Kill as Few Patients as Possible: And Fifty-six Other Essays on How to Be the World's Best Doctor

by Oscar London

This oft-quoted all-time favorite of the medical community will gladden--and strengthen--the hearts of patients, doctors, and anyone entering medical study, internship, or practice. With unassailable logic and rapier wit, the sage Dr. Oscar London muses on the challenges and joys of doctoring, and imparts timeless truths, reality checks, and poignant insights gleaned from 30 years of general practice--while never taking himself (or his profession) too seriously.

The classic book on the art and humor of practicing medicine, celebrating its 20th anniversary in a new gift edition with updates throughout. Previous editions have sold more than 200,000 copies. The perfect gift for med students and grads as well as new and practicing physicians. Approximately 17,000 students graduate from med school each spring in North America.

Genres: Medicine, Medical, Nonfiction, Humor, Essays, Biography, Memoir

120 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1987

About the author

Oscar London, M.D., is the pseudonym of an internist who practiced in Berkeley, California, for 30 years His humorous essays appeared regularly in the San Francisco Chronicle.

Reviews

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a "physician" (actually a surgeon) and one who is passionate about undergraduate education this is a book I would like to scatter about on tables in their common rooms and by their beds so that they could acquire the same fascination and curiousity about patients as the author shows.

[Jamie Collins · Rating 2 out of 5]

A collection of very short, humorous essays about an internist’s experience in private practice in the 1980’s. It’s less substantial than I was expecting, but it’s worth a smile or two. This 2004 anniversary edition concludes with a tirade against managed health care.

A sampling of essay titles, touted as rules for being the World’s Greatest Doctor:

"Be Jewish"
In which the student Dr. London visits an Amish family who are charmed to meet an actual Jew, right out of the Bible.

"If You Don't Believe in Prescribing Xanax for Your Anxious Patients, Be Sure to Take One Yourself"
In which Dr. London doses himself judiciously with alcohol and anti-anxiety medications.

"Don't Be the Last Doc on the Block to Own a Plastic Gallbladder; See a Detail Rep"
In which he glories in his collection of ballpoint pens and hollow plastic kidneys, and is charmed by the advent of female drug reps: "intelligent, well-dressed women dying to shower me with gifts".

"Ask Your Patient What's Shaking Down at Work and What's Cooking at Home"
In which he seems to feel that illness is caused entirely by stress and unhappiness.

[Dina · Rating 2 out of 5]

The best part of the book is its title and the second best - the language; one can notice early on that the doctor likes to play with words. The essays are short and not that good (being named so cleverly they, unfortunately, did not live up to my expectations), although some were better than the others, by which I mean - somewhat entertaining and/ or delivering a worthwhile advice. The book is very thin and probably worth a quick read.

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wasn't impressed with this book. Maybe it is because I am not into reading about medical stuff anymore. However, it was frankly just boring to read this guy's interpretation about being a doctor. Actually, it was boring reading this guy's spiel about how he is the world's "greatest" doctor.

[D. Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think people involved in the medical world would especially enjoy Dr. London's humor. He is goofy, a little like P.G. Wodehouse, but there are some bits of wisdom in there too.

[Robyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bought this book for Brian as a Christmas gift (2011). We read it on the way to and from DC, a nice 4 hour jaunt from this neck of the woods. The anecdotes are entertaining and I'm willing to bet that, after some years as a doctor, there will be a certain level of commiseration with the stories. The book was written by "Oscar London, MD, WBD," a pen-name for some actual doctor in southern California who is not only a "Medical Doctor" but the "World's Best Doctor." Taking that slant, the author uses a comical tone and outlandish exaggerations to make some salient points about what it means to be a physician in the 21st century medical field. Each chapter is presented as a rule for physicians with an anecdote to elaborate on the rule. My favorite rules are these: "Don't be late for your very own happy hour," in which London discusses the importance of the daily wind-down ritual; "Never let a patient outflank you," that has London fearing for his life as a patient traces pain over his back in a case of malingering; "Let no one leave your office without a handshake, a blood count and a smile," where London saves a man's life by taking a blood count and locating his gastrointestinal cancer when he is dragged in by his wife for a sore throat; "Exhume old records and postpone your patient's burial," in which London advises a borderline failure of a med student to put in some hours in a record vault to find an X-ray that keeps an old lady off the table. The best overarching advice I heard in the whole book was this: that the patient, or patient's family, will ultimately give you the diagnosis if you listen to what they are saying. Entertaining and enjoyable - and to be read again with new eyes in 20 years.

[Michelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

Meh all around. I received this as a gift since I got into medical school. I personally didn't enjoy it as much as I hoped I would. I was hoping it would be insightful and more humorous than it actually was. My issue with it was that while I thought many of the "rules" were decent, the writing always felt like it was cut short before the author actually got to the point. Moreover, he had a huge ego that was annoying to read.

As someone who has worked in public health and hospital administration before going into medicine, I think it was also hard for me to see his perspective as someone in private practice. Either way, this book will probably soon be outdated as hospital mergers have essentially made private practice obsolete.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun, light read that delivers a humorous perspective on life as a doctor.

[Zetagilgamesh · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun little book of thoughtful and humorous essays about the art of medicine. A great book for any new physician to read!

[Tessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy read that you can finish in a day, cute essays from a fictional internist who declares himself “world’s best doctor”. Some of the advice essays are more enjoyable than others, but still a fun & light hearted book overall.

[Kavita · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book truly had me laughing out loud several times. Oscar London's short essays and paragraphs hit home despite the fact that it was written in the 1980s. There are many pieces of advice that he gives that are still applicable.
If I had to give this gift to someone in the medical community, I would gift it to a medical student or an experienced physician all the same. Non-medical staff find it difficult to understand how we find humour in certain situations but London has shown that it isn't because we're laughing at the patients or their diagnosis or their misfortune. As a doctor, sometimes we merely have to find the humour in our practice in order to maintain our sanity and push forward and not "Weintraub" ourselves "to death" as London put it. I of course don't approve of some things he admits to doing like self medicating with Valium or alcohol. On the flip side he talks about not being able to figure out a patient's diagnosis and referring them to someone who you know who can help them even if they're a "cold fish" from down the hallway. Or trying to aid someone who's choking and afterwards they ask for a real doctor.
It's reassuring to know that members of the medical community go through the same trials and tribulations. From the ingratitude to the praise. From the long hours and poor health to the feelings of accomplishment.
There isn't a Kindle version of this book so I bought it as a used version from Amazon. Now that I've finished it I'm eager to share the laughter amongst my peers.

[Melvin Marsh · Rating 5 out of 5]

From the first essay, "Be Jewish," Doctor London's book "Kill as Few Patients as Possible: And Fifty-Six Other Essays on How to Be the World's Best Doctor" will surely keep you laughing. If you don't laugh at some point during this rather short book, there is little hope for you as either you have no sense of humour at all (which should be considered a medical emergency) or you have somehow been blessed to never experience a doctors office.

I've often been told that my funny bone was likely removed at birth because I don't find many things funny, but I cannot tell you how many times I had to pause to bite my lower lip to keep from laughing so hard that I would wake the house. Every few pages, I would stop look at my significant other, read a few lines outloud from the book inbetween laughter, and watch his eyes roll as he tried to stop himself from laughing.

Oh and "Doc" London, if you are reading this, you forgot one essay that you should have included. "Laughter is the best medicine." I'm sure if there is any truth to that, you will be curing more than a few people who read this book. And yes, I know, don't call you Doc.

[Blake Charlton · Rating 4 out of 5]

well written, thoughtful. but...not all that funny. i laughed at maybe two of the many essays. that isn't to say i didn't learn a lot from them. i enjoyed several, hurried through others. but the humor was dated. the medical world london exams (best i can tell as a third year medical student) no longer exists. however, i found myself fascinated by the book's tone. one gets a sense of how much the author cares about and loves medicine. most other medical humor i've encountered (many will be familiar with the laugh-out-loud "House of God" by samuel shem) is cynical and ultimately corrosive, using medicine's foibles to tear medicine into pieces. reading london, however, is both frightening and encouraging.

[Davis · Rating 2 out of 5]

An attempt at satire in medicine that fails to humour. While there were one or two passages that had me smiling, the majority is hypocritical babbling and poorly-practiced medicine. The author (using a pseudonym for obvious reasons) who at one passage deplores addicts and refuses to even asses then, at the next glamourizes taking Xanax regularly himself. Ridiculous, to say the least. I presume the author was intentionally inflating these topics but still, his judgement is passed on everyone except himself. Not worth the read in my opinion.

[Kieran Desmond · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yeah its alright. If you are looking for a compilation of cocktail party anecdotes from a mid-80s US internist then look no further. As a British medical student it was intriguing to take a peak into the bizarre world of US private practice and managed care. I share Doctor London's criticism of for-profit healthcare and it saddens me that upon further reading, America's healthcare system has not changed since writing 35 years ago. Perhaps I will read Dr Generic to explore this topic further. Perhaps not.

[Shelby Bollen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great quick read, as it’s made up of short essays that discuss the challenges and joys of practicing medicine. As I’m from the UK, I have only ever experienced the NHS, so it was good to get an insight into private practise in the US. I found the writing to be very witty, and there were moments that actually made me smile. A great read if you are interested in the medical profession!

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this more than I did. I wanted it to be more clever, or more amusing or just *more*. The doctor makes some good points, but he ego frequently put me off. (Which is probably why it took so long to read; I only read an essay or two in each infrequent sitting.)

[Felicia Yan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A collection of 1-2 page stories perfect for a daily microdose of medical sarcasm.

[Alyssa Amaro · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was hilarious! 1-2 page essays are rich with sarcasm. People who have worked in the medical field may especially enjoy it although I'm sure the humor will engage many others.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting observations by a private practice physician on the ups and downs of today's patient care system.

[Eric Heidemann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Would highly recommend this very quick read to any health professionals. I audibly laughed many times throughout this book.

[booklady]

More for a laugh than anything else.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amazing and hilariously dated.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

The essays presented are short and humorous. Based around facts and doctor stereotypes, each essay poked fun at a different aspect of the job. A lovely satirical look at the medical profession.

[Kelv · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short and sweet that is humorous and witty with many amusing anecdotes that gives very valuable, relevant advice. This book caters to all and not just for those that are medical.

[Corey Grassmyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice little read from "the world's greatest doctor" who goes on a meandering journey remarking on his experience as a physician. I enjoy the authors wit and has made me consider becoming a internist. A little outdated perhaps but the human body hasn't changed only medicine has so I feel like it is pretty applicable. Overall I enjoyed it but it was pretty short and a little too superficial for me to go anything higher than 3 stars.

[Alyssa Rogers · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read the 20th-anniversary version of this book, so it was slightly updated. I also preface that I am aware that this essay is meant to be humorous and is written under a pseudonym. A few moments in the essay were charming, and silly, and made me chuckle. However, it was hard to appreciate these parts with the numerous remarks rooted in sexism, the disrespect to patients who have substance use disorders, and the many other jokes that are made in poor taste for the ethics and sensitivity of the physician profession.

[Kailey Nwl · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a new physician, this was recommended to me by many preceptors. What I'm hoping is satire, comes across as tired. Amusing at best and poorly aged. Some of the "jokes" I've seen played out in real time and harm both colleagues and patients.

[Bora · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit too tongue-in-cheek for my taste. The wordplay is great, but it feels like so much of the writing is to set up a pun or play on words that the topic feels wholly nonsensical at times even when considering a generous interpretation

[Reader · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me. Most of it seemed to be for entertainment purposes only. I don't feel like I can use most of these tips in my actual career. I enjoyed some of the stories but others were a bit difficult to get through.