مذكرات زوجة السجين

by Asha Bandele, خالد الجبيلي (Translator)

تقع آشا طالبة العلوم السياسية في جامعة نيويورك، ذات الخمس وعشرين عامًا، الأنثى السوداء، والتي هي على وشك الطلاق، الشاعرة المرأة التي يعوقها الإحساس بعدم الأمان والغضب، والتي تصارع الوحدة وتحتاج إلى العزلة أيضًا، تقع في غرام رشيد، السجين في سجن الإصلاحية الشرقي في شمال نيويورك، والقاتل المحكوم عليه بالسجن المؤبد، والأب لصبي عمره تسع سنوات، والذي يقارع الوحدة.
إنهما متشابهان تمامًا، ومختلفان تمامًا. كيف يمكن أن تقوم قصة حب بين هذين الاثنين؟
كيف يحرر السجين المرأة الحرة؟ كيف يقوم أعظم حب في أسوأ مكان؟ كيف تشعر بالحرية وأنت داخل السجن؟
هي أسئلة، وغيرها أكثر، سوف تثير القارئ وتستفزه. كيف تقع امرأة سوداء في حب رجل سجين، مسلم، منفتح، وهو في أشد الأماكن انغلاقًا؟
هي قصة حب الأنا في الآخر ((الآخر الذي يحترمني، يقبلني، فيغيرني، يساعدني على تحرري مني، من خوفي من الآخر)).
إن هذه المذكرات تهم كل امرأة، وتساعدها أكثر في الدخول في عالمها الأنثوي، الأمومي، العالم الخصوصي جدًا، الحساس جدًا، المجروح، الخائف، المقهور، المنبوذ، الزائف، المحتاج بقوة إلى الحماية والرعاية، إلى الثقة بالذات، إلى الراحة والاسترخاء.
إنه عمل ينبع من الروح، لغته مكثفة، ممتع، لا ترغب في تركه من السطور الأولى، فيه تمجيد للذكورة الطبيعية وإدانة لذكورتنا المزيفة.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, African American, Biography Memoir, Social Justice, Autobiography, Biography

215 pages, Paperback

First published May 4, 1999

About the author

An award-winning author and journalist, asha bandele first attained recognition when she penned her 1999 debut book, The Prisoner’s Wife, a powerful, lyrical memoir about a young Black woman’s romance and marriage with a man who was serving a twenty-to-life sentence in prison. With the hope that they would live as a couple in the outside world, she became pregnant with a daughter. A former features editor for Essence Magazine, she returns with her latest memoir, Something Like Beautiful, the continuation of her love with Rashid and its ultimate loss, with another emotional disappointment and a serious bout of depression. She is also the author of two collections of poems and the novel, Daughter. She lives in Brooklyn with her daughter, Nisa.

Reviews

[Joanne Nunyabeeswax · Rating 5 out of 5]

I myself am a prisoners wife. My heart is locked away in a New York prison . Asha's story although very detailed and graphic portrayed the daily struggle of being married to someone incarcerated. The expense, the separation, the long drives. I identified completely with her prison experience. She put in words the struggle and sadness known to few when someone decides not to abandon their loved one. She pointed out the inhuman treatment of wives by correctional staff who view us merely as scum. To the trailer visits that for a few short hours we can put the prison out of our mind and bond with our loved one without the prying eyes of correctional staff. This is a must read for any spouse that decides to stand by their loved one. When I made this choice to do this bit with my man I didn't know what it would mean to consciously hand over the control and happiness of my life…not to my man, but to an institution. Asha was able to describe all this. From the very beginning, my man told me that I had the power in the relationship because I was the one who was free.How am I free? What power do I have? I buy my clothes according to what is acceptable for visits. At anytime, I can go anywhere my heart desires, but my heart's desire is trapped within that prison compound. So, where am I going? I stalk the mailman and won't leave the house until he comes, waiting for a white envelope with that familiar handwriting that has taken the place of hugs and kisses. I check the phone several times a day to make sure it's working, waiting to hear it ring and see "unavailable" appear on the caller ID, a sight that has taken the place of the sound of my doorbell or his car horn. Asha put into words that the prison may control our movements , yet our love blossomed. I know Asha is no longer with Rashad. I suspected that because of the red flags in the book. I knew the relationship was not a permanent one.For every one of us who stands by our man, that can endure the bad days and savor the good, there are many who can't. Many just don't even try. To the men whose women have chosen to move on, you must always remember that there are always two sides to every story. Your women might not tell you what's in their hearts, but if you listen hard enough you can hear them. You can hear their confusion and their fear pleading with you to understand, to forgive, to accept, and to remember…Not every woman is strong enough to endure the bad days that the struggle brings. Thank God, I'm strong enough!

[Bakari · Rating 5 out of 5]

By far The Prisoner’s Wife is one of the saddest and most emotionally charged books I’ve read in the least few years. As I got about third of a way into asha bandele’s very introspective memoir, I thought to myself, this book is mainly for women. But as I read on, I thought, this is yet another book that should be taught in classrooms across America, or at least in the inner cities where so many young men and women live a daily life of hardship.

Few books are so seemingly honest and reflective as The Prisoner’s Wife. Of course you could be just swept by the asha’s lyrical writing, but you won’t. Bandele provides no easy answers and no begging excuses. Her story no doubt speaks for many woman dating or married to an imprisoned man they deeply love. And on the surface this is a love story. But for me, it’s about the human condition, especially in America. It’s about how much we’re not control of ourselves as much as we might think. It’s about those roads less taken and paying the price for it. It’s about things you can’t tell other people and live emotionally through the revelations.

There’s plenty of summary about this book, but I just want to point a couple of my reactions. First off, right after getting married to Rashid, in their first conjugal love making in a prison trailer, bandele’s gets pregnant. And though you wonder why she didn’t use protection (she does explain why), I personally think it was seriously courageous of her not to bring the baby to term. Some reviewers of the book are very indignant about her decision, but this is a woman who was facing the reality of raising a child by herself, when she wasn’t either emotionally or financially prepared to do so. Sure it might have made the perfect little love story to have her man’s baby, but that would be just story, the ending of a Hollywood movie we all want to see. The real story would have overlooked the challenges and the hardships of bringing another child in the world who might not gotten the love and support that he or she deservesd.

As you read the book, at first you might think bandele was naive and emotionally dependent on men. Well part of that may be true, but as you read on, you realize that she was honestly dealing with the cards dealt to her. She could have walked away from it all. She could denied her feelings and emotions, but what effect in the long run could that have had on her as a human being? No, she seems to be a person who found serious love and acceptance with Rashid, and she decided courageously to embrace it, despite all its challenges. Most of us couldn’t and wouldn’t do that.

The book was published back in 1999, and of course you wonder what has happened since then. Did Rashid get paroled? I did a Google search and hardly anything came up except an Answers.com response which says that Rashid was “deported to his native guyana after a difficult INS hold; he had not been there since he was a child. they were not together at the time of his release.”

She’s written another book about her daughter, but I’m not clear if it was by Rashid. Perhaps I’ll read it and find out.

[Eva-Marie Nevarez · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one I'd give 2 and 1/2 stars to if I had the option. I don't think I've ever read a book written more beautifully than this. She has great talent when it comes to writing and that much is obvious on the very first page. But I don't like her. At all. Not even a little bit.
Most of the book I was able to understand and sympathize and whatnot while there were pieces, major pieces for me, that really bothered me. That bothered me to no end really.
When Bendele talked about Rashid being locked up she seemed to fault the prison. Um, that's what we do with murderers here. If this man, or any other human had killed MY son, I'd want him locked up and I think there's a decent chance that if someone came along and snuffed the life from Bendele's little girl- she's feel the same way. Yet she wrote as if Rashid was just plucked off the street one day and charged with a murder he didn't commit. He commited murder!
I'm don't mean to say he isn't deserving of love or anything else. From what I learned of him in the book he seems like a "decent" guy. (That was kind of hard to write being that he killed someone but it's how I feel.) But since he did in fact take the life of another human, he has to deal with the consequences. Like waiting for conjugal visits, no peace and quiet in the visiting room, etc. I'm also willing to bet the victims mother hasn't had a bit of peace and quiet since her son was killed- EVER. That bothered me to know end. Maybe, hopefully, I took it wrong but that's the way her writing seemed to me on that aspect of the book.
The abortion.....what to say about this. As far as I know, and I think I know, being pro0life does NOT mean having the government decide when I start my family. That's basically what Bendele said. Now, if she has to work through her grief and justify an abortion in her own mind that's all good and fine. But I happen to be pro-life and I have a daughter. I chose when to get pregnant and when to start my family. Not the government or anyone else for that matter. I was CAREFUL until I was ready. Excluding certain extreme instance where the woman has no choice in the matter, there is BIRTH CONTROL. Take advantage of it for God's sake! So, in Bendele's eyes apparently, being okay with abortion is having the "right" to start your family when you choose. The pro-lifers apparently do not have this option.
That's a load of horseshit and I think she's smart enough to know it. Maybe in her grief- that's a whole other thing there- she hops up on a table pregnant, hops off not pregnant a little while later, then actually tells Rashid that if it happens again she'll have it! Freaking awesome if you ask me. Um, why did we just kill the baby again then Asha?
I don't know. For the most part she gave a great look into what it's like to stick with your man through his bid. On the other hand, she's not the most likable person in the world. (For all the people who are dying to start a "fight" with me about my feelings- the fact that I don't like her has nothing to do with her being pro-choice. I have family members and friends who are pro-choice.)
I am looking forward to reading her novel and I may even read her other non-fiction book, the one about Nisa. Not sure yet though.

[Joleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book left me gasping for air and swimming in emotions. Asha Bandeleis an incredibly gifted writer, and this novel is the journey of the heart, all the while struggling with her head, with her friends and family and practical awareness of the bleak reality of her love and her marriage. I felt as though she had ripped her beating heart right out of her chest and made me take a bite. The book raises such questions as humans have always wrestled: Is love all we need? Is true love the ultimate virtue? Does the love we give and receive make every sacrifice worth it? For me, I also wondered about the nature of love vs. reason and wondered why some people are so willing to abandon so much of their reason and lives to experience it, and I questioned if I would ever feel so deeply and be able to give of myself so fully.
It is as gorgeous as it is thought-provoking, and Bandele is masterful a writer, brutally honest and gifted. This book is an indisputable masterpiece. When I finished it, I almost immediately retread it, for I'd grown to crave that rush it gave me. However, after the second ride on the tsunami of feelings, I knew I would never be able to read it again.

[Eva · Rating 5 out of 5]

I sat in the park reading this and by the end I was a blubbering emotional mess. It's so raw, emphasizing the power of love to help two people grow and fly beyond prison bars, while remaining grounded in the loneliness, despair, and difficulties. The last few pages had me sobbing because it was just too powerful. You really feel it with her, the slowly beginning to trust, and then the hope, and then the despair.

It just killed me. The way all the prisoners would tell their wives that they would be home in one minute- not two, three, ten, fifteen. But one. And the way she picked that up. Her paragraph of prayer to all the gods in the world. "can you see me? who can see me? Can you hear me, who can hear me? Who's willing to come bargain with the prisoner's wife?"

And the way he told her, "If I am killed trying to get to you, it would be the most noble death I could die."

I started crying in the beginning, when he told her exactly what kind of man she deserved, and then ended by saying that was him. I didn't finish crying until two hours later; the tourists in the park had completely changed, and I felt like my heart had been torn into a million pieces by her journey and still somehow emerged with her realization that "It made me think I was blessed. To want someone like that. To be wanted by someone like that."

Basically, I cannot even.

[Maya B · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting look at what its like to love someone in prison. I always wondered how someone could love someone that long. this book definitely answered some of those questions. it feels like this book needs a followup. I struggled with the fact of was this love, sympathy, or empathy. I closed this book wondering how many relationships survive when that person is released from prison. I liked the reader's guide that followed the story

[Mary · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not finish the book because the author's style was boring. ILL

[Gabbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Over the weekend Jamaica had a little hurricane scare, or rather a big hurricane scare since at one point it did blow up to a Category 5, fortunately for us (unfortunately for Haiti) the worst was diverted and we only suffered tropical storm conditions.

However, due to the preparation required for the impending storm Jamaica was essentially on lockdown for Monday. This meant that I had some unexpected time in my hand and so in between studying, working on an assignment, and checking in with work I was able to check out a book I've had on my shelf for a while but had just never got around to reading, The Prisoner's Wife by Asha Bandele.

Her memoir tells of her experience meeting, befriending, falling in love with, and marrying a man who is in jail for 20 years to life on the charge of second degree murder. She meets him while volunteering at the prison and they strike up a friendship which eventually blossoms into more.

Asha’s words weave together a non-traditional love story that is a reality for many. Her Manhattan upbringing with it’s private schools and ballet lessons prepared her for an idyllic life, however the taint of repeated sexual abuse left her scarred and traumatised. Rashid, trapped behind his bars was the one who helped her to find freedom.

First published in 1999 Asha expresses the challenges faced by those who have loved ones in prison, the indignity they sometimes have to go through to have some semblance of normalcy. Almost 20 years later, Kyle Abraham worked with Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater on a three-part modern dance series exploring the impact of prison on families showing that the issue is one that isn’t going anywhere. (The Marshall Project)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=enmRH...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZJIk...

Through Asha’s words you fall in love with Rashid, and their love story; a contrary feeling since we’re predisposed to hate murderers. The book toys with your emotions as you read through Asha’s frank way of telling it as it is, of going it on her own, not because her partner wants to be absent, but because he doesn’t have a choice.

[Rita Reinhardt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the first book I’ve attempted to read in one sitting! Whoa! Asha Bandele is definitely a poet first, and a writer second! She takes us deep inside the bowels of a love story...the place we fear to bring up in daily conversations, but yet know exist. The unions we gossip about, as we attempt to be supportive to our friends. The incredible journeys that every woman is curious of taking, but finds it extremely difficult to let go and let love. The place in which we can experience a piece of heaven while going through hell. A place only made for the strong!

I enjoyed the overall story told, however there were times when the storyline seemed a bit scattered. There were also points that were not clearly defined or pieces seemed to be missing, thus the reason for four stars.

When younger, our momma's read us stories that came equipped with princesses and love, but this is not the tale of Princess Diana or Princess Kate. This is a "real" love story...filled with tears, crime and forgiveness. I found myself caught up in Rashid’s patience and Asha’s emotions! The realness and stillness of each character was incredible, and shows readers how "everything that glitters ain't gold," but sometimes we need to admire the "shiny stuff." This is a great read and I recommend this book to every person who believes in the audacity to love.

[Diana Townsend · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, this was refreshing!This memoir was very honest, very intense, and very realistic. I feel that Asha is very complex, she is hard to deal with sometimes. I often felt for Rashid for having to deal with prison time and her issues as well! And then comes the hard part of feeling anything for this couple and their trials knowing that there is a widow suffering alone because of this man... and while they complain about lack of freedom, not being able to be together, not being allowed to be intimate, etc. This widow has nothing. Her life is forever changed because of Rashid's actions and Asha makes a strong case for why their story is important, but my heart was stubborn. Inmates don't get a lot of sympathy for me, for any reason, reformed or not. Killing someone while your life gets to continue is something I can't make sense of. Anyhow, I tried to disengage from that and focus on the love story, which is beautiful at times and stressful most of the time. Again, there were moments when I read parts aloud to my husband and we both were like, "this chick is so strange". But there were other moments when I could appreciate her honesty, her life, her struggles, and more importantly, her love for this man who is doing time behind bars.

[SunnyD · Rating 3 out of 5]

an interesting look into the mind of a woman who fell in love with and married a man in jail. i always wondered about these women. bandele makes the story human, interesting, and thought-provoking. a lot more than i expected. it is a love story, as well as a quasi-memoir. i probably never would have read if it hadn't been a book club selection. i'm glad i did.

[Anjali · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every memoir has an unreliable narrator. In asha’s case, it’s a little more ... evident than usual.

Despite a very strong “I need to convince you” vibe, the prose in this book is beautiful, and the perspective is important. Shout out to the wives, partners, and primary support people of prisoners nationwide — lifers in particular. I am lucky enough to know a few of these, though not intimately enough to be privy to the kind of detail (most of the time) that asha shares here. “Doing time” alongside your loved ones is no exaggeration. Reading this in 2021, I was especially aware of how all prison visits have been canceled during covid-19, and the toll that has taken on top of the physical death toll.

There are a lot of reviews for this book that express reluctance to ever empathize with a prisoner; the view that “you do the crime you do the time”; and an opposition to the idea that a person who takes a life should ever be able to experience even a moment of positive emotion ever again, since the victim cannot. These comments make me sad. I feel very fortunate to have a different perspective on humanity and an opportunity to commune with a few of the people who live in this regrettable corner we have created in our society.

[Christina · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first began this book, I really wasn't impressed by the obvious poetic hyperboles that bandele was using to "beat-a-dead-horse". As I continued to read the book, I really began to enjoy her descriptiveness and passion which allowed me to truly hear bandele's voice. Sometimes her descriptiveness was overused and overdone, but she really had a way of expressing certain concepts in a new and interesting way. I appreciated her honesty to tell all the grit and glam of her journey to loving an imprisoned man, overcoming victimhood, and becoming an acclaimed poet the world over. I was left not really believing this story as some deep love epic, but I appreciated its reach.

[Tameisha · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really dislike this book

So this book was chosen for a book club pick by one of our members. I honestly didn't know what to expect from this author. While reading the book, I wanted to stop reading it and just pay the 3.00 dollar fee of not finishing a book but I pushed thru. The whole I was reading the book I was asking myself, who is she talking to? Is she talking to us or herself? This book felt like she was having a conversation with herself trying to convince herself she was really in love. And the ending? Who do you not know that was going to happen? How do you play with a person's feelings like?

[Ameer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Excellent idea of a story but, executed in an ordinary fashion. The plot was probably lost in translation.

Asha to me was the real prisoner of life having endured abuse and miserable lifestyle, she found in a real life prisoner some freedom and strength. She found the spice & the purpose her life always lacked. Rashid on the other hand is the prisoner who enjoyed more freedom "visitors & married life" between the bars of the prison.

One of the best parts of the book was the graphic details of the abortion experience.

This was not a love story in my books despite the writer's persistence.

[Mary · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is hard to rate, I really like the writing, the story too is engaging however I do not agree with the writer's point of view.... how do you rate that? Review coming soon.

http://maryokekereviews.blogspot.com....

[Duaa Issa · Rating 1 out of 5]

وقفت عند صفحة 40.. مملة جداً.. أسلوب الكتابة غبي.. والقصة غبية.. وأنا غبية لو فكرت أرجع أقرأه..

[Janice Kroeker · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very well written, but I found the book too graphic. Her aim was to be open & honest but she could have spared us some of the details.

[Crystal (Melanatedreader) Forte' · Rating 4 out of 5]

A tell all. Like forreal. Sis didn’t leave nothing out about this experience

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

I sought this book after hearing the author speak at a BLM related event. The power and richness of her words and analysis were crystal clear and pregnant with lived and learned wisdom.

When I picked up this book, I had not anticipated it to be a pure love story. bandele exposes her insides, raw, wounded, yearning, lost, found in this memoir.

Her unlikely relationship with her lover, soul mate, husband is the balm that brings healing to her pain from childhood abuse and rediscovery of self. It reads like the unfolding of insight from intensive therapy.

She captures the intrinsic cellular sensorium, pain, emotions, joyous and tragedy and loneliness of love and relationship while apart and through prison bars in this journal that twisted my insides in a knot from bearing witness.

It's hard to not to question the viability of such a relationship and her idealization of her lover -- through a long distance, even desperate lens. Is it possible that this man doesn't carry deep rooted trauma not only of adverse childhood experiences....but also the trauma and violence of being incarcerated and in for life? That is not an experience that one's psychology can easily cope with or reconcile without a great deal of risk and or lifelong work in the event that he gets released. Can such relationships survive the realities of day to day life in normalcy? Who knows? Maybe this is just about living in the moment.

[afrobookricua · Rating 4 out of 5]

This wow-ed to me the very end. Asha and words go hand-in-hand. This really brought a whole new lens and feeling to the meaning of love for me. I wanted to drown in Asha and Rashid. The unfairness, shame, and normalcy of it all.

[Deidra Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read that reflects on the decisions of a girlfriend that becomes a wife of a prisoner. Engaging and thought provoking.

[Jamekea · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off I’ll say that this was a really interesting book. It took me a while to get into it though. At first I wasn’t interested in reading it because I was tired of reading books about prison and black women. But I as continued to read it started getting more and more interesting. I began to recognize some of the things she was talking about. I began to feel the same emotions she felt and notice that I’m going through some of the same things she went through.
This book has given me mix emotions because on one end I felt for her, I felt her pain. I know what it feels like to be disrespected and told that you aren’t worth anything. So when she wrote the story about a man who was at first telling her how beautiful she was so she could give it up and when she refused he called her ugly and said she wasn’t worth anything. “Oh you think you’re so pretty and bad, but you’re not. You’re nothing but a stuck up little bitch... If you aren’t ready for it then why you walking around here like you’re grown!” Then she went to talk about how she wasn’t walking around like she was the ish, he was the one telling her she was pretty and beautiful. Then he changed the script when she wouldn’t give it up. And I knew exactly how she felt to be called ugly because she chickened out.
I know what feeling worthless feels like. I know what it feels like to be called all of these good things and to be put on a pedestal and then have it snatched from underneath you in the blink of an eye. It sucks but it becomes something you get used to and you get numb to it. As she said it doesn’t effect you anymore and you start to expect that from people. So that’s why I felt bad for her, but there were other times in to book where I thought she was dumb.
For example when she talked about how one of the professors at the college where her mother worked used to touch her when she was seven years old. She didn’t tell anyone because she thought she would be a bad girl. And I thought to myself and said if that was me I would’ve told somebody right then and there. I wouldn’t have waited until I was a twenty-something year old woman to tell somebody. Because people will most likely not believe you. They’ll say things like “The was a long time ago, how can you remember something from that long ago.” And that’s exactly what her mother said to her. Her mother didn’t believe her.
But even though I chastised her at first for not telling anyone I began to think about myself. While I was never sexually assaulted as I child, I can say that I was mistreated as a teen. And I never told anybody, I just kept it to myself because I didn’t want to be judged or asked questions. I didn’t want to be seen as a bad child or looked down on from my family. So after a while I felt for her and I stop criticizing her actions because I did the same things myself.
But one major thing I don’t want to happen to me and I kept saying it over and over again and I told my friends. I don’t want to marry somebody in prison nor to I want to marry a muslim. Because both can be a tiring situation. I would have to travel to the prison to see them, spending tons of money and I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to marry a muslim either because it’s too much stress. They’ll try to change my religion and I’m not going to do that. I’m Christian now and that’s what I’ll stay. So I give major probs to her, for being able to deal with that because I wouldn’t be able to do it. Not one bit.
As I said before I got mix emotions from this book and this was actually one of my favorite books. Because I could relate so much to her and I could see myself in her shoes and see the world out of her eyes.

[Christina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a love story. These five words defined this book and its experiences within the stories and emotion that was shared. This memoir was a compelling description of Asha and Rashid's love and how they survived love, pain, and joy within the walls of prison. Asha shared her story in realistic viewpoints, not allowing to be untruthful or shy. She was real and truthful about her pain and loneliness during the times of separation from Rashid. She did not sugar-coat her experiences, and because of that, readers felt what she felt, experienced the love like she felt, and experienced the pain that she went through.

Asha met Rashid while volunteering her time reading poetry in the prison. After a long few years of dating, they decided they wanted to get married, and was granted a small ceremony in the prison. Once married, Asha and Rashid tried to continue to love each other through the institution of the prison, but there were many obstacles and trials.

Asha went through a myriad of emotions while loving Rashid. In the end she was brave to continue to display her love and share with others her continued commitment to her husband.

This was truly a love story and I urge everyone to read this book. It definitely shared the true meaning of what love is... the sacrifices, the pain, and joy. If I were in Asha's shoes, I'm not sure if I could have maintained my sanity as long as she did.

I rate this book a 5. I recommended this book to everyone, but especially to women who likes to love. This is a top 10. I was able to relate to this love story in many ways... first as a woman, a woman who's been in love, and a wife.

[Rosalind · Rating 5 out of 5]

In the Prisoner's Wife, the author asha bandele tells her story in a way that you feel that she has pulled back all her layers, stripped herself raw so that she can write her story with honesty and clarity. Her relationship with her husband, rashid, proceeds as just about any relationship but the obstacles imposed upon them by his imprisonment make this a story that brings as many tears as smiles. And bandele uses language that allows the reader to feel all of her raw and very real emotions. I didn't feel like a spectator as much as a shadow dwelling in the dark recesses where love must struggle to remain alive when everyone and everything seems to be conspiring to strangle the life out of it.

bandele opens the book with, "This is a love story." and it is. Throughout the roller coaster of emotions the couple experiences, their deep and abiding love remains steadfast. Because it's open and honest. I found myself rooting for their love to survive. As I was reading, I kept saying in the back of my mind, "I really hope they make it." This is the type of love that's worth fighting for. They are open, honest, able to stand naked and unashamed before one another, love one another without pretense and without diminishing themselves for the love. At the same time, the loneliness and undeniable reality that neither of them can simply choose to end their separation or wish it away seems to doom their relationship from the start. That love like this can die suffer under outside constraints makes this an important story. One that deserves to be told. And, I for one, am glad asha bandele chose to tell it.

[Ayona Iona · Rating 2 out of 5]

I know now after reading two memoir type books that I do not like them. I can't help but think unless the author is writing down their every thought or feeling at that exact and instant time of events the writing ends up be over exaggerated and lines of lie just to make the book, a book.
Sorry if this is not the case but that is just how I felt whilst reading.
When reading time after time about the decisions she made throughout the book I couldn't help but think she wasn't mature enough to deal with what she took on.
I had to keep in mind the author was a real person sharing her life and the character was not fictional. I kept thinking as I read 'How old is she again?'.
I tried to understand her tight commitment to a man whom she meet in jail, who she knew would be locked up for twenty years or more for a killing but I could not relate at all.
It was a loosing battle.
I rated it 'ok' because I do like her 'Away with the Fairies' manner of describing things she sees and feels. She does get deep and deep I can dig.

[The Urban Book Source · Rating 5 out of 5]

An epic tale of loving blindly, unconditionally, and without boundaries. In The Prisoner’s Wife, you will be whisked away on a love trail involving asha bandele, an author, poet and editor of Essence Magazine who comes from an accomplished, close knit family, and Rashid, a prisoner at Sing Sing Correctional Facility serving 20 years to life for murder. This book is a true account of an emotional journey through love and all the pain, joy and struggles that accompany it. We all hear whispers of tales about women who make decisions like asha, but if you want the real deal read The Prisoner’s Wife. Like asha said on the first line of her book, "This is a love story like every love story I has always known, like no story I could ever had imagined."

[Dsgirl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I genuinely enjoyed this book for the most part.

I can say that I love the way this book was written, with the flow of a poet, visually painting every scene as well as possible. This book, to me, is a must-read for the wives/girlfriends/etc of prisoners. It gives a glimpse into a world rarely spoke of publicly, as Bandele says.

The way she portrays Rashid is clear and concrete, also showing that a convict is not always an ugly man.

I loved The Prisoner's Wife up until the end, and I'll save explaining why so as not to spoil it for future readers. Regardless, I think this is a great read and I'm glad I read it and have it on my shelf.

[Wanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I always wondered about people who have relationships with prisoners and why they choose to get involved. It's a captivating read from the beginning. This book doesn't necessarily fall into one of the categories of women who do fall in love with prisoners. How the author became involved with a prisoner was through a program to bring writing/poetry to prisoners. One of the prisoners became her now husband.

While it was quite engaging, I did find it hard to believe that the author did fall in lover with a prisoner and now has a child by him. They did marry, but she is of course free, and her husband is still locked up. Her story is one that I have not seen before and I found it compelling.

[Nakia · Rating 3 out of 5]

With this being my 2nd time with this story, I had a completely different perspective. I believe that asha is a terrific writer, but I found it hard to appreciate her love story as much as I did the first time around, mainly because it seemed that she wanted people to sympathize with the punishments of prisoners. Sorry, it ain't happening. If you do the crime, you do the time. And if you fall in love with someone in prison, you must suffer along with them.

I still loved her language and I'm looking forward to reading her other books.