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Cam Girl
Vada Bergen is broke, the black sheep of her family, and moving a thousand miles away from home for grad school, but she’s got the two things she loves most: her art and her best friend—and sometimes more—Ellis Carraway. Ellis and Vada have a friendship so consuming it’s hard to tell where one girl ends and the other begins. It’s intense. It’s a little codependent. And nothing can tear them apart.
Until an accident on an icy winter road changes everything.
Vada is left deeply scarred, both emotionally and physically. Her once-promising art career is cut short. And Ellis pulls away, unwilling to talk about that night. Everything Vada loved is gone.
She’s got nothing left to lose.
So when she meets some smooth-talking entrepreneurs who offer to set her up as a cam girl, she can’t say no. All Vada has to do is spend a couple hours each night stripping on webcam, and the “tips” come pouring in.
It’s just a kinky escape from reality until a client gets serious. “Blue” is mysterious, alluring, and more interested in Vada’s life than her body. Online, they chat intimately. Blue helps her heal. And he pays well, but he wants her all to himself. No more cam shows. It’s an easy decision: she’s starting to fall for him. But the steamier it gets, the more she craves the real man behind the keyboard. So Vada pops the question:
Can we meet IRL?
Blue agrees, on one condition. A condition that brings back a ghost from her past. Now Vada must confront the devastating secrets she's been running from—those of others, and those she's been keeping from herself...
Until an accident on an icy winter road changes everything.
Vada is left deeply scarred, both emotionally and physically. Her once-promising art career is cut short. And Ellis pulls away, unwilling to talk about that night. Everything Vada loved is gone.
She’s got nothing left to lose.
So when she meets some smooth-talking entrepreneurs who offer to set her up as a cam girl, she can’t say no. All Vada has to do is spend a couple hours each night stripping on webcam, and the “tips” come pouring in.
It’s just a kinky escape from reality until a client gets serious. “Blue” is mysterious, alluring, and more interested in Vada’s life than her body. Online, they chat intimately. Blue helps her heal. And he pays well, but he wants her all to himself. No more cam shows. It’s an easy decision: she’s starting to fall for him. But the steamier it gets, the more she craves the real man behind the keyboard. So Vada pops the question:
Can we meet IRL?
Blue agrees, on one condition. A condition that brings back a ghost from her past. Now Vada must confront the devastating secrets she's been running from—those of others, and those she's been keeping from herself...
432 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 3, 2015
74 people are currently reading
8417 people want to read
About the author
Leah Raeder
6 books2,604 followersLEAH RAEDER is a writer and unabashed nerd. Aside from reading her brains out, she enjoys graphic design, video games, fine whiskey, and the art of self-deprecation. She lives with her very own manic pixie dream boy in Chicago.
(And she still writes pretentiously lyrical fiction.)
(And she still writes pretentiously lyrical fiction.)
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November 3, 2015
If two people could make each other smile and laugh and forget all the pain and darkness in the world for a moment, why should we feel ashamed of it?
A couple years back, I did a "New Adult Experiment" and attempted to find the hidden gems amid a genre full of, um... crap. One of those gems was Raeder's Unteachable - a lyrical, different kind of romance.
Since then, Leah Raeder has released two more books - Black Iris and Cam Girl - and I think it would be a disservice to potential readers and the author if I didn't clear something up. These latter two books, Cam Girl especially, are not like Unteachable. They have Leah's gorgeous writing style, of course, but they are completely different beasts.
Wait, so they're not love stories?
Oh no, they are. But I'm not sure they quite fit in the regular romance section. Cam Girl is about love, and yet it also demands that you face questions that need to be asked - about the nature of gender, gender identity, and sexuality and about their relationship to love. Is it possible for love to transcend sexuality?
Because I follow Leah Raeder online, I felt like I knew a lot about this book before I started it. So I'm not sure if that's the reason I guessed certain outcomes, but either way, it didn't really matter to me. The book managed to be powerful enough just by containing these things; it didn't need to be shocking as well.
If you're really an artist, I thought, you'll find a way to make art however you can, like Bukowski said. With half your body gone. With soot and a cave wall. With your own blood.
Raeder's third book reintroduces us to her trademark style of poetic prose and vivid, colourful imagery. Art and colours are used as metaphors, as well as for mood. The narrator - Vada - is an artist who suffered damage to her drawing arm in an accident. Broke and at rock bottom, she takes a job as a cam girl.
The book offers a graphic depiction of the sex trade. Vada acknowledges the potentially demoralizing nature of live cams, but the sex trade is here a mostly empowering thing - a fact which I'm sure will pave the way for many discussions about it. But, well, that's what Raeder does best: Facilitates discussion on the things we don't often allow ourselves to think about.
It didn't get the full five rating for two reasons: 1) It was hard to maintain focus on the Ryan/Max subplot (though I did like the outcome), maybe because some of these secondary characters were not that interesting to me. And 2) This makes me sound like such a prude, but there was a little too much sex. At some points, it went past sexy and into repetitive.
But I did enjoy it a lot. Leah's writing just pulls me in every time. Some people call her books "dark" and I can completely see why, but I also don't think they are. I think they're like a light in the darkness, showing every horrific, beautiful human truth in a rainbow of colour.
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April 15, 2018
Full disclosure: I've been drinking.
Okay, so here's the thing. Leah Raeder is a really good friend of mine, but it should be noted that this fact in no way influenced my opinion of this book.
Oh, and it should ALSO be noted that I'm reviewing the version that I beta-read, not the finalized copy. There's a reason for that, which I'll get to a little later in this wine-fueled word vomit.
Maybe?
If I don't, someone please comment and remind me to do so when I sober up.
Thanks in advance.
WARNING: I'M PROBABLY GOING TO OFFEND A FEW PEOPLE HERE.
I'm sorry for that. Truly, I am. It's not my intention, but I recognize the fact that what I'm about to say might come across as slightly...combative? Judgmental even? Oh, Christ, I hope this doesn't come across as patronizing. I swear I have good intentions here.
If it comes across as patronizing, someone please comment and remind me to make it less so when I sober up.
Again, thanks in advance.
THE REVIEW:
In my review for Black Iris, I said:
"This book is dark, guttural. It speaks to that side of yourself you keep hidden from the rest of the world. That reptilian part of your brain that never evolved past fuck, kill, conquer."
I thought that this was enough. That this would warn readers that Black Iris was not a "nice" book. That when I said it was a book of Darkness, I meant it with a capital D.
Judging by some of the shocked reactions I saw to that book, I didn't do a good enough of a job of warning people. So, let me be clear; Leah's books don't hold the kind of "darkness" that can be cured by the feel of rock-hard abs beneath your fingers or an equally stiff dick driving into you. Nor is it the kind of darkness that can be cured by a beautiful set of tits or a woman who makes you mad with lust.
No, this is the darkness we don't talk about. The darkness that dwells at the periphery of your synapses.
I think a reader’s understanding and sympathizing with Raeder's characters is far too often dependent upon their ability to admit certain things about themselves. Those things being how unevolved they still are.
Leah has a way of peeling back the ego and superego to expose our IDs for what they are. She has a way of forcing us to look at the lesser evolved parts of ourselves that might leave some readers feeling overexposed and uncomfortable.
We get an unfiltered, unapologetic look into her character’s minds, and how close their thoughts strike to home can be not only terrifying for some people, but also inadmissible.
This book is no different than Black Iris in that way. So be warned, fellow reader, this book is not for the faint of heart. This book is not light, or fluffy. This book will not distract you from the dark reality of the world we live it, but will remind you of it. This book is not a place you can escape to.
But it is a place that will make you think.
Point in case, there were definitely moments where I struggled with the subject matter here. Before reading this, I was one of those feminists who was staunchly anti-sex trade in all forms, and that included camgirls.
I think a lot of other readers might have as strong of a reaction as I did, because the sex trade is such a polarizing issue. I realize now that what Raeder depicts here is supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable at first, and that makes total sense.
Even as someone who considered herself "against it", I thought Leah did a marvelous job portraying how camming can be about more than objectification. How it can be about someone owning their sexuality, whatever it might be, and choosing how they want to be treated, by whom, and when. It was less about the client's desires and more about Vada's (the main character).
In short, this book forced me to rethink my stance on this issue, which says a lot, because I am one opinionated woman, if you hadn’t already figured that out.
>.<
Um...so, what else did I need to say? Oh, yeah! I'm reviewing the beta book I read. Because this struck so close to home for me that I haven't been in the right mindset to read the finalized version.
So here are my questions to you, fellow reader:
Have you hit rock bottom? Or have you been there for someone who has? Do you possess one of those rare, empathetic souls that leans towards understanding instead of judging? Can you comprehend the desperation that comes with utter hopelessness?
If so, I think you will not only understand this main character, but also sympathize with her in a way that make you ugly-cry. Like I did. Several times.
