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The Actual One: How I Tried, and Failed, to Avoid Adulthood Forever
Isy Suttie—stand-up comedian, actress and songsmith—has reached her thirties and realized her life is never going to be what she expected. She'll never become that tennis champion, be an expert in birdsong or make a living from playing pinball. Yet Isy maintains her trusty "glass half full" attitude to life. Why? From goldfish-murdering mothers and housemates obsessed with VAT, to boyfriends who don't appreciate gifts of homemade human-sized penguins, Isy delves deep into the vaults of her memory, writing with warmth, agonizing honesty and sharp humor to bring to life all of the scrapes that optimism have led her into.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published January 28, 2016
55 people are currently reading
1224 people want to read
About the author
Isy Suttie
11 books44 followersIsy Suttie is an award-winning comedian, writer, songsmith and actress. With a string of television acting credits to her name, including SHAMELESS, WHITES and SKINS, she is perhaps best known for playing Dobby in PEEP SHOW. She has been nominated twice for a British Comedy Award.
She also regularly performs her own shows to live audiences, on radio and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The second series of her Sony award-winning radio series ISY SUTTIE'S LOVE LETTERS was broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in April 2014, and in 2014 she made her musical theatre debut as the starring role in THE A-Z OF MRS P at the Southwark Playhouse.
She also regularly performs her own shows to live audiences, on radio and the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The second series of her Sony award-winning radio series ISY SUTTIE'S LOVE LETTERS was broadcast on BBC Radio 4 in April 2014, and in 2014 she made her musical theatre debut as the starring role in THE A-Z OF MRS P at the Southwark Playhouse.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 74 reviews
December 28, 2017
A kindle read wherein when I was at 53% and I could not believe how bad this book was and how little I cared what happened next, I employed the speed reading techniques learned in college to see if anything was ever going to happen that was remotely interesting. And nothing did. Maybe I'm too old or too American or too married to be entertained by countless tales of drunken embarrassment that aren't even particularly well written; reading this is reminiscent of being stuck next to an extroverted rambler whose had too many cocktails at a co-workers birthday-awful. I just wanted this book to be over and now that it is I am bitter that I spent any minutes of my time with it. Big Blech. Zero stars.
August 13, 2017
This is the epitome of a book that was written, then a theme attached to it afterwards. If in fact it was the other way round, the editing team need to have a good, hard look at themselves. However, it was pleasingly open, without too much boasting and Suttie did display some self-awareness.
Ostensibly, this is a book about everyone around her growing up and needing to find love (and, I assume, by extension marriage, a mortgage, granola for breakfast etc) as she gets older. In reality, it is just Stuff Isy Does and Vaguely Related Stories from the Past once her two (best?) friends are to move out and have a baby. Or an autobiography that pretty much ignores her career apart from one dreadful standup routine (dreadful in that it was dreadful for her, though on the page, it does sound like it was dreadful as an audience member too). Once she goes to a wacky East London party, she feels like she is much older than people of a similar mindset, and she has just broken up with a long term boyfriend to make things worse.
The saving grace from such an erratic idea is that she is likeable, and willing to laugh at herself (although she is prone to a surprising trait amongst comedians in feeling like they are losers, but willing to make fun of even bigger losers when the opportunity arises, suggesting they only have a problem with being a loser, not the mean behaviour itself) and she does sound fun to be around - and her (correct, in my opinion) perception of adulthood is that there is much less fun on offer. She talks about holidays, living with housemates, break-ups and multiple medical appointments without any of them getting boring.
It's ok that there is no real narrative, and I'm glad that she hasn't tried to fashion one out of nothing. But it wasn't hilarious, it wasn't revelatory and it wasn't captivating. Perhaps I'm the wrong target audience, but I had expected and hoped for better.
