121 First Dates: How to Succeed at Online Dating, Fall in Love, and Live Happily Ever After

by Wendy Newman

Based on years of research and 121 real-life first dates, relationship expert Wendy Newman dishes up practical wisdom for navigating the online dating trenches with grace, efficiency, and a strong dose of humor.

Wendy Newman has made every imaginable dating mistake so you don’t have to. Part guidebook, part personal tell-all, 121 First Dates chronicles Wendy’s funny, real-life misadventures and the practical wisdom she gained from them. Her dating tales will find you laughing, commiserating, and nodding your head as you learn how to stay in the dating game until you find the right man, just like Wendy did.

This book busts myths, answers age-old questions, and examines pitfalls that make you want to give up on dating altogether. Just when you’re about to submit to a lifetime at home with a pint of Haagen-Dazs and sitcom reruns, 121 First Dates will inspire you to keep stepping out. Wendy discusses how to date successfully and efficiently, avoid the most common dating pitfalls, have an amazing first date with anyone, end uncomfortable situations with grace, and much, much more. She offers up realistic Dos and Don’ts as well as tips for making the most of any situation you find yourself in—whether you want to run or you think he’s the one .

Brimming with humor, hope, and authenticity, 121 First Dates will give every woman the tools, confidence, and determination to be and stay real when dating. How else will you find the best match for you?

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Self Help, Humor, Memoir, How To

320 pages, Paperback

First published January 26, 2016

About the author

Wendy Newman is a professional dating, relationship, and sex educator. She has led hundreds of workshops to thousands of people in the U.S. and Canada as well as coaches private clients. On the personal side, Wendy is a compassionate fellow dater who navigated her way through 121 first dates before she met her life partner. They live together in San Francisco.

Reviews

[Misti · Rating 2 out of 5]

A how-to guide to dating, specifically online dating. The author found her current partner after 121 first dates, mostly arranged through online platforms. She talks about mistakes and lessons learned, giving advice for those entering (or re-entering) the dating pool.

I'm ditching this book halfway through, because it's totally depressing without meaning to be. My takeaway from reading this is that I'm probably not going to have any success with online dating, because I just can't be the person that this author describes as the successful online dater. It brought all of my insecurities to the surface. My opinions and beliefs about love and romance are in opposition to hers in many ways. Plus, she describes dating in an urban area, and I don't think many of her strategies and advice would work for my location in a smaller town. If you're a city dweller who doesn't mind thinking of dating as a numbers game, this book might be a better fit for you.

[Janice · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wendy Newman's adventures in dating is a hilarious, yet insightful, journey to not only her husband, but to discovering more about herself. There are a lot of helpful hints followed by actual dating experiences that she has gone through. Some of these experiences were wonderful and resulted in relationships that went on for a few months. Others were comical failures that provide evidence for the advice and an opportunity to laugh along with her. 121 First Dates was an easy, light-hearted, yet thoughtful read, in my opinion.

The only thing that I could say unfavorably about this book is that most of the suggestions seem to be directed towards an outgoing audience, rather than including the introverts.

For those whom may be sensitive towards certain themes: there is foul language as well as sexual references.

Please note: a copy of this book has been generously provided by the publisher via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Glen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won this book in a goodreads drawing.

This is a book for women, on how to utilize the tools of the online dating sites to find lasting relationships. There are many humorous anecdotes of various disastrous dates. some of these are pretty funny.

More useful for women than men, and probably more useful for someone in a metropolis than someone between the coasts.

[Dr. Tobias Christian Fischer · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book for women to understand how dating works. It’s helpful for finding the right place to meet, on which app you end up or the characteristic you want.

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are two sides to everything...especially dating. There can be the good dating where you meet a decent guy who just clicks with you. Where you can talk without any awkwardness or prolonged silences. He'll want to know you without talking too much of himself. A nice balance. Or it could be the bad experiences, where the guy never shows. Where a guy doesn't seem like the guy you thought he was. A disappointment. There will always be numerous dates but you'll eventually find the right one....right?

The description of 121 First Dates grabbed my attention. When I just read, I thought it was a book about various people telling their first date stories. After I found out it was only one person's experiences, I was intrigued. First thought was: that is a lot of dates!! How can one go on that many different dates? Nowadays, online dating is very popular and an easier way to meet people. So, it was interesting to read Newman's stories! It wasn't just mainly about every first date she had. It was more about what she learned from her experiences and wanted to pass it on to those who need help in the dating world. The incorporation of her dating stories made it even more fun.

She covers every dating topic...EVERYTHING. From what to expect with dating to what happens after the first date. Topics like the do's and don'ts of first dates, how to flirt, rookie mistakes. etc. Touching base on online dating: different sites, how to make yourself presentable, and how to move from online to the real world, Going into common questions people ask: when should you take a break, why isn't he calling, or what about sex? One of the most important topics she focuses on is yourself. How you should do things for you! Don't do things because you are expected to. It's more like you should love yourself before you put yourself out there kinda thing. You should put some time aside to take care of yourself. Especially if things don't go well for you.

