Fly While You Still Have Wings: And Other Lessons My Resilient Mother Taught Me

by Joyce Rupp

Winner of a Catholic Press Association Soft cover-spirituality books. (Third Place).

For thirty years, beginning with Fresh Bread in 1985, Joyce Rupp has comforted millions with such books as Praying Our Goodbyes and May I Walk You Home? . For the first time, she shares the story of her own grief in the wake of her mother’s death, offering readers both a profile of her mother’s resilient spirit and a voice of compassion for their own experience of loss.

In this heartfelt memoir about her mother Hilda’s final years, Joyce Rupp shares the lessons her mother taught her, especially to “fly while you still have wings.” As a poor farmer’s wife and the mother of eight living on rented land in Maryhill, Iowa, Hilda lived a life of hard labor and constant responsibility—from milking cows and raising chickens to keeping the farm’s financial ledger. Rupp shows how the difficulties of her mother’s early years and family life, including the loss of a twenty-three-year-old son, forged a resilience that guided her through the illnesses and losses she faced in later years. This affectionate profile of their relationship is, at the same time, an honest self-examination, as Rupp shares the ways she sometimes failed to listen to, accept, and understand her mother in her final years.

Rupp begins each chapter with a meditative poem that captures the essence of each stage in the journey. Her unfailing candor and profound faith illumine this story of a mother and daughter with a universal spirit of hope, reconciliation, and peace.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

225 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 20, 2015

About the author

Joyce Rupp is well known for her work as a writer, a spiritual "midwife," and retreat and conference speaker. She has led retreats throughout North America, as well as in Europe, Asia, Africa, Australia and New Zealand. Joyce has a B.A. in English, a M.R.E. in Religious Education, and a M.A. in Transpersonal Psychology. She is a member of the Servites (Servants of Mary) community and was a volunteer for Hospice for fifteen years. She currently resides in Des Moines, Iowa. A list of Joyce's works can be found in the left column of this page. Click on the book title to find out more information about that title.

Reviews

[VeeInNY · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this book over the first anniversary of my parents' death. The first few chapters began to feel like an extended eulogy and I almost set it aside. As I persevered, I appreciated thedescription of her mother's reconciliation with her own mortality, as well as Rupp's authenticity in recording her own grief. Am glad I stuck with it....

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once again, Joyce Rupp presents her thoughts, based on her experiences and her profound honesty, as she describes the waning years of her mother's life, and what a strong woman she was indeed. Rupp has the capacity to dig deep and touch me with every book. In this one, I was reminded of many experiences of my own mother and dad as they reached the end of their lives. And yes, I sometimes wish I could have a "do over". But it is what it is. And I was really struck by her story of the fox. We have a similar kind of story in my family regarding my dad. It still amazes me every time I think of it, which is often.
I had the distinct pleasure and honor to me Joyce not too long ago. Such a truly lovely lady. What a treasure!

[Nancy Lou · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one was difficult for me to decide between 3 or 4 stars. I’ve read other books by Joyce Rupp and loved them. This one I felt gave too much detail in more than one place. Her perceived failure over how she dealt with her mother’s aging went on too long. There were insights and inspiration in there but not enough to balance the many examples of how she felt she failed to grasp what her mother really needed from her. However, chapter 11, A Book of Regrets, helped me decide to choose 4 stars. This was exactly what I needed to help me release my regrets that I have carried around since my own mother died. Thanks Joyce for showing me how to let go of regrets.

[Michelle Quinn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honest personal account of learning what a loved one (mother's) essence includes, and what is broken up and what is diminished in the ageing process, told from the point of view of a middle aged daughter. Makes clear that living and dying are both ongoing processes, and how important it is to allow an older person to retain dignity and autonomy as much as possible. Good insights into grief and practical information for readers entering the throes of accompanying a parent or elder.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book really spoke to me. I could relate to the author's experience of walking with her mother as she aged. Although each mother's decline and death is unique, I could see some similar themes and incidents to what happened with my mother. I also related to her regrets. I too have later thought of things I could have done differently and the author brought some comfort to me.

[S · Rating 3 out of 5]

Memoir of author's mother. Title is a saying of her mom's. The latter half of the book pertains to her mother's decline in health and ultimate death. Major takeaway for me was "Don't come clean my cupboards as I age. Have conversations with me about my memories and of your life."

Author is a Servant of Mary from Western Iowa

[Bonnie Westmark · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book hit home with me because I experienced many of the same thoughts and emotions Sister Joyce Rupp describes. It’s healing to know I’m not alone in my grief and there is hope. Writing the book was cathartic to Sister and reading it was cathartic to me.

[Faith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gives me a different perspective of ageing and a reminder of our own journey with our ageing parents.

[Phyllis Fredericksen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully done book that the author wrote after her mother passed away. Many lessons here for life. For forgiveness. For forgiving the guilt we all carry.

[Sheila Pritchard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautiful!

[Shel R · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really tried to love this book, as it was recommended by friend. Instead If enlightening, I found it depressing and I almost felt like a voyeur in the aging process of the mom, which I was unsure if, given the choice, she would want discussed. Maybe I didn't like it because I often work with elderly people during extremely vulnerable times and have already seen way too many effects of aging to find the book enjoyable or enlightening.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

A couple of weeks ago I had the privilege of attending a mini-retreat given by Joyce Rupp, with this, her latest book as the theme. I purchased the book and I have taken my time in reading this short book, savoring each chapter. I loved this book and would give it 4.5 stars if there was such a thing. As my own Mother enters her 80's I take note of how to just 'be' with her; learning by some of the lessons and truths that Joyce sets out here. It is beautifully written: "As I conclude the story of my resilient mother, gratitude sings in my soul for the gift of this beloved woman in my life." Whether your mother is old, getting there, or has passed on, this is a wonderful read.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful memoir about Sr. Joyce and her mother. Her mother had a very hard life and Joyce recounts this hard life and how she has learned so much from her mother. This is a really good book also for anyone who has an elderly parent that may be dying or going through a lot of health issues and their independence is diminishing - it helps you understand what they are going through and how they want to be treated. This book was a gift to me from a beautiful angel who walks on this earth and is such a source of spiritual inspiration for me.

[Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to anyone who has an aging parent. Joyce's style of writing makes you feel like you are walking this path with her. I recently had the opportunity to attend an all day retreat with Joyce.....being in her presence was so peaceful. So glad she wrote this book to share her feelings.

[Cheryl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book, not only as a memoir and tribute to Joyce's mom but for the many lessons learned within. If you have lost a parent or have aging parents I recommend this book to help yourself understand, empathize and support them in their journey of aging or assist in your own grieving.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this book! A great story about the author's mother growing up in the Midwest , one of twelve children. The story follows her as she becomes a farm wife raising eight children and finally, into old age. Especially insightful for anyone dealing with an aging parent.

[Catherine Casey]

I've really appreciated reading Joyce Rupp's book on her Mother. I brought back memories of my own and helped to take a good long look at the JOurney we all take as we age and the relationships we foster as well as the Lessons learned.

[Kathryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joyce Rupp's story of spending time with her mother in her last years; including remembrances of family. INcludes both good and bad times.

[Jane Reeder · Rating 4 out of 5]

See review from Scott Simon's Unforgettable.