I Got Crabs!: An Extreme Horror Novella

by KD Davies, J. Tarmac

116 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 10, 2026

Reviews

[C.S. Gorman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This never overstayed its welcome. I feel that it invoked the flavors of big budget movies like the Piranha remake and others in the shark genre with a little dash of even The Mummy Returns in there (maybe that’s just me)

The distinct UK flavor made this ARC go down easily for me. It’s worth a read, if only for the justification of the title. The book, does indeed, have crabs!

[Dani-Lynn Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - 𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓮
🌶️🌶️ - 𝓼𝓹𝓲𝓬𝓮
🔥🔥🔥🔥 - 𝓹𝓵𝓸𝓽
🩸🩸 - 𝓰𝓸𝓻𝓮

🖤 𝓶𝓪𝓲𝓷 𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓼🖤
Elora, Maynard, Luke & Khan

🖤 𝓽𝓻𝓸𝓹𝓮𝓼🖤
📕flesh-eating disease
📕cannibalism
📕golden showers
📕giant crabs
📕mating rituals

🖤 𝓻𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓮𝔀🖤
Gives a whole new meaning to the saying “I’ve got crabs.” This is a nice little spicy creature feature slash body horror that you can absolutely read in one sitting. It has clever comedic scenes combined with some spicy kink elements and excellent gore to keep you seated the entire time. Davies and Tarmac bring forth a unique plot that could be read like watching a movie. The characters are likable. The plot is paced perfectly. And the ending is superb. A fantastic read for 2026.

*spoilers*

After discovering an odd flesh-dissolving disease, a group of men are tasked by the government with figuring out the origin of the illness and cleaning it up. Upon getting to the foreign land, one of the men, Maynard, discovers a native woman who decides to relieve herself on top of him. He resorts back to camp to cleanse himself and to make sure the incident didn’t get caught on camera for his own humiliation. But the female remains on his mind.

See, the natives of the land are cannibals. Or at least seem to be. They like to barbecue them over an open fire to feast upon. Elora, the female, shoots a poisoned arrow into another one of the men, labeling him a shell-less snail, as he is releasing his bladder. And she pictures roaring him over an open fire with an apple in his mouth. At the same time, Maynard is called to headquarters because his captain has seen the footage he asked to be deleted. And now, he is to do whatever she wants and whenever.

Now Luke, the one held captive, is being prepared. They have him locked up and started to cut up his toes. But it’s what happens next that’s crazy. They take him, after lodging nails into his brain, to a small pool where little crabs will eat the skin off his body before they cook it. And then, when Maynard goes to search for Luke with another member, they have a run-in with a giant snow crab. But Elora has other plans for Maynard. Plans that could expand their crab race for a long time.

This book is equal parts brutal and chaotic. The natives are insane. Like Cannibal Holocaust crazy. But the build up to the crabs will suck you in knowing these natives are pretty much working for them. I loved the Genghis Khan name reference in the story. There’s a lot of bodily fluids circulating and laughable moments between the gore. A fun, one-sitting reads you have to experience.

[Zane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Got Crabs!: An Extreme Horror Novella is what happens when a sun-soaked island paradise rots from the inside out salt air turning sour, sand sticking like infection, and something alive crawling where it absolutely shouldn’t.
This book doesn’t ease you in. It throws you face-first into a humid, sticky nightmare where the ocean isn’t calming—it’s watching. The island setting is vivid and oppressive, like the heat itself is complicit in what’s unfolding. You can practically hear the waves… right before they start sounding wrong.
And the horror?
Yeah… this is EXTREME.
We’re talking:
• Skin-crawling body horror
• Grotesque, relentless imagery
• That “I should not be reading this… but I can’t stop” feeling
The crabs aren’t just creatures here they’re a presence. A creeping, multiplying, invasive force that turns paradise into something deeply violating. There’s a grimy, grindhouse energy running through the whole novella that fans of splatterpunk will absolutely devour.It makes everything feel more wrong. More invasive. More unforgettable.
If you like your horror:
• Fast
• Nasty
• And unapologetically unhinged
…this one’s going to stick to you like sand you can’t wash off.

[Wicked Habit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maynard sets off on a government “clean-up” job and finds himself enthralled by a native woman. They have been told to stay clear of any individual whom live on the island but Maynard is head over heels for this woman and just can’t stay away. When his commanding officer finds out, she uses it to her advantage. He is now victim to two women on separate sides, being used by each for their own malicious intent. Did I mention he has a wife and kid at home…yeah he kinda sucks.

What a crab-tastic read! So many elements are happening and they all come together beautifully in the end. Both authors did an amazing job and it has definitely kept me wanting more. This little blurb I gave legit only scratches the surface of what in the hell takes place in the book. No one wants crabs 🦀 but absolutely NO ONE wants these kinds of crabs!

