Cross-Cultural Conflict: Building Relationships for Effective Ministry

by Duane Elmer

Whether at home or abroad, communicating with people of other cultures is difficult. It requires new ways of thinking and interpreting the world. When conflict arises, as it often does, the issues become even more confusing. Without a good understanding of how different cultures handle conflict, our best intentions may only make matters worse. With a particular focus on Asian and Hispanic cultures (at home and around the world) and on African culture, Duane Elmer walks readers through various types of conflict and shows how they can be handled effectively and appropriately. Elmer gives numerous stories and examples from his experience and from others' to show how handling conflict well builds solid relationships. With an eye out for biblical principles, he looks at a variety of sticky questions in Scripture. This is a book not just of theory but of practical models of conflict resolution. Pastors, evangelists, businesspeople, missionaries, students--anyone who wants to communicate more effectively with neighbors and colleagues--will find this book immensely helpful.

Genres: Nonfiction, Cultural, Christian, Theology, Religion, Christian Living, Leadership

189 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1993

About the author

Duane H. Elmer (Ph.D., Michigan State U.) is director of the Ph.D. program in educational studies and is the G. W. Aldeen Chair of International Studies at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, Illinois. In addition to traveling and teaching in over 75 countries, he has provided cross-cultural training to Fortune 500 companies, relief and development agencies, mission organizations, churches and educational institutions.

He has also conducted peace and reconciliation efforts in several countries. Recently, he led faculty development workshops at over 25 European and Middle Eastern schools on the theme of Teaching for Transformation. He has taught at Durban Bible College (Durban, South Africa), Michigan State University and Wheaton College and Graduate School.

His articles have been published in journals such as Moody Monthly, Evangelical Missions Quarterly, Christian Education Journal, Discernment, and Christianity Today. His books include An Analysis of Hebrews: A Programmed Instruction, Building Relationships, With an Eye on the Future: Church and Development in the Twenty-First Century, Cross-Cultural Conflict and Cross-Cultural Connections.

Reviews

[D · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave this book four stars because it does an excellent job at communicating cultural differences through great stories, explanations, and understandable language. I did not give it five stars, and was even tempted to give it 3 stars, because it fails to communicate what conflict resolution looks like Biblically, especially when sin is involved.

[K.L. Morrill · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you're thinking about going overseas or into a community that has a different culture than you, I would highly recommend this book. It is important to know how to communicate with cultures that are unlike your own and to understand the inner workings of those cultures. I am reading this book for my Cultural Anthropology course and I find it fascinating how different cultures have different ways of communicating, namely direct (Western world) and indirect (two-thirds world i.e. most of the rest of the world). I needed to read this book. It has opened my eyes into understanding how cultures communicate and how I should respond to conflict in those cultures. I am heading to Japan this summer and I feel way more prepared than I was before. Being from an individualistic society, I am excited to see a collectivist society with new and eager eyes that are ready to learn and to be a part of that culture.

[Kiel · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the most relevant reads of my life, this book focuses on cross cultural conflict from a missionary perspective but is easily applied to any other intercultural vocation. The theories about differences in culture are fun to explore until you have to work, make friends, solve problems, and accomplish goals in a cross cultural setting. It can be frustrating on many fronts, when even the most humble and mature problem solver is rendered helpless if not culturally aware and sensitive. Elmer provides many anecdotes, biblical principles, and helpful research to guide the intercultural worker through the many trials that are faced when crossing borders. 192 pages of stressful insights into not only thinking outside the box, but inside someone else’s box.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazingly helpful and easily readable book to help Westerners understand how to navigate relationships and conflict with folks from the Majority World. It has tons of specific examples that help with understanding the differences between direct and indirect styles, and to view positively and with understanding the ways that people from shame-based cultures preserve relationships while working through conflict. Really practical and helpful for shifting your mindset to see a broader variety of ways for dealing with conflict that you may not have understood before if they weren’t part of your cultural upbringing.

[Hannah Gies · Rating 3 out of 5]

Practical and helpful information that reminds you western ways of living are not the only way. So many times I found myself saying, "you mean people don't know this?" in response to the author's seemingly being surprised that not all humans think and value things in the same way. Wild. I read this book for school and I'm not mad about it, but I did feel like this is no brainer stuff. Other cultures exist and we must all have open minds and not assume everyone thinks the same as us, spoiler alert.

[Julia Castro · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have previously read Elmer’s book “Cross Cultural Servanthood” and LOVED it. I was worried this would be too much of a repeat to be worth reading - but was wrong. This is a GREAT book. I think this is a must read for any Christian who wants to learn to be a better friend, work with other people, handle conflict better, or just love people better. And - once you read this, go read Elmer’s other book (named above).

[Shelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Twenty years after first reading this book, I find myself using the information in it on a regular basis.
From the very first chapter, this book plunges you in to the opportunity for misunderstanding, the implications for our interpretation of everything that follows, and how we can work through assumptions and conflict to real communication and relationship.

[Joy Wahl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was super fascinating to helping you understand and look at cultures differently and helps you understand why certain cultures make the choices they do. I found some of his scripture references far reaching (which he did admit) but I loved reading this book and seeing the different perspectives explained for different cultures.

[Ben Moser · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is really important. It has taught me much about how the majority of the world operates.

Elmer is clear in his ideas and helps westerners better understand why it means to interact in non-western contexts. Read this book if you are engaging regularly in cross-cultural contexts.

[Micki · Rating 5 out of 5]

While this book was written for missionaries, I think it has a lot of practical and useful information for everyone about communication and considering that your way may not be everyone's way.

[Carla White · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good book for someone who has no experience with other cultures and wants to be aware of possible areas of conflict based on different values.

[Bledar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great principles in viewing conflict in the context of shame-and-honor.

[Pam Reed · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thought provoking. Raises the need to rethink relationships with those from different cultures, and to suspend judgement on motives and behaviours until we have more knowledge of cultural practices.

[Kaethe Gallagher · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! Everyone should read this. I learned so much and pray this new awareness makes its way into my relationships.

[William Bowers · Rating 4 out of 5]

As it relates to the cultural insights that are crucial for communication and handling conflict, this book is excellent. Practical and helpful. However, I found some of his basic, fundamental arguments weak and not well supported. Although not proclaiming to be a biblical guide or anything like that, his exegetical work was weak. So, overall, portions of it were great and practical, while others needed a good deal of work, in my opinion.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very interesting book. The author wrote it to help missionaries as they go on their mission trips around the world. He uses the Bible and the word of Jesus to explain how we need to confront cross-cultural conflict and find the happy medium. There is obviously the underlying idea that those who are causing the conflict need Jesus and need to be converted to Christianity but that was just a subtle undertone that comes with any book about mission work. I found that a lot of his points were valid and that anyone working or living in a culture different from what they grew up in could take a lot from this book. It is a pretty quick read.

[Scott Corwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Duane Elmer helps Americans/Westerners move beyond our monolithic perspective to consider alternative ways of building, maintaining, and reconciling relationships within our increasingly multi-cultural world. Read this book if you work with or interact regularly with people from a different culture. As a "third-culture kid" who grew up in Asia, I was aware of -- but found particularly helpful -- the descriptions of the varying ways different cultures approach conflict through indirect means. I especially appreciated the attention devoted to presenting an analysis of the biblical material and stories illustrating these non-Western ways of resolving personal differences.

[Scott Hayden · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my #2 most recommended book to those who live/work cross culturally.

Elmer surveys the landscape of conflict resolution, demonstrating significant overlap between several non-Western and Biblical models. Surprise, surprise - the American in-your-face way is not the only way. Nor is the typical Western interpretation of Matthew 18 as a lockstep sequence Biblically defensible as the only process.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very helpful, insightful book. I thought a lot of this information was invaluable! However, I did think that some of the Biblical examples were a bit of a stretch. I would have to look into that further to see what I thought about it. Perhaps that is just me being stuck in my own viewpoint and not wanting it challenged. Practically essential info for anyone who will be living abroad or spending a significant amount of time there.

[Travis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was eye-opening, not only for my own cross-cultural engagement, but also for all my relationships. Especially helpful was the section reviewing the different ways people respond to conflict or problems. My go to response is evaluative (judgmental), however this can be devastating in cross-cultural work. I was able to connect so much of the material to real situations I face in my work. I will be referencing this book in the future. Definitely a go-to resource for this topic.

[Jason Dietmeyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book with some keen insights into mission, and specifically the potential harm of short term mission teams. It offers great advice on how to keep those teams healthy and productive, and how to deal with conflict in a cross-cultural setting. I don't agree with everything in this book, but it is worth reading,

[Seth Westhoff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great examples and very clear ! A must read for any cross-cultural worker.

[adllto · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting book really aimed at American audience however interesting categories and the descriptions especially of indirect conflict avoidance resolution was particularly enlightening.

[Sarah]

Another great resource if one is headed overseas to work or minister.

[Bro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must read if you are working cross culturally. Duane Elmer seems to have lots of good insights on these topics. Take the time to improve your thinking!

[Julianne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliantly helpful!

[Shailesh Sharmaa]

good book

[kt · Rating 5 out of 5]

so useful! in how i thought about ministry

[Brian C · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are doing any sort of work with anyone of a different cultural background this book is a must read. There is much wisdom here, excellent Biblical studies, and fascinating case studies. This will stay on my bookshelf to reference frequently.

[Danae Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved reading this book. It is interesting and thought provoking.