What do you think?
Rate this book


224 pages, Hardcover
First published September 17, 2026
Everyone knows the saying: Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
But it's not true. Some things don't kill you but just leave you permanently weaker.
While I was in Mexico I had decided to limit my internet time, to focus on reading and on finishing my new book. I veered, as ever, between hope and despair with this book. It was the strangest thing I’d ever written, a cross between a novel and a memoir which gave me a kind of freedom with both forms. I had never produced anything so personal before, but the book emerged from me with a single-mindedness that frightened me. This seems to be how I am since my mother died. Less concerned with following anything but my own prompting.
I looked along the shelves, picking up a volume here and there, bringing one to my nose to smell the scent of old paper and ink. I felt quite calmly then that my mother was there, I could almost see her as if she were reflected in the dark glass of a window. I can often see her like that now. She is there in bookshops for me, in my looking through old books. She feels just around the corner looking for some piece of science fiction for herself, part of the between-possibility in which her diverticular disease never developed, and she remained healthy into her eighties. My imaginary child was there, too, in the between-possibilities of the labyrinth of books; a child looking for a book to take home. I knew the mimmoths saw me like that, all these possibilities real for them. But I had seen it already, without them. The world on paper is where the dead, and the living, and the never-born meet. I have made them meet in my dreams and in my work. I do not wish my ghosts away.
To write a book is an act of hope that one can be understood.
Whatever was happening, it was happening to me and therefore it was mine.

