What do you think?
Rate this book
Torn: Why People We Love Are Leaving the Church and What We Can Learn from Them
Drawing on one of the most comprehensive studies ever conducted on Latter-day Saint disaffiliation-including surveys of more than 20,000 current and former members-along with interviews, personal experience, and national research, author Jeff Strong-a former bishop, mission president, BYU faculty member, and advisor to the Church-offers rare clarity into a painful and often misunderstood reality. The research suggests that nearly 40 percent of once-active Latter-day Saints in the United States have stepped away from Church participation over the past twenty-five years.
But this book is about far more than statistics. It is about sons and daughters. Husbands and wives. Friends and ward members. It is about thoughtful, sincere people striving to live with integrity-and the many believers who remain in the Church yet feel increasingly torn themselves.
Inside this book you will
why many sincere believers step away from the Church the deeper cultural tensions shaping faith today what faithful members can learn from those who leave how families can navigate these experiences with greater understanding how a more Christ-centered culture can strengthen faith and belonging Rooted in faith and written with deep love for the Church and its people, Torn does not ask readers to choose sides. Instead, it invites them to see more clearly, listen more deeply, and respond more like Jesus Christ.
If someone you love has stepped away from the Church-or if you yourself feel caught between faith, love, belonging, and conscience-this book will help you feel seen, informed, and hopeful.
Because being torn does not have to be the end of faith. It can be the beginning of deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and a more Christlike way forward.
But this book is about far more than statistics. It is about sons and daughters. Husbands and wives. Friends and ward members. It is about thoughtful, sincere people striving to live with integrity-and the many believers who remain in the Church yet feel increasingly torn themselves.
Inside this book you will
why many sincere believers step away from the Church the deeper cultural tensions shaping faith today what faithful members can learn from those who leave how families can navigate these experiences with greater understanding how a more Christ-centered culture can strengthen faith and belonging Rooted in faith and written with deep love for the Church and its people, Torn does not ask readers to choose sides. Instead, it invites them to see more clearly, listen more deeply, and respond more like Jesus Christ.
If someone you love has stepped away from the Church-or if you yourself feel caught between faith, love, belonging, and conscience-this book will help you feel seen, informed, and hopeful.
Because being torn does not have to be the end of faith. It can be the beginning of deeper understanding, stronger relationships, and a more Christlike way forward.
298 pages, Paperback
Published May 15, 2026
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
May 29, 2026
This is a beautiful, authentic, well researched and deeply moving book for anyone in the Church of Jesus Christ who's ever had doubts or felt like they didn't quite belong. I felt so seen and validated, sometimes being moved to tears in relief that I am not alone in my experiences, and that there is understanding to be gained.
I'm so grateful for Jeff Strong, for all of the work, research, and heart he's poured into this incredible project. I had the honor of knowing him as my mission president and can attest that he is a person of intelligence, character, and care. He loves the Savior, Jesus Christ, and his voice is one that will help you turn to Him if you listen with the spirit.
I'm so grateful for Jeff Strong, for all of the work, research, and heart he's poured into this incredible project. I had the honor of knowing him as my mission president and can attest that he is a person of intelligence, character, and care. He loves the Savior, Jesus Christ, and his voice is one that will help you turn to Him if you listen with the spirit.
May 29, 2026
The data introduced in this book utilizes high research standards. Quite interesting and compelling.
I liked the author's emphasis that people experience different paths in their spiritual development and in their searching, hence the importance of showing kindness, openness and developing our understanding of and trying to emulate the teachings of Jesus.
The reason for three stars is that I felt the message became somewhat repetitive.
I liked the author's emphasis that people experience different paths in their spiritual development and in their searching, hence the importance of showing kindness, openness and developing our understanding of and trying to emulate the teachings of Jesus.
The reason for three stars is that I felt the message became somewhat repetitive.
May 22, 2026
This book does an excellent job of explaining why so many members step away from the Church. The author writes with real compassion and sincerity, and it’s clear he genuinely wants to understand people’s experiences. I appreciated the empathetic, nuanced tone, and the survey data was genuinely useful and insightful.
The Positives
- Nuanced and empathetic — He avoids easy answers and digs into the emotional and cultural side of disaffiliation.
- Accurate read on why people leave — A thoughtful overview of the many factors that influence someone’s decision to step away.
- Christ‑centered, sincere advice — Written for believing members, the tone is supportive, hopeful, and genuinely well‑intentioned.
---
Blind Spots
- Too much focus on culture
While culture absolutely plays a huge role in the Church, I would’ve loved to see other points addressed more thoroughly. Doctrinal and historical concerns are only briefly acknowledged, which leaves the book a bit unbalanced.
- Preachy tone at times
Some parts read like sacrament talks, which feels ironic given the topic.
- Selective quoting
He highlights softer, compassionate statements from leaders but avoids the harder or contradictory ones, unintentionally mirroring the issue he’s trying to address.
---
Overall, the book is thoughtful, sincere, and genuinely helpful. I’d give it 3.75 stars for its earnest, nuanced, and Christ‑centered approach. It has a few blind spots, sure — but honestly, don’t we all.
The Positives
- Nuanced and empathetic — He avoids easy answers and digs into the emotional and cultural side of disaffiliation.
- Accurate read on why people leave — A thoughtful overview of the many factors that influence someone’s decision to step away.
- Christ‑centered, sincere advice — Written for believing members, the tone is supportive, hopeful, and genuinely well‑intentioned.
---
Blind Spots
- Too much focus on culture
While culture absolutely plays a huge role in the Church, I would’ve loved to see other points addressed more thoroughly. Doctrinal and historical concerns are only briefly acknowledged, which leaves the book a bit unbalanced.
- Preachy tone at times
Some parts read like sacrament talks, which feels ironic given the topic.
- Selective quoting
He highlights softer, compassionate statements from leaders but avoids the harder or contradictory ones, unintentionally mirroring the issue he’s trying to address.
---
Overall, the book is thoughtful, sincere, and genuinely helpful. I’d give it 3.75 stars for its earnest, nuanced, and Christ‑centered approach. It has a few blind spots, sure — but honestly, don’t we all.
May 26, 2026
I expected one thing and got another. This initially disappointed me, but then I found my reluctantly-received new expectations exceeded. So, for me, "Torn" was a bit of a rollercoaster that I ended up really liking.
What I expected the whole book would be like is actually what the appendices are like: explication of the data I was already aware that Strong and associates had compiled and plumbed, with regular connections of data to real life. Instead, the book itself is a meditation on Mormon culture, which sounds like it would be amazing on its face, but it's -- again -- not what you'd think. Instead, "Torn" is a bit fluffy if I'm being honest -- lots of scripture and general authority quotes. This is understandable and probably wise -- Strong is aiming this book at least partially and probably mostly at devout and rigid Mormons, and Strong is trying to assuage their defense mechanisms by anchoring his thinking in language that will resonate with the staunch Mormon defender. Still, for me, the writing style at first came off as foofy, basic, and kind of bland. There are numerous charts and graphs that piqued by interest, but it seemed initially they weren't enough.
After the first chapter or two -- which laid some very interesting groundwork -- I felt my hopes for this book rise, and maybe that initial excitement is what made the long stretches of encouragement for us all to listen better and not judge feel like such a letdown.
And yet, this is a four-star book. That's because it turned out to not be a letdown at all. I needed some time to read and let it slosh around in my brain. By the time I finished, I assessed Strong's work here to be timely and important, and not just for the devout Mormons that disillusioned or former Mormons use so often as convenient punching bags -- I'm an active Mormon for whom much of what Strong talks about is very familiar and relatable. I can't classify myself as culturally or even doctrinally staunch. In short, I'm already practicing much of what Strong preaches here. Even so, I feel that "Torn" realigned some of my wiring that will, I think, make me a better bridge between the rigid sentinels defending dogma and those either lingering on the edges or no longer participating.
I'm disinclined to go into detail about the content; prospective readers should check it out and learn what they can learn for themselves. The upshot is that "Torn" is not a review of data. It thoughtfully offers explanations for LDS cultural stagnation, framed by a handful of personal experiences and brief anecdotes from survey respondents, and offers very broad, non-prescriptive ideas for how church members can help create a more welcoming culture. It's helpful, sincere, and wise.
What I expected the whole book would be like is actually what the appendices are like: explication of the data I was already aware that Strong and associates had compiled and plumbed, with regular connections of data to real life. Instead, the book itself is a meditation on Mormon culture, which sounds like it would be amazing on its face, but it's -- again -- not what you'd think. Instead, "Torn" is a bit fluffy if I'm being honest -- lots of scripture and general authority quotes. This is understandable and probably wise -- Strong is aiming this book at least partially and probably mostly at devout and rigid Mormons, and Strong is trying to assuage their defense mechanisms by anchoring his thinking in language that will resonate with the staunch Mormon defender. Still, for me, the writing style at first came off as foofy, basic, and kind of bland. There are numerous charts and graphs that piqued by interest, but it seemed initially they weren't enough.
After the first chapter or two -- which laid some very interesting groundwork -- I felt my hopes for this book rise, and maybe that initial excitement is what made the long stretches of encouragement for us all to listen better and not judge feel like such a letdown.
And yet, this is a four-star book. That's because it turned out to not be a letdown at all. I needed some time to read and let it slosh around in my brain. By the time I finished, I assessed Strong's work here to be timely and important, and not just for the devout Mormons that disillusioned or former Mormons use so often as convenient punching bags -- I'm an active Mormon for whom much of what Strong talks about is very familiar and relatable. I can't classify myself as culturally or even doctrinally staunch. In short, I'm already practicing much of what Strong preaches here. Even so, I feel that "Torn" realigned some of my wiring that will, I think, make me a better bridge between the rigid sentinels defending dogma and those either lingering on the edges or no longer participating.
I'm disinclined to go into detail about the content; prospective readers should check it out and learn what they can learn for themselves. The upshot is that "Torn" is not a review of data. It thoughtfully offers explanations for LDS cultural stagnation, framed by a handful of personal experiences and brief anecdotes from survey respondents, and offers very broad, non-prescriptive ideas for how church members can help create a more welcoming culture. It's helpful, sincere, and wise.
May 26, 2026
I really hope all members of the church will read this. Important research and encourages conversations and changes that need to be instigated. I’ve seen a lot of references to his findings going around, but I think it’s important to go to the primary source - he makes the data and analysis very accessible/easy to understand.
May 28, 2026
Must read
Both inspirational and heart-wrenching. I can relate to the author’s personal experiences and the survey results. So much to learn from this.
Both inspirational and heart-wrenching. I can relate to the author’s personal experiences and the survey results. So much to learn from this.
May 24, 2026
Jeff Strong provides insights from personal experience, research, and a perspective of faith about why people leave the LDS church. Although it is not a how to book, it is a great tool in developing understanding. I highly recommend it for parents and LDS leaders. By developing understanding why people leave we can better understand how we can make room at the table for all.
May 20, 2026
Thank you Jeff, for tackling this difficult subject and helping to change the narrative! People usually leave the LDS church after wrestling with both their faith and doubt for over a decade. This is often prompted from a deep sense of integrity. This is a complex topic. Disaffiliation is something that is affecting most of us in some way and there needs to be healing and reconciliation. While I appreciated Jeff's insights, I felt like some of the topics needed to be fleshed out a little bit more. There definitely needs to be more gathering and less sorting. But part of me wonders, would we really make room for members across all levels of belief and orthodoxy in our church? Would we accept into our fold those who simply claim the LDS church as part of their cultural heritage, those who do not believe in the historicity of the Book of Mormon, those who question if our church is literally lead by God? So many questions, but thank you once again Jeff, for getting the dialogue started...
May 31, 2026
3.0 stars: Jeff Strong's main argument is that people are leaving the church due to the culture of intolerance towards people who don't agree with them. He says that people should become more accepting of fellow members who don't believe in LDS truth claims but who still want to be part of the community. He does present some decent arguments but I think that the bigger issue is largely left unspoken. Mainly the lack of historical transparency and loss of belief in the fantastical claims of the LDS church. Was not a particularly gripping read and I think that this book could have been written in a fifth of the page space that it took up and been just as effective.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews