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Off Ramp: How to Be a Peacemaker in an Age of Contempt
“A huge majority of Americans love our country and want a healthier, happier civic life. Governor Spencer Cox’s Off Ramp is the guide we need to get us there.” —Arthur C. Brooks, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Meaning of Your Life
“A levelheaded recipe for getting away from the death spiral of partisanship that threatens to extinguish the supremely American virtues of compromise, resilience, problem-solving, and empathy. . . . A road map for restoration and repair.” —Ken Burns, two-time Academy Award nominee and Emmy and Peabody Award–winning producer and director of The Civil War and The American Revolution
Utah Governor Spencer Cox’s practical guide to depolarization teaches us how to disagree better at the dinner table, on social media, and in American politics
In September 2025, following the assassination of Charlie Kirk, Governor Spencer Cox stood at a podium and addressed a fractured and grieving nation.
He urged Americans to find a way to stop hating one another, or—at the very least, he said—to stop shooting each other. His words were balm to a nation desperate for an off ramp from rising political violence.
But a single speech cannot transform a country. It takes all of us working together. It takes a blueprint for healing, depolarization, and peacemaking.
Off Ramp is that blueprint.
In this practical and patriotic guide, Governor Cox pulls from his experience at the highest levels of civic leadership and cutting-edge depolarization research to encourage Americans to disagree better and restore the respect that we once had even for our political rivals. As America approaches the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, it’s time to remember what makes America strong, and leave behind the behaviors and rhetoric that threaten to destroy us.
“A levelheaded recipe for getting away from the death spiral of partisanship that threatens to extinguish the supremely American virtues of compromise, resilience, problem-solving, and empathy. . . . A road map for restoration and repair.” —Ken Burns, two-time Academy Award nominee and Emmy and Peabody Award–winning producer and director of The Civil War and The American Revolution
Utah Governor Spencer Cox’s practical guide to depolarization teaches us how to disagree better at the dinner table, on social media, and in American politics
In September 2025, following the assassination of Charlie Kirk, Governor Spencer Cox stood at a podium and addressed a fractured and grieving nation.
He urged Americans to find a way to stop hating one another, or—at the very least, he said—to stop shooting each other. His words were balm to a nation desperate for an off ramp from rising political violence.
But a single speech cannot transform a country. It takes all of us working together. It takes a blueprint for healing, depolarization, and peacemaking.
Off Ramp is that blueprint.
In this practical and patriotic guide, Governor Cox pulls from his experience at the highest levels of civic leadership and cutting-edge depolarization research to encourage Americans to disagree better and restore the respect that we once had even for our political rivals. As America approaches the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence, it’s time to remember what makes America strong, and leave behind the behaviors and rhetoric that threaten to destroy us.
Audible Audio
Published September 8, 2026
About the author
Spencer Cox
2 books2 followersSpencer Cox is a husband, father, farmer, business leader, recovering attorney, and Utah’s 18th governor. His career in public service — from city council member and mayor to county commissioner, state legislator, lieutenant governor, and now governor — has been shaped by a dedication to depolarization and a commitment to peacemaking. As chair of the National Governors Association from 2023 to 2024, he launched the bipartisan “Disagree Better” initiative, a national effort to model healthier civic engagement.
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
October 7, 2026
Cox says a lot of things in this book that are right. He starts with the killing of Charlie Kirk, lamenting the current state of violent and contemptuous American politics. He talks about how divided we've become in contrast to the feeling of unity we once had against a common enemy during the era of the Cold War. He talks about mega-identities and how our important the groups we belong to are in forming our beliefs. He talks about the importance of community and the effects of news media and social media on our perceptions of the world. Pretty much everything he talked about in this book was absolutely right. However…
I think there was a pretty huge thing missing. I just don't know how you can really have an honest discussion about division in modern American politics without talking about the role that Donald Trump and his MAGA movement have played. No, it's not that he didn't mention it at all. He did… kind of. He did say that both Joe Biden and Donald Trump are two of the most polarizing presidents in the history of our country. He did say that. But that's the thing. He can't criticize his dear king without qualifying it with a both-sides-ism.
Cox talks about an important distinction between disagreement and contempt. Disagreement is saying "You're Wrong." Contempt is saying "You are beneath me."
I'm writing this a day after Donald Trump said that letting Iran take out Los Angeles and San Diego would be a small price to pay. We've listened to years of constant vitriol from the mouth of Donald Trump. We hear the way he talks about immigrants. We hear the way he talks about his political opponents. We hear the way he talks about his fellow Americans who are just regular people. There is no one more contemptuous than Donald Trump. This has to have had some effect on our current situation of political division hasn't it? Why wouldn't you talk about that in this book?
One interesting point is that Cox talks about what it means to be a peacemaker and how it's different from being a peacekeeper. He says that peacekeeping is a refusal to cause waves and an aversion to taking a stand. A peacemaker in contrast is the "muscular counterpart" that's active where peacekeeping is passive.
I think Cox is pretty passive in this book when it comes to saying anything about the most divisive and contemptuous president in our history. He'll talk all day about social media and how we've lost our sense of community, but won't say a thing about how Donald Trump and his MAGA followers constantly talk about how much they hate half the country. And no, it's not a "both sides" thing. There is a significant asymmetry in political discourse. Cox maintains a false balance throughout the book by framing it as a problem with everyone.
But I can see how balance can feel like objectivity from his perspective. I do think he makes a good effort to try to be objective by trying to use examples from both sides. However, his right-wing bias pokes out here and there throughout the book. There are cringey moments where he compares watching Trump tweet to watching DaVinci paint. There are moments when he parrots right-wing tropes like when he mentions how Joe Biden basically campaigned from his basement. One moment that bugged me more than others though was his mention of Bad Bunny's "controversial" performance. He referenced the quote on the jumbotron -- "the only thing more powerful than hate is love," but had to point that Bad Bunny probably didn't understand that there are different meanings of the word, "love" and only one of them is actually more powerful than hate. It was just pretty condescending and a good example of contempt, where he seemed to think that Bad Bunny was beneath him.
Another comment in the book that really bugged me was where he recounted how proud he was of Utahns for not looting, rioting or setting cars on fire after Charlie Kirk was killed. You know what he was thinking about when he said this. He was thinking about what happened when George Floyd was killed. It was as if he was saying that the people who looted, rioted and set cars on fire back then were beneath the good white Christians in Utah who didn't do those things. Kind of sounds like contempt, doesn't it?
Well anyway, I enjoyed the book for the most part. Cox nevertheless has a lot of good ideas. I hope we can keep this conversation going.
I think there was a pretty huge thing missing. I just don't know how you can really have an honest discussion about division in modern American politics without talking about the role that Donald Trump and his MAGA movement have played. No, it's not that he didn't mention it at all. He did… kind of. He did say that both Joe Biden and Donald Trump are two of the most polarizing presidents in the history of our country. He did say that. But that's the thing. He can't criticize his dear king without qualifying it with a both-sides-ism.
Cox talks about an important distinction between disagreement and contempt. Disagreement is saying "You're Wrong." Contempt is saying "You are beneath me."
I'm writing this a day after Donald Trump said that letting Iran take out Los Angeles and San Diego would be a small price to pay. We've listened to years of constant vitriol from the mouth of Donald Trump. We hear the way he talks about immigrants. We hear the way he talks about his political opponents. We hear the way he talks about his fellow Americans who are just regular people. There is no one more contemptuous than Donald Trump. This has to have had some effect on our current situation of political division hasn't it? Why wouldn't you talk about that in this book?
One interesting point is that Cox talks about what it means to be a peacemaker and how it's different from being a peacekeeper. He says that peacekeeping is a refusal to cause waves and an aversion to taking a stand. A peacemaker in contrast is the "muscular counterpart" that's active where peacekeeping is passive.
I think Cox is pretty passive in this book when it comes to saying anything about the most divisive and contemptuous president in our history. He'll talk all day about social media and how we've lost our sense of community, but won't say a thing about how Donald Trump and his MAGA followers constantly talk about how much they hate half the country. And no, it's not a "both sides" thing. There is a significant asymmetry in political discourse. Cox maintains a false balance throughout the book by framing it as a problem with everyone.
But I can see how balance can feel like objectivity from his perspective. I do think he makes a good effort to try to be objective by trying to use examples from both sides. However, his right-wing bias pokes out here and there throughout the book. There are cringey moments where he compares watching Trump tweet to watching DaVinci paint. There are moments when he parrots right-wing tropes like when he mentions how Joe Biden basically campaigned from his basement. One moment that bugged me more than others though was his mention of Bad Bunny's "controversial" performance. He referenced the quote on the jumbotron -- "the only thing more powerful than hate is love," but had to point that Bad Bunny probably didn't understand that there are different meanings of the word, "love" and only one of them is actually more powerful than hate. It was just pretty condescending and a good example of contempt, where he seemed to think that Bad Bunny was beneath him.
Another comment in the book that really bugged me was where he recounted how proud he was of Utahns for not looting, rioting or setting cars on fire after Charlie Kirk was killed. You know what he was thinking about when he said this. He was thinking about what happened when George Floyd was killed. It was as if he was saying that the people who looted, rioted and set cars on fire back then were beneath the good white Christians in Utah who didn't do those things. Kind of sounds like contempt, doesn't it?
Well anyway, I enjoyed the book for the most part. Cox nevertheless has a lot of good ideas. I hope we can keep this conversation going.
September 12, 2026
I really like Spencer Cox and the work he is doing to help people disagree better. We live in a very divided world where people on the left and right often seem to hate each other. This book’s message is simple but very important: we can disagree without treating each other badly.
Cox has shown real courage in speaking out against the anger and contempt in our politics. He is not asking people to give up their beliefs. He is asking us to remember that people on the other side are still good people who deserve respect.
The book can feel a little overly sincere at times, but that also makes its hopeful message feel genuine. This is a powerful and necessary book for the moment we are living in.
Cox has shown real courage in speaking out against the anger and contempt in our politics. He is not asking people to give up their beliefs. He is asking us to remember that people on the other side are still good people who deserve respect.
The book can feel a little overly sincere at times, but that also makes its hopeful message feel genuine. This is a powerful and necessary book for the moment we are living in.
September 12, 2026
If the people who trashed the author in their reviews here really read this book, they obviously didn’t learn a thing from it. We all need to learn how to disagree respectfully. Before it’s too late.
Even if I don’t agree with the author’s politics, I completely agree with his book and respect his demonstration of its principles in real life. Thank you sir.
Even if I don’t agree with the author’s politics, I completely agree with his book and respect his demonstration of its principles in real life. Thank you sir.
September 13, 2026
I loved the care with which this book was composed. Governor Cox has undertaken the difficult task of tempering our national appetite for outrage and our sinful contempt for each other. He roots his countercultural proposal in the insights from Lincoln's Lyceum address about national suicide. He contextualizes his work on depolarization by sharing tenets of his faith and lessons from his deep dive into political science. He preached this Gospel of forgiveness, unmerited grace, and unconditional love of neighbor in the wake of the political assassination of Charlie Kirk last year and reiterates in this book that "political violence doesn't stop the speech of victims, it creates a vulture of intimidation." He recounts the multiple missteps and acts of rhetorical terror that have brought us to this nadir. He connects polarization to an epidemic of loneliness. He argues for an America that returns to the communalism that de Tocqueville observed in the 1830s during his sojourn in America. To get there, we will need to stop scrolling alone (a play on Putnam's Bowling Alone). We want to avoid the parochialism that makes us in-group partisans, but we have to rediscover relationship and community. Social media through its pernicious algorithms exacerbates identity politics ('a weapon we use against our fellow Americans'). I commend the Governor for ending the book with practical next steps for his readers. We may be strangers to each other if we only consider our political affinities. We don't have to treat strangers as enemies, as the Governor so wisely states
October 6, 2026
Nice sentiments presented in this book. Lots of lofty quotes to ponder. I would rate it higher if I were not convinced that Governor Cox has sold out Utah to the future of data centers. Yes, he has said we need more “regulation.” However, a lifetime of studying politics/history tells me that just means he and all the other good old boy cronies in Utah have to further divide the pie in even more self-serving advantageous ways. I really would like to believe the best about our leaders, but I have seen too much to know that I have seen too much.
October 24, 2026
I really liked this book full of ideas about disagreeing better, getting to know those we might disagree with, and building a community based on trust and not contempt. Here are some of my favorite quotes:
"Lincoln noted that the people of his day did not create this bountiful nation; they inherited it, which meant that they had a moral obligation to faithfully 'transmit' it to future generations (p. xi)."
"It is a work of deep social science because Cox reads widely and thinks like a social scientist... It is a civic intervention too... He was one of the first political leaders in the nation to support what became The Anxious Generation movement... He acted. Utah currently leads the nation in efforts to protect kids from online harms (p. xii)."
"With no prepared speech, he spoke from the heart... I'll just say that I, and much of the nation, was moved to tears by the way that Cox, on a dark day, spoke to the better angels of our nature (p. xiv)."
"I'm writing this as a neighbor, a Christian, a father. As an American who's just really worried about our country (p. 2)."
"In small towns, people step up when it is their turn (p. 2)."
"Peacemaking has sometimes been stigmatized as weak (p. 4)."
"John Gottman... concluded that contempt is the most destructive attitude in relationships (p. 5)."
"Peacemaking is not surrender, and it's not passive. It's just the courage to stay in the fight without becoming ruthless (p. 5)."
"The students were shocked at how civil and substantial the debate was between the two... They were just two people who knew that America was more important than their political disagreements (p. 6)."
"I'm going to offer practical advice on what we can actually do to save our nation (p. 8)."
"The change we desperately need in our country will never come solely from the Oval Office or the halls of Congress (p. 9)."
"In America, I fear, we aren't singing our parts, we're shouting them (p. 10)."
"'Blessed are the peacemakers' (p. 10)."
"Tragedy will come for each of us when we least expect it (p. 11)."
"'Mr. President, I promise we will find this shooter and hold him accountable to the greatest extent of the law' (p. 14)."
"When high profile tragedies happen, there is an insatiable need for timely information (p. 15)."
"The fact that people were celebrating the public murder of a father made me sick to my stomach (p. 15)."
"No 'how to handle a political assassination' playbook exists. Governors train for all kinds of emergencies: earthquakes, floods, wildfires, school shootings. Not political assassinations. I'd been inspired watching many of my fellow governors deal with tragedies (p. 16)."
'Remember to speak from your heart... And always speak with moral clarity' (p. 16)."
"In this difficult time for the United States, it's perhaps well to ask what kind of a nation we are and what direction we want to move in (p. 17)."
"Kennedy knew all too well the pain of having a loved one assassinated, and he confessed it was tempting to allow this injustice to fill him with 'hatred and distrust.' But he encouraged Americans to go beyond the pain of the moment. 'What we need in the United States is not division... not hatred... not violence and lawlessness; but is love and wisdom and compassion toward one another' (p. 17)."
"'Violence begets violence' (Martin Luther King Jr, p. 19)."
"Political violence doesn't only stop the speech of the victims; it creates a culture of intimidation (p. 19)."
"Nothing I say can united us as a country. Nothing I can say right now can fix what is broken. Nothing I can say can bring back Charlie Kirk... We just need every single person in this country to think about where we are and where we want to be, to ask ourselves, is this it? Is this what 250 years has wrought on us?... Could this terrible moment offer an off ramp for the rest of the country? (p. 20)"
"I was surprised at how many Utahns compared Kirk's death to their feelings on 9/11 (p. 22)."
"The toxicity was reaching a fevered pitch (p. 23)."
"'The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive' (Charlie Kirk, p. 23)."
"You are inheriting a country where politics feels like rage. It feels like rage is the only option. But through those words, we have a reminder that we can choose a different path. Your generation has an opportunity to build a culture that is very different than what we are suffering through right now (p. 24)."
"At some point, we have to find an off ramp or it's going to get much, much worse (p. 25)."
"We had a role to play. We needed to learn our part (p. 29)."
"'Freedom is a fragile thing' (Ronald Reagan, p. 30)."
"I come by this optimism honestly. Farmers get up in the morning and plant seeds, hoping the sun and clouds will show up every day with the right amount of light and water to coax the plants out of the earth (p. 33)."
"Regrettably, the tread of increasing threats isn't limited to high-profile public officials but is now reaching down to mayors, town council members, local election officials, and other roles that were historically too boring to attract harassment (p. 39)."
"We can't solve the problems of rising health care costs, housing affordability, fentanyl, and homelessness if we hate each other and have a dysfunctional Congress (p. 43)."
"'As a friend, I plead with you to help America be the country of your dreams... Please help America take the lead again. Because, as President Reagan said, 'Your hopes are our hopes, and your destiny is our destiny' (p. 45)."
"One nation, indivisible?... That depends on us. And we've got work to do (p. 46)."
"The 'correlation between fandom and the percentage of people who voted for Mr. Trump was higher for 'Duck Dynasty' than it was for any other show'... Game of Thrones was basically a map of Hillary Clinton supporters. If you were watching The Walking Dead, you probably voted for Donald Trump. This has far-reaching repercussions, but it has also changed the strategies of political campaigns (p. 47)."
"In the past, television networks created shows with broad appeal like The Beverly Hillbillies... M*A*S*H... Cheers... Today, that kind of shared audience is almost impossible (p. 48)."
"After a few years we noticed that there was much less news and much more outrage... So one day we turned it off. Cold turkey. Immediately we felt something different in our home: peace. Everything was brighter. We were better parents, better spouses. The world was a happier place (p. 48)."
"Outrage sells, because it is addicting... Today, we can't collectively go to the next program when the news ends, because the news never ends (p. 49)."
"Before I got into politics, I described myself as an American, a Christian, a husband, a dad... a Utah State University Aggie, a recovering attorney, an NBA junkie, and a Greendale Human Being... I also included 'Republican,' but that was way down the list. Once I ran for office, that label moved to the top of the list. Journalist even put a big 'R' right after the name of any elected member of the party (p. 52)."
"Being a Democrat or a Republican has become the most important thing about a person--followed closely by other politics-adjacent descriptors (p. 53)."
"I'm stereotyping. That's the point... Now, if someone challenges one part of a person's identity, it's perceived as a challenged to all of their identities (p. 55)."
"When identity becomes supreme, policy debates stand in for much larger conflicts. If you disagree with your coworker about universal health care, you are likely not having a conversation about health care (p. 57)."
"Something remarkable happens when you realize you need each other (p. 59)."
"Music required listening so carefully to everyone else that you could harmonize under any circumstances (p. 59)."
"I've often wondered if there is one single, unifying theory that could explain--and solve--polarization, addiction, suicide, homelessness, illiteracy, and poverty. I wondered, to paraphrase Reagan, if there was a simple solution (if not an easy one). After years of research, I've concluded that the Theory of Everything for social science can be summed up in one simple word: community. Community is why you still enjoy watching It's a Wonderful Life at Christmas, even if you've seen it a million times (p. 61)."
"Tocqueville believed America's strength did not come from its wealth or its laws but from the thick social connections that encouraged people to show up for one another (p. 63)."
"My scout leader, John Perry, took me on countless camping trips and shared my love of '60s music. I thought we were just having fun, but all along he was teaching me how to be a good friend and a humble leader. I didn't realize at the time the tremendous sacrifice he made to serve me and so many others (p. 64)."
"When I was lost and struggling as a teenager and ready to give up, the government didn't step in to save me. But a scout leader, a neighbor, a teacher, and a family friend made my situation their business (p. 65)."
"Our democratic republic runs on a baseline level of trust: trust in government, trust in the media, trust in corporations, trust in our neighbors (p. 65)."
"Churches, once among the most powerful engines of social capital in American life, tell a similar story. Attendance for most religious groups has nose-dived... The lack of attendance has weakened one of the few institutions that brought people together for spiritual instruction, edification, and community service (p. 69)."
"Planting roots in a place means investing in the people there, joining clubs and churches, and working to improve our communities (p. 70)."
"What if our social isolation wasn't caused by one big moment like a breakup, but instead accumulated over time so gradually that we didn't notice? (p. 70)"
"When people aren't busy, they're thinking of others (p. 72)."
"Today Americans aren't even bowling alone--we are scrolling alone (p. 73)."
"Instead of waking up early for the news, I checked Twitter first. And second. Well, I checked it every spare minute (p. 74)."
"Our happiness grows out of rootedness to a particular place and people (p. 75)."
"It felt like social media might save the world. But the same tools that helped connect people made it easier to spread fear, lies, and resentment. Turns out, connection--without strong norms, shared values, and real-world relationships-isn't enough (p. 76)."
"If peacemaking starts anywhere, it is by taking the off ramp from our technology long enough to see the real people right in front of us (p. 77)."
"Just before Christmas in 2025, I finally deleted all social media apps from my phone. I've never tasted alcohol, smoked a cigarette, or tried drugs. But for three straight days I'd pull out my phone and instinctively tap an icon that no longer existed (p. 77)."
"Instead of destroying traditions, we should improve them (p. 80)."
"That's the beautiful thing about communities, isn't it? They adapt and change along with your needs (p. 81)."
"'We ended up overprotecting children in the real world while underprotecting them in the virtual world' (p. 82)."
"Parents shouldn't have to fight trillion-dollar companies alone (p. 89)."
"A few days after I took my social media off my phone, my focus started to return (p. 91)."
"The most important things in life are never happening on our phones. They're happening right in front of us (p. 91)."
"Your algorithms delivered messages all day telling you which version was true (p. 93)."
"When media and algorithms elevate the loudest extremists, we incorrectly begin to think that everyone on the other side is like them (p. 95)."
"Identity doesn't just dictate the types of information we share; it dictates the way we see others even in our most desperate moments. This is how identity becomes less a representation of who we are and more a weapon against our fellow Americans (p. 99)."
"'YouTube was recommending content that was more and more extreme than the mainstream political fare I had started with' (p. 102)."
"The more divided we feel, the more we engage (p. 103)."
"The next time you see a random user with a ridiculous take on social media that's getting all the likes and retweets, take a moment to at least consider: It could be fake (p. 105)."
