Feh: A Memoir

by Shalom Auslander (Author/Narrator)

From the acclaimed author of Foreskin’s Lament, a memoir of the author’s attempt to escape the biblical story he’d been raised on and his struggle to construct a new story for himself and his familyShalom Auslander was raised like a veal in a dysfunctional family in the Orthodox community of Monsey, New the son of an alcoholic father; a guilt-wielding mother; and a violent, overbearing God. Now, as he reaches middle age, Auslander begins to suspect that what plagues him is something worse, something he can't so easily a story. The story. One indelibly implanted in him at an early age, a story that told him he is fallen, broken, shameful, disgusting, a story we have all been told for thousands of years, and continue to be told by the religious and secular alike, a story called "Feh."Yiddish for "Yuck."Feh follows Auslander's midlife journey to rewrite that story, a journey that involves Phillip Seymour Hoffman, a Pulitzer-winning poet, Job, Arthur Schopenhauer, GHB, Wolf Blitzer, Yuval Noah Harari and a pastor named Steve in a now-defunct church in Los Angeles.Can he move from Feh to merely meh? Can he even dream of moving beyond that?Auslander's recounting of his attempt to exorcize the story he was raised with—before he implants it onto his children and/or possibly poisons the relationship of the one woman who loves him—isn’t sacred. It is more-than-occasionally profane. And like all his work, it is also relentlessly funny, subversively heartfelt and fearlessly provocative.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Jewish, Religion, Biography Memoir, Judaism

10 pages, Audiobook

First published July 23, 2024

About the author

Shalom Auslander is an American author and essayist. He grew up in an Orthodox Jewish neighborhood in Monsey, New York where he describes himself as having been "raised like a veal".[1][2] His writing style is notable for its Jewish perspective and determinedly negative outlook.

Auslander has published a collection of short stories, Beware of God and a memoir, Foreskin's Lament: A Memoir. His work, often confronting his Orthodox Jewish background, has been featured on Public Radio International's This American Life and in The New Yorker. In January 2012, Auslander published his first novel, Hope: A Tragedy.

Reviews

[Roxane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not sure how to describe this book. Original, uncomfortable, a relentless chronicle of self-loathing. Very voice-driven. I loved it.

[sharber · Rating 4 out of 5]

(4.7) what a rollercoaster of emotions... wow🔅🔆🔅
auslander should start making movies... we need more cynical jewish filmmakers that aren't woody allen

[Flynn Mcneil · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me feel less alone in the world, I would 10/10 recommend it to anyone!!

[Bianca Rogers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Shalom Auslander's memoir Feh offers a brutally honest exploration of self-loathing and human nature. The Yiddish title, meaning disgust, sets the tone for a narrative shaped by religious fear and strict parenting. Auslander's raw style blends dark humor with touching moments, creating a striking contrast throughout the book.

As the memoir progresses, it shifts to a more contemplative examination of humanity's core. Auslander posits that storytelling and self-loathing are uniquely human traits, adding philosophical depth to his personal reflections. This perspective invites readers to scrutinize their own identities and self-narratives, challenging them to confront uncomfortable truths about themselves.

Feh may challenge readers with its unfiltered prose and dark themes, but it powerfully demonstrates the value of honest self-reflection. Auslander's memoir acts as both a mirror and window, offering a raw, darkly humorous exploration of human complexity. For those willing to engage, it provides a thought-provoking journey into the contradictions of human existence.

[Zehava (Joyce) · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. I read Shalom Auslander’s previous memoir many years ago and this seems like more of the same. (What does it say about someone who writes two memoirs by the age of 50?) Auslander is an excellent writer but his subject matter is pretty repetitive and just so utterly “feh” and relentlessly depressing. I imagine it’s pretty hard to live in his head. Excellent audiobook read by the author.

[Katie]

a bit of an irl Good Omens that asks, what if god is the bad guy and humans are the good guys?

"Stories are a powerful thing."

[Judith · Rating 2 out of 5]

I liked the Yiddish at first and the biographical tidbits and twists on biblical stories but then I found the cynicism and repetition boring. In fact, this book inspired me to create a new shelf, “skimmed toward the end”. I skimmed from about page 200 to the next to last chapter.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely a certain type of audience but it’s good. A LOT of self loathing but I guess that’s the meaning behind Feh.

[Carol · Rating 2 out of 5]

You know that one coworker who calls out and the whole office breathes a sigh of relief.... this guy is that coworker! Negative in every sense of the word. This was a tough one to get through.

[Bridget · Rating 3 out of 5]

A pretty sad book about a man who relentlessly hates himself. I didn’t see any character development or growth. Author is a very talented writer but after 100 pages of self loathing I felt like I was reading the same thing over and over.

[Ori Lefkovitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

sometimes I don't understand how anybody but me specifically loves Shalom, but I love Shalom and this book gave me all the feels even if they are dark

[AdiTurbo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some books rekindle your belief in the power of literature. This is one of them. One of the best reads of the year for me, it was raw, merciless (mainly towards the author himself) and so much more candid than what is usually expected from a "candid" memoir to be.
Contrary to most memoirs, this one manages to transcend way beyond the narcissistic, and transform personal pain into original and, may I say, even helpful musings on life, culture, religion, capitalism and consumerism, parenting, couplehood and, most importantly, love of all kinds.
As a Jew and an Israeli, I identified with all of it, but you really don't have to be any of those to enjoy it thoroughly.
I've been following and reading all of Auslander's writing since his very first (excellent) novel came out. Like him, and like Depeche Mode, I, too arrived at the conclusion that "God's got a sick sense of humour." The only way to keep you going in the twisted world that we live in is by reading books like this one. I really need another fix like this from Auslander soon. Thanks so much for this, Shalom!

[pearl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this one. Too long in the last quarter, and I didn't care for the parts about his therapist or Hoffman, and the entire LA arc with social media etc felt repetitive and overwrought. But! The existential crisis of body? A body designed to entrap humans in sin? The theological disgust? The horror-sadness of being told a story, that it's the only story, and to be punished for believing it all to begin with? Compelling and, for me, fun haha.

I enjoyed Auslander's total commitment to his suffering, learning, and misery. LOL. It is not depressing just unrelenting. He is mostly self-aware enough to not glamorize, but certainly he does seem to revel in how awful he feels at times haha. There's no solving what damage has been done to Auslander individually, but I am encouraged by his offering of this story. I want to understand this landscape of mind because it is different from what I know. The jokes mostly land and his references to a variety of authors and philosophers was appreciated. His family puts up with a lot from him haha.

Overall very good.

[Dana K · Rating 3 out of 5]

{3.5 stars}

Thanks to Riverhead Books for the gifted copy. All opinions below are my own.

Feh is the Yiddish word for yuck and the author uses this word to describe the uncomfortable parts of being human. He starts early with a Bible story about God creating Adam from dirt and that is the underlying theme that pervades his life. He struggles with mental health, pornography and drugs aiming for a momentary escape from the Feh-ness of life. Told through snippets of his life from childhood on through adulthood he gives us stories of religious expectations, gender roles and trying to help others find acceptence even though he seemingly has no ability to give that gift to himself. He continues to weave biblical stories throughout as he experiences the ickiness and heavyiness of humanity. As a writer he has several brushes with Hollywood and gives us the real stories behind his projects.

This one gave me David Sedaris vibes, it's entertaining but deals with some of the heavier topics of humanity with a new eye.

[Abby · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm sad for Shalom! His humor is very indicative of the Gen-X comedy style: Self-loathing, judgmental, bitter, sarcastic, sniping at anyone who doesn't think exactly like him. Maybe this kind of thing was funnier in the early aughts.

Being raised ultra-Orthodox Jewish sounds like it did a number on him, spiritually and emotionally. I don't discount that. But I couldn't help but be fascinated by the fact that the only person who gives him any sense of hope is a pastor who spends every day feeding the homeless in LA. That man doesn't believe that God is feh, even if Auslander does.

[Alissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply resonant for a fellow “feh” who grew up evangelical. A moving, hilarious, depressing, wonderful piece about internalized shame, Philip Seymour Hoffman (may he rest in peace), and the stories we tell ourselves. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

[Jeanette · Rating 2 out of 5]

Audiobook, still counts.

Two stars may be on me—I assumed this would primarily be my favorite memoir genre, escape from religious extremism. Whoops.

The Philip Seymour Hoffman stuff was interesting.

I’m also done with reading about middle school aged boys’ sexual awakening. Enough.

[Megan Bros · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really touching tribute to Philip Seymour Hoffman at points. Overall, a really great piece connecting childhood trauma, experiences, and strict religious culture together to provide a unique worldview.

[Chris]

Dnf

[Erin Bookishness · Rating 5 out of 5]

Both bleak and funny, with fantastic literary references.

[Nicola · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really appreciated this book. Listening to him read it on audio was essential to the experience. With that said, I think I will also be purchasing a hard copy of this book to take these lessons, thoughts, reflections with me in a more tangible form.

[Joelle Klein · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny, quirky, repetitive, self-loathing overload.