If you're having bad dating experiences or haven't even dated, I think this book will give you great insight. Since Wendy Newman is a dating guru, I'm sure you might learn a couple new things!

[Nikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

***Spoilers ahead...so to speak***

Favorite Quotes and Tips:

"Great guys usually have a 'but'."

"I didn't know (yet) that men do this to try ideas on for size, to see how they feel. These seemingly innocuous phrases of plans, promises, and expressions of acceptance and compatibility..."

"Some of these first dates were fun, insightful, and surprising, and all of them ultimately led me to my partner by helping me understand what it was I was truly looking for."

Avoid burnout by "clearing out the past negative experiences before" you "go out and meet someone new."

"...giving yourself generously to the next one..."

"If the shoe doesn't fit for you, it ain't your shoe. Don't cram it on..."

"Taking excellent care of yourself is critical for attracting a suitable match and maintaining your sanity."

Use the buddy system!

"Men love it when we get to the point."

"You've set a boundary, and what he's just shown you in his persistence is that he's a person who doesn't respect your boundaries. Good-bye."

"...I'd never be my favorite self with him..."

Listen 25 seconds longer after he stops talking!

"Remember that list you made a while ago? The one you distilled down from your unicorn list of musts that your partner absolutely has to have no matter what? I'll say it a million times and it'll still be just as true: don't compromise on it. Don't keep dating someone if you're getting less than what you need."

"Some women fantasize about the wedding day; I fantasized about a shared life together."

"Setting boundaries and being gracious isn't easy, and gaining confidence around this whole process doesn't happen overnight."

"This is what's possible when we're choosing partnership, instead of... Taking a wife or husband because that's what was expected and needed for survival."

"When everyone involved thinks they got the better end of the deal? That's what a truly happily-ever-after looks like."

[Bonnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. The author had funny dating anecdotes, good advice, and a consistent voice. The best thing about advice books is, if it doesn't apply to you, ignore it! There's a few things in here I'm going to ignore because it doesn't apply to me, but there are far more tips and hints inside to help navigate a world that is still really new to me.

I recommend this one for people trying to get back out into the dating world, or who have never entered it and are intimidated. Use what you can, discard what you can't, and if it helped, tell your friends about it!

[Coco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I am using information I learned in my day to day life - not just dating. There's a lot of useful information on how to relate to and communicate with men as well as the fun anecdotes and personal stories to help relate to the struggle of dating.

I've recommended this to so many people and actually bought a 2nd copy to loan to friends. My personal copy is signed and isn't allowed to leave my house!

[Frédéric Byé · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read Wendy’s book and I interviewed her. Every woman who is on the dating scene should read that book! Especially in the crazy world of online dating, 121 First Dates is a guide from someone who has lived it and finally met the man she wanted! Wendy’s personality in the book is witty and funny. This is not only an informative and inspirational book, but it is also an entertaining one as well. And men, if you want to know more about women, this is the book. Kudos to Wendy!

[Catherine Carrigan · Rating 3 out of 5]

A description of the author's experience as she went through a series of dates. What's good about the book is that if you haven't found Mr. Right after your first 10 dates, take a number! The author helps us to have patience with ourselves and our process as we go through the challenges of dating.

[Gene Z · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reads like a romcom, but much better because 1) true story, and 2) good advice about dating. The book is written for women but I still found it insightful.

Wendy also shows that you don't have to be young and thin to find your happily ever after, that perseverance is more important, and that you can grow and make life-long memories along the way

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me for the hilarious first dates, and it did not disappoint. There was a first date masturbator and a man looking for a live-in maid, to name two. Newman keeps it totally real throughout the book (she pushes masturbation in two different chapters!), and as a larger sized woman she is so much easier to listen to than a waif-like blonde saying how hard it is out there.

I didn't expect to notice or even care very much about the dating parts, but Newman is so charming and funny that I ended up reading those too. I loved her message and bombarded my girlfriend with quote after quote from Newman until she's practically read the whole book by proxy. I recommend this for ladies of dating age, whether you're in a relationship or not. I think it carries a lot of good advice about being real with yourself.

[Silke · Rating 3 out of 5]

ARC received from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

I think I had expected this to be a little different from what it was.
Wendy Newman is direct and clear in her advise and gives you some helpful guidelines on how to handle the online dating life.
I think I had secretly been hoping for some more funny date stories that she's had. In this case most of her anecdotes served to nicely wrap up a story thread or chapter and served a functional purpose.
The description of this book was initially what pulled me in to read it and I think I expected a 50/50 balance of advice and anecdotes but in reality it's more like 90/10.
But I can definitely see it being a helpful guide to people and be the pick-me-up some people need after a long and fruitless search online.