"'Is America any better at the end of this campaign?' (p. 110)"
"Could a political campaign actually make our state a better place? (p. 111)"
"'If I have to tear down these good men to be the next governor, then I don't deserve to be your next governor' (p. 112)."
"People were desperate for something positive (p. 112)."
"'We can debate issues without degrading each other's character' (p. 115)."
"'When everyday Americans see their leaders committing to basically accepting the results of an election, committing to civility, it helps everyday Americans to recalibrate their perceptions about American politics' (p. 116)."
"Although health care, energy, and immigration plague us, a larger issue underlies all of these: We can't solve the biggest problems facing our country if we hate each other (p. 118)."
"I was calling for healthier conflict (p. 118)."
"Healthy conflict is not a toxic symptom of democracy; it is foundational to it. Disagreement sharpens ideas, exposes weaknesses, and ultimately produces better policy (p. 119)."
"'Most people don't see their own contempt' (p. 121)."
"The contempt among some of the delegates was palpable. I decided to discard my speech completely, and instead, I let them have it... I returned contempt with contempt. I returned hate with hate... I didn't change a single heart or mind (p. 122)."
"Most college students have come of age seeing toxic political discourse as the norm (p. 125)."
"In a deeply polarized country, everything is a problem (p. 131)."
"'My parents taught me that we should pray for the leaders of our country. Mr. President, I want you to know that our family prays for you and your family every night. We pray that you will be successful, because if you are successful than means that the United States of America is successful, and tonight we are always Americans first' (p. 132)."
"Our republic survives not just on rules, laws, and elections, but also because of rituals of respect, hospitality, and grace (p. 133)."
"In the immediate aftermath of the shooting of Charlie Kirk, I called for an end to political violence (p. 139)."
"Peacemaking rarely means an overnight conversion from divisiveness to unity (p. 139)."
"If we cease to be good, America will cease to be great (p. 148)."
"'Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other' (John Adams, p. 150)."
"When politics becomes the main source of not just our mega-identity but our moral identity, it creates fear, rage, and a relentless struggle for domination (p. 155)."
"You have to love the people who hate you (p. 157)."
"Activism without virtue rarely succeeds (p. 158)."
"America offers something truly unique: a national identity defined by shared principles rather than shared ancestry (p. 165)."
"The goal, as James Madison wrote in the Federalist Papers, was 'to divide and arrange' government so that 'each may be a check on the other' (p. 166)."
"The only way durable legislation emerges is through argument, compromise, and coalition-building (p. 167)."
"'Creating common ground is a key purpose of the Constitution' (p. 167)."
"Congress should be a place for compromise, problem-solving, and deliberation (p. 169)."
"Legislation is durable. Executive action is temporary (p. 170)."
"Political violence is not the natural extension of disagreement, but rather of dysfunction (p. 170)."
"Sadly, real debate rarely happens in the public square anymore (p. 171)."
"Learning the other side of an issue sharpened my own position and helped me to be much more persuasive (p. 173)."
"Being a peacemaker means embracing more disagreement and more debate, not less (p. 174)."
"'When people stop talking, that's when you get violence' (Charlie Kirk, p. 174)."
"We must do everything possible to make sure that Americans don't lose the marketplace of ideas (p. 175)."
"'All politics is local' (p. 179)."
"Money comes with strings attached, which makes elections even more important (p. 180)."
"Peacemaking requires discipline, thought, and restraint (p. 181)."
"The law became the first passed by a Republican state to make sexual orientation and gender identity a protected class under state law in the areas of housing and employment. At the same time, it granted key religious liberty protections and exemptions for religious institutions. Also included were innovative free-speech protections (p. 182)."
"Tears filled eyes on both sides of the aisle. Except there wasn't an aisle. Just a true spirit of unity. That is what peacemaking looks like (p. 183)."
"'We found solutions together. Neither side compromised our values, but rather, we discovered new ways forward that respected each other and forged areas of common ground. Bringing diverse voices to the table is hard. It requires expanded empathy and patience. But when we ratchet down the vitriol and seek areas of agreement, incredible things can happen' (Troy Wilson, p. 183)."
"Step-by-step, year-by-year, the world is improving (p. 195)."
"Principle 1: Lead with Curiosity Not Contempt (p. 212)"
"'Tell me more about why you feel that way' (p. 213)."
"The ability to stay present with someone with whom you disagree is a discipline of democratic life (p. 215)."
"Principle 2: Resist the Urge to Tell People They're Wrong (p. 216)"
"Principle 3: Belonging Before Persuasion (p. 218)"
"Principle 4: Replace Rebuttal with Relationship (p. 221)"
"Principle 5: Serve Together (p. 222)"
"You can pretend to care, but you can't pretend to show up (p. 224)."
"Principle 6: Don't Save Face, Give Face (p. 224)"
"People are much easier to deal with when they feel they are given this desired face (p. 226)."
"Principle 7: Enlarge Your Friend Group to Include Your Political 'Opponents' (p. 226)"
"Principle 8: Be Careful with Your Words About Other People (p. 228)"
"Principle 9: Give People the Grace You Will One Day Also Need (p. 230)"
"'I've learned... not to judge people by their worst day' (p. 230)."
"Principle 10: Forgive Bravely (p. 231)"
"Forgiveness is an act of courage (p. 232)."
"Principle 11: Relationships First and Leading with Love (p. 233)"
"Peacemaking begins close to home. It begins with rebuilding trust with the people who live near you and the people you love (p. 243)."
"To parents worried about your kids... To my friends of color... To our newest U.S. citizens... To those who live in small towns... To those in big cities... To young people who have grown up in this atmosphere of political contempt... To older Americans who sometimes feel overlooked... To veterans... To my Democratic friends... To my Republican friends... Please don't give up on the idea of America (p. 243)."
"Protect what's worth passing down (p. 245)."
"Peacemaking is the bold, necessary work to ensure that our nation won't merely survive, but flourish (p. 246)."
"Blessed are the peacemakers (p. 246)."
"Lincoln noted that the people of his day did not create this bountiful nation; they inherited it, which meant that they had a moral obligation to faithfully 'transmit' it to future generations (p. xi)."
"It is a work of deep social science because Cox reads widely and thinks like a social scientist... It is a civic intervention too... He was one of the first political leaders in the nation to support what became The Anxious Generation movement... He acted. Utah currently leads the nation in efforts to protect kids from online harms (p. xii)."
"With no prepared speech, he spoke from the heart... I'll just say that I, and much of the nation, was moved to tears by the way that Cox, on a dark day, spoke to the better angels of our nature (p. xiv)."
"I'm writing this as a neighbor, a Christian, a father. As an American who's just really worried about our country (p. 2)."
"In small towns, people step up when it is their turn (p. 2)."
"Peacemaking has sometimes been stigmatized as weak (p. 4)."
"John Gottman... concluded that contempt is the most destructive attitude in relationships (p. 5)."
"Peacemaking is not surrender, and it's not passive. It's just the courage to stay in the fight without becoming ruthless (p. 5)."
"The students were shocked at how civil and substantial the debate was between the two... They were just two people who knew that America was more important than their political disagreements (p. 6)."
"I'm going to offer practical advice on what we can actually do to save our nation (p. 8)."
"The change we desperately need in our country will never come solely from the Oval Office or the halls of Congress (p. 9)."
"In America, I fear, we aren't singing our parts, we're shouting them (p. 10)."
"'Blessed are the peacemakers' (p. 10)."
"Tragedy will come for each of us when we least expect it (p. 11)."
"'Mr. President, I promise we will find this shooter and hold him accountable to the greatest extent of the law' (p. 14)."
"When high profile tragedies happen, there is an insatiable need for timely information (p. 15)."
"The fact that people were celebrating the public murder of a father made me sick to my stomach (p. 15)."
"No 'how to handle a political assassination' playbook exists. Governors train for all kinds of emergencies: earthquakes, floods, wildfires, school shootings. Not political assassinations. I'd been inspired watching many of my fellow governors deal with tragedies (p. 16)."
'Remember to speak from your heart... And always speak with moral clarity' (p. 16)."
"In this difficult time for the United States, it's perhaps well to ask what kind of a nation we are and what direction we want to move in (p. 17)."
"Kennedy knew all too well the pain of having a loved one assassinated, and he confessed it was tempting to allow this injustice to fill him with 'hatred and distrust.' But he encouraged Americans to go beyond the pain of the moment. 'What we need in the United States is not division... not hatred... not violence and lawlessness; but is love and wisdom and compassion toward one another' (p. 17)."
"'Violence begets violence' (Martin Luther King Jr, p. 19)."
"Political violence doesn't only stop the speech of the victims; it creates a culture of intimidation (p. 19)."
"Nothing I say can united us as a country. Nothing I can say right now can fix what is broken. Nothing I can say can bring back Charlie Kirk... We just need every single person in this country to think about where we are and where we want to be, to ask ourselves, is this it? Is this what 250 years has wrought on us?... Could this terrible moment offer an off ramp for the rest of the country? (p. 20)"
"I was surprised at how many Utahns compared Kirk's death to their feelings on 9/11 (p. 22)."
"The toxicity was reaching a fevered pitch (p. 23)."
"'The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive' (Charlie Kirk, p. 23)."
"You are inheriting a country where politics feels like rage. It feels like rage is the only option. But through those words, we have a reminder that we can choose a different path. Your generation has an opportunity to build a culture that is very different than what we are suffering through right now (p. 24)."
"At some point, we have to find an off ramp or it's going to get much, much worse (p. 25)."
"We had a role to play. We needed to learn our part (p. 29)."
"'Freedom is a fragile thing' (Ronald Reagan, p. 30)."
"I come by this optimism honestly. Farmers get up in the morning and plant seeds, hoping the sun and clouds will show up every day with the right amount of light and water to coax the plants out of the earth (p. 33)."
"Regrettably, the tread of increasing threats isn't limited to high-profile public officials but is now reaching down to mayors, town council members, local election officials, and other roles that were historically too boring to attract harassment (p. 39)."
"We can't solve the problems of rising health care costs, housing affordability, fentanyl, and homelessness if we hate each other and have a dysfunctional Congress (p. 43)."
"'As a friend, I plead with you to help America be the country of your dreams... Please help America take the lead again. Because, as President Reagan said, 'Your hopes are our hopes, and your destiny is our destiny' (p. 45)."
"One nation, indivisible?... That depends on us. And we've got work to do (p. 46)."
"The 'correlation between fandom and the percentage of people who voted for Mr. Trump was higher for 'Duck Dynasty' than it was for any other show'... Game of Thrones was basically a map of Hillary Clinton supporters. If you were watching The Walking Dead, you probably voted for Donald Trump. This has far-reaching repercussions, but it has also changed the strategies of political campaigns (p. 47)."
"In the past, television networks created shows with broad appeal like The Beverly Hillbillies... M*A*S*H... Cheers... Today, that kind of shared audience is almost impossible (p. 48)."
"After a few years we noticed that there was much less news and much more outrage... So one day we turned it off. Cold turkey. Immediately we felt something different in our home: peace. Everything was brighter. We were better parents, better spouses. The world was a happier place (p. 48)."
"Outrage sells, because it is addicting... Today, we can't collectively go to the next program when the news ends, because the news never ends (p. 49)."
"Before I got into politics, I described myself as an American, a Christian, a husband, a dad... a Utah State University Aggie, a recovering attorney, an NBA junkie, and a Greendale Human Being... I also included 'Republican,' but that was way down the list. Once I ran for office, that label moved to the top of the list. Journalist even put a big 'R' right after the name of any elected member of the party (p. 52)."
"Being a Democrat or a Republican has become the most important thing about a person--followed closely by other politics-adjacent descriptors (p. 53)."
"I'm stereotyping. That's the point... Now, if someone challenges one part of a person's identity, it's perceived as a challenged to all of their identities (p. 55)."
"When identity becomes supreme, policy debates stand in for much larger conflicts. If you disagree with your coworker about universal health care, you are likely not having a conversation about health care (p. 57)."
"Something remarkable happens when you realize you need each other (p. 59)."
"Music required listening so carefully to everyone else that you could harmonize under any circumstances (p. 59)."
"I've often wondered if there is one single, unifying theory that could explain--and solve--polarization, addiction, suicide, homelessness, illiteracy, and poverty. I wondered, to paraphrase Reagan, if there was a simple solution (if not an easy one). After years of research, I've concluded that the Theory of Everything for social science can be summed up in one simple word: community. Community is why you still enjoy watching It's a Wonderful Life at Christmas, even if you've seen it a million times (p. 61)."
"Tocqueville believed America's strength did not come from its wealth or its laws but from the thick social connections that encouraged people to show up for one another (p. 63)."
"My scout leader, John Perry, took me on countless camping trips and shared my love of '60s music. I thought we were just having fun, but all along he was teaching me how to be a good friend and a humble leader. I didn't realize at the time the tremendous sacrifice he made to serve me and so many others (p. 64)."
"When I was lost and struggling as a teenager and ready to give up, the government didn't step in to save me. But a scout leader, a neighbor, a teacher, and a family friend made my situation their business (p. 65)."
"Our democratic republic runs on a baseline level of trust: trust in government, trust in the media, trust in corporations, trust in our neighbors (p. 65)."
"Churches, once among the most powerful engines of social capital in American life, tell a similar story. Attendance for most religious groups has nose-dived... The lack of attendance has weakened one of the few institutions that brought people together for spiritual instruction, edification, and community service (p. 69)."
"Planting roots in a place means investing in the people there, joining clubs and churches, and working to improve our communities (p. 70)."
"What if our social isolation wasn't caused by one big moment like a breakup, but instead accumulated over time so gradually that we didn't notice? (p. 70)"
"When people aren't busy, they're thinking of others (p. 72)."
"Today Americans aren't even bowling alone--we are scrolling alone (p. 73)."
"Instead of waking up early for the news, I checked Twitter first. And second. Well, I checked it every spare minute (p. 74)."
"Our happiness grows out of rootedness to a particular place and people (p. 75)."
"It felt like social media might save the world. But the same tools that helped connect people made it easier to spread fear, lies, and resentment. Turns out, connection--without strong norms, shared values, and real-world relationships-isn't enough (p. 76)."
"If peacemaking starts anywhere, it is by taking the off ramp from our technology long enough to see the real people right in front of us (p. 77)."
"Just before Christmas in 2025, I finally deleted all social media apps from my phone. I've never tasted alcohol, smoked a cigarette, or tried drugs. But for three straight days I'd pull out my phone and instinctively tap an icon that no longer existed (p. 77)."
"Instead of destroying traditions, we should improve them (p. 80)."
"That's the beautiful thing about communities, isn't it? They adapt and change along with your needs (p. 81)."
"'We ended up overprotecting children in the real world while underprotecting them in the virtual world' (p. 82)."
"Parents shouldn't have to fight trillion-dollar companies alone (p. 89)."