Ostensibly, this is a book about everyone around her growing up and needing to find love (and, I assume, by extension marriage, a mortgage, granola for breakfast etc) as she gets older. In reality, it is just Stuff Isy Does and Vaguely Related Stories from the Past once her two (best?) friends are to move out and have a baby. Or an autobiography that pretty much ignores her career apart from one dreadful standup routine (dreadful in that it was dreadful for her, though on the page, it does sound like it was dreadful as an audience member too). Once she goes to a wacky East London party, she feels like she is much older than people of a similar mindset, and she has just broken up with a long term boyfriend to make things worse.
The saving grace from such an erratic idea is that she is likeable, and willing to laugh at herself (although she is prone to a surprising trait amongst comedians in feeling like they are losers, but willing to make fun of even bigger losers when the opportunity arises, suggesting they only have a problem with being a loser, not the mean behaviour itself) and she does sound fun to be around - and her (correct, in my opinion) perception of adulthood is that there is much less fun on offer. She talks about holidays, living with housemates, break-ups and multiple medical appointments without any of them getting boring.
It's ok that there is no real narrative, and I'm glad that she hasn't tried to fashion one out of nothing. But it wasn't hilarious, it wasn't revelatory and it wasn't captivating. Perhaps I'm the wrong target audience, but I had expected and hoped for better.
January 25, 2016
So Isy Suttie is the Comedian who plays Dobby in the peep show alongside David Mitchell and Robert Webb, Which is a pretty popular show. Before appearing as Dobby, Isy has been a live stand up, comedy musician and writer.
This book is Isy in her thirties trying to live like a twenty something year old and not grow up and become responsible, whilst her friends around her are settling down into relationships and starting a family. She goes through a list of her partners and why they wasn't the 'actual one'. There is also a lot of Isy reminiscing about the old days, when she started up as a stand up and how difficult it can be.
The book was very easy to read, humorous as expected and a lot of rambling. There were on slight occasions when I did get a bit bored and put this book down and then came back to it. This woman though get's herself into some really crazy situations and I would think that some of it may not be believable until I met someone exactly like this and understand that some people are clumsy and bad shit just happens to them all the time.
The funniest moment for me was when she went skiing with friends and practically rolled down (Laughing as remembering) and when she went down the slopes on a table....drunk obviously. Who on earth would use parcel tape to hold their breasts up in a dress? Crazy but very funny lady.
I found this book to be very nostalgic, as Isy was reminiscing her younger days with, Mix-tapes, New Kids on the Block, Take That, Crystal Maze and more
I recommend to anyone that is a fan of Isy Suttie, comedy or even just Dobby.
Overall I rated this 3.5 stars out of 5.
This book is Isy in her thirties trying to live like a twenty something year old and not grow up and become responsible, whilst her friends around her are settling down into relationships and starting a family. She goes through a list of her partners and why they wasn't the 'actual one'. There is also a lot of Isy reminiscing about the old days, when she started up as a stand up and how difficult it can be.
The book was very easy to read, humorous as expected and a lot of rambling. There were on slight occasions when I did get a bit bored and put this book down and then came back to it. This woman though get's herself into some really crazy situations and I would think that some of it may not be believable until I met someone exactly like this and understand that some people are clumsy and bad shit just happens to them all the time.
The funniest moment for me was when she went skiing with friends and practically rolled down (Laughing as remembering) and when she went down the slopes on a table....drunk obviously. Who on earth would use parcel tape to hold their breasts up in a dress? Crazy but very funny lady.
I found this book to be very nostalgic, as Isy was reminiscing her younger days with, Mix-tapes, New Kids on the Block, Take That, Crystal Maze and more
I recommend to anyone that is a fan of Isy Suttie, comedy or even just Dobby.
Overall I rated this 3.5 stars out of 5.
March 5, 2016
Hilarious book.
I now want to listen to Carter USM whilst making a papier mâché animal/dvd box set storage unit.
I now want to listen to Carter USM whilst making a papier mâché animal/dvd box set storage unit.
