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Rock My Soul: Black People and Self-Esteem
From the late feminist icon and New York Times bestselling author of All About Love, an in-depth look at one of the most critical issues facing African a collective wounded self-esteem that has prevailed from slavery to the present day. “Each offering from bell hooks is a major event, as she has so much to give us.” —Maya AngelouWhy do so many African-Americans—whether privileged or poor, urban or suburban, young or old—live in a state of chronic anxiety, fear, and shame? Rock My Black People and Self-Esteem breaks through collective denial and dares to tell this truth—that crippling low self-esteem has reached epidemic proportions in our lives and in our diverse communities. With visionary insight, hooks exposes the underlying reality that it has been difficult—if not impossible—for our nation to create a culture that promotes and sustains healthy self-esteem. Without self-esteem people begin to lose their sense of agency. They feel powerless. They feel they can only be victims. The need for self-esteem never goes away. But it is never too late for any of us to acquire the healthy self-esteem that is needed for a fulfilling life. hooks gets to the heart and soul of the African-American identity crisis, offering critical insight and hard-won wisdom about what it takes to heal the scars of the past, promote and maintain self-esteem, and lay down the roots for a grounded community with a prosperous future. She examines the way historical movements for racial uplift fail to sustain our quest for self-esteem. Moving beyond a discussion of race, she identifies diverse barriers keeping us from the trauma of abandonment, constant shaming, and the loss of personal integrity. In highlighting the role of desegregation, education, the absence of progressive parenting, spiritual crisis, or fundamental breakdowns in communication between black women and men, bell hooks identifies mental health as the new revolutionary frontier—and provides guidance for healing within the black community.
256 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 31, 2002
224 people are currently reading
3164 people want to read
About the author
bell hooks
162 books14.3k followersbell hooks (deliberately in lower-case; born Gloria Jean Watkins) was an African-American author, feminist, and social activist. Her writing focused on the interconnectivity of race, class, and gender and their ability to produce and perpetuate systems of oppression and domination. She published over thirty books and numerous scholarly and mainstream articles, appeared in several documentary films and participated in various public lectures. Primarily through a postmodern female perspective, she addressed race, class, and gender in education, art, history, sexuality, mass media and feminism.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 78 reviews
September 23, 2013
Rock My Soul is about self-esteem in the African-American community. I’m not African-American and therefore some of the points she makes in her book do not apply to me, though they were interesting to read about. The main point the book makes is that, as a group, blacks have internalized so much negativity and falsehoods, dating back from slavery times, and also compounded by media images (especially eurocentric ones which paint any black features and characteristics as bad) that self-esteem is very low. Of course low self-esteem leads to a host of problems in society, and they are seen in the black family, in relationships between black men and women, and so on, so it’s definitely something that needs to be addressed.
A quote that really stood out to me went as follows:
” Any African-American who watches television for more than a few hours a week is daily ingesting toxic representations and poisonous pedagogy. Yet the ingestion of constant propaganda that teaches black people self-hate has become so much the norm that it is rarely questioned.”
And finally, to end with a great quote from Toni Cade Bambara:
“We often overestimate the degree to which exploitative behaviour has been normalized and the degree to which we’re internalized these norms. It takes, then, a commitment to an acutely self-conscious practice to be able to think and behave better than we’ve been taught.” – Toni Bambara
A quote that really stood out to me went as follows:
” Any African-American who watches television for more than a few hours a week is daily ingesting toxic representations and poisonous pedagogy. Yet the ingestion of constant propaganda that teaches black people self-hate has become so much the norm that it is rarely questioned.”
And finally, to end with a great quote from Toni Cade Bambara:
“We often overestimate the degree to which exploitative behaviour has been normalized and the degree to which we’re internalized these norms. It takes, then, a commitment to an acutely self-conscious practice to be able to think and behave better than we’ve been taught.” – Toni Bambara
August 9, 2011
I will probably have to buy this - so much to digest and take in! As someone online a lot, the refrain seems to be the same - "why don't you black people take responsibility? Why are you killing each other? Why are you so ANGRY?" In America, we are products of a society that tells us that, basically, we ain't shit, and from our beginnings to our endings, we have alternating messages - keep your head down, and maybe you'll get somewhere.
Not only does this offer some answer as to how this comes up and manifests in our daily lives and those of our loved ones, there are some solutions. Taken on a personal level, this gives me a bit of hope, as everyone is an agent of change, even in their own lives and those around them. I really enjoyed this book.
Not only does this offer some answer as to how this comes up and manifests in our daily lives and those of our loved ones, there are some solutions. Taken on a personal level, this gives me a bit of hope, as everyone is an agent of change, even in their own lives and those around them. I really enjoyed this book.
February 7, 2009
Bell Hooks is a militant feminist. Her writing is not for the faint of heart.
January 22, 2014
I confess I am late to the bell hooks bandwagon, and Rock My Soul is my second introduction. My first introduction is the essay she wrote for the Feminist Wire critiquing Sheryl Sandberg's "Lean In", which I have not read yet. I'm quite taken with hooks' ability to marry the academic with the accessible. As one of my old professors once said, hooks writes so the "goats can get at it." In this book, hooks interrogates the the problem of self-esteem for individual black folks and black America. She lays down a foundation for the origin of low self-esteem among black folks that starts long before non-black people ever set eyes on black folks. More importantly, Hooks explores the psychological trauma that blacks have endured for centuries in the United States because of white supremacist, patriarchal thinking and capitalist consumerism. She makes a case for how those forces have manifested in a fracturing of the values that helped black folks survive their journey in America, and contributed to self-sabotage among even the most successful black folks. Far from playing the race card, hooks challenges black folks and non-black allies to examine individual and collective agency redefining what it means to have self-esteem, where that self-esteem should come from and how to cultivate it.
August 19, 2012
I love bell hooks....but I forgot that I'm not a big fan of the way she writes at times....it can be a tad bit repetitive and halfway through I felt like we weren't covering any new ground. But this book was exactly what I needed this summer.
February 18, 2013
Lots of us struggle with shame - not feeling like we are enough, or capable of being of any good in the world. bell hooks' examination of shame among black people in the United States brings systematic and cultural racism into the reader's understanding of how shame disables and disempowers, and the healing work ahead that is cultural, institutional, and personal. Powerful, vulnerable, revealing, and encouraging, this is a must read for those unlearning racism and divesting themselves of bigotry - in their hearts & in the world at large.
December 13, 2012
One of the few books I've read twice. Amazing read.
March 18, 2014
Very enlightening and powerful.
May 20, 2018
Very important work. Constantly amazed at how much I learn from bell. This book is healing.
July 1, 2016
A great deal of wisdom here.
“enslaved black folk often experienced intense despair engendered by overwhelming feelings of powerlessness. Since the intent of colonization and slavery was to strip the slave of all agency, religious experience that enabled black people to identify with enduring the suffering of bondage while maintaining hope was life-sustaining….Identifying with a god of justice, who not only chooses the poor and oppressed but loves them especially, enabled exploited and oppressed African Americans to create a basis for self-acceptance….As the black church became in time an organized corporate institution , the religion of African Americans shifted from the liberation theology that had been so necessary for survival and settled in a conservative faith….Martin Luther King reminded his audience of the radically subversive nature of true Christian faith. He warned that this new conservatism of the black church would be dangerous for freedom….As black preachers conformed to the status quo, the Christianity they offered was not one of radical love and acceptance but more one of discipline and punishment….[This religion] could no longer provide a healthy basis for self-esteem….By investing in a belief system that not only deemed some folks worthy and others unworthy, but suggests it is natural for the strong to rule over the weak, that those who do not obey authority should be punished, black folk were internalizing the Western metaphysical dualism that was used to affirm and uphold domination. [107-109] Without a deeply religious or spiritual practice emphasizing the kind of values that strengthen self-esteem, responsibility, and accountability, many young black people feel morally adrift. They fall into stylish nihilism and are cynical about justice and democracy. [112] Feeling shamed or rejected by the established church, poor black people can rarely find an alternative place to worship where the needs of their spirit will be affirmed. [113]
Rigid stereotype of the black family as a single-parent family [119]
The political system of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy made it difficult for free black people to set up nuclear families. Black folks created what anthropologist Carol Stack would later describe as a communal culture of poverty where resources were shared…
In the early 20c black people, who had known the positive power of extended family life, were trying to emulate the standards set by white patriarchy. In that world it was the patriarchal nuclear unit that was normative and depicted as the only healthy family system. It is at this point in AA history where the black family begins to be characterized as problematic and unstable. [121]
By targeting the black family, Daniel P Moynihan [1964 report] made it seem as tho the economic system was conducive to black progress and the failure lay with dominating black females in the home, whom he called matriarchs….Depicting black family life as dysfunctional was a tremendous assault on the collective self-esteem of black people….This failure to recognize the positive family life of black people created a false dichotomy that implied that the real black people were those on the bottom and the fake black people were those whose lives most closely resembled successful white peers. [124]
Whether a mass-based audience is listening or not, feminist scholarship has thoroughly exposed the reality that patriarchy hurts families, that it stands in the way of love, that it is rarely a context where self-esteem flourishes. Bradshaw writes: ‘From their own patriarchal upbringing, my parents and relatives learned that love was based on power, control, secrecy, shame, repression of emotions, and conformity of one’s will to the will of another. These are not the bases for healthy human love.’ [125]
The moment white male patriarchs made it seem as though black male progress was being inhibited by dominating matriarchal black women, unenlightened black males were able to eschew responsibility for their own self-development, scapegoat black women, and then assume the posture of helplessness, of victimhood. In response to the notion that black women had usurped black male power many black males relied on male domination, particularly psychological and often physical abuse, to subjugate black women. Abandonment through excessive womanizing or simply leaving families were ways black men asserted their power over black women…
Most black females support patriarchal thinking, based on the belief that it is natural for men to have supremacy, to rule over others. The self-esteem of many a young black boy has been wounded because he does not live up to the standards of patriarchal masculinity imposed upon him by his mother. [127]
No black female can achieve genuine healthy self-esteem without repudiating male domination. [129]
White male patriarchs made sexual exploits the other arena in which a man could prove his masculinity….
Since the majority of black males could not count on getting a job, or earning enough to support their families, they were more likely to look to sexual predation as the proving ground of their patriarchal masculinity….
Patriarchal predatory masculinity has created a culture of intimate terrorism in the lives of black folks, which erodes commitment, trust and constancy in all relationships. This has disastrous consequences for the development of self-esteem. …self-betraying behavior… [131]
Black males and females have collectively refused to face the fact that the black family will never become a healthy functional context for bonding until patriarchy is challenged and changed.[133]
“enslaved black folk often experienced intense despair engendered by overwhelming feelings of powerlessness. Since the intent of colonization and slavery was to strip the slave of all agency, religious experience that enabled black people to identify with enduring the suffering of bondage while maintaining hope was life-sustaining….Identifying with a god of justice, who not only chooses the poor and oppressed but loves them especially, enabled exploited and oppressed African Americans to create a basis for self-acceptance….As the black church became in time an organized corporate institution , the religion of African Americans shifted from the liberation theology that had been so necessary for survival and settled in a conservative faith….Martin Luther King reminded his audience of the radically subversive nature of true Christian faith. He warned that this new conservatism of the black church would be dangerous for freedom….As black preachers conformed to the status quo, the Christianity they offered was not one of radical love and acceptance but more one of discipline and punishment….[This religion] could no longer provide a healthy basis for self-esteem….By investing in a belief system that not only deemed some folks worthy and others unworthy, but suggests it is natural for the strong to rule over the weak, that those who do not obey authority should be punished, black folk were internalizing the Western metaphysical dualism that was used to affirm and uphold domination. [107-109] Without a deeply religious or spiritual practice emphasizing the kind of values that strengthen self-esteem, responsibility, and accountability, many young black people feel morally adrift. They fall into stylish nihilism and are cynical about justice and democracy. [112] Feeling shamed or rejected by the established church, poor black people can rarely find an alternative place to worship where the needs of their spirit will be affirmed. [113]
Rigid stereotype of the black family as a single-parent family [119]
The political system of white supremacist capitalist patriarchy made it difficult for free black people to set up nuclear families. Black folks created what anthropologist Carol Stack would later describe as a communal culture of poverty where resources were shared…
In the early 20c black people, who had known the positive power of extended family life, were trying to emulate the standards set by white patriarchy. In that world it was the patriarchal nuclear unit that was normative and depicted as the only healthy family system. It is at this point in AA history where the black family begins to be characterized as problematic and unstable. [121]
By targeting the black family, Daniel P Moynihan [1964 report] made it seem as tho the economic system was conducive to black progress and the failure lay with dominating black females in the home, whom he called matriarchs….Depicting black family life as dysfunctional was a tremendous assault on the collective self-esteem of black people….This failure to recognize the positive family life of black people created a false dichotomy that implied that the real black people were those on the bottom and the fake black people were those whose lives most closely resembled successful white peers. [124]
Whether a mass-based audience is listening or not, feminist scholarship has thoroughly exposed the reality that patriarchy hurts families, that it stands in the way of love, that it is rarely a context where self-esteem flourishes. Bradshaw writes: ‘From their own patriarchal upbringing, my parents and relatives learned that love was based on power, control, secrecy, shame, repression of emotions, and conformity of one’s will to the will of another. These are not the bases for healthy human love.’ [125]
The moment white male patriarchs made it seem as though black male progress was being inhibited by dominating matriarchal black women, unenlightened black males were able to eschew responsibility for their own self-development, scapegoat black women, and then assume the posture of helplessness, of victimhood. In response to the notion that black women had usurped black male power many black males relied on male domination, particularly psychological and often physical abuse, to subjugate black women. Abandonment through excessive womanizing or simply leaving families were ways black men asserted their power over black women…
Most black females support patriarchal thinking, based on the belief that it is natural for men to have supremacy, to rule over others. The self-esteem of many a young black boy has been wounded because he does not live up to the standards of patriarchal masculinity imposed upon him by his mother. [127]
No black female can achieve genuine healthy self-esteem without repudiating male domination. [129]
White male patriarchs made sexual exploits the other arena in which a man could prove his masculinity….
Since the majority of black males could not count on getting a job, or earning enough to support their families, they were more likely to look to sexual predation as the proving ground of their patriarchal masculinity….
Patriarchal predatory masculinity has created a culture of intimate terrorism in the lives of black folks, which erodes commitment, trust and constancy in all relationships. This has disastrous consequences for the development of self-esteem. …self-betraying behavior… [131]
Black males and females have collectively refused to face the fact that the black family will never become a healthy functional context for bonding until patriarchy is challenged and changed.[133]
July 2, 2010
I have read and re-read Bell Hooks book on black masculinity and this book reverberates many of the themes in that book. Blacks overall lack of self-esteem, the destructive nature of patriarchy on the
black community, and outlines for healing culturally entrenched damage to the psyche. At times I felt the book spent too much time reaffirming the destructive nature of past, However I would recommend this book
to anyone attempting to understand the black community and the issues that continue to plague us as a people.
September 19, 2010
great book for relating the untold history from the civil rights era to now that has resulted in so much normalized pathology within the black community. great examples of how to create healthy self-esteem for anybody.
June 14, 2018
I never thought that black people lacked self esteem. Quite the contrary especially with the amount of spotlight they are given and the culture they have developed in which they like to outdo one another. But upon further examination and provoking thoughts generated by "rock my soul," I'm starting to realize maybe the flashiness that some blacks exhibit is to cover up their lack of self esteem because if you truly value yourself, the materials you own and the money you make shouldn't justify your worth. But time and time again I see both black males and females flash their materials to demonstrate their "success". There is a quote cited in this book that supports my thoughts by Martin Luther King Jr. And it goes "what shall it profit a man, if he gain the whole world of externals - aeroplanes, electric lights, automobiles, and color television - and lose the internal - his own soul?"
Glad I'm not the only one that realizes the sad nature of churches today. Both white and black preachers focus on material prosperity over service. The pastors of mega churches get wealthier as their poor congregation stay poorer.. God warned about wolves in sheeps clothing yet believers don't realize they are being duped.
And also some good points have been made so far:
The patriarchal movement surprised me. I want to uplift black women. I want them to be my equal or my superior. I don't want them to rely on men. They should be powerful enough to warrant support from their black peers regardless of gender. Having one leader in the family isn't good. It limits your perspective. You'll see things from one angle and it can also be devastating when it comes to easing tensions especially if resentment may exist from the uneven distribution of power.
But this does explain why some black man date outside their race. They are afraid of the power some black women hold. They go after white women because often times white women are submissive. Black women will speak their minds and their minds they should speak. Don't let anyone ever stop you (women of any race, but especially my black women).
This book so far (only twenty pages in) demonstrates our poor focus on the issues facing the black communities. Racism isn't the sole cause of our problems and I hope by the end of this book, I get a better understanding of what may be causing the lack of self esteem.
Colorism is a huge issue that not only faces the black community - I overlooked this because whites do value blue eyes and blond hair over others and same with Asians who value fair skin and western attributes over their own natural looks - and bell hooks explains the intricate and complex nature of what led to it in the black community. The fairer you were during the days of slavery, the better treatment you received. The fairer you are the greater your chance of success in the world of entertainment. Lil Kim's explanation shocked me a little since I imagined she altered her once pretty body because she wanted to have more sex appeal towards her consumers and not to appeal to the white ideal of beauty but it all makes sense now. Quite a shame. But when you lack self worth, you'll do anything to propel yourself even if it demonizes you as a person.
I like the idea of black people getting more psychological help especially since mental health is something we, the black community, don't seem to focus on as much as we should. This book is great.
As for solutions for limiting our lack of self esteem the following are suggested:
1. Living with integrity:
Having integrity according to Stephen Carter means more than just being honest, it requires the capacity to act with discernment, to have have the "sustained moral reflection that is often needed to tell right from wrong."
And in order to live with integrity we must dare to choose on behalf of our moral good, creating the necessary culture of accountability.
2. Refuse to be victims.
"No black person in the USA can have any measure of self-esteem if he or she has not cultivated the capacity to be a critical thinker, to live consciously. "
"By taking on the status of victim-hood in a manner that denied all personal agency, all ability to effectively change and intervene in one's circumstance, many black folks surrendered all their power to be self-determining. Everything could be blamed on racism, the system, the man. This embracing of victimization was a response in part to the nation's willingness to extend a helping hand to those black folks who did not appear to be self-determining, militant, or decolonized (to allow to become self-governing or independent). All too frequently lots of black folks found if they played the role of victim, assuming an almost minstrel-like persona, they were far more likely to receive attention and handouts than if they demanded justice justice, accountability, reparations."
3. Thinking critically
Something that irks me that was discussed in this portion of the book is when a black person decides they rather talk properly, focus on their academics, or not be influenced by drugs and crimes they are seen as being white. This way of thinking is determinatal to our community and needs to be stopped. By thinking that we are white for wanting to better ourselves is just outlandish and ridiculous.
Bell Hooks states "if black folks want to be free, they must want to be educatef. Without freedom of mind there can be no true and lasting freedom."
4. Teaching values.
The need to teach values that better the lives of blacks is essential. This includes educating oneself not just though acamedia but through reading books at the library, writing and developing their critical thinking capacities. Being able to decipher if what is being told to you is the truth is essential. Regardless of one's race, the writer or influencer may plant seeds in your mind that are more harmful than one may realize. This is why the value of critical thinking is so essential. Some blacks and, even whites, will sabotage their own for the fulfillment of their lives and desires. This leads them to do whatever they can to generate as much money in their lives even if it determinal to their people.
5. Religious redemption
I believe that religion can help but one use to think that blacks devoured the text of the Bible that subjugated them to "second" class citizens. But Bell states the opposite is true. Before the corruption of the black, and white churches, church use to be a way to foster certain values and blacks used the Bible as a means to justify that they weren't inferior like their white classmen claimed.
But over time the black churches conformed to conservative values which made it seem like "God will take care of everything" and Martin Luther King Jr. warned against this apparently. By assuming that plights and other issues blacks faced would be taken care of by God (which I believe it can but not how churches play it out to be) it makes it easy to trick the black community, and others indoctrinated in said belief, into accepting their current abusive situations which is not good especially when protesting and fighting the issues does more than just praying and hoping. Prayer without action is like jumping out a building with no parachute and praying to be saved knowing you could have planned things better.
6. Searching the source (focusing on black family structure).
Despite centuries of ripping black males and other members from their family to expand their control upon the lives of their slaves, certain whites try to blame certain blacks for the current disfunctions of some black families. When you have been forced apart it's sometimes hard to be rebuild and maintain.
Bell Hooks makes a great point that often times when black families are looked at in regards to family structure the comparisons being made are not apples to apples but apples to oranges. Apparently it's poor black families being compared to middle class families when studies are conducted on the family structure. By not focusing on similar classes within races it leads one to conclude that blacks have more single parent families when it can be shown that regardless of race, your chances of maintaining a two family experience is less likely because of the stresses and difficulties of being poor.
The desire for certain black males to maintain control of their wives and to lead a patriarchal system similar to a family system of whites has led to issues since black women are more outspoken (and for great reason). The black community should not attempt to silence their women because they don't act like their "white female counterparts." an outspoken women when taken care of properly has more power than a submissive one and we need to charter to the behaviors of our women. Don't make it a male or a female issue especially if it can lead to greater destruction of the black family by undermining the prowess of black women their ability to lead a family in a two family system.
Plus it was later revealed that what was being depicted about the white family being solid in their nuclear family wasn't truly working. After white feminist started illustrating the woes of their families, it showed you that there truly isn't a one size fits all model for family structures. Do what works for you and not others.
"The constant scapegoating that takes place in a racialized sexist context, where black males and females" blame" one another for their failure to be self-actualized, must be replaced by the willingness to be responsible and accountable. Most important, until we can all recognize that love (not who's boss - patriarchal or matriarchal) is the only foundation that will sustain a healthy family system, black families will continue to suffer from the toxic misinformation that distorts reality and makes it appear that all that is needed for black families to heal is a man in the house. Black folks need love in the house. And the presence of love will serve to stabilize and sustain bonds. "
7. Easing the pain: addiction
Addiction comes in many forms. Whether it is an addiction to sugar, drugs, sex, or gambling. But the issue that is harming the black community is the lack of help that exists for those who fall ill to the issues that cause them to feel like failures. Mental help needs to be advocated for more often. "Taking responsibility for the pain is one way to heal and lay the groundwork for the formation of healthy self-esteem."
8. Inner wounds: abuse and abandonment
"Chronic emotional pain prevents many African Americans from experiencing healthy self-esteem. To heal that pain it must be first identified, openly talked about, and claimed." One must overcome the struggle to "define self and identity in a world where loss is commonplace."
Seeking Salvation:
"Even though the conditions for healthy self-esteem may not have been present in our childhoods, black folks can build healthy self esteem at any moment in their lives. We can embody the six pillars of self-esteem as defined by Nathaniel Branden: self acceptance, self assertiveness, self responsibility, living consciously, and living purposefully."
We need to limit the pressures that hinder the potential for such growth which may be attributed to "religious teachings hat overemphasize self-sacrifice, group tribal mentality wherein conformity becomes the measure of loyalty, and hedonistic desires for material goods that are seen as indicators of success."
"Many of us have been taught early on in our lives distorted versions of religious teachings that suggest that we can only ward off pride and conceit by being self-sacrificing." This is often presented when blacks often forgive others for the wrongs they have been dealt because the after-life would be so much better. Believing in an afterlife should not hinder one from enjoying their time here on earth. Do not let anyone prevent you from taking the necessary actions to make your life as enjoyable as possible. God didn't create humans so they can just be miserable and then go to heaven. If that were the case, why create earth in the first place?
Also black folks need to stop the gender war that exists among themselves. Orlando Patterson is quoted stating the following from his book Rituals of Blood: " Afro-American men and women of all classes have a terribly troubled relationship. Slavery and the system of racial oppression engendered it, and poverty, economic insecurity, and lingering racism sustain it. But blaming these injustices alone will get them nowhere. Not only because it is Afro-Americans themselves, especially men, ho now inflict these wounds upon themselves - through the ways they betray those who love them and bear their progeny; through the ways they bring up or abandon their children; through the ways they relate, or fail to relate, to each other; through the values and attitudes they cherish and the ones they choose to spurn; through their comforting ethnic myths about their neighborhoods; through their self indulgences, denials and deceits - but because only they as individual men and women can find the antidote to heal themselves."
And "the one place where all black people can create an oppositional worldview, a theory and practice of well-being that does not need the support of any outside structure, is in our intimate lives...The most difficult task we face is motivating each other to choose healing." Encouraging one another as much as possible while also being realistic and practical is a must. And during the process, Black folks should not ridicule another because the healing or desire for change doesn't fit the ideology or image they have been taught to imitate.
Black folks must want to end the injustice by focusing on what they can control. Self esteem has more of an impact than one would have imagined and it is presented well in this book. "Most important, if we begin to practice love, defined here as a combination of care, commitment knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust, we have all the tools we need to build healthy self-esteem. Try it out when you are unsure about any decision you need to make in any area of your life by asking yourself just what love would yell you to do. Be guided by love and you will find the way to self esteem. "
Let the journey begin!
Glad I'm not the only one that realizes the sad nature of churches today. Both white and black preachers focus on material prosperity over service. The pastors of mega churches get wealthier as their poor congregation stay poorer.. God warned about wolves in sheeps clothing yet believers don't realize they are being duped.
And also some good points have been made so far:
The patriarchal movement surprised me. I want to uplift black women. I want them to be my equal or my superior. I don't want them to rely on men. They should be powerful enough to warrant support from their black peers regardless of gender. Having one leader in the family isn't good. It limits your perspective. You'll see things from one angle and it can also be devastating when it comes to easing tensions especially if resentment may exist from the uneven distribution of power.
But this does explain why some black man date outside their race. They are afraid of the power some black women hold. They go after white women because often times white women are submissive. Black women will speak their minds and their minds they should speak. Don't let anyone ever stop you (women of any race, but especially my black women).
This book so far (only twenty pages in) demonstrates our poor focus on the issues facing the black communities. Racism isn't the sole cause of our problems and I hope by the end of this book, I get a better understanding of what may be causing the lack of self esteem.
Colorism is a huge issue that not only faces the black community - I overlooked this because whites do value blue eyes and blond hair over others and same with Asians who value fair skin and western attributes over their own natural looks - and bell hooks explains the intricate and complex nature of what led to it in the black community. The fairer you were during the days of slavery, the better treatment you received. The fairer you are the greater your chance of success in the world of entertainment. Lil Kim's explanation shocked me a little since I imagined she altered her once pretty body because she wanted to have more sex appeal towards her consumers and not to appeal to the white ideal of beauty but it all makes sense now. Quite a shame. But when you lack self worth, you'll do anything to propel yourself even if it demonizes you as a person.
I like the idea of black people getting more psychological help especially since mental health is something we, the black community, don't seem to focus on as much as we should. This book is great.
As for solutions for limiting our lack of self esteem the following are suggested:
1. Living with integrity:
Having integrity according to Stephen Carter means more than just being honest, it requires the capacity to act with discernment, to have have the "sustained moral reflection that is often needed to tell right from wrong."
And in order to live with integrity we must dare to choose on behalf of our moral good, creating the necessary culture of accountability.
2. Refuse to be victims.
"No black person in the USA can have any measure of self-esteem if he or she has not cultivated the capacity to be a critical thinker, to live consciously. "
"By taking on the status of victim-hood in a manner that denied all personal agency, all ability to effectively change and intervene in one's circumstance, many black folks surrendered all their power to be self-determining. Everything could be blamed on racism, the system, the man. This embracing of victimization was a response in part to the nation's willingness to extend a helping hand to those black folks who did not appear to be self-determining, militant, or decolonized (to allow to become self-governing or independent). All too frequently lots of black folks found if they played the role of victim, assuming an almost minstrel-like persona, they were far more likely to receive attention and handouts than if they demanded justice justice, accountability, reparations."
3. Thinking critically
Something that irks me that was discussed in this portion of the book is when a black person decides they rather talk properly, focus on their academics, or not be influenced by drugs and crimes they are seen as being white. This way of thinking is determinatal to our community and needs to be stopped. By thinking that we are white for wanting to better ourselves is just outlandish and ridiculous.
Bell Hooks states "if black folks want to be free, they must want to be educatef. Without freedom of mind there can be no true and lasting freedom."
4. Teaching values.
The need to teach values that better the lives of blacks is essential. This includes educating oneself not just though acamedia but through reading books at the library, writing and developing their critical thinking capacities. Being able to decipher if what is being told to you is the truth is essential. Regardless of one's race, the writer or influencer may plant seeds in your mind that are more harmful than one may realize. This is why the value of critical thinking is so essential. Some blacks and, even whites, will sabotage their own for the fulfillment of their lives and desires. This leads them to do whatever they can to generate as much money in their lives even if it determinal to their people.
5. Religious redemption
I believe that religion can help but one use to think that blacks devoured the text of the Bible that subjugated them to "second" class citizens. But Bell states the opposite is true. Before the corruption of the black, and white churches, church use to be a way to foster certain values and blacks used the Bible as a means to justify that they weren't inferior like their white classmen claimed.
But over time the black churches conformed to conservative values which made it seem like "God will take care of everything" and Martin Luther King Jr. warned against this apparently. By assuming that plights and other issues blacks faced would be taken care of by God (which I believe it can but not how churches play it out to be) it makes it easy to trick the black community, and others indoctrinated in said belief, into accepting their current abusive situations which is not good especially when protesting and fighting the issues does more than just praying and hoping. Prayer without action is like jumping out a building with no parachute and praying to be saved knowing you could have planned things better.
6. Searching the source (focusing on black family structure).
Despite centuries of ripping black males and other members from their family to expand their control upon the lives of their slaves, certain whites try to blame certain blacks for the current disfunctions of some black families. When you have been forced apart it's sometimes hard to be rebuild and maintain.
Bell Hooks makes a great point that often times when black families are looked at in regards to family structure the comparisons being made are not apples to apples but apples to oranges. Apparently it's poor black families being compared to middle class families when studies are conducted on the family structure. By not focusing on similar classes within races it leads one to conclude that blacks have more single parent families when it can be shown that regardless of race, your chances of maintaining a two family experience is less likely because of the stresses and difficulties of being poor.
The desire for certain black males to maintain control of their wives and to lead a patriarchal system similar to a family system of whites has led to issues since black women are more outspoken (and for great reason). The black community should not attempt to silence their women because they don't act like their "white female counterparts." an outspoken women when taken care of properly has more power than a submissive one and we need to charter to the behaviors of our women. Don't make it a male or a female issue especially if it can lead to greater destruction of the black family by undermining the prowess of black women their ability to lead a family in a two family system.
Plus it was later revealed that what was being depicted about the white family being solid in their nuclear family wasn't truly working. After white feminist started illustrating the woes of their families, it showed you that there truly isn't a one size fits all model for family structures. Do what works for you and not others.
"The constant scapegoating that takes place in a racialized sexist context, where black males and females" blame" one another for their failure to be self-actualized, must be replaced by the willingness to be responsible and accountable. Most important, until we can all recognize that love (not who's boss - patriarchal or matriarchal) is the only foundation that will sustain a healthy family system, black families will continue to suffer from the toxic misinformation that distorts reality and makes it appear that all that is needed for black families to heal is a man in the house. Black folks need love in the house. And the presence of love will serve to stabilize and sustain bonds. "
7. Easing the pain: addiction
Addiction comes in many forms. Whether it is an addiction to sugar, drugs, sex, or gambling. But the issue that is harming the black community is the lack of help that exists for those who fall ill to the issues that cause them to feel like failures. Mental help needs to be advocated for more often. "Taking responsibility for the pain is one way to heal and lay the groundwork for the formation of healthy self-esteem."
8. Inner wounds: abuse and abandonment
"Chronic emotional pain prevents many African Americans from experiencing healthy self-esteem. To heal that pain it must be first identified, openly talked about, and claimed." One must overcome the struggle to "define self and identity in a world where loss is commonplace."
Seeking Salvation:
"Even though the conditions for healthy self-esteem may not have been present in our childhoods, black folks can build healthy self esteem at any moment in their lives. We can embody the six pillars of self-esteem as defined by Nathaniel Branden: self acceptance, self assertiveness, self responsibility, living consciously, and living purposefully."
We need to limit the pressures that hinder the potential for such growth which may be attributed to "religious teachings hat overemphasize self-sacrifice, group tribal mentality wherein conformity becomes the measure of loyalty, and hedonistic desires for material goods that are seen as indicators of success."
"Many of us have been taught early on in our lives distorted versions of religious teachings that suggest that we can only ward off pride and conceit by being self-sacrificing." This is often presented when blacks often forgive others for the wrongs they have been dealt because the after-life would be so much better. Believing in an afterlife should not hinder one from enjoying their time here on earth. Do not let anyone prevent you from taking the necessary actions to make your life as enjoyable as possible. God didn't create humans so they can just be miserable and then go to heaven. If that were the case, why create earth in the first place?
Also black folks need to stop the gender war that exists among themselves. Orlando Patterson is quoted stating the following from his book Rituals of Blood: " Afro-American men and women of all classes have a terribly troubled relationship. Slavery and the system of racial oppression engendered it, and poverty, economic insecurity, and lingering racism sustain it. But blaming these injustices alone will get them nowhere. Not only because it is Afro-Americans themselves, especially men, ho now inflict these wounds upon themselves - through the ways they betray those who love them and bear their progeny; through the ways they bring up or abandon their children; through the ways they relate, or fail to relate, to each other; through the values and attitudes they cherish and the ones they choose to spurn; through their comforting ethnic myths about their neighborhoods; through their self indulgences, denials and deceits - but because only they as individual men and women can find the antidote to heal themselves."
And "the one place where all black people can create an oppositional worldview, a theory and practice of well-being that does not need the support of any outside structure, is in our intimate lives...The most difficult task we face is motivating each other to choose healing." Encouraging one another as much as possible while also being realistic and practical is a must. And during the process, Black folks should not ridicule another because the healing or desire for change doesn't fit the ideology or image they have been taught to imitate.
Black folks must want to end the injustice by focusing on what they can control. Self esteem has more of an impact than one would have imagined and it is presented well in this book. "Most important, if we begin to practice love, defined here as a combination of care, commitment knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust, we have all the tools we need to build healthy self-esteem. Try it out when you are unsure about any decision you need to make in any area of your life by asking yourself just what love would yell you to do. Be guided by love and you will find the way to self esteem. "
Let the journey begin!
March 7, 2022
I attended an all-girls private Islamic school in Chicago until age seventeen. I owe so much of my spiritual growth to that environment, something that remains critical for me now as I navigate the pressures of having a career in a neoliberal world without allowing its values to envelope me. For a long time, I believed my alma matter to be the exception of the broken school system embedded in white supremacy that plagued schools. We had posters of Malcolm X in the hallways, we were constantly taught lessons about justice, humility, and kindness, our school board was majority Arab, as well as our student body. So, how could I have found fault in this school?
It's books like Rock My Soul that cement just how deeply neoliberal white supremacist ideals have embedded themselves into our institutions and personal lives. For the past few years, I was able to uncover the gaps in the school that raised me that I otherwise would not have seen. For instance, why was everything we were taught about the Black experience in the US so restricted to whitewashed history books? Why did we stop at integration, the implied pinnacle of Black liberation? And moving beyond the text to the relationships and experience of the Black minority at the school, (as my friend pointed out to us all last June amid BLM protests) why were they facing discrimination and racist micro and macro aggressions?
I am still learning and uncovering aspects of my upbringing in the US that have stunted my awareness and my efforts to decolonize my own mind. I believe we are in a constant process of decolonization, and this book is an immense and fatal strike against colonization and imperialism. To quote Ghassan Kanafani:
"Imperialism has laid its body over the world, the head in Eastern Asia, the heart in the Middle East, its arteries reaching Africa and Latin America. Wherever you strike it, you damage it, and you serve the world revolution."
To circle back to the topic of segregation, this was the first time during my independent reading that I questioned what happened in Black communities before integration. In school books, historically based movies, and shows, segregation was always the bleak before picture set against the beautiful and endless possibilities of integration. The former was characterized by words and images depicting poverty and sorrow, words and images which Bell Hooks within the first chapter replaces with the notion of the "subculture of resistance."
A subculture in which "racial uplift was the norm. Racial uplift through self-help meant not just that we should confront racism, we should become fully cultured holistic individuals....These were the values that had led to the creation, from slavery on, of a distinct African-American culture, a culture rooted in soulfulness, a culture of resistance where regardless of status, of whether one was bound or free, rich or poor, it was possible to triumph over dehumanization. This soulful black culture of resistance was rooted in hope. It had at its heart a love ethic. In this subculture of soul, individual black folks found ways to decolonize their minds and build healthy self-esteem....This soulful culture was most dynamically expressed during racial segregation because away from white supremacist control black folks could invent themselves." (12)
It is important to note that I am not romanticizing segregation, but rather pointing out the importance of not only acknowledging and opposing the racism and discrimination that continued after integration and the civil rights movement but also acknowledging and supporting the subculture of resistance that was nurtured before. It is this culture that resists and opposes "the values of white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy" that forges world revolution.
It's books like Rock My Soul that cement just how deeply neoliberal white supremacist ideals have embedded themselves into our institutions and personal lives. For the past few years, I was able to uncover the gaps in the school that raised me that I otherwise would not have seen. For instance, why was everything we were taught about the Black experience in the US so restricted to whitewashed history books? Why did we stop at integration, the implied pinnacle of Black liberation? And moving beyond the text to the relationships and experience of the Black minority at the school, (as my friend pointed out to us all last June amid BLM protests) why were they facing discrimination and racist micro and macro aggressions?
I am still learning and uncovering aspects of my upbringing in the US that have stunted my awareness and my efforts to decolonize my own mind. I believe we are in a constant process of decolonization, and this book is an immense and fatal strike against colonization and imperialism. To quote Ghassan Kanafani:
"Imperialism has laid its body over the world, the head in Eastern Asia, the heart in the Middle East, its arteries reaching Africa and Latin America. Wherever you strike it, you damage it, and you serve the world revolution."
To circle back to the topic of segregation, this was the first time during my independent reading that I questioned what happened in Black communities before integration. In school books, historically based movies, and shows, segregation was always the bleak before picture set against the beautiful and endless possibilities of integration. The former was characterized by words and images depicting poverty and sorrow, words and images which Bell Hooks within the first chapter replaces with the notion of the "subculture of resistance."
A subculture in which "racial uplift was the norm. Racial uplift through self-help meant not just that we should confront racism, we should become fully cultured holistic individuals....These were the values that had led to the creation, from slavery on, of a distinct African-American culture, a culture rooted in soulfulness, a culture of resistance where regardless of status, of whether one was bound or free, rich or poor, it was possible to triumph over dehumanization. This soulful black culture of resistance was rooted in hope. It had at its heart a love ethic. In this subculture of soul, individual black folks found ways to decolonize their minds and build healthy self-esteem....This soulful culture was most dynamically expressed during racial segregation because away from white supremacist control black folks could invent themselves." (12)
It is important to note that I am not romanticizing segregation, but rather pointing out the importance of not only acknowledging and opposing the racism and discrimination that continued after integration and the civil rights movement but also acknowledging and supporting the subculture of resistance that was nurtured before. It is this culture that resists and opposes "the values of white supremacist, capitalist patriarchy" that forges world revolution.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 2, 2023
critical book for everyone!
July 25, 2016
I really want to love Bell Hooks, I really do. However, her books all fall short for me. This is the 2nd or 3rd book of hers I have read and just like the previous ones, this one is pretty forgettable. I remember reading Sisters of the Yams, but I am hard pressed to remember any memorable take-aways from it. "Rock My Soul" is about showing how the many ills in the black community result from the lack of self-esteem. Again, I didn't get any groundbreaking nuggets from the book about the subject. In fact, I had one big issue with the book when she said that blacks have given up fighting white supremacy and are embracing victimhood. I strongly disagree with this assessment especially since many racists love to give out that title to any black person who points out the discrimination and racism that still exist to this day. She even went as far to say, "While racist assaults happen daily in our lives, they are not necessarily victimizing, or even worthy of note." This ridiculous statement was enough for me to know that this particular author does not have the requisite understanding or wisdom to give proper enlightenment to the subject at hand.
September 29, 2024
“Be guided by love and you will find the way to self esteem”. bell hooks!!!! We miss you
June 14, 2020
This is a must read for all Black people; however, the only reason why my review is 4 and not 5 stars is because the entire book focuses on the problem of low/no self-esteem but pays very little attention to solutions other than knowing that low/no self-esteem is an issue. hooks famously interrogates racism, sexism, imperialism, and patriarchy, but most of her pages are filled with compelling arguments about why we need to address self-esteem. I was convinced before I started and was hoping for more guidance on the path towards soulfulness. If you’re looking for a brilliantly constructed and detailed, historical, and intersectional account of how and why self-esteem is an issue among Black folks, this is the book for you!
June 12, 2023
This book put a battery in my back, this fully makes me want to commit to living more consciously and being more active in showing up for myself and others. I wish I had this book during the peak of my, as she put it, “spiritual revolution” where I began to see more clearly the truth of the ways of the world and my place in it I felt so ostracized, doomed, and not fully able to speak my opinions to others out of fear of seeming crazy. Reading this helped realize that living in your truth is more important than living a lie and an indicator of self respect and healthy self esteem which I definitely needed to hear around that time. Regardless I’m glad I read it now because I still have so much soul searching to do lol.
July 18, 2024
I usually love everything hooks has to say in any of her works. this book not so much. this doesn’t mean that hooks is wrong in anything she says bc everything she offers to feminist work is unmatched. that being said i did not like her hyper focus on religion in regards to maintaining a positive self esteem. authors bias in feminist works is something no one can ever avoid bc thats honestly the whole point. her tone about the importance of religion to become a holistic person was too much for me. morality, self esteem, and being a good person isn’t only achieved by “The Good Book”. chapter 8 was the start of this heavy push of spiritual importance, and it just felt like i was being ambushed outside a grocery store by those people with the pamphlets at some points.
April 3, 2013
"Soul is the toughness born of hard times and the compassion oppressed people develop after centuries of sharing a laof that is never enough...soul is the graceful survival under impossible circumstances
September 6, 2007
Very Insightful
Want to read
June 7, 2008Amazing Bell Hooks does it again, but I have to finish reading this one!
Currently reading
April 9, 2009a great read so far when im finished ill update
January 6, 2010
bell hooks is amazing. I will probably re-read this book next year.
February 21, 2010
A must-read for anyone interested in or connected to black experience.
Read
July 28, 2011wow
January 28, 2014
An exploration of causes of low self esteem in African Americans and a path toward healing.
March 12, 2012
Must read for soul-soothing.
July 17, 2014
I don't think I'll finish the whole book (library copy), but it's filled with so much info I've been thinking about the Black community in America for a long time now. Definitely worth reading
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