[Laura Cruickshanks · Rating 3 out of 5]

He reminds me of David Sedaris, but like… way more depressing.

[Becjoy13 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow

[Sharon]

DNF
I do not think I am the intended audience.

[Pam Cameron · Rating 5 out of 5]

First off, you should know that I'm a Shalom Auslander fangirl. I pre-ordered "Feh" weeks before it came out and was already expecting to love it before I even opened it.

I am absolutely biased.

As expected, I loved it. I laughed out loud many times. Shalom has wicked gallows humor which I appreciate.

I was horrified at how unhealthy he has been and how desperately dark his mind got during the pandemic. My guess is the events in this book take place from 5 years pre-Covid until now.

There's no getting around it, if you haven't read Shalom's writing before, be forewarned, it is very, very dark. He talks about wanting to die, about hating himself, about poisoning himself . And then he'll write something hilarious in the next sentence.

He writes about raising his sons and trying to scrape together enough money to pay bills and moving across the country. It's all relatable stuff. I've never been to the depths of self-harm he has, but I understand what he's saying.

We're all on this planet together and if you go on Twitter or watch the news, you will be told depressing stories about how we're all doomed. Shalom shows us what happens if we really believe that and live it out. The results are not pretty.

I will say though, it doesn't end on a depressing note. Not at all. He takes us all the way through the darkness and at the end there is a light.

For this last part, I'm going to write about his psychiatrist:

His psychiatrist, who he has written about before in his other memoir, is named Dr. Ike. About halfway through the book I put 2 and 2 together and realized that Dr. Ike is the same Dr. Ike as the villain in The Shrink Next Door (podcast and Apple Plus TV series). Shalom loves Dr. Ike. And from everything he wrote, it sounds like they had a good, healthy, professional relationship. I don't think he believes the accusations that were brought against Dr. Ike. He seems very unhappy about the Apple Plus series.

It's interesting. And it relates back to the theme of "Feh" which is, you choose the story you believe. Life is complicated, and the way I feel is, some people are very different depending on who is around. I have had great experiences with men who were, at that moment, abusing women. I'm telling the truth when I say my experience was good and they are also telling the truth when they say their experience was awful.

[willowbiblio · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Perhaps they just had to get to a place where they were so tired of being silenced by themselves that they finally screamed, a place where the need to speak overwhelms the need for approval, where the desire to be heard overwhelms the desire to be loved, where the voice whispering *speak!* becomes louder than the one shouting *Feh*”
———————-
This book was consistently humorous and hilarious which served to cut the earnestly serious topics so well. I thought the parallel between the flawed diamond and flawed self was beautiful, but it belied a much deeper and more persistent self loathing that I would come to understand as I moved through this memoir.

I loved how Auslander was healing generational trauma by supporting his son’s identity and buying his wigs. This was an opportunity to choose better than his own father, and he took it.

I liked the use of reinterpretation/retelling of biblical stories as a vehicle for anecdotes and personal history. I could really relate to his drive to get away from himself and sympathize with his search for oblivion through anything that would work. The quote about poisoning himself as self punishment was heartbreaking.

I really loved thar this ended with a vision for change and some hope. Like many of us, seeing the good displayed at Steve’s coffee shop and in others is what brings Auslander to the conclusion that maybe change and self belief is possible for him too. I wouldn’t have picked this up on my own, but I’m really glad I read it ☺️

[Clay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like everyone on this website, I read and love a lot of books and a lot of authors. It's a rare thing to find an author that vibrates at such a similar frequency to your own, that like a tuning fork, it lights your soul afire with a resonance that is alarming, powerful, and beautiful.

Foreskin's Lament affected me to the core and was a formative read for me in a tumultuous time. Feh and Auslander's description of just how deep and overwhelming shame, disgust, and self-loathing can be, has given tangible form to a harrowing intangible feeling many of us live with.

His remarks, relationship, and interactions with Phillip Seymour Hoffman alone are worth the price of admission.

If anyone has problems empathizing or understanding the damage that scrupulous religious upbringing can cause, no matter how well-meaning, read Auslander's writings.

[Caroline Meehan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Slogged my way through this one because the author is clearly a great writer and I kept hoping it would improve. Alas, for me, it never did. Sometimes I read a book for which I can tell I’m not its target audience but I keep reading it to maybe learn something new. In this case, I learned that being in the author’s head must be exhausting.

[Leslie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was feh. His humor, though amusing, did not mitigate his negativity enough. Getting through this felt like a slog. And he clearly needs a good therapist, not one who lost his license for apparently very good reason!