January 13, 2020
This started off pretty damn funny, but became a little less so the further I got in to it. A giggle as opposed to hilarious, Suttie writes in a chatty and open manner, and the book was easy to read without being hard to put down. Perhaps because I’ve read a few other comedian autobiographies before on the theme of ‘I reached my thirties and realised I couldn’t keep playing the fool in my personal as well as professional life’ and enjoyed others more, perhaps it would’ve appealed to female readers more and common ground shared, perhaps I just expected too much having thought Robert Webb’s book was excellent and David Mitchell’s very witty. At times this just felt like a list of anecdotes about getting drunk and saying/doing stupid stuff which got repetitive.
September 18, 2022
Really enjoyed this- a great perspective of "growing up" and life in your 20s. Brilliantly written, some hilarious stories and profoundly bizzare yet prescient moments.
July 16, 2017
Isy Suttie is a 30-ish single actress/comedian quickly realizing that all her friends are growing up, starting families, and being more serious about life, and she is feeling left behind. When she breaks up with her boyfriend right before her annual New Year's Eve getaway with her friends, she finds herself wondering what she's doing with her life, and how it compares to her friends.
When one of her friends tells her not to worry about the state of her romantic life because now that she's broken up with "The One" the next guy she dates will be "The Actual One." Isy likes this theory, yet isn't in any real hurry to find her Actual One. That is, until her mom decides to plunge Isy into online dating, without Isy's knowledge or approval. After checking out the online dating scene and not being that impressed, Isy is up for anything, so she agrees to allow her mom to set up a dating profile and pose as Isy to find decent men to practice on. With the caveat, however, that Isy will only go on an actual date with whomever her mother chooses, if Isy cannot find a suitable man on her own within a certain time frame.
Although this story seems to be about Isy searching for The Actual One, the supporting stories of adventure, supporting case of characters, and the fact that Isy gets into some pretty entertaining scrapes along the way are what really makes this book. Well-written by a woman who is not afraid to humiliate herself make this a quick, funny read. I won a copy of this book via First Reads.
When one of her friends tells her not to worry about the state of her romantic life because now that she's broken up with "The One" the next guy she dates will be "The Actual One." Isy likes this theory, yet isn't in any real hurry to find her Actual One. That is, until her mom decides to plunge Isy into online dating, without Isy's knowledge or approval. After checking out the online dating scene and not being that impressed, Isy is up for anything, so she agrees to allow her mom to set up a dating profile and pose as Isy to find decent men to practice on. With the caveat, however, that Isy will only go on an actual date with whomever her mother chooses, if Isy cannot find a suitable man on her own within a certain time frame.
Although this story seems to be about Isy searching for The Actual One, the supporting stories of adventure, supporting case of characters, and the fact that Isy gets into some pretty entertaining scrapes along the way are what really makes this book. Well-written by a woman who is not afraid to humiliate herself make this a quick, funny read. I won a copy of this book via First Reads.
April 20, 2016
As a twenty-something reading Issy's memoirs, the awkward and often painfully relatable moments from her formative years rung true but left me comforted. I admire Issy for her frank and unapologetically British sense of humour with stories that often had me cackling. Her funniest moments shining through in the rambling tangents on the core narrative. Would highly recommend this book if you're struggling to make ends meet in London, feel like everyone around you is abandoning the fun for countryside and babies, and have left a string of failed romances behind you.
January 18, 2017
I suppose the problem I had with this book, being an avid radio listener, is that I have heard nearly all of the anecdotes in the book before from Isy's radio programmes. They are mildly amusing background rather than laugh out loud stuff but I generally quite like Isy.
The book was very easy to read, though I did keep wondering when it was actually going to get interesting.
The book was very easy to read, though I did keep wondering when it was actually going to get interesting.
September 7, 2017
I usually don't like books about heterosexual women's hunt for Mr. Right (or the Actual One) but in this case, I liked how funny the book was and how Isy rejected the social demands because she wanted to hold on to her independence and her adulthood avoidance.
September 17, 2018
It’s a little bit too twee for me.
June 15, 2017
Isy tells us how she broke up with a boyfriend and then tried to avoid another even though everyone in her life wanted her to have one. There are some funny lines, but every chapter tries to tell the chronological story of her life post-break up, except she gets distracted and tells us everything she thinks is slightly funny that is barely related to the plot. If someone in the plot mentions a costume party, she spends 6 pages talking about one costume party she went to once that you can tell she thinks is a hilarious story. There wasn't a ton of insight, and she ends up with a boyfriend that she loves and is happy with only to talk about their break up in the last few pages. It's a light read, but annoying to get through all of her irrelevant details and stories.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 23, 2017
3.5 stars, rounded up because I listened to the audiobook and there were lots of bonus songs included (plus Isy describes the cartoons from the physical book, which is almost as fun as being able to see them)
This memoir hangs together more than similar books I've read, as it's roughly in chronological order (with a few asides sprinkled in here and there) and has a coherent theme. It's funny and sweet and very honest, although she does say at the end that a few details were changed to avoid identifying people. I'd heard a few of the anecdotes before on shows that Isy has appeared on, but there was more detail in the book and they were put into their proper context so it didn't feel too repetitive.
This memoir hangs together more than similar books I've read, as it's roughly in chronological order (with a few asides sprinkled in here and there) and has a coherent theme. It's funny and sweet and very honest, although she does say at the end that a few details were changed to avoid identifying people. I'd heard a few of the anecdotes before on shows that Isy has appeared on, but there was more detail in the book and they were put into their proper context so it didn't feel too repetitive.
March 7, 2021
Isy Suttie’s style is light and breezy, occasionally self-deprecating (which is so not what the indulgent 2020s are all about, mamma) but the overall feel is of a young person trying to make sense of the idea that people feel the urge to suddenly stop having fun and get babies. Not that that is the whole theme of the book, but this is what came through as the strongest message for me - an underlying notion that it is no longer the norm to want the whole mortgage/marriage/babies/Volvo end to life. Mind you, Suttie does spend a lot of the book trying to find someone with whom she will probably (inevitably) end up getting that mortgage/marriage/babies/Volvo life - and I bet there won’t be a Roy bookshelf in sight.
April 20, 2025
As well as this being a great book - funny but also philosophical and poignant - Suttie sings the songs on the audio book.
A good while ago, I saw her stand-up show and loved a song she wrote about Tom Waits.
When she recorded the show for bbc radio, this song didn't make it on. I could only remember little snippets. I was delighted to hear it at the end of the book.
That is a very specific enjoyable bit that appeals directly to me, but you should read it anyway.
If only for the most significant smear test you will ever read about.
A good while ago, I saw her stand-up show and loved a song she wrote about Tom Waits.
When she recorded the show for bbc radio, this song didn't make it on. I could only remember little snippets. I was delighted to hear it at the end of the book.
That is a very specific enjoyable bit that appeals directly to me, but you should read it anyway.
If only for the most significant smear test you will ever read about.
July 18, 2017
Light, fun reading. The author sees her friends growing up around her and decides on some last adventures to get herself moving in the right direction. The book is fun-ish and an easy read. Not much that sticks with you after putting it down though. But I don't think that was the point. I wonder about the little comics that appear sporadically; they don't do too much for the big picture. There are some funny self-deprecating anecdotes that might make you smile.
October 11, 2017
While I was hoping for stories and anecdotes about her time on Peep Show, this collection of stories (bookended by New Years' trips to the sea) was even better. I really like Isy Suttie's writing style and (being a fan of her comedy) I could hear the words in her voice, in my head.
Hers is a relatable, friendly, and seriously funny voice.
Highly recommended for fellow bookish awkward girls like myself, who look forward to finding out what all the fuss is about re:growing up and being mature.
Hers is a relatable, friendly, and seriously funny voice.
Highly recommended for fellow bookish awkward girls like myself, who look forward to finding out what all the fuss is about re:growing up and being mature.
May 1, 2018
I would probably have given this around a 3.75 or 3.5, but that isn't available, so 4 it is, and I am not mad about it.
This was a collection of stories from Suttie's life, stories that show what a struggle it is to become a true adult, how some of us go into it kicking and screaming, living a decent life, but unsure of what exactly an adult is.
There are things that we do, things that we shouldn't do, and all the things in between, and these stories cover that quite well.
