also emotionally volatile. Sometimes she seems to love you more deeply than ever, and other times she kicks you out of the house.
You are on a roller coaster. You want your marriage back, but you're not sure how to help your wife trust you again and move forward. She doesn't know what she wants, and her volatility exhausts and upsets you. You both are stuck.
My name is Caroline Madden. I've been a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles for over a decade. I have helped countless couples restore their marriages after infidelity.
I've seen women just like your wife go through the whole process--from uncovering their husbands' affair to making it to the other side, heart healed and marriage restored. I have heard their innermost thoughts and concerns as they try to process their husbands' betrayal. I know what specific stages your wife will experience. I know what prevents women from moving forward, and I know what women need in order to trust and forgive.
Most importantly, I know the things men say and do that they think are helpful but that actually make things worse.
This book is a practical action plan that will walk you through the first stages after your wife has discovered your infidelity. Learn the tools to fix your marriage. Avoid the (sometimes fatal) mistakes I've seen so many men make.
In this book, you'll learn the things your wife is going to feel, say, and do, giving you the
* Insight into what she is thinking and why this is so hard for her to get over
* Practical advice so you know exactly what to do at this important stage
* Actual scripts so you know what to say in response to very specific situations
* Clear explanations as to why certain words and actions you think will be helpful might be making this worse
* Two self-administered quizzes to help you determine why you cheated so that you can get a better understanding of what triggered your affair.
Included at the appropriate points are scripts of what to say and why you need to say those words at that time. You will want to translate the scripts into your own natural wording, using the meaning of each script as a launching pad for productive, healing dialogue with your wife.
Also, other these other questions are
* She doesn't know. I feel guilty. Should I tell her the truth?
* We aren't married yet? How does that impact recovering from the affair?
* I didn't have a physical relationship with my Affair Partner, why is my wife so upset?
* What is an Emotional Affair?
This is the most important time for you to get things right, because your wife is actively deciding at this stage whether or not she wants to stay with you. Buy "After a Good Man Cheats" today.
126 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 12, 2014
48 people are currently reading
225 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
May 10, 2016
I will admit that I'm reading this book as a guilty pleasure of the "it's so bad it's good" kind. I fully understand that even the best and most solid of relationships will go through bad patches over the years, and that it is possible that EITHER of the partners may cheat on the other and then realise their mistake and want to rebuild their relationship. I am most certainly not making fun of that or of either partner (the one who needs to atone, be it male or female, and especially not of the one doing the forgiving).
However, this book is totally ludicrous and 100% hypocrytical. Starting with the title: first it assumes that only men cheat, then it puts the emphasis of the cheather being a GOOD man. Now I'm not saying that cheating once makes you evil, should the title really say that given the contents? I ellaborate:
- The book is constantly telling the husband that he should tell the wife the truth about the affair, BUT... when asked by your wife if you did love your lover, if you did, it tells you to lie and gives you the lines to do it most effectively.
-Assumes that you have most definitely been caught, not that you may have confessed the situation to your partner. Then goes to say that you should be entirely open and truthful, but basicly is telling you to give only that information that will prevent you to get caught in additional lies (i.e. never WHY did you cheat, did you LOVE the otehr person, was it about the sex, did the other person know you were married or did you lie to him/her...)
-The book is always presented as this is the one and only time you have cheated but then goes to say "that the quiz on page X to see if you are a sex addict". LOL
-Tell your wife that she can takes as long as she wants to process the pain, but only as a way to shorten this process.
All in all, this book should be titled "How to manipulate your spouse to take you back after you got caught redhanded", with the subtitled "while deluding yourself into thinking you are the victim here".
I will not go into how the book treats the lover ( basically as a disposable dishrag), even as it admits that is likely that you lied to that person saying you were single. At one point, the author says "you have to remeber she is also a human being". I think she was reminding herself of that fact as much as the reader.
However, this book is totally ludicrous and 100% hypocrytical. Starting with the title: first it assumes that only men cheat, then it puts the emphasis of the cheather being a GOOD man. Now I'm not saying that cheating once makes you evil, should the title really say that given the contents? I ellaborate:
- The book is constantly telling the husband that he should tell the wife the truth about the affair, BUT... when asked by your wife if you did love your lover, if you did, it tells you to lie and gives you the lines to do it most effectively.
-Assumes that you have most definitely been caught, not that you may have confessed the situation to your partner. Then goes to say that you should be entirely open and truthful, but basicly is telling you to give only that information that will prevent you to get caught in additional lies (i.e. never WHY did you cheat, did you LOVE the otehr person, was it about the sex, did the other person know you were married or did you lie to him/her...)
-The book is always presented as this is the one and only time you have cheated but then goes to say "that the quiz on page X to see if you are a sex addict". LOL
-Tell your wife that she can takes as long as she wants to process the pain, but only as a way to shorten this process.
All in all, this book should be titled "How to manipulate your spouse to take you back after you got caught redhanded", with the subtitled "while deluding yourself into thinking you are the victim here".
I will not go into how the book treats the lover ( basically as a disposable dishrag), even as it admits that is likely that you lied to that person saying you were single. At one point, the author says "you have to remeber she is also a human being". I think she was reminding herself of that fact as much as the reader.
February 5, 2018
First of all, I love that this book is written by a woman. Many books on restoring a marriage after infidelity or sexual sin are written by men, teaching men how to essentially trick their wives into forgiving them, or at the least not divorcing them. They tend towards "you screwed up, be on your best behavior for a while and she will get off your back eventually".
Madden doesn't take that approach at all.
Instead, Madden talks men through the realities of the devastation that they have poured onto their wives. I need to be clear, this book is written for men that have had actual affairs (emotional or physical). This isn't a book for wives, but for husbands to better understand what they have done and how it has impacted their wives. She addresses real life conversations that need to be had, questions you should ask, as well as tangible real life steps to help your wife feel more secure in your marriage. She also gives clear and calming phrases to use to help lead the conversations in a positive manner.
Madden doesn't take that approach at all.
Instead, Madden talks men through the realities of the devastation that they have poured onto their wives. I need to be clear, this book is written for men that have had actual affairs (emotional or physical). This isn't a book for wives, but for husbands to better understand what they have done and how it has impacted their wives. She addresses real life conversations that need to be had, questions you should ask, as well as tangible real life steps to help your wife feel more secure in your marriage. She also gives clear and calming phrases to use to help lead the conversations in a positive manner.
July 3, 2019
The overall tone of the book feels like one of damage control and saving face for the man. The title betrays this though I think. I don’t believe the word “good” can be associated with words like “affair” or more accurately
“adultery.” A better book on this subject is WORTHY OF HER TRUST by Jason Martinkus.
“adultery.” A better book on this subject is WORTHY OF HER TRUST by Jason Martinkus.
December 6, 2024
Great resource!!
Loved the accuracy, would recommend to all men regardless if you've stepped out of the marriage/relationship or not!! Very informative and insightful!!
Loved the accuracy, would recommend to all men regardless if you've stepped out of the marriage/relationship or not!! Very informative and insightful!!
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews