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Blue
***AUTHOR’S NOTE***
Blue is written differently from my other books, and that difference was intentional.
While my other works follow a more traditional narrative style, Blue was written with a poetic, fragmented rhythm — short sentences, repetition, and abrupt transitions.
The prose is meant to feel intimate and immediate, almost like reading pages from a journal.
This style was also chosen to reflect the character’s experiences with anxiety, depression, and grief. Thoughts often arrive in fragments. Emotions repeat themselves. Certain moments linger longer than others. The writing follows that same pattern.
Every stylistic choice in this book was deliberate and made in service of the story being told.
If this style isn’t for you, that’s okay. My other books are written in a more traditional style, and I’d still love for you to give them a chance.
Thank you for reading.
— Carmen Wilder
DESCRIPTION
I’m twenty-one years old and I don’t know how to stop loving him.
That’s the problem.
Because Cassian was never meant to be loved like this.
He was the boy next door.
The one who climbed through my window in the middle of the night.
The one I gave everything to—without ever asking for anything back.
And he took it.
All of it.
Piece by piece, year by year, until there was nothing left of me that wasn’t his.
We grew up tangled together—
in grief, in silence, in things we never said out loud.
In a love that didn’t feel like love anymore, but something darker.
Something that held on tighter the more it hurt.
I knew he would ruin me.
I let him anyway.
Because some people don’t just break your heart—
they become a part of you.
And even after everything…
even after the damage, the distance, the years of trying to survive what we were,
I would still open the window.
Every single time.
Blue is an emotional, angsty MM romance about obsession, grief, trauma, and a love that doesn’t let go.
This is not a soft story.
This is not a safe love.
This is what happens when you love someone who hurts you time and time again and can’t stop anyway.
✔ Childhood friends to something darker
✔ Toxic, codependent relationship
✔ Emotional damage that lingers
✔ Dual timeline (childhood → adulthood)
✔ HEA… but you will suffer for it
Blue is written differently from my other books, and that difference was intentional.
While my other works follow a more traditional narrative style, Blue was written with a poetic, fragmented rhythm — short sentences, repetition, and abrupt transitions.
The prose is meant to feel intimate and immediate, almost like reading pages from a journal.
This style was also chosen to reflect the character’s experiences with anxiety, depression, and grief. Thoughts often arrive in fragments. Emotions repeat themselves. Certain moments linger longer than others. The writing follows that same pattern.
Every stylistic choice in this book was deliberate and made in service of the story being told.
If this style isn’t for you, that’s okay. My other books are written in a more traditional style, and I’d still love for you to give them a chance.
Thank you for reading.
— Carmen Wilder
DESCRIPTION
I’m twenty-one years old and I don’t know how to stop loving him.
That’s the problem.
Because Cassian was never meant to be loved like this.
He was the boy next door.
The one who climbed through my window in the middle of the night.
The one I gave everything to—without ever asking for anything back.
And he took it.
All of it.
Piece by piece, year by year, until there was nothing left of me that wasn’t his.
We grew up tangled together—
in grief, in silence, in things we never said out loud.
In a love that didn’t feel like love anymore, but something darker.
Something that held on tighter the more it hurt.
I knew he would ruin me.
I let him anyway.
Because some people don’t just break your heart—
they become a part of you.
And even after everything…
even after the damage, the distance, the years of trying to survive what we were,
I would still open the window.
Every single time.
Blue is an emotional, angsty MM romance about obsession, grief, trauma, and a love that doesn’t let go.
This is not a soft story.
This is not a safe love.
This is what happens when you love someone who hurts you time and time again and can’t stop anyway.
✔ Childhood friends to something darker
✔ Toxic, codependent relationship
✔ Emotional damage that lingers
✔ Dual timeline (childhood → adulthood)
✔ HEA… but you will suffer for it
312 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 1, 2026
About the author
Carmen Wilder
3 books94 followersCarmen Wilder writes angsty, emotionally charged MM romance for readers who like their love stories a little obsessive and a lot painful.
Her books often explore trauma, healing, addiction, mental health, and the uglier parts of loving and being loved. She’s drawn to flawed characters who make bad choices, hurt each other, and still find their way toward something good.
Her writing style leans poetic and fragmented—short sentences, abrupt thoughts, repetition, and the occasional breathless run-on. She wants you to feel what her characters are feeling.
HEA guaranteed.
TikTok and Instagram -- carmen.wilder1
Her books often explore trauma, healing, addiction, mental health, and the uglier parts of loving and being loved. She’s drawn to flawed characters who make bad choices, hurt each other, and still find their way toward something good.
Her writing style leans poetic and fragmented—short sentences, abrupt thoughts, repetition, and the occasional breathless run-on. She wants you to feel what her characters are feeling.
HEA guaranteed.
TikTok and Instagram -- carmen.wilder1
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 170 reviews
July 4, 2026
This was very sweet with so much yearning and pining😩😩 Childhood friends to lovers is one of my all time fav tropes for a reason!!
This was written kind of like a journal or diary.. very "stream of consciousness" style of writing. It was very easy to read, but it did tend to get a bit.. dry and repetitive for me.
I know they're young, but the miscommunication or lack of it actually got on my nerves😅 I know Cass had his reasons, but some of his actions really made everything worse instead of better.
I really don't have much to say other than that.. as far as plots go , it was nothing new but still enjoyable with likable characters. I didn't cry though.. I must be broken because everyone and their mother was sobbing over this book😅 It had its sad moments ofc, but no tears unfortunately😅
If you're just getting into the mm genre, this would be a good place to start imo!