[Jess Beedle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was originally really struggling with this book and I felt so bad!! But as I hit the midway point it really picked up and the gore started!! Definitely fell in love with this read from the middle! I felt like the first third of it was just a bit dragged out for me! As we got to the middle it was fast paced drama with filthy gore and I loved it!
Thank you KD for the arc! Really appreciate it and would totally recommend!!

[Madame Strange · Rating 3 out of 5]

“I’ve got Crabs” - “My, my, what glistening meat you have.”

★★★☆☆ (3,5)

Well this was something! I went in blind, with the promise of gore and crabs and that is exactly what I got! The story itself is unique, eerie and wild and will definitely have you second guess what else the government might be hiding on remote islands. I for one will never look at crabs the same. 🦀👀

[Risshan Adele · Rating 4 out of 5]

Maynard vs the giant crab from Moana. This is hilarious, it’s fun and a little gross. Maynard really should have kept to his work, but he was thinking with his genitals and learned the hard way.

[Allison | crazypageturner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Crab Creatures!

Maynard is part of a secret mission on an island with the simple goal to clean up chemicals spilled by our government. What he doesn’t expect is for his eyes to stumble upon a local beauty of the island who is completely off limits. The island is full of savages. Soon, Maynard is risking it all to be close to his mysterious temptress but she has an ulterior motive that will cost him everything.

Of course it’s the governments fault. We always fucken stuff up lol

Part human and part not. These “savages” are experiments in a sense. All these creatures care about is expanding their species…no matter how many humans it may take them to succeed.

Overall there was a lot going on in this book. It had forbidden love, some government conspiracy and destruction, sexual scenes, horrific deaths, societal workings and creepy beings. A lot packed into ~100 pages. This is my first read by either of these authors and I’m happy I gave it a read.

[Tanya · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

I Got Crabs, by KD Davies and J. Tarmac, is an extreme horror novella that serves as a cautionary tale. KD Davies is quickly becoming a favorite of mine after reading only two books! I would love to dive into more by both of these authors if this is any indication of their other works. With any extreme horror or splatterpunk book - check your triggers, because these books do not hold back and spare no detail!

Set on a remote island, the story follows Maynard, a member of an investigative team tasked with cleaning up a toxic chemical spill, but he also encounters an indigenous species that has been hideously mutated by the very weapons they seek to sanitize. The story unfolds on an undisclosed island where the government once conducted illicit experiments, resulting in the creation of a chemical agent known as “Black Casm 11.” This substance has the power to liquefy living tissue! Yessssss!!

The story quickly picks up when the team of researchers arrives to conduct a “clean-up” operation to mitigate the damage caused by the chemicals, but their presence effectively amounts to an intrusion into the home of the indigenous inhabitants. Maynard, a professor and a family man, finds his judgment compromised by the alluring indigenous woman named Elora. This obsession acts as his downfall.

The story spares no detail in describing the hunger of the local inhabitants and their methods of preparing meals. LOVED IT! I really enjoyed how the authors blended elements of extreme body horror with the very real, unchecked authority of the government. It serves as a reminder that when humanity ignores the consequences of its own creation, the loss will inevitably destroy it.

Thanks to KD Davies and J. Tarmac for gifting me an eARC of I Got Crabs!. I am leaving this review voluntarily. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[Charlene (Char) ❤︎ ❀˖° ❤︎ · Rating 5 out of 5]

𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐡𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞 “𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐬” 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐥𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐥! 𝐈’𝐦 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐫𝐚𝐩 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐃𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐜 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐮𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐈𝐟 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐚 𝟓-𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐈 𝐚𝐛𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝!

The story unfolds on a remote island where some serious research is happening. Maynard, the scientist in charge, is tasked with cleaning up the island. The team assigned to this project has strict orders to keep their distance from the island's inhabitants, only interacting when absolutely necessary. But the locals are shrouded in mystery. Unfortunately, Maynard finds himself falling for one of them, and it’s like he’s opened Pandora’s box to a nightmare.

This book dives into themes of cannibalism, horror, graphic scenes, urophilia, and some compromising sexual situations. I really enjoyed the multiple points of view throughout the story. If you’re a fan of Brian Keene’s Castaway mixed with a bit of Edward Lee’s Monstrosity and a sprinkle of crabs, then this is the book for you. I can’t recommend it enough! It’s definitely a must-read.

Thank you KD Davies and J. Tarmac for allowing me to read this advanced copy I am truly grateful. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own.

[Books For Decaying Millennials · Rating 5 out of 5]

I discovered a digital review copy of this book, in my inbox, the digital epub file seemingly unable to be deleted once downloaded. Perhaps now that I’ve read it, it will go away. IN all seriousness, thanks to the authors, for the review copy. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
You may find yourself, of an evening, pondering the thought experiment “What would happen if the writers room for Doctor Who, and a hoard of writers from Troma Entertainment, were force fed obscene amounts of psychedelics, and drugs to boost libido and arousal”. I mean who doesn’t consider these possibilities right?…. Right?!. The Point being, the end result of such a confluence, I’d argue, would look something like “I GOT CRABS!: An Extreme Horror Novella”.
The late B-Movie legend and indie film pioneer, Roger Corman has been quoted as saying “ No Film should be longer than 90 minutes, without special papal dispensation.” It’s enough time to introduce characters, lay out the story, and fill in with some monsters, sex scenes and special effects.
When it comes the extreme horror subgenre, this same philosophy also holds true. Yes someone can deliver a solid novel length book that meets extreme horror expectations, but you’ll find that more often it’s the novellas that deliver the goods, with minimal wait time, before the effects hit the reader.
This fast paced novella has everything, questionable government spending, unhinged and unchecked sexual frustration and feral desire. Not to mention monstrosities, in human and crustacean form. If this was a film, it would certainly meet Corman’s 90 minute mark, and deliver all of the goods, befitting a low budget horror flick. It’s a messy, sweaty, train wreck of a read, and I mean that in the best way possible. Body horror abounds, flesh is torn, blood is spilled. Amid all that, it also manages to include, what I would argue, is one of the best satires of the Lovecraft era “chaste, bespectacled, Caucasian man of science and reason” that I’ve come across in some time. I’ve you’re in the mood for a wild ride, and are ready to laugh and get your stomach turned, jump on board with “I GOT CRABS”.

This novella drops on April 12th. Available here on release: https://godless.com/products/i-got-cr...

[Yvonne (the putrid Shelf) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is absolutely feral and I mean that as the highest compliment. I’ve Got Crabs takes the whole STD concept and twists it into something grotesque, darkly funny, and completely unhinged. The play on infection isn’t just there for shock value, it becomes this crawling, consuming force that blends body horror with something almost satirical.

Then you’ve got the cannibalistic elements layered on top, which somehow make everything even more depraved. It’s excessive, it’s disgusting, and it fully commits to that chaos without ever pulling back. There’s a grimy, relentless energy to it that just keeps escalating.

And Maynard? Honestly, he felt like this pathetic, needy scientist spiralling under the guise of intellect, like all that “logic” and curiosity was just masking a desperate need for validation and, let’s be real, to get his dick wet. It made him equal parts ridiculous and unsettling, which worked perfectly in a story already dripping in absurdity.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

An absolutely wild rollercoaster ride full of crabs, cannibalism, gore and sex!

I had an absolute ball reading I Got Crabs! It was such a weird yet wonderful experience. Davies and Tarmac have such a brilliant way of getting under readers skin and leaving them feeling unsettled and on the edge of their seats.

The plot was so unique, I never had any idea where it was headed and by the last page I was picking my jaw up off the floor. The twist and turns throughout were weird as fuck at times, but so bloody enjoyable! The violent scenes were brutal and the otherworldly crabs, eerie and evil as hell! One scene, involving a never ending, dark stairway and a large, murderous crab in such a small confined area had my heart in my mouth!!

This story will leave your skin crawling (potentially with crabs), but in the best way possible!

Thank you so much to both authors for an arc of I Got Crabs! All views are mine and have been left voluntarily.

[Claudia Rambles · Rating 4 out of 5]

Government secrets.

A remote island.
Natives with a very peculiar type of appetite.
… and crabs! A lot of them!

This book delivers a tense atmosphere, where government workers are trying to carry on work on an island, avoiding the natives at all costs. Whilst these are in survival mode and doing whatever they can to secure another generation, and Elora is going to make sure of it.
I’d say she is like a modern day Pocahontas who knows how to use her beauty to get what she wants and needs, to carry on the legacy.

I Got Crabs is a well written story drenched in blood, gore, meat delicacies, and crustaceans that will give you nightmares.

There were moments when I could almost hear the tap tap of their claws, and there were others when I just wanted to laugh out loud.
KD’s quirky humour and J’s gift for the grotesque definitely comes across.

[Justin Boote · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was honoured to receive an arc of this book and thoroughly enjoyed it! On a government operation, an island miles from nowhere, Graham is carrying out his work when he stumbles upon a mysterious girl. Despite being told to stay well clear of this dangerous race, he becomes infatuated with her. But are her feeling towards him the same or is he being manipulated for a sinister purpose?
Some nasty scenes for extreme fans, great writing style, I got through this one quickly and loved it! Definitely recommended for extreme horror fans!

[Cheeseburger · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was floored when I was sent an email of this Novella. I love horror, and couldn't wait to dive in.

Maynard Feller, and his coworkers are sent on a secret clean-up assignment. Things get bad from there, and he falls for this gnarly lady he calls Temptress.

This book is absolutely disgusting, vile, and a blast.

[SJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is grotesque, strange, and full of shocking moments. It throws you into situations that are messy and intense, with horror and dark humor running through it.
l've read books by these authors separately and enjoyed them, but seeing them team up on this one worked so well.
This was such a fun read. enjoyed it a lot.

Also, how fantastic is this book cover I'm obsessed.🦀

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a short fun story!! These two authors have created a gross and disturbing narrative. Well written and highly recommended!