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Ray of Sunlight
Russ Michaels has his whole life ahead of him but no plans beyond dropping out of school as soon as he turns eighteen. He’s been in and out of juvenile detention for the last four years and thoroughly expects to end up in an adult penitentiary at some point. He hates life and everyone in it, especially this latest community service that he earned in lieu of juvie yet again.
CJ Calhoun has big plans. He wants to bring joy and happiness to sick and injured children for as long as he can by performing as a clown. The problem is, he has stage-four cancer and a horrible prognosis.
When circumstances throw these two polar opposites together, they find they have more in common than they imagined. CJ discovers Russ’s talent for art and arranges for Russ to create a mural in the hospital foyer, which leads to a tentative scholarship to the Art Institute. As life changes in ways neither of them could have expected, Russ must work harder than ever to better himself as CJ struggles with his deteriorating health.
CJ Calhoun has big plans. He wants to bring joy and happiness to sick and injured children for as long as he can by performing as a clown. The problem is, he has stage-four cancer and a horrible prognosis.
When circumstances throw these two polar opposites together, they find they have more in common than they imagined. CJ discovers Russ’s talent for art and arranges for Russ to create a mural in the hospital foyer, which leads to a tentative scholarship to the Art Institute. As life changes in ways neither of them could have expected, Russ must work harder than ever to better himself as CJ struggles with his deteriorating health.
180 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 19, 2015
6 people are currently reading
352 people want to read
About the author
Brynn Stein
11 books36 followersBrynn Stein has always loved to write. Fan fiction, original fiction, whatever. While Brynn wrote in numerous genres—everything from mystery, to contemporary, to supernatural—she had always tended toward strong male characters. And then she discovered “slash,” male/male romance, and all those strong male characters were finally allowed to express their love for one another. It seems that there are always at least two characters clamoring to tell Brynn their story.
Brynn lives in Virginia with one of her two two-legged children, and two four-legged ones. Her supportive family encourages her writing and provides a sounding board for fledgling stories. When she isn’t writing, Brynn teaches children with special needs. In free time, when such a thing exists, she reads anything she can get her hands on, and haunts bookstores. She draws and paints, and enjoys the outdoors—especially if she can get to the beach—and is always thinking about her next story.
Please feel free to contact Brynn at any of the following:
https://twitter.com/BrynnStein
http://brynnstein2.wordpress.com
https://www.facebook.com/
brynnstein2@gmail.com
Brynn lives in Virginia with one of her two two-legged children, and two four-legged ones. Her supportive family encourages her writing and provides a sounding board for fledgling stories. When she isn’t writing, Brynn teaches children with special needs. In free time, when such a thing exists, she reads anything she can get her hands on, and haunts bookstores. She draws and paints, and enjoys the outdoors—especially if she can get to the beach—and is always thinking about her next story.
Please feel free to contact Brynn at any of the following:
https://twitter.com/BrynnStein
http://brynnstein2.wordpress.com
https://www.facebook.com/
brynnstein2@gmail.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
May 25, 2015
~
Gah, this book! It was extremely touching and utterly heartbreaking for me.
Seventeen year old, bisexual Russ is a very troubled teen, in and out of juvenile detention due to his anger at the world and lack of self-control. For his latest outburst of aggression, he's sentenced to 500 hours of community service at a children's hospital and he is not happy about that in the least.
Until he meets an upbeat clown named CJ.
CJ was beaten and kicked out of his home at 15 when his father found out that he was gay. Then, to add insult to injury, he's diagnosed with stage 3, inoperable cancer, which is how he ended up at Children's Hospital.
Russ is immediately drafted to help CJ with his clown shows that keep the kids in the oncology, burn and neurology wards both entertained and working on their physical therapy goals.
Then the strangest thing began to happen to Russ. He started actually caring, which hasn't happened for a very long time. And people begin genuinely caring about him in return.
As the boys get to know one another, Russ' angry, callous soul begins to heal, slowly, one hour of community service at a time.
CJ's influence in Russ' life changes everything for the better. Russ, the straight "F" student, gets a full ride scholarship to an art college and that's all due to CJ's prodding and help.
Eventually, the boys did become a couple, with the full support of everyone who's actually important in their lives, but then CJ's health began a steady slide toward the inevitable.
I don't feel like this is a spoiler, as the book made absolutely zero qualms about it, but I was a bit shocked that the story never offered even an ounce of hope for CJ's recovery. He was going to die. Period. And he did. At only 17. And it freaking killed me when it happened.
But it was oddly beautiful, and romantic, the way that it happened. We should all be so lucky, when that time finally comes.
Even before CJ's passing, there are *several* other scenes in the book that will either have you either tearing up or full on crying, but the CJ scene and the chapter that follows were ugly cries for me.
This story reminds me a lot of Fearless by Chris O'Guinn, which I actually preferred a bit more (READ IT NOW); however, unlike Fearless, which ended a bit abruptly for my tastes, Sunlight does sort of lead you through the grieving process, even providing an Epilogue.
I could have personally done without the epilogue, as we get a peek at Russ' life 10 years after CJ's passing, but that might just be me.
As I mentioned, If I had to pick a favorite between this story and Fearless, I'd have to go with Fearless, but I did truly enjoy both stories. Neither book had your typical HEA; however, Fearless was just so hopeful for me, so I prefer it, of the two.
So 4.25 *that's-what-makes-you-beautiful* stars this time around for this story of a bad boy finding love, which changes his life forever, even 'after.'
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My copy of this book was provided by the publisher in exchange for a fair, unbiased review.
Gah, this book! It was extremely touching and utterly heartbreaking for me.
Seventeen year old, bisexual Russ is a very troubled teen, in and out of juvenile detention due to his anger at the world and lack of self-control. For his latest outburst of aggression, he's sentenced to 500 hours of community service at a children's hospital and he is not happy about that in the least.
Until he meets an upbeat clown named CJ.
CJ was beaten and kicked out of his home at 15 when his father found out that he was gay. Then, to add insult to injury, he's diagnosed with stage 3, inoperable cancer, which is how he ended up at Children's Hospital.
Russ is immediately drafted to help CJ with his clown shows that keep the kids in the oncology, burn and neurology wards both entertained and working on their physical therapy goals.
Then the strangest thing began to happen to Russ. He started actually caring, which hasn't happened for a very long time. And people begin genuinely caring about him in return.
As the boys get to know one another, Russ' angry, callous soul begins to heal, slowly, one hour of community service at a time.
CJ's influence in Russ' life changes everything for the better. Russ, the straight "F" student, gets a full ride scholarship to an art college and that's all due to CJ's prodding and help.
Eventually, the boys did become a couple, with the full support of everyone who's actually important in their lives, but then CJ's health began a steady slide toward the inevitable.
I don't feel like this is a spoiler, as the book made absolutely zero qualms about it, but I was a bit shocked that the story never offered even an ounce of hope for CJ's recovery. He was going to die. Period. And he did. At only 17. And it freaking killed me when it happened.
But it was oddly beautiful, and romantic, the way that it happened. We should all be so lucky, when that time finally comes.
Even before CJ's passing, there are *several* other scenes in the book that will either have you either tearing up or full on crying, but the CJ scene and the chapter that follows were ugly cries for me.
This story reminds me a lot of Fearless by Chris O'Guinn, which I actually preferred a bit more (READ IT NOW); however, unlike Fearless, which ended a bit abruptly for my tastes, Sunlight does sort of lead you through the grieving process, even providing an Epilogue.
I could have personally done without the epilogue, as we get a peek at Russ' life 10 years after CJ's passing, but that might just be me.
As I mentioned, If I had to pick a favorite between this story and Fearless, I'd have to go with Fearless, but I did truly enjoy both stories. Neither book had your typical HEA; however, Fearless was just so hopeful for me, so I prefer it, of the two.
So 4.25 *that's-what-makes-you-beautiful* stars this time around for this story of a bad boy finding love, which changes his life forever, even 'after.'
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My copy of this book was provided by the publisher in exchange for a fair, unbiased review.
March 20, 2016
OMG!!! I really wasn't expecting to love this book like I did. I'm a big fan of YA/NA books and knew I had to give this book a read just from the beautiful cover. This book was easy to read and the two(or three) MCs were so easy to fall in love with.
This book will pull at your heart. I laughed at these two guys and oh....oh did I cry! Yes I bawled my eyes out and had to keep telling myself this is just a story, get a grip!!!
This book is more than a young coming of age story. It's about doing what's right and following your heart.
What these two guys had to overcome to be together is heartfelt. After reading this book you can't help but take a look at your own life and appreciate the everyday things.
A great title and cover for this story. Thanks Ms. Stein, I got the message.
* * * * * FIVE GIGANTIC STARS * * * * *
This book will pull at your heart. I laughed at these two guys and oh....oh did I cry! Yes I bawled my eyes out and had to keep telling myself this is just a story, get a grip!!!
This book is more than a young coming of age story. It's about doing what's right and following your heart.
What these two guys had to overcome to be together is heartfelt. After reading this book you can't help but take a look at your own life and appreciate the everyday things.
A great title and cover for this story. Thanks Ms. Stein, I got the message.
* * * * * FIVE GIGANTIC STARS * * * * *
January 6, 2016
5 huge stars!!! A must read for YA fans. You will absolutely fall in love with Russ and CJ. They will touch your heart, make you laugh, and make you cry.
Russ is an angry teenage boy. He’s been in and out of juvie and is now sentenced to 500 hours of community service in the burn unit at Children’s Hospital. When he shows up for his first day, he meets CJ who is dressed up as a clown entertaining the kids. They form an unlikely friendship. Their story is beautiful and I will never forget them <3
Russ is an angry teenage boy. He’s been in and out of juvie and is now sentenced to 500 hours of community service in the burn unit at Children’s Hospital. When he shows up for his first day, he meets CJ who is dressed up as a clown entertaining the kids. They form an unlikely friendship. Their story is beautiful and I will never forget them <3
May 23, 2015
I can't believe that I have to repeat it again for the second time in a row!
But don't consider my review as a NOT recommendation to read it or a recommendation to skip it. It's my personal opinion, you have your own that can be totally different from mine.
We all know that a high average rating cannot guarantee that we certainly fall in love with a book. But to read a blurb BEFORE could be very useful. I really really SHOULD start to do it.
There are books that are difficult to review negatively: If you don't like a book about bullying is like joining a bullying's team. To criticize a book that tells a reader about a 17 year old boy who earned in lieu of juvie 500 hours of community service in the burn unit of Children's Hospital that will change him COMPLETELY and make out of a juvenile delinquent an exemplary and corporate citizen and who will make the best out of his life, is even worse. But it is what this book about. To be brief. And here I'm with my 2 stars rating.
I can divide this book into 4 parts. The first quarter of the book was the reason for my first excited update with a call for everyone to read it.
In the second and the third quarters of the book I was seriously considered to delete it.
And in the last quoter I hoped BADLY that everyone had already forgot about my excessive post.
The beginning was very promising - Russ Michaels' first person POV was GREAT! I laughed out LAUD. Well, I really didn't have any idea in what direction the story would go. The middle of the book was stuffed full of volunteer activities in the Hospital that was pretty boring and disappointing. Mostly because the first person POV faded away-a magical "I" appeared every now and then on the pages, but it didn't have any influence on the story-telling, the whole plot started to be very UNPERSONAL and stereotypical. The last part was PATHETIC. With a lot of "I love you, Russ/I love you, CJ" and worries of CJ about his children when he'd be gone:
"They have so many people who love them now...just as much as I do. And there are other people who are putting on shows for them. I wanted to leave you for them, and I still want that, but they'll have other people now too. I feel better about having to go now...knowing they'll be okay."
I don't want to spoil you the ending, but you'll know it pretty soon, so I don't see it as a spoiler. But maybe it is better to know at the beginning that CJ has stage-three Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma, metastasized to a large percentage of the body, and it is not a fantasy novel, in order the ending won't catch you by surprise.
June 25, 2022
Stories like this are why I love to read so much. CJ and Russ' story is inspiring, emotional, powerful and just plain beautiful.
I'm not going to lie, it will leave you teary but it's really worth the pain. Actually, maybe I did lie because it didn't leave me teary - it left me a whole lot of ugly, ugly crying.
I'm not going to lie, it will leave you teary but it's really worth the pain. Actually, maybe I did lie because it didn't leave me teary - it left me a whole lot of ugly, ugly crying.
January 30, 2018
A beautifully written equally heartbreaking and life-affirming story. 5 stars for Russ and CJ's story and I recommend this book to everyone!
March 24, 2015
This was one of the most beautiful, though heartbreaking, books I have ever read. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Thank you, Brynn Stein, for writing and sharing it with us. I read this book for several reasons: being gay, being a staunch m/m romance lover, and also, like one of the main characters, having stage IV cancer.
It exceeded my expectations completely, and they were high! I won't give the plot away in any form, other than the above, which was in the blurb, so I don't know if this is exactly a review, but I can't give this book enough praise. I read the entire book with tears in my eyes, both from knowing what would inevitably happen, and then being overwhelmed when it did, despite knowing it was coming. I have read other Brynn Stein books, and they are all outstanding. I don't often say this when reading a book: "A MUST read!"
It exceeded my expectations completely, and they were high! I won't give the plot away in any form, other than the above, which was in the blurb, so I don't know if this is exactly a review, but I can't give this book enough praise. I read the entire book with tears in my eyes, both from knowing what would inevitably happen, and then being overwhelmed when it did, despite knowing it was coming. I have read other Brynn Stein books, and they are all outstanding. I don't often say this when reading a book: "A MUST read!"
April 19, 2019
Audiobook review☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️ ☀️
You know when you’ve finished listening to an audiobook from Audible, that one sentence in the end; Audible hopes you’ve enjoyed this program! This time it made me stark raving mad. I mean there I was crying my eyes and heart out and he has the audacity to ask if I enjoyed it?!? The nerve!
Did I enjoy crying my eyes out?
- Hell No!
Did I love A Ray of Sunlight?
- Yes, so very, very much.
CJ? / Russ?
Yes and yes.
I adored them both so much. And now I’m going to try to tell you why… Just know that whatever I try say about this book, it won’t be anywhere near how much I loved it. (I’m sorry that this review probably will rival a novel, but I just have so many feelings to share). This book made me feel, and feel a lot in a very short time; everything from dislike and angry, to happy and loving, longing and then sad and heartbroken, yet still hopeful.
After only a few minutes I was hooked on this book. I loved it. I loved the characters, the plot and everything about it. I knew heartbreak was coming, I knew it was going to be painful, but I still had to take part in this wonderful journey. And boy did this book bring on the waterworks, so have tissues handy, you will need them.
The plot itself is a simple and straight forward one, to the point where it could probably be summed up in a few sentences. Angry boy sentenced to work off his community service in the children’s wing at the local hospital. Angry boy meets boy with cancer and learns to appreciate life, himself and others. In a nutshell it’s not complicated, but this book was so much more than that. It was a beautiful tale about celebrating life and not fearing the future.
My first impression of Russ was far from good, and I fully expected to end up disliking him for the rest of the book and chalk it up to a meh story. He was everything that I can’t stand; obnoxious, angry and self-absorbed and without any regards to anything or anyone but himself. Fortunately that didn’t last long, as we got to know him we understands the reasons why he’s become that way. The neglect, and even abuse from his family (that will make you stark raving mad and want to call CPS, I mean his mom hits him with a baseball bat and no one reacts?!? WTF???)
Russ’s attitude doesn’t last long though. When he met CJ – or rather gets to know him he gets a lesson in humility, what it’s like to care for others, care about the future. And their friendship and later on love is one that fairy tales are made of. And it made me feel privileged to have been part of it, even in this small way.
CJ, what can I tell you about him? He’s a true ray of sunlight and happy, spreads joy whenever he’s near. One that makes others feel good by just being in his orbit. He’s also all alone. He was kicked out when he was 16 when he was caught kissing a boy and lived on the streets for a few weeks until he got too sick from a brain tumor and subsequently "moved into" a children’s hospital instead. When we meet him he's been there for a year, and he knows he'll never leave. But he does everything he can to make the rest of the children smile. Help them with their therapy - be that ray of light they needed in their time of need.
I was so immersed in this story that I forgot to listen to the narration. I was so focused on what was happening with Russ and CJ that nothing else existed for me. Not real life, not the narration, nothing beyond the walls of that hospital. And I think that in itself is a compliment. Nicholas Santasier drew me in and captivated me. Made me rage, smile and cry. However I can’t just leave you with that, well I can, but I won’t. So I went back to the book and listened for the narration this time, and realized that sure it was far from perfect. But you know what? The story Stein created more than made up for it, because no matter the flawed narration Santasier did manage to mesmerize me throughout.
I wasn’t all that fond of the epilogue (minor spoilers ahead). We check in with Russ ten years later. I wanted to see him happy. He deserved to be happy. But to me he seemed stuck, alone. And that hit me the most. I didn’t need him to have found the one and live happily ever after. I at least wanted him to have a prospect to love someone, being open. Maybe a few past relationships in the baggage. But no, he still came across as hung up on CJ. Loving someone new doesn’t mean that the love he felt for CJ meant any less. To me it signifies that he lived life as best he could, make the best of every moment. Now, however he felt like a martyr. The rest of the book was perfect and one that will stay with me.
I’m sorry that this was so long (I did warn you though). Just remember that one little ray of sunlight can and do light up the dark and makes the darkness seem less vast. One ray of sunlight can change everything.
A copy of this book was generously provided by the publisher in exchange for an honest review
April 25, 2015
This book was not perfectly written, yet it is going on my favourites shelf. I could nit pick it - but I won't.
This story made me laugh and it made me cry. Scap that - it made me sob. So hard I had to go in the bathroom sob it out and wash my face before the kids saw me cryiing over a book. It really hurt, damn thing was, it wasn't a secret what was going to happen. I knew there was no get out clause. I knew the pain I was letting myself in for - but I still read it because...because...
...because, the sunshine before the storm was so blindingly beautiful.
This story made me laugh and it made me cry. Scap that - it made me sob. So hard I had to go in the bathroom sob it out and wash my face before the kids saw me cryiing over a book. It really hurt, damn thing was, it wasn't a secret what was going to happen. I knew there was no get out clause. I knew the pain I was letting myself in for - but I still read it because...because...
...because, the sunshine before the storm was so blindingly beautiful.
May 26, 2019
This book, wow...it was so much more than the description. I'm an emotional mess right now but damn, it was so good.
May 17, 2017
Major buzzkill.
Yeah, I should have probably read the blurb closer and extrapolated more. Frankly, it's a story I could have done without, not that it isn't a compelling story, but it went places I didn't want to go. So, that down spiral and the ill-advised epilogue, which I thought really did nothing to add to the story other than add another nail. That cover implies more than what I got; it was depressing.
My rating reflects the quality of the story, not my enjoyment of it.
Yeah, I should have probably read the blurb closer and extrapolated more. Frankly, it's a story I could have done without, not that it isn't a compelling story, but it went places I didn't want to go. So, that down spiral and the ill-advised epilogue, which I thought really did nothing to add to the story other than add another nail. That cover implies more than what I got; it was depressing.
My rating reflects the quality of the story, not my enjoyment of it.
March 20, 2015
This is one of those books that will have you crying and at the same time believing that love is beyond any suffering. The story of Russ Michaels & CJ Calhoun is a beautiful one. Talks about love and the chance to become a better human being for Russ.
I only hope the author decides to give Russ his happy ending in a sequel.
I only hope the author decides to give Russ his happy ending in a sequel.
April 23, 2015
I send praise and lots of it to the high heavens on this book although I wouldn't be able to read it again. I have added it to my favorites. The story is exceptionally good, but for the last 50% of the story all I did was cry. It's an utterly emotional and touching story. The reason also as to why I needed a day to compose myself before writing anything about it.
Read it, you'll love it, but have that box of tissue at the ready.
Read it, you'll love it, but have that box of tissue at the ready.
September 28, 2016
Be ready to cry your eyes out. Like snot-face sob cry, not a dainty little tear. Totally worth every painfully emotional second - just have the tissues handy.
March 19, 2018
This book was heartbreaking. No steam no romantic HEA. This book was all about a journey. A journey that changes one boy and helps another end his happily. There is so much good in this book. I mean you are going to cry because even though you know it's coming it's devastating. Russ comes off as being a little of a douche at first but then as you get to know him you just realize he has a shitty home life. Sentenced to community service at a children's hospital he meets a patient his age who is dying of cancer, CJ. CJ doesn't have much time left but with the little he has he touches as many lives as he can. CJ proceeds to change Russ's life one day at a time. CJ gets under Russ' skin and the confused, violent, angry boy Russ used to be begins to fade away. This book will not be for everyone. There is romance but it doesn't end happy, it ends like we knew it would, with sadness. What is happy is the changes CJ makes in Russ life, they last. Russ fulfills his potential and becomes a success. I do think Russ needs another book though, so he can find love.
May 6, 2016
A Joyfully Jay review.
4 stars
If you are looking for a YA novel for a teen (or even for yourself) that takes on or introduces first love, bisexuality, confrontational family issues, and terminal illness, Ray of Sunlight would be an excellent choice.
Russ is fairly alone in the world. After his father left he constantly got in trouble and his mother was not a guiding force in his life. His stepfather despises him out of principle it seems and Russ doesn’t care about anyone or anything. At the start of the book he is angry and selfish and really just lashing out since he has no structure in his life and no support.
He finds a completely new life within the walls of the hospital and the catalyst is CJ. CJ was beaten and disowned by his family when his father caught him kissing a boy and shortly after he was admitted to the hospital. With a terminal prognosis and nowhere to go, he became a resident. Yet CJ has a bright outlook. He puts on shows and tries to entertain the younger children at the hospital in an attempt to make all their days brighter. He would have every reason to be angry at everything, yet he’s just not.
Read Michelle's review in its entirety here.
4 stars
If you are looking for a YA novel for a teen (or even for yourself) that takes on or introduces first love, bisexuality, confrontational family issues, and terminal illness, Ray of Sunlight would be an excellent choice.
Russ is fairly alone in the world. After his father left he constantly got in trouble and his mother was not a guiding force in his life. His stepfather despises him out of principle it seems and Russ doesn’t care about anyone or anything. At the start of the book he is angry and selfish and really just lashing out since he has no structure in his life and no support.
He finds a completely new life within the walls of the hospital and the catalyst is CJ. CJ was beaten and disowned by his family when his father caught him kissing a boy and shortly after he was admitted to the hospital. With a terminal prognosis and nowhere to go, he became a resident. Yet CJ has a bright outlook. He puts on shows and tries to entertain the younger children at the hospital in an attempt to make all their days brighter. He would have every reason to be angry at everything, yet he’s just not.
Read Michelle's review in its entirety here.
March 22, 2015
An excellent heartwarming story. So full of hope despite some sad moments. One thing for sure: a favorite!
March 27, 2015
I cried from start to finish with this book. No two people deserved love like Russ and CJ
December 18, 2015
Book – Ray of Sunlight
Author – Brynn Stein
Star rating - ★★★☆☆
No. of Pages – 108 (98 of story pages)
Ease of reading – easy to read
Would I read it again – No.
-
Let me start off by saying that I'm on a Brynn Stein binge. I've been meaning to read these books for ages, but never found the time. When I was given the chance to read and review a few that I didn't have, I offered to read the ones I did have, as well. This may well have been a mistake. Stein's characters are heavily depressive and nearly every book has a dying/dead character and it's a little too much to handle, one after the other. But I've only got one left, now that this one is done, so I'll plug on.
But, quite honestly, this book made me furious. And I mean to the point where I finished the book last night, had to sleep off my anger and even as I type, I can still feel how angry I am about this story.
Also, I've noticed that there are a few strong themes in Stein books that might make me hesitate buying a new release:
neglectful/abusing/absent parents
homophobic encounters/attitudes
some medical catastrophe
killing characters (even if they're brought back)
an angry MC
no HEA. Ever.
-
Writing
My initial though, before I delved into the story - Oh no! Another 1st person POV. I don't get along with the author's style of 1st POV writing, so I wasn't feeling particularly positive about the story.
Strike two? The use of 'rents instead of parents. Ugh! Constant and never replaced by the real 'parents' unless it's someone other than our MC speaking.
Three – the author has a strange way, in 1st person, of making it really unclear whether the character is male or female, until they introduce themselves. I've seen others write in 1st person and make it clear the MC was male or female (especially when you're not meant to know who that person is) without having to come right out and say it. Little hints would have been nice. I know it's an M/M romance, but I've seen some books, even 1st person written, that don't start with the MC or have a strong female influence. It would have been nice to have that cleared up. Until we know, for sure, what our MC is, all he was to me was another snot nosed kid, with an over inflated sense of superiority and an ego the size of Texas.
But, the main problem I had is with CJ's character. He's a great kid and a good character, but he's got terminal cancer. This hits too close to home for me. I WAS CJ at one point – 16, stage 4 cancer, (assumed to be) terminal – and from the hints in the story, I was on way stronger chemo than CJ (it was experimental and twice the regular amount) so I feel I'm qualified to talk about this.
The cancer treatment was stereotypical – weak, tired, vomit and then die. Personally, when I started the book, CJ was really realistic and I was glad that the author had, once again, shown an aptitude for medical research that surprised me. Then, it just went downhill with the constant insults and the dismissive attitude towards cancer.
Also, I'd just like to say that Stage 4 cancer – of any sort – is not a guaranteed death sentence. But, the reason I'm so angry with this story is because it's frequently assumed it is. In fact, at one point, CJ and Russ talk about his cancer being Stage 4 and then both go off into depressive thoughts about how CJ will die soon. I find that really insulting, having fought and lived through Stage 4. I get that everyone is different, but that isn't shown or even hinted at here. Every child in this Children's Hospital is given a glimmer of hope except the cancer kids, who the author talks about as if they're destined to die. I hate it.
In the beginning, when we first meet Russ, he's a horrible character. Really, really horrible. Plus, his POV is confusing. It's not natural. One minute we're in court and the thought process makes sense – he's giving us a back story about how he ended up in front of a judge again – and then, suddenly, we're getting an entire life history, as though the MC – who we're supposed to be – is talking to the reader! It was a little weird.
Also, Russ is one of those awful people who is rude and obnoxious to everyone. He blames it on his 'anger', which he blames on his dad running off and his mum remarrying someone he doesn't like. I blame it on Russ and his ego. He calls the kids from the burn unit, that he's been assigned to for community service, a lot of horrible names.
I don't want to read the POV of anyone who can call burn victims “deep fried ankle-biters” or “crispy critters and Charlie Browns”. I don't care that he stops, after meeting CJ, and learning that it's not right. I care that the author made me read these things. They were unnecessary. We'd already had a crystal clear view of Russ and his snarky attitude. It was shown MORE than enough, that we didn't need these insulting references as well. The whole “ankle-biters”, “Charlie Browns” and even the “rugrats” that he uses later would have been enough. I HATE that I had to read about anyone who could think about kids that way. And, quite honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I had promised to read and review this, I could have DFN'd right there.
When it comes to grammar, too, this isn't like the other Stein books I've read. Mostly, I've been objective about all the books I've read so far, giving them an extra star if they made me cry, which For Mac did. BUT, I can't do that here. I'm not suitably detached from the story enough to be objective and although it made me cry, it was for my own personal reasons and not really because of what the book did to me. (Like I said, the subject matter really hits home for me)
Mrs Dietrich also flips from that spelling to Mrs Detrick, which is confusing. When I first read the switch, I actually had to go back and check that this wasn't supposed to be a new character or a snarky way of deliberately getting her name wrong. But, no, it was just a mistake. As were all those elipsis. I get putting them in dialogue or using the occasional one, but they were prolific in this story. I mean – everywhere!
One more problem to point out, before we move on. This, more than any other book I've read by Stein, has snippets that are word for word from another book. Both books – For Mac and Ray of Sunlight – were published this year, but both have exactly the same phrases in them:
1 - “Huh?” I loved it when I was all articulate like that.
2 – that much love must go somewhere, right?
Both are carbon copies of For May, which I read first. But, on viewing the publishing info, Ray of Sunlight came first. Either way, it's jarring to read the exact same line in two books, when I read them one after the other.
-
Characters
We're told, frequently, by Russ's own POV that it's not his own fault that he's the way he is. Later, it's hinted at it. Again, another theme with this author, we're expected to forgive Russ his angry/bad behaviour and rotten treatment of other people, his selfishness and his bouts of violence, because he had a bad childhood. At this point, I don't care. Lots of these characters – in Stein books – have had bad childhoods and Russ is least likely of those to garner my sympathy.
I start the book hating Russ and not wanting to be inside his head. He's a horrible MC to write in 1st person, but I suspect it was so the author could write in that “cool” 'rents sort of way and swear a lot, showing a lot of attitude, which they did. For me, though, it didn't work.
I've already said that I liked Pete, but I want to reiterate that. Even after how awfully Russ has treated him, he still finds it in his heart to forgive and move on, to help Russ when he needs it and to stand up to his own father. That's not easy, especially since we already know that his dad is an overgrown bully.
Speaking of the parents, Allen and Mom, as we're introduced to them, they're incredulous. I mean, bordering on ridiculous. I don't believe that parents can be this obtuse, this abusive or this nasty, without facing some sort of criminal proceedings. They beat on Russ, who hits back, report him to the cops and all, but the constant fury is exhausting and I can't believe it's like that all the time. Maybe I was just lucky to have good parents, but I've read an awful lot of stories with horrible parents and these take the cake. It comes out of nowhere, exceeds any realistic sensibility and doesn't work for me at all.
-
Overall
I loved CJ, I cried for him and Russ, I evolved from hating Russ with a passion to tolerating him and the idea was fantastic. It just fell flat for me. Russ wasn't a likeable character, by any stretch of the imagination and CJ was far too accepting of his 'inevitable' fate for me to stand. The kids brightened the story a little, the parents were ridiculous and Pete was a good character that should have been explored further. In fact, I would have had no objection to this story being written in 3rd person, with Pete and CJ falling in love and Pete finding a medical treatment for CJ that actually worked. THAT was where I kept hoping the story would go.
But, no. Again, someone has to die in a Stein book. And I don't feel that's a spoiler or giving anything away, because we're told consistently through the story that it's his fate. It's even in the blurb.
To me, this is far too close to A Walk to Remember for my liking – bad boy gets in trouble, has to do good for the community, falls for a terminally ill patient that dies. It's as simple as that. The ending is almost exactly the same, too, which I don't agree with. It was never 'final' in A Walk to Remember, but in this book, the ending ticked me off to no end.
Russ says, at the end of the book that “CJ makes me happy”, but I don't believe it. I DID believe it, before the Epilogue, but after that, CJ was just an albatross hanging around his neck and making him miserable. The author can say what they like about the ending, but I can't believe it. Russ and CJ weren't together that long, they didn't really share any real emotional intimacy that I saw and that means I can't believe in this story.
The premise was good, some of the events and characters were enjoyable, but overall, this just made me angry. It certainly wasn't a Ray of Sunlight.
Author – Brynn Stein
Star rating - ★★★☆☆
No. of Pages – 108 (98 of story pages)
Ease of reading – easy to read
Would I read it again – No.
-
Let me start off by saying that I'm on a Brynn Stein binge. I've been meaning to read these books for ages, but never found the time. When I was given the chance to read and review a few that I didn't have, I offered to read the ones I did have, as well. This may well have been a mistake. Stein's characters are heavily depressive and nearly every book has a dying/dead character and it's a little too much to handle, one after the other. But I've only got one left, now that this one is done, so I'll plug on.
But, quite honestly, this book made me furious. And I mean to the point where I finished the book last night, had to sleep off my anger and even as I type, I can still feel how angry I am about this story.
Also, I've noticed that there are a few strong themes in Stein books that might make me hesitate buying a new release:
neglectful/abusing/absent parents
homophobic encounters/attitudes
some medical catastrophe
killing characters (even if they're brought back)
an angry MC
no HEA. Ever.
-
Writing
My initial though, before I delved into the story - Oh no! Another 1st person POV. I don't get along with the author's style of 1st POV writing, so I wasn't feeling particularly positive about the story.
Strike two? The use of 'rents instead of parents. Ugh! Constant and never replaced by the real 'parents' unless it's someone other than our MC speaking.
Three – the author has a strange way, in 1st person, of making it really unclear whether the character is male or female, until they introduce themselves. I've seen others write in 1st person and make it clear the MC was male or female (especially when you're not meant to know who that person is) without having to come right out and say it. Little hints would have been nice. I know it's an M/M romance, but I've seen some books, even 1st person written, that don't start with the MC or have a strong female influence. It would have been nice to have that cleared up. Until we know, for sure, what our MC is, all he was to me was another snot nosed kid, with an over inflated sense of superiority and an ego the size of Texas.
But, the main problem I had is with CJ's character. He's a great kid and a good character, but he's got terminal cancer. This hits too close to home for me. I WAS CJ at one point – 16, stage 4 cancer, (assumed to be) terminal – and from the hints in the story, I was on way stronger chemo than CJ (it was experimental and twice the regular amount) so I feel I'm qualified to talk about this.
The cancer treatment was stereotypical – weak, tired, vomit and then die. Personally, when I started the book, CJ was really realistic and I was glad that the author had, once again, shown an aptitude for medical research that surprised me. Then, it just went downhill with the constant insults and the dismissive attitude towards cancer.
Also, I'd just like to say that Stage 4 cancer – of any sort – is not a guaranteed death sentence. But, the reason I'm so angry with this story is because it's frequently assumed it is. In fact, at one point, CJ and Russ talk about his cancer being Stage 4 and then both go off into depressive thoughts about how CJ will die soon. I find that really insulting, having fought and lived through Stage 4. I get that everyone is different, but that isn't shown or even hinted at here. Every child in this Children's Hospital is given a glimmer of hope except the cancer kids, who the author talks about as if they're destined to die. I hate it.
In the beginning, when we first meet Russ, he's a horrible character. Really, really horrible. Plus, his POV is confusing. It's not natural. One minute we're in court and the thought process makes sense – he's giving us a back story about how he ended up in front of a judge again – and then, suddenly, we're getting an entire life history, as though the MC – who we're supposed to be – is talking to the reader! It was a little weird.
Also, Russ is one of those awful people who is rude and obnoxious to everyone. He blames it on his 'anger', which he blames on his dad running off and his mum remarrying someone he doesn't like. I blame it on Russ and his ego. He calls the kids from the burn unit, that he's been assigned to for community service, a lot of horrible names.
I don't want to read the POV of anyone who can call burn victims “deep fried ankle-biters” or “crispy critters and Charlie Browns”. I don't care that he stops, after meeting CJ, and learning that it's not right. I care that the author made me read these things. They were unnecessary. We'd already had a crystal clear view of Russ and his snarky attitude. It was shown MORE than enough, that we didn't need these insulting references as well. The whole “ankle-biters”, “Charlie Browns” and even the “rugrats” that he uses later would have been enough. I HATE that I had to read about anyone who could think about kids that way. And, quite honestly, if it wasn't for the fact that I had promised to read and review this, I could have DFN'd right there.
When it comes to grammar, too, this isn't like the other Stein books I've read. Mostly, I've been objective about all the books I've read so far, giving them an extra star if they made me cry, which For Mac did. BUT, I can't do that here. I'm not suitably detached from the story enough to be objective and although it made me cry, it was for my own personal reasons and not really because of what the book did to me. (Like I said, the subject matter really hits home for me)
Mrs Dietrich also flips from that spelling to Mrs Detrick, which is confusing. When I first read the switch, I actually had to go back and check that this wasn't supposed to be a new character or a snarky way of deliberately getting her name wrong. But, no, it was just a mistake. As were all those elipsis. I get putting them in dialogue or using the occasional one, but they were prolific in this story. I mean – everywhere!
One more problem to point out, before we move on. This, more than any other book I've read by Stein, has snippets that are word for word from another book. Both books – For Mac and Ray of Sunlight – were published this year, but both have exactly the same phrases in them:
1 - “Huh?” I loved it when I was all articulate like that.
2 – that much love must go somewhere, right?
Both are carbon copies of For May, which I read first. But, on viewing the publishing info, Ray of Sunlight came first. Either way, it's jarring to read the exact same line in two books, when I read them one after the other.
-
Characters
We're told, frequently, by Russ's own POV that it's not his own fault that he's the way he is. Later, it's hinted at it. Again, another theme with this author, we're expected to forgive Russ his angry/bad behaviour and rotten treatment of other people, his selfishness and his bouts of violence, because he had a bad childhood. At this point, I don't care. Lots of these characters – in Stein books – have had bad childhoods and Russ is least likely of those to garner my sympathy.
I start the book hating Russ and not wanting to be inside his head. He's a horrible MC to write in 1st person, but I suspect it was so the author could write in that “cool” 'rents sort of way and swear a lot, showing a lot of attitude, which they did. For me, though, it didn't work.
I've already said that I liked Pete, but I want to reiterate that. Even after how awfully Russ has treated him, he still finds it in his heart to forgive and move on, to help Russ when he needs it and to stand up to his own father. That's not easy, especially since we already know that his dad is an overgrown bully.
Speaking of the parents, Allen and Mom, as we're introduced to them, they're incredulous. I mean, bordering on ridiculous. I don't believe that parents can be this obtuse, this abusive or this nasty, without facing some sort of criminal proceedings. They beat on Russ, who hits back, report him to the cops and all, but the constant fury is exhausting and I can't believe it's like that all the time. Maybe I was just lucky to have good parents, but I've read an awful lot of stories with horrible parents and these take the cake. It comes out of nowhere, exceeds any realistic sensibility and doesn't work for me at all.
-
Overall
I loved CJ, I cried for him and Russ, I evolved from hating Russ with a passion to tolerating him and the idea was fantastic. It just fell flat for me. Russ wasn't a likeable character, by any stretch of the imagination and CJ was far too accepting of his 'inevitable' fate for me to stand. The kids brightened the story a little, the parents were ridiculous and Pete was a good character that should have been explored further. In fact, I would have had no objection to this story being written in 3rd person, with Pete and CJ falling in love and Pete finding a medical treatment for CJ that actually worked. THAT was where I kept hoping the story would go.
But, no. Again, someone has to die in a Stein book. And I don't feel that's a spoiler or giving anything away, because we're told consistently through the story that it's his fate. It's even in the blurb.
To me, this is far too close to A Walk to Remember for my liking – bad boy gets in trouble, has to do good for the community, falls for a terminally ill patient that dies. It's as simple as that. The ending is almost exactly the same, too, which I don't agree with. It was never 'final' in A Walk to Remember, but in this book, the ending ticked me off to no end.
Russ says, at the end of the book that “CJ makes me happy”, but I don't believe it. I DID believe it, before the Epilogue, but after that, CJ was just an albatross hanging around his neck and making him miserable. The author can say what they like about the ending, but I can't believe it. Russ and CJ weren't together that long, they didn't really share any real emotional intimacy that I saw and that means I can't believe in this story.
The premise was good, some of the events and characters were enjoyable, but overall, this just made me angry. It certainly wasn't a Ray of Sunlight.
May 11, 2019
I actually read a book without a HEA. And I liked it. It was not depressing or overly emotional. A few little points that could have been better. First, the change from angry delinquent to a functional human being was very quick and smooth. Second, in the middle of the book, there are a lot of short mentions about this kid playing with clay and that volunteer giving lessons to whom. This could have been shorter.
The sound quality was mediocre. It sounded a bit like a cardboard box and you could hear the narrator handle the mic at some points. Nothing annoying, though.
The sound quality was mediocre. It sounded a bit like a cardboard box and you could hear the narrator handle the mic at some points. Nothing annoying, though.
August 16, 2023
Lo mucho que me tardé en leer este libro porque estaba pasando por la muerte de mi mejor amiga por cáncer, diosessss.
Me rompió, reviví muchas cosas, pero también se sintió como un abrazo cálido y bonito.
Me rompió, reviví muchas cosas, pero también se sintió como un abrazo cálido y bonito.
May 5, 2015
I am unfortunately in the minority here. Just under 4 stars.
I loved the story, loved Russ's voice, hated all the telling, and really had problems with the thesaurus abuse in this book. If Russ has been in AP English, taking creative writing, or a college student then the words would not be so glaringly out of context. Yes, I have been slammed by reviewers about word choice in one of my books, but my character was college age and on a full academic scholarship, which, for me, felt justified. I actually had to look up a word, which, again for me, is almost unheard of.
I also could have done with more back story, and less repetitiveness. Almost the same sentence appeared in the latter third of the book over and over. If you can suspend a wee bit of belief, ignore words unbefitting a teenage boy with a very low GPA, and get past what you know almost instantly is going to happen, this is a very endearing read that tugs at every part of you.
I loved the story, loved Russ's voice, hated all the telling, and really had problems with the thesaurus abuse in this book. If Russ has been in AP English, taking creative writing, or a college student then the words would not be so glaringly out of context. Yes, I have been slammed by reviewers about word choice in one of my books, but my character was college age and on a full academic scholarship, which, for me, felt justified. I actually had to look up a word, which, again for me, is almost unheard of.
I also could have done with more back story, and less repetitiveness. Almost the same sentence appeared in the latter third of the book over and over. If you can suspend a wee bit of belief, ignore words unbefitting a teenage boy with a very low GPA, and get past what you know almost instantly is going to happen, this is a very endearing read that tugs at every part of you.
April 9, 2015
From the beginning it was apparent how this story would end, but I still found myself hoping for something different. Russ and CJ were both such wonderful characters, I longed for a happy ending for them. A beautiful, romantic, sad and inspiring book.
June 29, 2018
A truly inspiring and emotional story. The emotion portrayed in this book will make you crazy, one moment you're laughing about Russ' and CJ's antics the next you're crying your heart out.
It's a well written story that will suck you in and will tug your heart ( maybe break it into pieces as well lol)
I remembered when i read this I was so emotional after I emailed the author ( i know what you guys are thinking , I didn't cursed her for breaking my heart rofl!) and guess what? she replied. I was so happy that time even I can't still get over about her book lol
It's a well written story that will suck you in and will tug your heart ( maybe break it into pieces as well lol)
I remembered when i read this I was so emotional after I emailed the author ( i know what you guys are thinking , I didn't cursed her for breaking my heart rofl!) and guess what? she replied. I was so happy that time even I can't still get over about her book lol
August 15, 2018
2.5/5 I liked the story and the characters (and I cried a lot), but the writing just lacked something. I felt there could have been more showing and less telling.
April 7, 2021
4.25 stars
August 13, 2022
Un libro con un mensaje hermoso
June 11, 2024
Ame tanto esté libro y probablemente nunca me recuperé emocionalmente de este libro.
June 8, 2016
4.5 stars
I read and reviewed Ray of Sunlight before so I’ll just copy that here. I will say that listening to it was just as entertaining and emotional. This is one of the few books that brought me to tears.
The best compliment I can give a book is to say I couldn’t put it down. That’s the case with Ray of Sunlight by Brynn Stein. It was time to go to sleep, past time actually, and I set my Kindle down with the final quarter of the book remaining. But my brain wouldn’t let of Russ and CJ, so even though I had my CPAP mask on and was fighting a cold I grabbed my Kindle and finished the book. The lack of sleep was well worth it.
This was an amazing read with startlingly realistic depiction of an angry teen who grows by leaps and bounds when he’s influenced by a new friend.