This was a collection of stories from Suttie's life, stories that show what a struggle it is to become a true adult, how some of us go into it kicking and screaming, living a decent life, but unsure of what exactly an adult is.
There are things that we do, things that we shouldn't do, and all the things in between, and these stories cover that quite well.
December 22, 2020
I've enjoyed watching Isy on YouTube, on 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown and RO House of Games and probably other British shows.
I would have enjoyed this more if I were younger. It's difficult to find yourself too old to enjoy the stories of younger women dating. Not the best thing to find out about myself. sigh
It was entertaining, in the long run, though. I enjoyed listening to her voice her own story.
I would have enjoyed this more if I were younger. It's difficult to find yourself too old to enjoy the stories of younger women dating. Not the best thing to find out about myself. sigh
It was entertaining, in the long run, though. I enjoyed listening to her voice her own story.
May 19, 2017
I usually enjoy memoirs written by comedians, even unknown (to me) ones, and Suttie's self-deprecating, hysterically unromantic tales of her attempts to connect with the "actual one" are entertaining. Not as entertaining to me were the stories of her drunken exploits. Because she's British, I had trouble deciphering some of the regional slang and picturing some of the locales.
December 16, 2019
I didn’t really care about the book or author (who I didn’t know beforehand). I thought it would be a funny read and there are definitely parts that made me giggle, but overall nothing worthwhile. I also get annoyed with people joking about how hard adulting is—I feel the opposite as you can control your life in adulthood.
July 24, 2020
Enjoyable 'chatty' style. Funny (Howard Donald was the Gary Barlow of Take That). But aimed at people half my age. Flat sharing- the stage between leaving home and finding The Actual One. Boys, custard cousins !!!!!!, drinking, parties, weekends away....for a decade or so. Also her life as a stand up comedian- including a terrible experience in Whitehaven with snoring hecklers.
March 21, 2023
Difficult to stay interested. It was a little like reading a story written by someone with severe ADHD. I had to keep re-reading passages to find the coherent thought trail. Almost put it down several times.
Two stars because she is funny, irreverent & sarcastic which I really like. I could definitely relate to her humor - it was just too hard to follow her thoughts.
Two stars because she is funny, irreverent & sarcastic which I really like. I could definitely relate to her humor - it was just too hard to follow her thoughts.
March 15, 2025
I read Jane is Trying a couple of years ago and I can now see that this another Bob Mortimer situation, autobiography fantastic and charming, followup fiction kind of bland and disappointing. Anyway this one is great, I especially love the illustrations. Isy Suttie is a bit weird in the best possible way.
January 13, 2018
I really enjoyed this book. Short, easy to read amusing anecdotes that do have a vague narrative woven throughout them. Some bits were laugh out loud funny, some bits were amusing, some bits were just lovely. A nice non-serious light read to start off the year with.
June 11, 2018
This is pretty much a collection of random anectdotes about her life and relationships, which are pretty entertaining but would probably be more relatable for other people with a more similar romantic history to compare it to.
January 7, 2019
Listening to this book was definitely a good call. The content itself was nice enough, but listening to the author's narration was the best part of it. I greatly enjoyed having this audiobook on while doing chores, it felt like spending some time in lovely company.
November 15, 2020
I wanted to like this book so much. Alas it wasn't for me. It took me far too long to finish reading it which meant it just didn't hook me. The illustration of Isy and nurse hugging was actually quite sweet though.
March 1, 2021
There are some fun little anecdotes in here, and some chucklesome moments. However, overall, as books on this sort of topic tend to, it just didn't go anywhere. There was no through-line. It was just a bunch of stuff that happened. Fine as a rambled story at a dinner party. Not great as a book.
January 15, 2022
I enjoyed it, an easy read and was witty and lol funny in places... also, in a year where I find myself going to 5 weddings, I know how she feels 😳
(Although, a little weird that Elis only gets a mention in the acknowledgements 😂)
(Although, a little weird that Elis only gets a mention in the acknowledgements 😂)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 74 reviews