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A Tap On The Shoulder: How life is calling you to get elder, not just older
We all set out on life with a map that we inherit, often unconsciously, that doesn’t work. It doesn’t fit the reality of the life span journey.
The reality is that life is full of thresholds and full of ‘events – experienced as good and bad – that are often seen as unrelated steps on a journey. But a journey to where?
The ultimate journey must answer what it means to be human, what does it mean to write your own life story, what does it mean to contribute and what does it mean to leave something behind of benefit that outlives us.
At some point along this journey you will get a tap on the shoulder, a person or evens that stops you in your tracks and asks for your serious attention. It is more than a midlife transition.
It is a call, an invitation to your real life’s work of who you are and what you do.
But it is a difficult journey, fraught with seeming hazards and obstacles.
Bren Brown puts it like this, "‘The universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close and whispers in your “You are half way to dead. Get a move on. I’m not screwing around. All of this pretending and performing, these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt, have to go. Your armour is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armour could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.[1]’
[1]From The Midlife Unravelling www.brenebrown.com 2018
It is easy to avoid the journey – don’t let these challenges get to you and keep on working for as long as you can.
It is easy to drown on the journey – get depressed, become trivial, fearful and diminished.
This book is about that tap on the shoulder, that call, that invitation.
How to identify it
How to respond to it
And
What you can usefully do with it in your lifetime.
This book goes beyond telling us about Eldership, to facing each of us with powerful questions about our lives and our purpose. Questions like,
- Who are the people who have been mentors to you, even if you only met them once, or read their book or heard their talk?
- How did they awaken you to a fuller, more meaningful life and help you discover your unique path and contribution?
- What are the qualities they had that you would like to, or need to, develop?
- Who have you been an elder for and provided what Trevor calls a ‘Tap on the Shoulder’, a moment of awakening to what they could truly become?
- What do you need to do, in order to step more fully into your potential for eldering others?
Whatever your answer is to the questions, this book is for you.
"Don’t just read this book with your intellectual curiosity, for ideas you can plunder, rather let it engage your whole brain, your heart, your gut, your body, and then, when you have become fully opened, sense its ‘tap on your shoulder”
From the foreword by Prof Peter Hawkins
The reality is that life is full of thresholds and full of ‘events – experienced as good and bad – that are often seen as unrelated steps on a journey. But a journey to where?
The ultimate journey must answer what it means to be human, what does it mean to write your own life story, what does it mean to contribute and what does it mean to leave something behind of benefit that outlives us.
At some point along this journey you will get a tap on the shoulder, a person or evens that stops you in your tracks and asks for your serious attention. It is more than a midlife transition.
It is a call, an invitation to your real life’s work of who you are and what you do.
But it is a difficult journey, fraught with seeming hazards and obstacles.
Bren Brown puts it like this, "‘The universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close and whispers in your “You are half way to dead. Get a move on. I’m not screwing around. All of this pretending and performing, these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt, have to go. Your armour is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armour could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever. Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.[1]’
[1]From The Midlife Unravelling www.brenebrown.com 2018
It is easy to avoid the journey – don’t let these challenges get to you and keep on working for as long as you can.
It is easy to drown on the journey – get depressed, become trivial, fearful and diminished.
This book is about that tap on the shoulder, that call, that invitation.
How to identify it
How to respond to it
And
What you can usefully do with it in your lifetime.
This book goes beyond telling us about Eldership, to facing each of us with powerful questions about our lives and our purpose. Questions like,
- Who are the people who have been mentors to you, even if you only met them once, or read their book or heard their talk?
- How did they awaken you to a fuller, more meaningful life and help you discover your unique path and contribution?
- What are the qualities they had that you would like to, or need to, develop?
- Who have you been an elder for and provided what Trevor calls a ‘Tap on the Shoulder’, a moment of awakening to what they could truly become?
- What do you need to do, in order to step more fully into your potential for eldering others?
Whatever your answer is to the questions, this book is for you.
"Don’t just read this book with your intellectual curiosity, for ideas you can plunder, rather let it engage your whole brain, your heart, your gut, your body, and then, when you have become fully opened, sense its ‘tap on your shoulder”
From the foreword by Prof Peter Hawkins
288 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 1, 2026
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