[Lemon_leaf · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author listed out common feelings, mistakes and hard problems that normal women would encounter during their dating life. Her excellent story telling skills made you resonate with her. You read the book like a novel but after a story, you would probably say that "I was in that exactly same situation!" or "I wished I didn't do it either!". One of the biggest mistakes is that women do not say no even when they know they don't like the guy. They would spend hours, weeks or even months dragged by the other one. Along with the stories, suggestions, warning, analysis and help was provided so that you know what to do in that situation. Very Helpful!

[Becca · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had me ready and excited to get out there and date again! But my excitement quickly turned to discouragement looking at the pool of available guys in my area. I think if I move to/visit a larger city, I'll really be able to use Wendy's tips more fully.
The book did change my views on a few things, which I really appreciate!

[Kristin M · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a single lady, this book made me feel better about some of the dates that I’ve been on. It’s nice to relate with someone and know that you aren’t the one that is going through this dating thing. Also made me feel better about Online dating. She has some good pointers. I’m gonna pass it around to my single friends to read next

[Monical · Rating 3 out of 5]

For some reason this book caught my eye-- even though I am happily married and have no interest in pursuing the topic. The book was funny, interesting and informative, and fairly light. Great personal stories and tips for those interested in online dating!

[Maria Almaguer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though her voice isn't really my style, I found her tips very useful, from the actual dating site navigation to practical dating advice. I especially liked her "exit" strategies for telling a date you're not a match. Good luck out there!

[Kassi Gruenberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book! Honestly picked it up as a joke, but ended up thoroughly enjoying it.

[Jennifer Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick, fun read. Helpful insight. Too bad I didn't read it a year ago. Ha! Great stories too.

[EllenZReads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Part funny story, part dating advice, pretty cute and enjoyable read. Got a few reminders of "best practice" tips when online dating.

[Carolyn Lee Arnold · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best Dating Guide Ever!
Wendy Newman has written the perfect guide to dating for both women and men, blending her own dating experiences with her wisdom as a coach, workshop leader, and researcher of what men and women need to know to find and create healthy relationships. 121 First Dates blends Newman’s entertaining dating stories that led to finding her true love on date number 121, with clear lessons and encouraging words, organized in a timeline that reflects the stages of dating—getting prepared, the first date, and after the first date. For women in particular, she models nurturing themselves throughout the highs and lows of dating, and she gives women and men of all sexual orientations the skills and faith to find their perfect partner. The combination of Newman’s engaging writing, laser advice, and warm-hearted cheerleading makes it a delightful read for anyone on or contemplating the dating journey. I recommend it as the most positive and supportive guide to dating out there.

[Vanessa Princessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book thanks to Blinkist.

The topics discussed within the book provided nothing I didn't already know. The premise was intriguing, but I'm not impressed.

The key message in this book:

For single women today, the dating scene is full of possibilities. Online dating has opened up an entirely new realm and anyone can put themselves out there. There’s a lot you can do to prepare for a first date, but if it doesn’t go as expected, just keep your head up and don’t blame yourself.

Actionable advice

Make your Facebook research analog to avoid hurt feelings.

It’s tempting to check out a date’s Facebook profile. Giving in to this temptation, however, isn’t always such a great idea. Often, you’ll stumble upon photos of his exes or information you weren’t so keen to know. So, the next time you want to do a little Facebook stalking, just download and print out his profile. That way you can look at all the pictures you want, without the risk of unpleasant surprises.

[Sharon Wishnow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up not because I was looking to start dating but because I was researching dating. What I found was an insightful and freshingly honest account of dating. This book is targeted to women and serves to lift them up, not sell out, not sell themselves short, or pretend to be anything different than their authentic selves. Newman's style reads like a novel with humor, romance, conflict, and an HEA ending - for her at least. If you're new to dating or just need to feel that you're not alone in the ups and downs in this online, social media, transient post-pandemic world, this book is grounding.

[Diana]

nonfiction is something that I struggle with if it does Not directly relate or appeal to me. I have branched out and I’m reading a variety of books including this one.
I stopped reading when the book suggested that “when on a date be sure to talk about “his” strengths to boost “ his”confidence”.....really? Next.

[Angelica Mercado · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading about someone else's journey through the dating world was fun, and although I thought I'd get tips from it...honestly, the best way to find out how dating works is to just go through it yourself. It was entertaining though :)

[Ralph N · Rating 2 out of 5]

Author is unhappy single. Author decides to fix that. Author prepares and then goes on over 100 dates before finding the one. It’s an acceptable read if it’s what you’re searching for, doesn’t take much brainpower to go through.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice, entertaining read.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very relatable!

[Amber · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was really funny. And it had an unexpected Charlie Jane Anders mention!