Ray of Sunlight by Brynn Stein starts with teenager Russ Michaels being sentenced to 500 hours of community service for the latest of many bad choices. Written in first person POV, the reader is in Russ’s head as he lists all the things he’s done and how he’s not to blame for any of it. It’s the perfect depiction of surly, bullheaded teenager who’s mad at the world.
The community service leads to Russ meeting CJ Calhoun, a young man who dons clown make-up and does shows for kids in the burn unit of a hospital. Russ is surprised that CJ also lives at the hospital because he has cancer. Russ then starts a marvelous transformation from a quick-tempered teen pissed off at the world to a caring and selfless young man.
I loved that the metamorphosis didn’t happen overnight, but rather over a period of months, bit by bit. His friendship with CJ starts it all when he sees how CJ cares about all the kids who have to stay at the hospital because of burns, cancer, or neurological disorders. At Thanksgiving Russ helps organize a large meal for all the kids and their families, and while his original purpose behind it is to see CJ, he sees the positive effects on everyone involved.
Russ’s family life is far from happy and it’s easy to see why he began misbehaving in the first place. He has a step-father who hates him and treats him poorly, a mother who supports whatever her husband says and a step-brother who he has a rivalry with. There’s definite verbal and emotional abuse heaped on Russ as well some physical. It’s not a pretty situation.
One of my issues with the book are Russ’s step-father and mother who are the stereotypical hypocritical homophobes. But the positives of this tale far outweigh that one little niggle. Especially the evolution of the relationship between Russ and his step-brother, Pete. They go from enemies to friends over the course of the book and it was a realistic change. At the end Pete stands up to his dickhead father in support of Russ and they refer to each as brothers, ditching the step label.
CJ and the staff and children at the hospital become Russ’s new family and he learns what true, unconditional love is.
I absolutely loved Russ and CJ’s slow moving love story. CJ knew he loved Russ before Russ had figured it out himself. Russ is bisexual, but hasn’t told anyone, or done anything with anyone, male or female. Their romance is sweet and hot, though they never did anything more than make out, CJ’s cancer doesn’t allow them to do much more, not that they don’t think about.
I’d recommend this book for YA readers and for those who don’t normally read the genre. It’s well written with the perfect voice of a teenager.
I really hope there’s a follow-up to the story, especially after the emotional epilogue. I’d love to see Russ’s happy ending.
http://www.prismbookalliance.com/2016...
I read and reviewed Ray of Sunlight before so I’ll just copy that here. I will say that listening to it was just as entertaining and emotional. This is one of the few books that brought me to tears.
The best compliment I can give a book is to say I couldn’t put it down. That’s the case with Ray of Sunlight by Brynn Stein. It was time to go to sleep, past time actually, and I set my Kindle down with the final quarter of the book remaining. But my brain wouldn’t let of Russ and CJ, so even though I had my CPAP mask on and was fighting a cold I grabbed my Kindle and finished the book. The lack of sleep was well worth it.
This was an amazing read with startlingly realistic depiction of an angry teen who grows by leaps and bounds when he’s influenced by a new friend.
Ray of Sunlight by Brynn Stein starts with teenager Russ Michaels being sentenced to 500 hours of community service for the latest of many bad choices. Written in first person POV, the reader is in Russ’s head as he lists all the things he’s done and how he’s not to blame for any of it. It’s the perfect depiction of surly, bullheaded teenager who’s mad at the world.
The community service leads to Russ meeting CJ Calhoun, a young man who dons clown make-up and does shows for kids in the burn unit of a hospital. Russ is surprised that CJ also lives at the hospital because he has cancer. Russ then starts a marvelous transformation from a quick-tempered teen pissed off at the world to a caring and selfless young man.
I loved that the metamorphosis didn’t happen overnight, but rather over a period of months, bit by bit. His friendship with CJ starts it all when he sees how CJ cares about all the kids who have to stay at the hospital because of burns, cancer, or neurological disorders. At Thanksgiving Russ helps organize a large meal for all the kids and their families, and while his original purpose behind it is to see CJ, he sees the positive effects on everyone involved.
Russ’s family life is far from happy and it’s easy to see why he began misbehaving in the first place. He has a step-father who hates him and treats him poorly, a mother who supports whatever her husband says and a step-brother who he has a rivalry with. There’s definite verbal and emotional abuse heaped on Russ as well some physical. It’s not a pretty situation.
One of my issues with the book are Russ’s step-father and mother who are the stereotypical hypocritical homophobes. But the positives of this tale far outweigh that one little niggle. Especially the evolution of the relationship between Russ and his step-brother, Pete. They go from enemies to friends over the course of the book and it was a realistic change. At the end Pete stands up to his dickhead father in support of Russ and they refer to each as brothers, ditching the step label.
CJ and the staff and children at the hospital become Russ’s new family and he learns what true, unconditional love is.
I absolutely loved Russ and CJ’s slow moving love story. CJ knew he loved Russ before Russ had figured it out himself. Russ is bisexual, but hasn’t told anyone, or done anything with anyone, male or female. Their romance is sweet and hot, though they never did anything more than make out, CJ’s cancer doesn’t allow them to do much more, not that they don’t think about.
I’d recommend this book for YA readers and for those who don’t normally read the genre. It’s well written with the perfect voice of a teenager.
I really hope there’s a follow-up to the story, especially after the emotional epilogue. I’d love to see Russ’s happy ending.
http://www.prismbookalliance.com/2016...
May 24, 2015
This book is a bit difficult to rate. I didn't like Russ and never really connected with him. Things just seemed to work out too well for Russ: he becomes a master painter, gets accepted into college, gets everyone to pay him at least $50 for portraits. It just was too convenient and not very believable.
Allen was just a horrible parent. I wished we'd been given a bit more background to understand why he was so evil. I get it when Russ was being a brat in school and getting in trouble, but once he started to turn his life around why did Allen still make his life miserable? What mother would allow a man like that to abuse her child? Allen was too one-sided for my liking.
I did like CJ, the kids in the hospital, and Pete so because of them I'll give this 3 stars.
Allen was just a horrible parent. I wished we'd been given a bit more background to understand why he was so evil. I get it when Russ was being a brat in school and getting in trouble, but once he started to turn his life around why did Allen still make his life miserable? What mother would allow a man like that to abuse her child? Allen was too one-sided for my liking.
I did like CJ, the kids in the hospital, and Pete so because of them I'll give this 3 stars.
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