"A few days after I took my social media off my phone, my focus started to return (p. 91)."
"The most important things in life are never happening on our phones. They're happening right in front of us (p. 91)."
"Your algorithms delivered messages all day telling you which version was true (p. 93)."
"When media and algorithms elevate the loudest extremists, we incorrectly begin to think that everyone on the other side is like them (p. 95)."
"Identity doesn't just dictate the types of information we share; it dictates the way we see others even in our most desperate moments. This is how identity becomes less a representation of who we are and more a weapon against our fellow Americans (p. 99)."
"'YouTube was recommending content that was more and more extreme than the mainstream political fare I had started with' (p. 102)."
"The more divided we feel, the more we engage (p. 103)."
"The next time you see a random user with a ridiculous take on social media that's getting all the likes and retweets, take a moment to at least consider: It could be fake (p. 105)."
"'Is America any better at the end of this campaign?' (p. 110)"
"Could a political campaign actually make our state a better place? (p. 111)"
"'If I have to tear down these good men to be the next governor, then I don't deserve to be your next governor' (p. 112)."
"People were desperate for something positive (p. 112)."
"'We can debate issues without degrading each other's character' (p. 115)."
"'When everyday Americans see their leaders committing to basically accepting the results of an election, committing to civility, it helps everyday Americans to recalibrate their perceptions about American politics' (p. 116)."
"Although health care, energy, and immigration plague us, a larger issue underlies all of these: We can't solve the biggest problems facing our country if we hate each other (p. 118)."
"I was calling for healthier conflict (p. 118)."
"Healthy conflict is not a toxic symptom of democracy; it is foundational to it. Disagreement sharpens ideas, exposes weaknesses, and ultimately produces better policy (p. 119)."
"'Most people don't see their own contempt' (p. 121)."
"The contempt among some of the delegates was palpable. I decided to discard my speech completely, and instead, I let them have it... I returned contempt with contempt. I returned hate with hate... I didn't change a single heart or mind (p. 122)."
"Most college students have come of age seeing toxic political discourse as the norm (p. 125)."
"In a deeply polarized country, everything is a problem (p. 131)."
"'My parents taught me that we should pray for the leaders of our country. Mr. President, I want you to know that our family prays for you and your family every night. We pray that you will be successful, because if you are successful than means that the United States of America is successful, and tonight we are always Americans first' (p. 132)."
"Our republic survives not just on rules, laws, and elections, but also because of rituals of respect, hospitality, and grace (p. 133)."
"In the immediate aftermath of the shooting of Charlie Kirk, I called for an end to political violence (p. 139)."
"Peacemaking rarely means an overnight conversion from divisiveness to unity (p. 139)."
"If we cease to be good, America will cease to be great (p. 148)."
"'Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other' (John Adams, p. 150)."
"When politics becomes the main source of not just our mega-identity but our moral identity, it creates fear, rage, and a relentless struggle for domination (p. 155)."
"You have to love the people who hate you (p. 157)."
"Activism without virtue rarely succeeds (p. 158)."
"America offers something truly unique: a national identity defined by shared principles rather than shared ancestry (p. 165)."
"The goal, as James Madison wrote in the Federalist Papers, was 'to divide and arrange' government so that 'each may be a check on the other' (p. 166)."
"The only way durable legislation emerges is through argument, compromise, and coalition-building (p. 167)."
"'Creating common ground is a key purpose of the Constitution' (p. 167)."
"Congress should be a place for compromise, problem-solving, and deliberation (p. 169)."
"Legislation is durable. Executive action is temporary (p. 170)."
"Political violence is not the natural extension of disagreement, but rather of dysfunction (p. 170)."
"Sadly, real debate rarely happens in the public square anymore (p. 171)."
"Learning the other side of an issue sharpened my own position and helped me to be much more persuasive (p. 173)."
"Being a peacemaker means embracing more disagreement and more debate, not less (p. 174)."
"'When people stop talking, that's when you get violence' (Charlie Kirk, p. 174)."
"We must do everything possible to make sure that Americans don't lose the marketplace of ideas (p. 175)."
"'All politics is local' (p. 179)."
"Money comes with strings attached, which makes elections even more important (p. 180)."
"Peacemaking requires discipline, thought, and restraint (p. 181)."
"The law became the first passed by a Republican state to make sexual orientation and gender identity a protected class under state law in the areas of housing and employment. At the same time, it granted key religious liberty protections and exemptions for religious institutions. Also included were innovative free-speech protections (p. 182)."
"Tears filled eyes on both sides of the aisle. Except there wasn't an aisle. Just a true spirit of unity. That is what peacemaking looks like (p. 183)."
"'We found solutions together. Neither side compromised our values, but rather, we discovered new ways forward that respected each other and forged areas of common ground. Bringing diverse voices to the table is hard. It requires expanded empathy and patience. But when we ratchet down the vitriol and seek areas of agreement, incredible things can happen' (Troy Wilson, p. 183)."
"Step-by-step, year-by-year, the world is improving (p. 195)."
"Principle 1: Lead with Curiosity Not Contempt (p. 212)"
"'Tell me more about why you feel that way' (p. 213)."
"The ability to stay present with someone with whom you disagree is a discipline of democratic life (p. 215)."
"Principle 2: Resist the Urge to Tell People They're Wrong (p. 216)"
"Principle 3: Belonging Before Persuasion (p. 218)"
"Principle 4: Replace Rebuttal with Relationship (p. 221)"
"Principle 5: Serve Together (p. 222)"
"You can pretend to care, but you can't pretend to show up (p. 224)."
"Principle 6: Don't Save Face, Give Face (p. 224)"
"People are much easier to deal with when they feel they are given this desired face (p. 226)."
"Principle 7: Enlarge Your Friend Group to Include Your Political 'Opponents' (p. 226)"
"Principle 8: Be Careful with Your Words About Other People (p. 228)"
"Principle 9: Give People the Grace You Will One Day Also Need (p. 230)"
"'I've learned... not to judge people by their worst day' (p. 230)."
"Principle 10: Forgive Bravely (p. 231)"
"Forgiveness is an act of courage (p. 232)."
"Principle 11: Relationships First and Leading with Love (p. 233)"
"Peacemaking begins close to home. It begins with rebuilding trust with the people who live near you and the people you love (p. 243)."
"To parents worried about your kids... To my friends of color... To our newest U.S. citizens... To those who live in small towns... To those in big cities... To young people who have grown up in this atmosphere of political contempt... To older Americans who sometimes feel overlooked... To veterans... To my Democratic friends... To my Republican friends... Please don't give up on the idea of America (p. 243)."
"Protect what's worth passing down (p. 245)."
"Peacemaking is the bold, necessary work to ensure that our nation won't merely survive, but flourish (p. 246)."
"Blessed are the peacemakers (p. 246)."
Review of advance copy received from Author
Very disjointed and self-serving book by a poor public servant who seems to honor the will of his benefactors far more than the will of the constituents he claims to serve. But thanks for the free book, governor!
November 2, 2026
This book embodies why Spencer Cox is one of the more important (yet relativley unknown) political figures in our country. This read was perfect timing for me as the midterms happen this week, and I will make it a point to read this again everytime a major election cycle rolls around.
September 18, 2026
As much as I like some of the speeches that Spencer Cox has given, this book was terribly disappointing, leaning heavily on one specific flavor of one specific religion to justify just about anything he wants to say (as if there are no other foundations for wanting peace). When he's not being a religious zealot, he's quite possibly the most reasonable sounding politician in the USA today. I know he supports religious freedom (including freedom FROM religion), but he doesn't even touch the subject in this book. Soooooo disappointing. His efforts to be a peacemaker are appreciated and well covered. But half the book is just an advertisement for his specific flavor of his specific religion. Ugh. I got through it, but I am less enthusiastic about him as a politician now than I was before reading it. Still, he would probably get my vote if I had a chance to vote for him.
October 13, 2026
Fastest read in a while. I admit it, I am a huge fan of Spencer Cox! In a time when elected officials seem more like spokespeople of the mob rather than actual leaders, Cox is elevating vision and giving us tools to get to the vision. For anyone who is bemoaning the state of the country but feels powerless to change anything, read Off Ramp.
September 22, 2026
I was skeptical, but a good book is a good book. He is grounded, well-researched, and engaging, and he tackles what may be the defining issue of our time.
Review of advance copy received from Publisher
Someone explain to me how a sitting governor has time to write a book? Doesn’t sound like he’s serving the people….
November 7, 2026
I read this book because I agree with Cox that I want to see us stop shooting one another over political differences. I want to live in a world where conservatives and progressives can talk and listen to one other, and not just at each other. Therefore, that begins with me giving a fair hearing, *especially* to people like Cox who are at least trying to bridge the gap.
The book wants to be readable by people of varying persuasions, but it’s still pretty conservative-coded for the most part. Maybe that’s on purpose, knowing that his greatest readership will be his own base. Whatever the case may be, there’s plenty of assumptions in the book like that “All young people loved Charlie Kirk,” that we need to see more of what he was doing, and that a reminder of Utah’s “still having the death penalty” will come across as just rather than perpetuating the same exact problem. There’s a basic belief that his message largely revolved around a gospel of truth and forgiveness rather than being a shock jock who was performing in front of a camera.
…there’s a lot about Charlie Kirk in this book, largely because that’s the main reason most people know Cox’s name.
There are other conservative isms in the book as well, like talking about how good and right it was for Trump to close down the borders to immigration but then issuing a heartfelt call to immigrants to not give up on the idea of America. At another point he lightly criticizes Trump on a point or two but then immediately pairs that with criticism of Biden, seemingly to protect objectivity and a posture of equanimity.
At one point Cox says that learning to disagree better and listen well doesn’t mean papering over one’s convictions, which I agree with, but I share all these conservative-coded points to illustrate that he’s not really *defending* such conservative isms as much as he’s assuming them. That’s why I say that it feels like he’s mostly writing to fellow conservatives; there’s a lot in here that progressives are going to bounce off of.
At any rate, even if I’m right that his readership will largely be his fellow conservatives, I’m not super mad about that. I think a Cox conservatism would be a far sight better than the kind of conservatism that’s presently mainstream. And to give credit where credit is due, even if a book like this is heavily coded for conservatives, Cox is at least *trying* to speak to and listen to people who disagree with him. One very much gets the feeling that Cox isn’t speaking fully candidly, but is to some degree walking a political tight rope: he wants to see a different kind of conservative party in the US while also knowing acutely who’s in charge right now.
All in all, I probably would recommend this book to others, and there are some good nuggets of wisdom in there about how to dial down the temperature and ask good questions.
The book wants to be readable by people of varying persuasions, but it’s still pretty conservative-coded for the most part. Maybe that’s on purpose, knowing that his greatest readership will be his own base. Whatever the case may be, there’s plenty of assumptions in the book like that “All young people loved Charlie Kirk,” that we need to see more of what he was doing, and that a reminder of Utah’s “still having the death penalty” will come across as just rather than perpetuating the same exact problem. There’s a basic belief that his message largely revolved around a gospel of truth and forgiveness rather than being a shock jock who was performing in front of a camera.
…there’s a lot about Charlie Kirk in this book, largely because that’s the main reason most people know Cox’s name.
There are other conservative isms in the book as well, like talking about how good and right it was for Trump to close down the borders to immigration but then issuing a heartfelt call to immigrants to not give up on the idea of America. At another point he lightly criticizes Trump on a point or two but then immediately pairs that with criticism of Biden, seemingly to protect objectivity and a posture of equanimity.
At one point Cox says that learning to disagree better and listen well doesn’t mean papering over one’s convictions, which I agree with, but I share all these conservative-coded points to illustrate that he’s not really *defending* such conservative isms as much as he’s assuming them. That’s why I say that it feels like he’s mostly writing to fellow conservatives; there’s a lot in here that progressives are going to bounce off of.
At any rate, even if I’m right that his readership will largely be his fellow conservatives, I’m not super mad about that. I think a Cox conservatism would be a far sight better than the kind of conservatism that’s presently mainstream. And to give credit where credit is due, even if a book like this is heavily coded for conservatives, Cox is at least *trying* to speak to and listen to people who disagree with him. One very much gets the feeling that Cox isn’t speaking fully candidly, but is to some degree walking a political tight rope: he wants to see a different kind of conservative party in the US while also knowing acutely who’s in charge right now.
All in all, I probably would recommend this book to others, and there are some good nuggets of wisdom in there about how to dial down the temperature and ask good questions.
October 13, 2026
As a Utah resident, I've watched Spencer Cox's political career since his time as lieutenant governor. Because of that, I went into Off Ramp with a fair amount of hope. The book's message of reducing political division and learning to "disagree better" is certainly a worthwhile goal, and the writing itself is engaging and accessible. The storytelling is often effective, and Cox clearly knows how to communicate complex ideas in a way that feels personal and conversational.
Unfortunately, the message ultimately did not work for me.
My biggest issue was the disconnect between what Cox argues and how he presents himself throughout the book. Time and again, I found myself agreeing with a principle he endorsed, only to be frustrated a few pages later when he seemed to undermine that same principle. The experience left me feeling less inspired than confused. Instead of finding a coherent roadmap to depolarization, I often felt as if I was being asked to accept contradictions without acknowledging them.
The book argues that we should show grace, listen to one another, and resist the urge to view everything through a partisan lens. Those are admirable ideas. Yet many of the examples and explanations felt selective in ways that made the message seem inconsistent. As a reader who has observed Cox's public career for years, I couldn't shake the feeling that the book was asking me to overlook actions and decisions that appeared at odds with the values being promoted.
One of the central themes is the need to "disagree better" and find an "off-ramp" from political hostility. Those are compelling phrases, but I kept wanting more self-examination and accountability behind them. The result was a book that often felt sincere on the surface while simultaneously coming across as self-serving. Whether intentional or not, that tension made it difficult for me to completely trust the Gov Cox's conclusions.
I don't doubt that Cox genuinely cares about the problem of polarization. However, by the end I was left feeling that the book spent more time diagnosing the behavior of others than wrestling with the contradictions in its own message. What could have been a thoughtful and persuasive call for peacemaking instead felt, at times, hypocritical and even a little gaslighting.
I suspect readers who are less familiar with Utah politics may have a more positive experience than I did. But as someone who has watched Cox's career unfold in real time, I found the gap between the book's ideals and its execution too large to ignore.
Unfortunately, the message ultimately did not work for me.
My biggest issue was the disconnect between what Cox argues and how he presents himself throughout the book. Time and again, I found myself agreeing with a principle he endorsed, only to be frustrated a few pages later when he seemed to undermine that same principle. The experience left me feeling less inspired than confused. Instead of finding a coherent roadmap to depolarization, I often felt as if I was being asked to accept contradictions without acknowledging them.
The book argues that we should show grace, listen to one another, and resist the urge to view everything through a partisan lens. Those are admirable ideas. Yet many of the examples and explanations felt selective in ways that made the message seem inconsistent. As a reader who has observed Cox's public career for years, I couldn't shake the feeling that the book was asking me to overlook actions and decisions that appeared at odds with the values being promoted.
One of the central themes is the need to "disagree better" and find an "off-ramp" from political hostility. Those are compelling phrases, but I kept wanting more self-examination and accountability behind them. The result was a book that often felt sincere on the surface while simultaneously coming across as self-serving. Whether intentional or not, that tension made it difficult for me to completely trust the Gov Cox's conclusions.
I don't doubt that Cox genuinely cares about the problem of polarization. However, by the end I was left feeling that the book spent more time diagnosing the behavior of others than wrestling with the contradictions in its own message. What could have been a thoughtful and persuasive call for peacemaking instead felt, at times, hypocritical and even a little gaslighting.
I suspect readers who are less familiar with Utah politics may have a more positive experience than I did. But as someone who has watched Cox's career unfold in real time, I found the gap between the book's ideals and its execution too large to ignore.
September 24, 2026
Cox, a self described NON-candidate for the presidency, and his message of political cooperation/ non-demonization of opponents is an important and absolutely needed in today’s political climate. In this book the Governor of Utah describes different ways of listening to people with alternative beliefs and looking to forge cooperation rather than division. It is admirable has walked that walk in several of his responsibilities as Governor and head of the NGA, often working with colleagues from the Democratic Party to urge for increased political civility.
A somewhere perplexing elements of the book is that Cox repeatedly goes to great lengths to praise Charlie Kirk (I suspect because Kirk was tragically murdered in his state). Don’t get me wrong, Kirk’s death was tragic and the fact that he died while expressing his views should be abhorrent to every American. But it’s safe to say that I don’t think Kirk ever sought the Off-Ramp that Cox describes in this book. Therefore the high praise for Kirk seems out of place and dilutes an otherwise fine and admirable underlying message of political peace and increased understanding. Four stars for Off Ramp.
A somewhere perplexing elements of the book is that Cox repeatedly goes to great lengths to praise Charlie Kirk (I suspect because Kirk was tragically murdered in his state). Don’t get me wrong, Kirk’s death was tragic and the fact that he died while expressing his views should be abhorrent to every American. But it’s safe to say that I don’t think Kirk ever sought the Off-Ramp that Cox describes in this book. Therefore the high praise for Kirk seems out of place and dilutes an otherwise fine and admirable underlying message of political peace and increased understanding. Four stars for Off Ramp.
September 19, 2026
This is a fantastic book that pulls together the growing social science on affective polarization and data on political violence and weaves them into Governor Cox's personal experiences. It is readable, sobering but hopeful, wise, very patriotic, and offers practical tips on how to engage constructively with political opponents. I put it into the same category as Ben Sasse's Them, Yuval Levin's A Time to Build, Arthur Brooks's work, and many other thought-provoking works in the burgeoning genre of healthy conflict. Governor Cox is a good person, an excellent governor and ambassador for Utah, a respected colleague among America's governors, and an eloquent spokesman for the importance of peacemaking.
September 23, 2026
A Fast, Happy Read
I liked this book a lot more than I thought I would. Mr. Cox had a lot of uniting, uplifting things to say about how we can reach across the political abyss and extend a friendly hand and a listening ear to whoever “Those People” might be to us. He has some gentle criticism for various public figures but refrains from mudslinging in any direction. And I adored the story about making a joint TV ad with his Democratic gubernatorial opponent wherein they both denounced hatred and encouraged respect and civility for our political opposites. I’ll love this guy forever just for doing that.
I liked this book a lot more than I thought I would. Mr. Cox had a lot of uniting, uplifting things to say about how we can reach across the political abyss and extend a friendly hand and a listening ear to whoever “Those People” might be to us. He has some gentle criticism for various public figures but refrains from mudslinging in any direction. And I adored the story about making a joint TV ad with his Democratic gubernatorial opponent wherein they both denounced hatred and encouraged respect and civility for our political opposites. I’ll love this guy forever just for doing that.
September 27, 2026
Thanks to Jon Stewart for having Spencer Cox on to have a kind disagreement. If you can get passed the love of Charlie Kirk (moderation on everyone but Charlie) there is a lot to like here. I can disagree with student loan forgiveness and tariffs. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and hearing Gov. Cox speak about what into legislation that I disagree with humanizes the situation. I think this is an important read and one that I think a lot of people won’t be able to read with an open enough mind to get the point!
October 6, 2026
Thank You Gov. Cox
I found this book witty and substantive. Plenty of “Dad-like jokes” but even more scholarship and wisdom (which don’t always go together). Most importantly I learned somethings about myself that I will change. This re-enforced something I noticed many years ago when my leadership role found me attending events with politicians who did not represent my own views. I invariably found that I liked them as people no matter their views or votes. Thanks for the reminder!
I found this book witty and substantive. Plenty of “Dad-like jokes” but even more scholarship and wisdom (which don’t always go together). Most importantly I learned somethings about myself that I will change. This re-enforced something I noticed many years ago when my leadership role found me attending events with politicians who did not represent my own views. I invariably found that I liked them as people no matter their views or votes. Thanks for the reminder!
October 21, 2026
This is such an important topic-How to be a Peacemaker. I think Spencer Cox does a very good job of addressing the problem and suggesting solutions. I agree 100% that we need to disagree better! If I were to choose one line from this book I hope to always remember it will be: "Tell me more about why you feel that way". When we can have civil, curious, kind discussions we can learn from one another and move forward in relationships of all kinds without compromising standards. That will make the world a better place.
November 3, 2026
I have always appreciated Governor Cox and his willingness to make cookies for protesters outside his home, and to give the message of positivity. I have issues with some of his decisions, but I appreciate his willingness to at least hear opposing views. I do think the items mentioned in this book are necessary with sucha horrible example from on top, and many others in the national forum. Being kind doesn't have to be hard.
October 2, 2026
Off Ramp
What a great book!! I wish I knew how to inspire every adult in America to read this incredibly important book. The quote from Clinton captures the spirit of the book, “There is nothing wrong with America that can’t be cured by what is right with America” Thanks you a thousand times Governor Cox.
What a great book!! I wish I knew how to inspire every adult in America to read this incredibly important book. The quote from Clinton captures the spirit of the book, “There is nothing wrong with America that can’t be cured by what is right with America” Thanks you a thousand times Governor Cox.
November 7, 2026
So if he’s not running for President, what is he running for? Because this is for sure positioning him for his post-gubernatorial career.
The message is needed. The supporting narratives are good. I would have enjoyed this book more if it was a memoir of his time in office. Releasing it now just leaves it feeling incomplete.
The message is needed. The supporting narratives are good. I would have enjoyed this book more if it was a memoir of his time in office. Releasing it now just leaves it feeling incomplete.
November 9, 2026
This felt a little like the Moment of Lift - good principles but pretty surface level if you know anything about the topic. Cox is not a writer by any means but I appreciated that he worked in stories from both sides and suggested actions to take. It's not earth shattering but I appreciate any argument against polarization (especially from a politician!).
September 10, 2026
Not good. This book is not worth the money.
September 11, 2026
3.75⭐️
I don’t agree with this guy’s politics—I’m not even American—but, on balance, this was a thoughtful political memoir
I don’t agree with this guy’s politics—I’m not even American—but, on balance, this was a thoughtful political memoir
October 11, 2026
This is a well written book on a really important topic. However it could be more concise.
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