July 5, 2026
3 ⭐️⭐️⭐️
i wanted to love this book so much. childhood friends to lovers is one of my favourite tropes and i am all for high angst.
there were elements i did really enjoy. i thought both MMCs had really good chemistry and the story beats never felt too rushed for a shorter book.
however, i just couldn’t really get into it, ultimately because i didn’t find the relationship believable. it was too much, too tropey, so i never felt like i was in the story.
mainly it was the lack of communication between the MMCs.
we follow the POV of rowan who has been in love with his childhood best friend cassian since they met at 8 years old. cassian has grown up in a very bad household and rowan in a loving one. cassian and rowan hang out all the time. when their relationship becomes more intimate in their teenage years, cassian keeps leaving rowan over and over again.
they don’t talk about it, cassian always shuts it down. lots of other bad things happen, cassian has lots of trauma and thinks rowan is better off without him but keeps coming back and then leaving again. leaving rowan heartbroken. repeat the cycle.
i kept thinking: this all could have been avoided with one conversation.
and then after the back and forth of cassian ghosting, ignoring, pulling away again and again, rowan just kinda forgives him for the shit he put him through after one (very small) conversation.
i just felt that more conversations, explanations and reasons needed to happen before things can be forgiven or even before things can move forward in a healthy way. i get that they’re young but rowan had to live with all the hurt for basically 13 years. so it kinda annoyed me the way it was all solved… also i felt like i knew absolutely nothing about either of the boys. like there was no exposition of likes, dislikes, hobbies, favourite food... i didn't even know what rowan studied at college. like no exposition, no depth to anything.
definitely not the ‘hardest fought HEA’ i was expecting lol, their relationship was actually kinda toxic.
also don’t get me started on the first time they had sex (IYKYK).
i don’t know… i felt like this had good bones but was just pretty generic at points, repetitive at other points and also just wasn’t believable as a romance.
sorryyy
i wanted to love this book so much. childhood friends to lovers is one of my favourite tropes and i am all for high angst.
there were elements i did really enjoy. i thought both MMCs had really good chemistry and the story beats never felt too rushed for a shorter book.
however, i just couldn’t really get into it, ultimately because i didn’t find the relationship believable. it was too much, too tropey, so i never felt like i was in the story.
mainly it was the lack of communication between the MMCs.
we follow the POV of rowan who has been in love with his childhood best friend cassian since they met at 8 years old. cassian has grown up in a very bad household and rowan in a loving one. cassian and rowan hang out all the time. when their relationship becomes more intimate in their teenage years, cassian keeps leaving rowan over and over again.
they don’t talk about it, cassian always shuts it down. lots of other bad things happen, cassian has lots of trauma and thinks rowan is better off without him but keeps coming back and then leaving again. leaving rowan heartbroken. repeat the cycle.
i kept thinking: this all could have been avoided with one conversation.
and then after the back and forth of cassian ghosting, ignoring, pulling away again and again, rowan just kinda forgives him for the shit he put him through after one (very small) conversation.
i just felt that more conversations, explanations and reasons needed to happen before things can be forgiven or even before things can move forward in a healthy way. i get that they’re young but rowan had to live with all the hurt for basically 13 years. so it kinda annoyed me the way it was all solved… also i felt like i knew absolutely nothing about either of the boys. like there was no exposition of likes, dislikes, hobbies, favourite food... i didn't even know what rowan studied at college. like no exposition, no depth to anything.
definitely not the ‘hardest fought HEA’ i was expecting lol, their relationship was actually kinda toxic.
also don’t get me started on the first time they had sex (IYKYK).
i don’t know… i felt like this had good bones but was just pretty generic at points, repetitive at other points and also just wasn’t believable as a romance.
sorryyy
June 24, 2026
5 emotionally damaged stars
I’ve re-read my highlights and now I am crying again
I am putting this book at my masterpiece shelf and I hate it at the same time because it’s been hours and my chest is still aching 😭
I felt similar to the emotional torture that was reading Oleander
And trust me, Oleander is still, after 500 or more mm books, top 1
This book isn’t the same - no book is - but the vibe and how painful it was did feel similar
“There is no before you,” I say.
“There has never been a before you.
You moved in next door when I was eight and that was it.”
thank fuck it’s really short. I mean I wouldn’t probably survive more pain. The writing style is nothing I’ve read, and you will probably hate it. Almost all of 300 pages consist of short - and I mean SHORT like 4-7 word sentences. And it would seem it’s easier to read, but it was somehow exhausting at the same time. More raw, more tugging on the nerves and heartstrings, like every emotion reads in Capslock.
“I know now what it means to orbit too close to a sun.
You don’t feel it burning.
Not at first.
You just feel warm.
And then one day you look down and realize you have nothing left.”
Then, it was the piniest, yearniest, angstiest book 🤯
Like you can actually tell and feel how the author is deliberately pushing all of the possible buttons, pressing on all possible pain points - but the thing is, you don’t care! And it is impossible to stop.
I read it in a matter of hours - considering how it is written it really is short, but I feel like I survived a train crash.
“You moved in next door,” I say.
“And you had these beautiful eyes.
And I didn’t have a word for what I felt, so I just—started telling everyone my favorite color was blue.”
It was a painful, beautiful, ridiculously emotional love story. I don’t know what I was trying to say with this mess of a review. Now I have no idea what to pick up next because I am still high from this, thank you very much 🫠
I’ve re-read my highlights and now I am crying again
I am putting this book at my masterpiece shelf and I hate it at the same time because it’s been hours and my chest is still aching 😭
I felt similar to the emotional torture that was reading Oleander
And trust me, Oleander is still, after 500 or more mm books, top 1
This book isn’t the same - no book is - but the vibe and how painful it was did feel similar
“There is no before you,” I say.
“There has never been a before you.
You moved in next door when I was eight and that was it.”
thank fuck it’s really short. I mean I wouldn’t probably survive more pain. The writing style is nothing I’ve read, and you will probably hate it. Almost all of 300 pages consist of short - and I mean SHORT like 4-7 word sentences. And it would seem it’s easier to read, but it was somehow exhausting at the same time. More raw, more tugging on the nerves and heartstrings, like every emotion reads in Capslock.
“I know now what it means to orbit too close to a sun.
You don’t feel it burning.
Not at first.
You just feel warm.
And then one day you look down and realize you have nothing left.”
Then, it was the piniest, yearniest, angstiest book 🤯
Like you can actually tell and feel how the author is deliberately pushing all of the possible buttons, pressing on all possible pain points - but the thing is, you don’t care! And it is impossible to stop.
I read it in a matter of hours - considering how it is written it really is short, but I feel like I survived a train crash.
“You moved in next door,” I say.
“And you had these beautiful eyes.
And I didn’t have a word for what I felt, so I just—started telling everyone my favorite color was blue.”
It was a painful, beautiful, ridiculously emotional love story. I don’t know what I was trying to say with this mess of a review. Now I have no idea what to pick up next because I am still high from this, thank you very much 🫠
will-not-read
July 13, 2026ai slop
July 18, 2026
1⭐️ I instantly did not like the writing. I have nothing to say about the plot because the writing is so… strange.
The paragraph structure is so distracting. Nearly every thought is isolated into its own mini paragraph separated by chapter breaks, creating a staccato rhythm that constantly interrupts the flow. It resembles poetry on the page, but without the depth or cadence of poetry. I’ve never seen this format in romance before, and it does not work. Reading this book feels like driving over speed bumps every few sentences.
There’s very little dialogue. It’s mostly short spurts of bland narration of past events. No emotion, and I felt no connection to the faceless narrator.
Also, there’s no rhyme or reason to the tense usage. Past tense, present tense. The author mixes them and uses them interchangeably when they are NOT interchangeable.
There’s no editor acknowledgement, so that alone tells me the author doesn’t care about quality.
Someone mentioned this author uses AI.
AI or not, this was a disaster.
The paragraph structure is so distracting. Nearly every thought is isolated into its own mini paragraph separated by chapter breaks, creating a staccato rhythm that constantly interrupts the flow. It resembles poetry on the page, but without the depth or cadence of poetry. I’ve never seen this format in romance before, and it does not work. Reading this book feels like driving over speed bumps every few sentences.
There’s very little dialogue. It’s mostly short spurts of bland narration of past events. No emotion, and I felt no connection to the faceless narrator.
Also, there’s no rhyme or reason to the tense usage. Past tense, present tense. The author mixes them and uses them interchangeably when they are NOT interchangeable.
There’s no editor acknowledgement, so that alone tells me the author doesn’t care about quality.
Someone mentioned this author uses AI.
AI or not, this was a disaster.
May 23, 2026
Beautiful
Wow
So this was the neediest most pining yearnyest saddest book I have ever read but also the most beautiful book
Its literally like poems or journal entries
Just wow
Stunning
Read it in one sitting
All the pining yearning and hurty sad boi energy level 100
Phenomenal
Wow
So this was the neediest most pining yearnyest saddest book I have ever read but also the most beautiful book
Its literally like poems or journal entries
Just wow
Stunning
Read it in one sitting
All the pining yearning and hurty sad boi energy level 100
Phenomenal
June 24, 2026
Friends to lovers
Second chance
Reads like a diary entry which is why I felt I read it so fast
First time for one MMC
Hurt/comfort
Pining
Yearning!!!!!!
lots of back and forth
He gave him his whole heart and he kept him at a distance but to protect him.
Loved this book. The cute scene at the aquarium with the sea horse! I read this In 24 hours that’s how good it was. I was reading this at all times whenever I had free time!
Second chance
Reads like a diary entry which is why I felt I read it so fast
First time for one MMC
Hurt/comfort
Pining
Yearning!!!!!!
lots of back and forth
He gave him his whole heart and he kept him at a distance but to protect him.
Loved this book. The cute scene at the aquarium with the sea horse! I read this In 24 hours that’s how good it was. I was reading this at all times whenever I had free time!
July 6, 2026
This book may be short but damn does she pack an emotional punch. Cassian and Ro are childhood friends that eventually grow into something more but both of these boys have to fight their own traumas and mental health struggles in order to get their happily ever after. This one is gonna hurt like hell you do in fact have to suffer first and will want to shake them both but it’s well worth it in the end. A beautiful read.
July 9, 2026
DNF.
The cover of this book and the covers of her other books are so obviously AI(should’ve been warned) it makes me wonder if this book was written using AI as well. Cause it pretty much seems like that.
Idk, how this book got so much hype yet no one spoke about the AI usage which is pretty fucking obvious.
The cover of this book and the covers of her other books are so obviously AI(should’ve been warned) it makes me wonder if this book was written using AI as well. Cause it pretty much seems like that.
Idk, how this book got so much hype yet no one spoke about the AI usage which is pretty fucking obvious.
May 31, 2026
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️INFINITE STARS⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Blue is a friends to lovers story about Rowan and Cassian that's filled with yearning, unrequited love (perceived) and years of emotional turmoil told from the perspective of Rowan (except 1 chapter). This book is written like a journal of Rowan's thoughts. The entire book reads like an internal monologue. I've never read a format like this, but I was completely immersed.
Being in the head of the most yearning, pining boy made me feel as though I was experiencing what Rowan was experiencing - the yearning, love, longing, staring out the window for a glimpse, laying in bed waiting to hear the window tap, the spiraling and panic - I felt all of it. The emotions in this book, even through concise sentences and a quasi poetic format, had me crying from early in the book. This is such a deep and emotional journey with a very hard earned HEA.
I will think about this book for a very long time.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (more than 5 stars)
Blue is a friends to lovers story about Rowan and Cassian that's filled with yearning, unrequited love (perceived) and years of emotional turmoil told from the perspective of Rowan (except 1 chapter). This book is written like a journal of Rowan's thoughts. The entire book reads like an internal monologue. I've never read a format like this, but I was completely immersed.
Being in the head of the most yearning, pining boy made me feel as though I was experiencing what Rowan was experiencing - the yearning, love, longing, staring out the window for a glimpse, laying in bed waiting to hear the window tap, the spiraling and panic - I felt all of it. The emotions in this book, even through concise sentences and a quasi poetic format, had me crying from early in the book. This is such a deep and emotional journey with a very hard earned HEA.
I will think about this book for a very long time.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (more than 5 stars)
July 10, 2026
Two boys. One deeply broken. And the other desperately in love with him. It’s not easy loving someone broken. It can get very toxic and devastating.
I smiled a lot. At first. So sweet. Then the tears started. I cried and I cried and I cried. An emotional rollercoaster.
There is thankfully a HEA. You just have to earn it through your tears.
I smiled a lot. At first. So sweet. Then the tears started. I cried and I cried and I cried. An emotional rollercoaster.
There is thankfully a HEA. You just have to earn it through your tears.
May 17, 2026
4.5 ⭐️
2 🌶️
You Guys, OMG The Emotions This Book Brought Me Are Just Crazy. To & Casian Are Just Such A Beautiful Couple Who Had So Many Ups And Downs To Overcome But It Was So So Worth It For The Ending Cause That Ending Was Absolutely Beautiful. I HIGHLY Recommend You Guys To Read This Book If You Love Very Emotional Angsty MM Romances Like I Do Because Oh This Book Took Me So Many Emotions Bit Oh The Journey Was Worth It. READ IT!!!! And I Need More Books By Carmen ASAP!!!!!💕
2 🌶️
You Guys, OMG The Emotions This Book Brought Me Are Just Crazy. To & Casian Are Just Such A Beautiful Couple Who Had So Many Ups And Downs To Overcome But It Was So So Worth It For The Ending Cause That Ending Was Absolutely Beautiful. I HIGHLY Recommend You Guys To Read This Book If You Love Very Emotional Angsty MM Romances Like I Do Because Oh This Book Took Me So Many Emotions Bit Oh The Journey Was Worth It. READ IT!!!! And I Need More Books By Carmen ASAP!!!!!💕
August 5, 2026
“I’m already planning her funeral.
Nothing fancy. Just the basic arrangements.”
GIVE ME EVERY OUNCE OF JEALOUSY 😈
but anyways, that was so good. this is a new to me author and yeah, I’ll DEFINITELY be reading more from her. the format was different than anything i’ve read before and took some getting use to, but i did love it. i’m a short sentence girly.
the way that this book tackled tough subject matter was really amazing as well.
GOSH THE BACK AND FORTH THE WHOLE BOOK 😮💨 took it out of me, but in the best way.
these two were super toxic lowkey? not even sure if it was the relationship as a whole or just Cassian but i loved it (give me a toxic couple any day).
i love reading a relationship that spans over so many years, just to watch it develop is always such a good time for me. BUT HOLY ANGST.
talk about angst… from relationship angst, to outside the relationship angst… this is just a book is angst 😮💨 but don’t be discouraged, it is written SO well that you just flow right through it.
Cassian… you poor poor baby 😭 so many mixed emotions with Cass during the whole book. my heart breaks for him but also PLEASE GROVEL. the amount and coming and going and the wishy washy, playing with my boy Ro’s feelings AHHH, made me want to scream. I GET IT YOU SWEET BROKEN BOY BUT PLEASE GROVEL AT ROWANS FEET IMMEDIATELY 😭
some quotes that got me:
“You can’t look at me like that,” he says, quieter now. “Because it makes me so fucking shy.” MY SWEET BABY CASS ☺️🥺
“The way you look at me and the way you smile every time - it’s everything to me. Perfect.” KICKING AND STOMPING MY FEET!!!
the way no matter how much time passes that Cass would always come back with the “you’re mine” 😈 i’ll always be a sucker for that shit.
yeah, i’m done rambling. very emotional, very back and forth, very toxic, tacles some deep and hard content, had me gnawing at the bars of my enclosure. this ate for me and left no crumbs. just expect two very codependent besties, lots of angst and pain, sweet sweet love.
Nothing fancy. Just the basic arrangements.”
GIVE ME EVERY OUNCE OF JEALOUSY 😈
but anyways, that was so good. this is a new to me author and yeah, I’ll DEFINITELY be reading more from her. the format was different than anything i’ve read before and took some getting use to, but i did love it. i’m a short sentence girly.
the way that this book tackled tough subject matter was really amazing as well.
GOSH THE BACK AND FORTH THE WHOLE BOOK 😮💨 took it out of me, but in the best way.
these two were super toxic lowkey? not even sure if it was the relationship as a whole or just Cassian but i loved it (give me a toxic couple any day).
i love reading a relationship that spans over so many years, just to watch it develop is always such a good time for me. BUT HOLY ANGST.
talk about angst… from relationship angst, to outside the relationship angst… this is just a book is angst 😮💨 but don’t be discouraged, it is written SO well that you just flow right through it.
Cassian… you poor poor baby 😭 so many mixed emotions with Cass during the whole book. my heart breaks for him but also PLEASE GROVEL. the amount and coming and going and the wishy washy, playing with my boy Ro’s feelings AHHH, made me want to scream. I GET IT YOU SWEET BROKEN BOY BUT PLEASE GROVEL AT ROWANS FEET IMMEDIATELY 😭
some quotes that got me:
“You can’t look at me like that,” he says, quieter now. “Because it makes me so fucking shy.” MY SWEET BABY CASS ☺️🥺
“The way you look at me and the way you smile every time - it’s everything to me. Perfect.” KICKING AND STOMPING MY FEET!!!
the way no matter how much time passes that Cass would always come back with the “you’re mine” 😈 i’ll always be a sucker for that shit.
yeah, i’m done rambling. very emotional, very back and forth, very toxic, tacles some deep and hard content, had me gnawing at the bars of my enclosure. this ate for me and left no crumbs. just expect two very codependent besties, lots of angst and pain, sweet sweet love.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 24, 2026
Don’t fall for the charming boy-next-door fellas!!!
June 3, 2026
I needed him to stand up for himself at least once.
June 18, 2026
Dnfed at 17% watching paint dry would be more exciting! The mental gymnastics it takes to believe this book is good is wild! It started draining my soul! Fuuuuck No!!
How anyone is giving this mind numbing book any rating above a one star is beyond me! It’s painfully boring! Good riddance!!!
How anyone is giving this mind numbing book any rating above a one star is beyond me! It’s painfully boring! Good riddance!!!
August 6, 2026
What an absolutely beautiful story.
Two lost souls, both boys struggling with their own demons, finding something in each other.
My heart absolutely broke for both of them, they were everything to each other. They loved each other before they even knew what love was.
Watching Rowan doubt himself think he wasn't good enough and he was the problem, absolutely gutted me, the way the story is written makes what he is going through even more impactful, I felt everything. Every time his heart cracked a little bit more, that poor, sweet boy .
Cassian, oh Cassian the darkness and sadness in him, thinking he wasn't good enough too and that all he would do was cause Rowan to destroy himself, all because of his father. He deserved all the happiness, all the love and all the good things.
The little glimpses of their happiness were the light in the dark, the sarcasm and wit between them all, I laughed a few times as well as shed some tears.
I was just about holding it together then Carmen delivered this at the end:
"Her daisies are all around us. And now so are ours. Blue."
I was a goner.
It was such a beautifully,and uniquely written story, and I'm so so glad both boys got their HEA together, they deserved it and more.
My only negative yet again with her books is they are just too short, I wanted more.
Two lost souls, both boys struggling with their own demons, finding something in each other.
My heart absolutely broke for both of them, they were everything to each other. They loved each other before they even knew what love was.
Watching Rowan doubt himself think he wasn't good enough and he was the problem, absolutely gutted me, the way the story is written makes what he is going through even more impactful, I felt everything. Every time his heart cracked a little bit more, that poor, sweet boy .
Cassian, oh Cassian the darkness and sadness in him, thinking he wasn't good enough too and that all he would do was cause Rowan to destroy himself, all because of his father. He deserved all the happiness, all the love and all the good things.
The little glimpses of their happiness were the light in the dark, the sarcasm and wit between them all, I laughed a few times as well as shed some tears.
I was just about holding it together then Carmen delivered this at the end:
"Her daisies are all around us. And now so are ours. Blue."
I was a goner.
It was such a beautifully,and uniquely written story, and I'm so so glad both boys got their HEA together, they deserved it and more.
My only negative yet again with her books is they are just too short, I wanted more.
August 4, 2026
Infinity 🌟
Sometimes you read a story that seeps into your veins, alters your brain chemistry and locks into your soul. This book did it!
The story isn't that big, around 300 pages, but I could not stop reading and finished it in one sitting. It was bookdrug in it's purest form. The writingstyle was different. It felt more like a diary than a traditionel romance story. But because of this type of writing I was completely immersed into the main character. I felt all the feels.
Emotional, angsty, heartbreaking, pining and yearning and so extremely well and hard deserved HEA.
You need to read this childhood best friends to lovers MM romance!💙
Sometimes you read a story that seeps into your veins, alters your brain chemistry and locks into your soul. This book did it!
The story isn't that big, around 300 pages, but I could not stop reading and finished it in one sitting. It was bookdrug in it's purest form. The writingstyle was different. It felt more like a diary than a traditionel romance story. But because of this type of writing I was completely immersed into the main character. I felt all the feels.
Emotional, angsty, heartbreaking, pining and yearning and so extremely well and hard deserved HEA.
You need to read this childhood best friends to lovers MM romance!💙
July 31, 2026
1.5 stars, rounded. This was disappointing. The writing style and formatting was unfortunately the only interesting part about this book. The author explains her use of this style at the start of the book, and I think it was a unique choice. However, the lack of direct insight into Cassian’s mind made it very hard to like him as a character. Rowan is the primary POV in this book, and I pitied him. He was annoying, but I didn’t hate him. Idk, I’m just not sold on childhood friends-to-lovers because rarely is it ever depicted in a fun and interesting way. There’s always some childish bullshit going on that makes the angst lowkey subpar.
May 10, 2026
4.5⭐️
I literally have no words to describe my reading experience throughout this novel. A real rollercoaster!
My review is upcoming as always. Just need some time to process lol
I literally have no words to describe my reading experience throughout this novel. A real rollercoaster!
My review is upcoming as always. Just need some time to process lol
June 9, 2026
Wow. This book is unlike anything I've ever read, and I absolutely loved it.
I actually cried while reading it, which is incredibly rare for me. The story affected me on such a deep emotional level that I couldn't help it. This book is written in some of the most beautiful prose I've ever encountered. It reads almost like poetry—every word feels intentional and meaningful. The writing isn't overly descriptive or filled with flowery language, yet somehow it creates such a vivid and immersive reading experience. The author says so much with so little, and every sentence carries weight. I read this book in a single sitting because I simply couldn't put it down.
The story is told almost entirely from Rowan's point of view, with only one chapter from Cassian's perspective. Because we're so immersed in Rowan's thoughts and feelings, we experience all of the confusion, heartbreak, hope, and longing right alongside him. For much of the book, we don't fully understand Cassian's motivations or why he keeps leaving, which makes the emotional tension all the more powerful.
Sweet Rowan completely stole my heart. I loved that he was raised by parents who taught him to love openly, wholeheartedly, and without conditions. He carries that love into every aspect of his relationship with Cassian. Rowan loves with his entire heart, even when it hurts him, and his capacity for forgiveness is both beautiful and heartbreaking. There were so many moments where I wanted to protect him, even as I admired the depth of his love.
And then there's Cassian. He grew up with a very different understanding of love—one shaped by abandonment, pain, and destruction. He genuinely believes that loving Rowan will only hurt them both, so he keeps running, convinced that Rowan would be better off without him. Watching him struggle against his feelings while simultaneously being unable to stay away was absolutely devastating.
The push and pull between them had me completely captivated. Every reunion, every goodbye, every moment of hope or heartbreak kept me turning the pages. There were times when I genuinely wasn't sure they would get their happily ever after, which made the emotional payoff even more satisfying. The way the author ultimately brought everything together felt earned, authentic, and incredibly moving.
This wasn't just a romance—it was an emotional journey. It's a story about love, loss, fear, forgiveness, and choosing to be vulnerable even when there's a risk of getting hurt. If you enjoy longtime best friends-to-lovers romances, unrequited love, aching tension, emotional angst, and hard-fought happily ever afters, I can't recommend this book enough.
I actually cried while reading it, which is incredibly rare for me. The story affected me on such a deep emotional level that I couldn't help it. This book is written in some of the most beautiful prose I've ever encountered. It reads almost like poetry—every word feels intentional and meaningful. The writing isn't overly descriptive or filled with flowery language, yet somehow it creates such a vivid and immersive reading experience. The author says so much with so little, and every sentence carries weight. I read this book in a single sitting because I simply couldn't put it down.
The story is told almost entirely from Rowan's point of view, with only one chapter from Cassian's perspective. Because we're so immersed in Rowan's thoughts and feelings, we experience all of the confusion, heartbreak, hope, and longing right alongside him. For much of the book, we don't fully understand Cassian's motivations or why he keeps leaving, which makes the emotional tension all the more powerful.
Sweet Rowan completely stole my heart. I loved that he was raised by parents who taught him to love openly, wholeheartedly, and without conditions. He carries that love into every aspect of his relationship with Cassian. Rowan loves with his entire heart, even when it hurts him, and his capacity for forgiveness is both beautiful and heartbreaking. There were so many moments where I wanted to protect him, even as I admired the depth of his love.
And then there's Cassian. He grew up with a very different understanding of love—one shaped by abandonment, pain, and destruction. He genuinely believes that loving Rowan will only hurt them both, so he keeps running, convinced that Rowan would be better off without him. Watching him struggle against his feelings while simultaneously being unable to stay away was absolutely devastating.
The push and pull between them had me completely captivated. Every reunion, every goodbye, every moment of hope or heartbreak kept me turning the pages. There were times when I genuinely wasn't sure they would get their happily ever after, which made the emotional payoff even more satisfying. The way the author ultimately brought everything together felt earned, authentic, and incredibly moving.
This wasn't just a romance—it was an emotional journey. It's a story about love, loss, fear, forgiveness, and choosing to be vulnerable even when there's a risk of getting hurt. If you enjoy longtime best friends-to-lovers romances, unrequited love, aching tension, emotional angst, and hard-fought happily ever afters, I can't recommend this book enough.
June 4, 2026
Man. After reading this book, I feel like I just got hit by a bus. And I mean that in a mostly positive way.
🚨slight(?) spoilers ahead🚨
I saw one review that described this book as one long poem, and another that described it as feeling like journal entries. And I think both ring very true. I don’t think this style of writing is going to be for everyone, but I found myself very enthralled by it. I do think that sometimes there’s a difference between brevity and a lack of detail. And I do think that some sections of the book worked with focusing more on the emotion in the prose, but other sections I think needed to be expanded upon.
I think I enjoyed this book because it was written very beautifully and it brings to light how scary and consuming love can be, especially loving someone that is so convinced they aren’t worth loving. I thought the two main characters were very compelling, especially Rowan. And when I was first done with this book, I left it feeling very upset with Cassian and his decisions made throughout the book and how he treated Rowan.
But Rowan was just as guilty of being toxic in their relationship just as much as Cassian was. Being overly obsessed, pouring all of himself into one person, letting his own happiness begin and end in one single person. They were both very unhealthy individuals, and this was a very hard fought happily ever after. And there were times in this book where I thought they weren’t going to reach it, and there were times in this book where I kind of hope they didn’t reach it because they were really not good for one another in a big portion of the book.
In the end, I really appreciated that the author was not shying away from this sort of toxic love/obsession/codependency in these two boys. I think the author did a really great job of showing that both of them weren’t perfect. They were flawed, frustrating individuals. And even though the book was really hard to read at times, it was also very quick to get through. I think I finished it in like two hours. I think it goes to not only the smooth writing style, but it is very engrossing.
I do wish we had gotten more scenes of dialogue. A lot of this book is very, very heavy in the prose. There are full chapters where we don’t get a single scene of dialogue, which I found to be very interesting. And usually, I’m a very big: “show, don’t tell” person, but in this book, the telling that we get is so poetic and so deeply emotional, that it’s not that far of a stretch from being shown.
I also wish we had gotten maybe a few more moments of levity in this book. It is VERY emotional, and very matter-of-fact in the way that it describes the hard moments in the book. We get glimpses of humor here and there, and I wish we had gotten a few more of them because MAN this book is almost unrelentless in its emotional quality. Never to the point where it gets overwhelming, and I think again you can lend that to the prose, but I do wish we just had a few more moments of happiness in this book.
I really did like this book overall, and I’m hoping that this is the author’s writing style and it’s not just specific to this book. There’s another book by this author that I’m curious to read so I’m hoping it’s just as good as this one!
🚨slight(?) spoilers ahead🚨
I saw one review that described this book as one long poem, and another that described it as feeling like journal entries. And I think both ring very true. I don’t think this style of writing is going to be for everyone, but I found myself very enthralled by it. I do think that sometimes there’s a difference between brevity and a lack of detail. And I do think that some sections of the book worked with focusing more on the emotion in the prose, but other sections I think needed to be expanded upon.
I think I enjoyed this book because it was written very beautifully and it brings to light how scary and consuming love can be, especially loving someone that is so convinced they aren’t worth loving. I thought the two main characters were very compelling, especially Rowan. And when I was first done with this book, I left it feeling very upset with Cassian and his decisions made throughout the book and how he treated Rowan.
But Rowan was just as guilty of being toxic in their relationship just as much as Cassian was. Being overly obsessed, pouring all of himself into one person, letting his own happiness begin and end in one single person. They were both very unhealthy individuals, and this was a very hard fought happily ever after. And there were times in this book where I thought they weren’t going to reach it, and there were times in this book where I kind of hope they didn’t reach it because they were really not good for one another in a big portion of the book.
In the end, I really appreciated that the author was not shying away from this sort of toxic love/obsession/codependency in these two boys. I think the author did a really great job of showing that both of them weren’t perfect. They were flawed, frustrating individuals. And even though the book was really hard to read at times, it was also very quick to get through. I think I finished it in like two hours. I think it goes to not only the smooth writing style, but it is very engrossing.
I do wish we had gotten more scenes of dialogue. A lot of this book is very, very heavy in the prose. There are full chapters where we don’t get a single scene of dialogue, which I found to be very interesting. And usually, I’m a very big: “show, don’t tell” person, but in this book, the telling that we get is so poetic and so deeply emotional, that it’s not that far of a stretch from being shown.
I also wish we had gotten maybe a few more moments of levity in this book. It is VERY emotional, and very matter-of-fact in the way that it describes the hard moments in the book. We get glimpses of humor here and there, and I wish we had gotten a few more of them because MAN this book is almost unrelentless in its emotional quality. Never to the point where it gets overwhelming, and I think again you can lend that to the prose, but I do wish we just had a few more moments of happiness in this book.
I really did like this book overall, and I’m hoping that this is the author’s writing style and it’s not just specific to this book. There’s another book by this author that I’m curious to read so I’m hoping it’s just as good as this one!
July 11, 2026
There was so much yearning in this book that it was almost unbearable in the best way. It also felt like being in a constant state of anxiety. I genuinely think I held my breath through most of it, desperately hoping they would get their HEA. At one point, I honestly started to believe the book was going to end without one.
Cassian is one of the most frustrating characters I’ve ever read, and because we never really get his POV, we’re left trying to read between the lines for almost the entire book. It can be incredibly frustrating, but I also think that was exactly the point.
Rowan is so deeply and arguably unhealthily in love with Cassian. Their relationship is messy, toxic at times, and dangerously codependent. There were moments where it genuinely felt unhealthy, and I wasn’t convinced they should end up together.
I was ultimately happy they got their HEA because the author absolutely made them work for it. Dare I say, though, I think I would have been okay if they hadn’t. By the time we leave Cassian and Rowan, they’re in a very different and much healthier place than where they started, which makes the ending feel earned and, most importantly, justified.
Cassian is one of the most frustrating characters I’ve ever read, and because we never really get his POV, we’re left trying to read between the lines for almost the entire book. It can be incredibly frustrating, but I also think that was exactly the point.
Rowan is so deeply and arguably unhealthily in love with Cassian. Their relationship is messy, toxic at times, and dangerously codependent. There were moments where it genuinely felt unhealthy, and I wasn’t convinced they should end up together.
I was ultimately happy they got their HEA because the author absolutely made them work for it. Dare I say, though, I think I would have been okay if they hadn’t. By the time we leave Cassian and Rowan, they’re in a very different and much healthier place than where they started, which makes the ending feel earned and, most importantly, justified.
June 5, 2026
This book was easily my favourite book of the year , the story between the mmc’s throughout the years was so beautifully written , the trauma , the happy moments it honestly made me have a tear in my eye the whole book🥹 If you haven’t read this book please read you won’t regret it 🥲💓
wont-read
August 1, 2026using ai at all is always a big no and the cover being ai makes me wary about the writing. i’m glad the author is taking steps to change but this will be a no for me
July 26, 2026
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ | 🌶️🌶️.5
Just so many emotions. That’s all I keep coming back to yhe emotions. Carmens writing in this book is so unique and I devoured Rowan and Cassian’s story. Eight years old, Rowan is telling the atory of the boy he has loved since he was 8 years old. Before he even knew what love meant he knew he loved Cassian. And sweet sweet tender Cassian came from a dark house, growing up completely different from Rowan, but they loved one another. Can you imagine???? This book, a perfect example of so many codependency situations we can find ourselves in. But also, bittersweet, VERY all consuming. One (Cassian) who thought he was greedy for loving the boy who loved out loud when in reality he needed that, he deserved love because no one should only know darkness. And one (Rowan) who thought he was too much when in reality he was hurting because he was always left waiting. The silence. The silence can get loud especially when we try to hide it. I cannot tell you the relief I felt when reading Cassian’s perspective along with his promise that he was done leaving. I love these broken boys so much! I was angry, sad, heartbroken, concerned, just all the things… CHECK THE TRIGGERS BaBeZ, they’re there for a reason. But their love story is one I would read again. 10/10 recommend.
Just so many emotions. That’s all I keep coming back to yhe emotions. Carmens writing in this book is so unique and I devoured Rowan and Cassian’s story. Eight years old, Rowan is telling the atory of the boy he has loved since he was 8 years old. Before he even knew what love meant he knew he loved Cassian. And sweet sweet tender Cassian came from a dark house, growing up completely different from Rowan, but they loved one another. Can you imagine???? This book, a perfect example of so many codependency situations we can find ourselves in. But also, bittersweet, VERY all consuming. One (Cassian) who thought he was greedy for loving the boy who loved out loud when in reality he needed that, he deserved love because no one should only know darkness. And one (Rowan) who thought he was too much when in reality he was hurting because he was always left waiting. The silence. The silence can get loud especially when we try to hide it. I cannot tell you the relief I felt when reading Cassian’s perspective along with his promise that he was done leaving. I love these broken boys so much! I was angry, sad, heartbroken, concerned, just all the things… CHECK THE TRIGGERS BaBeZ, they’re there for a reason. But their love story is one I would read again. 10/10 recommend.
Did Not Finish
July 5, 2026DNF @ 3%
Very early DNF but I could not stand the formatting. Having nearly every sentence on a separate line made this read less like a book and more like a very colloquial series of notes or a journal.
Very early DNF but I could not stand the formatting. Having nearly every sentence on a separate line made this read less like a book and more like a very colloquial series of notes or a journal.
June 12, 2026
I liked the story and the characters. I did not like the writing style (very repetitive) or the layout. I’ve now seen reviews comparing it to a journal and if that was the intent I guess it works, just not for me. It is incredibly easy to read in a few hours. It was like reading a summer writing project. It wasn’t horrible and I didn’t hate it but it wasn’t very memorable either.
July 6, 2026
3.5
cassian and Rowan were a totally rollacoster to read , I got Angry , I cried I swoon , what a ride 😮💨 but I really enjoy the book , it was very easy to read the story kept me entertained I wanted to know what happened next , I truly empathize with Rowan a lot he deserves happiness and I hope he’s happy whenever he is daily <3
For sure can’t wait for what this author brings in the future
cassian and Rowan were a totally rollacoster to read , I got Angry , I cried I swoon , what a ride 😮💨 but I really enjoy the book , it was very easy to read the story kept me entertained I wanted to know what happened next , I truly empathize with Rowan a lot he deserves happiness and I hope he’s happy whenever he is daily <3
For sure can’t wait for what this author brings in the future
May 22, 2026
This book had me in my feelings from start to finish. So sweet, with all the yearning.
Cassian is so beautifully broken, and Ro would have carried all of that pain for him if Cassian had only let him. Their dynamic absolutely wrecked me in the best way.
The pacing is spot on. I loved getting to know these characters starting at age 8, watching their sweet, connection form before life tears it apart. That childhood foundation made everything that came after hit so much harder.
This is friends to lovers done right. I read it in half a day, completely absorbed. My only complaint is I wish it was longer. The resolution felt a little rushed after all that buildup. I would have happily read this story for another 100 pages.
That said, I am officially a fan. I cannot wait to see what Carmen Wilder writes next, because I will be devouring it instantly.
Loved this. Highly recommend if you are craving emotional, heartfelt romance.
Cassian is so beautifully broken, and Ro would have carried all of that pain for him if Cassian had only let him. Their dynamic absolutely wrecked me in the best way.
The pacing is spot on. I loved getting to know these characters starting at age 8, watching their sweet, connection form before life tears it apart. That childhood foundation made everything that came after hit so much harder.
This is friends to lovers done right. I read it in half a day, completely absorbed. My only complaint is I wish it was longer. The resolution felt a little rushed after all that buildup. I would have happily read this story for another 100 pages.
That said, I am officially a fan. I cannot wait to see what Carmen Wilder writes next, because I will be devouring it instantly.
Loved this. Highly recommend if you are craving emotional, heartfelt romance.
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