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The Saga Podcast Transcripts: Fury, Faith and the Fight for Justice in the AWARE Saga
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Published March 20, 2026
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May 3, 2026Logging all my nonsensical thoughts as i read + re-listen to the podcast
Ep1
bought my copy at the book launch at proud spaces last weekend and was completely astounded by the outpouring of stories, anger and the need for healing that was so palpable in the room. my memory of 2009 singapore is blur as hell and my memory of the homophobia of that time has also thankfully become murky. i think alot about how forgetting has been my mind’s way of healing, but if i forget all of that ugliness, i forget how far we’ve come and how much more we have to go
i also think alot about how my attitudes towards queerness has changed so much. i was telling daryl that conservatives used to be like “u gay people have an agenda! this is an evil conspiracy to redefine marriage and society!” and we would be like “um no we just want to live??” but nowadays i’m like uhh yes actually…. this sanctity of nuclear family and marriage thing y’all be going on about is not it. you want ah? ok you keep it… lol. anyway. all i’m trying to say is some church people getting freaked out enough about this to literally terrorise and invade a non-profit advocacy group is crazy. and yall dont even know what aware does y’all just walking in to do whatever y’all want. sounds like what? say it with me, COLONIALISM
Ep2
these new blood nomination speeches are crazy bad which is how you know they were just for show. give speech like that for CCA ex-co also buay sai nobody want to vote la. and it’s very giving boomer trying to look woke but they just end up looking corporate and the one that went on about making singapore an example for southeast asia and the world was like HUH this one is advocacy not mnc miss maam
mentions of operation spectrum here which was really good contextual framing for the very hyper-strategic way that singaporean non-profits think. it’s hard to explain to people who don’t have experience with it. there’s always something you’re dodging, some lifeline that’s depleting, your job may not exist by the end of the year, and there’s always a 1000 factors on their minds on how something might bode for them, always second thinking and second guessing. at some point it gets kinda crazy going in circles. i don’t work at non-profits anymore but it still feels familiar alot of the time
Ep3
our advocacy histories are so interlinked and it’s so beautiful and so sad. it’s funny how the new blood nominees were so confused being like “this is a women’s organisation why r we talking about gays??” it’s the way you could Not throw this ridiculous discourse at me today and that’s on the backs and knees of activists who have educated my queer generation. and it really kills me that THIS was the entire BASIS of their motivation for conspiring to destroy this organisation from the inside, that it was because they believed lesbian rights were not women’s rights. like are we cooked. and it’s really the disrespect for me that these people didn’t even bother to learn about or have a conversation with aware if they’re unhappy about something. even they trying to be undercover and act woke also the acting and research so bad. can try abit harder? like bruh really no respect sia. they just decided from their higher moral ground that they knew better and had to attack people. again sound like what? sound like COLONIALISM
i was telling daryl (again lol) that i have this stupid idea for a short film where a singaporean dies and then the seven circles of hell is just re-living incredibly cringe homophobic things that have been said publicly including “shut up and sit down” and “the pride flag has 6 colours and 6 is the number of the devil” and the stupid ass hwa chong sex ed powerpoint slide and now i suddenly remember i can add thio li ann’s “stuffing a straw up your nose” anal sex analogy to my list. ma’am i have follow-up question. if anal sex bad why anus have happy button. awaiting your response via email.
Ep4
i remember the first time i heard this episode it felt so powerful, in the way the story and all its complex contextual nuances have been written, arranged, curated, performed, sound-mixed. so crazy. in another world (in which i work normal hours and am athletic) i think it would be more appropriate to run to this podcast but also i think my nightly post-OT wine glass + cigarette with this book and podcast has been gr8
every great true crime story has a lasting mystery and for this it’s claire nazar. ma’am who are you??? lol
Ep5
i’m sure there’s more literature out there on christianity x chinese/east asian majority culture which i should get into. singapore as a particular case study is really interesting because i think we’ve internalised pragmatism so much that our psyche is based on hyper compartmentalisation of action and belief
all the COOS homophobic sermon excerpts made me laugh out loud in public. on people criticising misogyny of the olden times daniel wee said: “The moment you buy into all that, you’re already drifting from God’s archetypal models” and this sentence took me back to sitting in the world’s most uncomfortable church service for a hot minute. archetypal is a really specific word to use. and i know it means original idea, which is funny, but in my mind it translates closer to “trope”, which is funnier. it’s this worship of a template and a script and a sameness
the last few episodes threw me back to a time where homophobia was truly a PHOBIA. the fear i felt from these people was so real to them and they really thought if you threatened this structure they’ve had all their lives we would literally descend to like mad max apocalyptic levels. when i was in church there was this one guest pastor who flashed a collage slide of what i assume was the most unholy things imaginable and slapped in the middle of it was the promo photoshoot for season 4 of modern family. and these people were like SCARED scared. what really scares ME about the aware saga is i can totally see it happening with the people i used to go to church with. the fear pushed at you is so palpable and so real that it can make you agree to do really insane shit.
it took me a long time after leaving church to realise that charismatic churches run on strategically overstimulating you emotionally. it’s about pushing you to a point where a normal sunday to you is people screaming in tongues and passing out left and right and pulling together strings of dubious evidence and the incessant lining up of anything that can be lined up to believe that there IS some insane conspiracy by the devil. and i imagine it takes that level of delusion for the new guard to convince themselves that everyone at aware and everyone who is queer are pawns possessed by the devil and that the devil is “speaking through them” which allows them to take away any acknowledgment of the embodied humanity and autonomy of these people and to simply treat them as lesser than enemies. it strangely reminds me of the antichrist character in the cloud ten left behind movies (i REALLY have to rewatch that) and the way his body is viewed onscreen. also makes me think about how there’s probably still some stray subconscious memories left in my brain from watching this film when i was too young and also traumatised by the concept of rapture and i wonder how that affects me now
Ep6
exco meeting so bad that u quit the next day is insane
Ep7
Josie Lau saying we want to start a mentorship programme called “wind beneath my wings”. just choked on my spit laughing at 1am i wish i could make this up. beaches was really a hair’s breath away from being lesbian as fuck, by the way.
literally got full body chills at the episode ending also the four women reading their bibles in the training room is like cringe as hell sorry. i just know they thought they were so badass for it and it always reminds me of the scene in gone with the wind when the idiot sewing circle of wives are acting chill listening to scarlet or whoever read while waiting for their husbands to return home from committing hate crime murders
Ep8
hello sisterfriend feminist mentor, i’m dad! 🤠
everytime one of the new guard says “the aware” or “this aware” i want to scREAMMDMMDMXJSJXN the jokes really write themselves. sorry dr thio but where is the generation of lesbians u speak of? WHERE??? also at this point i no longer think it’s an issue if sexuality is actually a choice or whatever or bcos i’m “fatherless” or whatever crap. people be saying this shit like omg gay people can’t help it like they don’t want to be gay they wanna be straight as hell just like us its so sad 😩😩 and they start inventing crazy ass reasons for why a girl would wanna eat pussy. listen girl i have never wanted to be straight ever in my life except for convenience. and if i was born straight i would probably beg scream cry choose to be lesbian. cheers
also i NEED to watch spider lilies i’ve heard it’s really mid and if it is i’m gna sCREAM cos WDYM u took over aware over mid low budget sapphic cinema. also i think aware SHOULD DEFINITELY be screening sapphic porn IF THEY WANT TO and it would BE GREAT and i would SUPPORT IT bcos it’s FOR WOMEN
Ep9
imagine if queer people mobilised and did a strategic takeover of choices ministry and we claim its because coos has lost its way and are now obsessed with gays and lesbians
Ep10
none of u believe me but i swear I’M A FEMINIST MENTOR and i can PROVE IT BEcause… because… beCAUSE YOU PUT ME IN YOUR BOOK
doctor this is aware egm not a church u cannot just pull out a middle sized squarish book and use it to justify ur actions
it’s so strange how from the agm till the egm these women keep taking the mic just to rattle off on their resumes bcos they think NGOs will be bought in by the same values and structures and power play that rules their corporate christian world. IM THE FIRST FEMALE LAW DEAN AND IM ON THE BLAH BLAH TRIBUNAL. okay AND??? i keep thinking you’re just not done with your sentence yet
also finding out that thio su mien claims to be a “prophetic dreamer” makes everything make sense for why so many people listened to her and did her bidding bcos i remember these types floating around church and people would talk about them being “gifted” the same way you might say someone has like a special limited edition labubu or something. like inane information about someone that means nothing but you say it enough times that it starts to take on some kind of collective half meaning. like people who claim that they hear from the spirit on a daily basis, and over time they talk about it everyday and some things are a hit or a miss and eventually it becomes a normal and a given and if they said anything and claimed it was from god people would literally just be like yea totally
Ep11
i put off listening to the last 2 episodes for a 1-2 weeks bcos the whole experience of hearing it all again was actually quite intense. but finally finishing it all was great and left me with many many thoughts that’s gonna take some time to really pen down
i rly gotta say the editing top notch thank u kelly leow and jasmine ng cos everytime it gets too intense then irene ang starts talking and they start playing the comedy soundtrack i really caNNOT OMG JSJXKSJXJD
Ep1
bought my copy at the book launch at proud spaces last weekend and was completely astounded by the outpouring of stories, anger and the need for healing that was so palpable in the room. my memory of 2009 singapore is blur as hell and my memory of the homophobia of that time has also thankfully become murky. i think alot about how forgetting has been my mind’s way of healing, but if i forget all of that ugliness, i forget how far we’ve come and how much more we have to go
i also think alot about how my attitudes towards queerness has changed so much. i was telling daryl that conservatives used to be like “u gay people have an agenda! this is an evil conspiracy to redefine marriage and society!” and we would be like “um no we just want to live??” but nowadays i’m like uhh yes actually…. this sanctity of nuclear family and marriage thing y’all be going on about is not it. you want ah? ok you keep it… lol. anyway. all i’m trying to say is some church people getting freaked out enough about this to literally terrorise and invade a non-profit advocacy group is crazy. and yall dont even know what aware does y’all just walking in to do whatever y’all want. sounds like what? say it with me, COLONIALISM
Ep2
these new blood nomination speeches are crazy bad which is how you know they were just for show. give speech like that for CCA ex-co also buay sai nobody want to vote la. and it’s very giving boomer trying to look woke but they just end up looking corporate and the one that went on about making singapore an example for southeast asia and the world was like HUH this one is advocacy not mnc miss maam
mentions of operation spectrum here which was really good contextual framing for the very hyper-strategic way that singaporean non-profits think. it’s hard to explain to people who don’t have experience with it. there’s always something you’re dodging, some lifeline that’s depleting, your job may not exist by the end of the year, and there’s always a 1000 factors on their minds on how something might bode for them, always second thinking and second guessing. at some point it gets kinda crazy going in circles. i don’t work at non-profits anymore but it still feels familiar alot of the time
Ep3
our advocacy histories are so interlinked and it’s so beautiful and so sad. it’s funny how the new blood nominees were so confused being like “this is a women’s organisation why r we talking about gays??” it’s the way you could Not throw this ridiculous discourse at me today and that’s on the backs and knees of activists who have educated my queer generation. and it really kills me that THIS was the entire BASIS of their motivation for conspiring to destroy this organisation from the inside, that it was because they believed lesbian rights were not women’s rights. like are we cooked. and it’s really the disrespect for me that these people didn’t even bother to learn about or have a conversation with aware if they’re unhappy about something. even they trying to be undercover and act woke also the acting and research so bad. can try abit harder? like bruh really no respect sia. they just decided from their higher moral ground that they knew better and had to attack people. again sound like what? sound like COLONIALISM
i was telling daryl (again lol) that i have this stupid idea for a short film where a singaporean dies and then the seven circles of hell is just re-living incredibly cringe homophobic things that have been said publicly including “shut up and sit down” and “the pride flag has 6 colours and 6 is the number of the devil” and the stupid ass hwa chong sex ed powerpoint slide and now i suddenly remember i can add thio li ann’s “stuffing a straw up your nose” anal sex analogy to my list. ma’am i have follow-up question. if anal sex bad why anus have happy button. awaiting your response via email.
Ep4
i remember the first time i heard this episode it felt so powerful, in the way the story and all its complex contextual nuances have been written, arranged, curated, performed, sound-mixed. so crazy. in another world (in which i work normal hours and am athletic) i think it would be more appropriate to run to this podcast but also i think my nightly post-OT wine glass + cigarette with this book and podcast has been gr8
every great true crime story has a lasting mystery and for this it’s claire nazar. ma’am who are you??? lol
Ep5
i’m sure there’s more literature out there on christianity x chinese/east asian majority culture which i should get into. singapore as a particular case study is really interesting because i think we’ve internalised pragmatism so much that our psyche is based on hyper compartmentalisation of action and belief
all the COOS homophobic sermon excerpts made me laugh out loud in public. on people criticising misogyny of the olden times daniel wee said: “The moment you buy into all that, you’re already drifting from God’s archetypal models” and this sentence took me back to sitting in the world’s most uncomfortable church service for a hot minute. archetypal is a really specific word to use. and i know it means original idea, which is funny, but in my mind it translates closer to “trope”, which is funnier. it’s this worship of a template and a script and a sameness
the last few episodes threw me back to a time where homophobia was truly a PHOBIA. the fear i felt from these people was so real to them and they really thought if you threatened this structure they’ve had all their lives we would literally descend to like mad max apocalyptic levels. when i was in church there was this one guest pastor who flashed a collage slide of what i assume was the most unholy things imaginable and slapped in the middle of it was the promo photoshoot for season 4 of modern family. and these people were like SCARED scared. what really scares ME about the aware saga is i can totally see it happening with the people i used to go to church with. the fear pushed at you is so palpable and so real that it can make you agree to do really insane shit.
it took me a long time after leaving church to realise that charismatic churches run on strategically overstimulating you emotionally. it’s about pushing you to a point where a normal sunday to you is people screaming in tongues and passing out left and right and pulling together strings of dubious evidence and the incessant lining up of anything that can be lined up to believe that there IS some insane conspiracy by the devil. and i imagine it takes that level of delusion for the new guard to convince themselves that everyone at aware and everyone who is queer are pawns possessed by the devil and that the devil is “speaking through them” which allows them to take away any acknowledgment of the embodied humanity and autonomy of these people and to simply treat them as lesser than enemies. it strangely reminds me of the antichrist character in the cloud ten left behind movies (i REALLY have to rewatch that) and the way his body is viewed onscreen. also makes me think about how there’s probably still some stray subconscious memories left in my brain from watching this film when i was too young and also traumatised by the concept of rapture and i wonder how that affects me now
Ep6
exco meeting so bad that u quit the next day is insane
Ep7
Josie Lau saying we want to start a mentorship programme called “wind beneath my wings”. just choked on my spit laughing at 1am i wish i could make this up. beaches was really a hair’s breath away from being lesbian as fuck, by the way.
literally got full body chills at the episode ending also the four women reading their bibles in the training room is like cringe as hell sorry. i just know they thought they were so badass for it and it always reminds me of the scene in gone with the wind when the idiot sewing circle of wives are acting chill listening to scarlet or whoever read while waiting for their husbands to return home from committing hate crime murders
Ep8
hello sisterfriend feminist mentor, i’m dad! 🤠
everytime one of the new guard says “the aware” or “this aware” i want to scREAMMDMMDMXJSJXN the jokes really write themselves. sorry dr thio but where is the generation of lesbians u speak of? WHERE??? also at this point i no longer think it’s an issue if sexuality is actually a choice or whatever or bcos i’m “fatherless” or whatever crap. people be saying this shit like omg gay people can’t help it like they don’t want to be gay they wanna be straight as hell just like us its so sad 😩😩 and they start inventing crazy ass reasons for why a girl would wanna eat pussy. listen girl i have never wanted to be straight ever in my life except for convenience. and if i was born straight i would probably beg scream cry choose to be lesbian. cheers
also i NEED to watch spider lilies i’ve heard it’s really mid and if it is i’m gna sCREAM cos WDYM u took over aware over mid low budget sapphic cinema. also i think aware SHOULD DEFINITELY be screening sapphic porn IF THEY WANT TO and it would BE GREAT and i would SUPPORT IT bcos it’s FOR WOMEN
Ep9
imagine if queer people mobilised and did a strategic takeover of choices ministry and we claim its because coos has lost its way and are now obsessed with gays and lesbians
Ep10
none of u believe me but i swear I’M A FEMINIST MENTOR and i can PROVE IT BEcause… because… beCAUSE YOU PUT ME IN YOUR BOOK
doctor this is aware egm not a church u cannot just pull out a middle sized squarish book and use it to justify ur actions
it’s so strange how from the agm till the egm these women keep taking the mic just to rattle off on their resumes bcos they think NGOs will be bought in by the same values and structures and power play that rules their corporate christian world. IM THE FIRST FEMALE LAW DEAN AND IM ON THE BLAH BLAH TRIBUNAL. okay AND??? i keep thinking you’re just not done with your sentence yet
also finding out that thio su mien claims to be a “prophetic dreamer” makes everything make sense for why so many people listened to her and did her bidding bcos i remember these types floating around church and people would talk about them being “gifted” the same way you might say someone has like a special limited edition labubu or something. like inane information about someone that means nothing but you say it enough times that it starts to take on some kind of collective half meaning. like people who claim that they hear from the spirit on a daily basis, and over time they talk about it everyday and some things are a hit or a miss and eventually it becomes a normal and a given and if they said anything and claimed it was from god people would literally just be like yea totally
Ep11
i put off listening to the last 2 episodes for a 1-2 weeks bcos the whole experience of hearing it all again was actually quite intense. but finally finishing it all was great and left me with many many thoughts that’s gonna take some time to really pen down
i rly gotta say the editing top notch thank u kelly leow and jasmine ng cos everytime it gets too intense then irene ang starts talking and they start playing the comedy soundtrack i really caNNOT OMG JSJXKSJXJD
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