If not, you may struggle with this book. And that's perfectly okay. But, in my humble opinion, this is one of those rare books that needs to be read no matter which side of those questions you land on.
Because what are beliefs?
"A state of mind in which a person thinks something to be the case, with or without there being empirical evidence to prove that something is the case with factual certainty. In other words, belief is when someone thinks something is reality, true, when they have no absolute verified foundation for their certainty of the truth or realness of something."
In short, we should be ever questioning our "reality". And Cam Girl is one of those rare books that might force you to do just that.
PLUS, THERE'S AN HEA THAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY-CRY. REJOICE!
Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Pinterest
Okay, so here's the thing. Leah Raeder is a really good friend of mine, but it should be noted that this fact in no way influenced my opinion of this book.
Oh, and it should ALSO be noted that I'm reviewing the version that I beta-read, not the finalized copy. There's a reason for that, which I'll get to a little later in this wine-fueled word vomit.
Maybe?
If I don't, someone please comment and remind me to do so when I sober up.
Thanks in advance.
WARNING: I'M PROBABLY GOING TO OFFEND A FEW PEOPLE HERE.
I'm sorry for that. Truly, I am. It's not my intention, but I recognize the fact that what I'm about to say might come across as slightly...combative? Judgmental even? Oh, Christ, I hope this doesn't come across as patronizing. I swear I have good intentions here.
If it comes across as patronizing, someone please comment and remind me to make it less so when I sober up.
Again, thanks in advance.
THE REVIEW:
In my review for Black Iris, I said:
"This book is dark, guttural. It speaks to that side of yourself you keep hidden from the rest of the world. That reptilian part of your brain that never evolved past fuck, kill, conquer."
I thought that this was enough. That this would warn readers that Black Iris was not a "nice" book. That when I said it was a book of Darkness, I meant it with a capital D.
Judging by some of the shocked reactions I saw to that book, I didn't do a good enough of a job of warning people. So, let me be clear; Leah's books don't hold the kind of "darkness" that can be cured by the feel of rock-hard abs beneath your fingers or an equally stiff dick driving into you. Nor is it the kind of darkness that can be cured by a beautiful set of tits or a woman who makes you mad with lust.
No, this is the darkness we don't talk about. The darkness that dwells at the periphery of your synapses.
I think a reader’s understanding and sympathizing with Raeder's characters is far too often dependent upon their ability to admit certain things about themselves. Those things being how unevolved they still are.
Leah has a way of peeling back the ego and superego to expose our IDs for what they are. She has a way of forcing us to look at the lesser evolved parts of ourselves that might leave some readers feeling overexposed and uncomfortable.
We get an unfiltered, unapologetic look into her character’s minds, and how close their thoughts strike to home can be not only terrifying for some people, but also inadmissible.
This book is no different than Black Iris in that way. So be warned, fellow reader, this book is not for the faint of heart. This book is not light, or fluffy. This book will not distract you from the dark reality of the world we live it, but will remind you of it. This book is not a place you can escape to.
But it is a place that will make you think.
Point in case, there were definitely moments where I struggled with the subject matter here. Before reading this, I was one of those feminists who was staunchly anti-sex trade in all forms, and that included camgirls.
I think a lot of other readers might have as strong of a reaction as I did, because the sex trade is such a polarizing issue. I realize now that what Raeder depicts here is supposed to be awkward and uncomfortable at first, and that makes total sense.
Even as someone who considered herself "against it", I thought Leah did a marvelous job portraying how camming can be about more than objectification. How it can be about someone owning their sexuality, whatever it might be, and choosing how they want to be treated, by whom, and when. It was less about the client's desires and more about Vada's (the main character).
In short, this book forced me to rethink my stance on this issue, which says a lot, because I am one opinionated woman, if you hadn’t already figured that out.
>.<
Um...so, what else did I need to say? Oh, yeah! I'm reviewing the beta book I read. Because this struck so close to home for me that I haven't been in the right mindset to read the finalized version.
So here are my questions to you, fellow reader:
Have you hit rock bottom? Or have you been there for someone who has? Do you possess one of those rare, empathetic souls that leans towards understanding instead of judging? Can you comprehend the desperation that comes with utter hopelessness?
If so, I think you will not only understand this main character, but also sympathize with her in a way that make you ugly-cry. Like I did. Several times.
If not, you may struggle with this book. And that's perfectly okay. But, in my humble opinion, this is one of those rare books that needs to be read no matter which side of those questions you land on.
Because what are beliefs?
"A state of mind in which a person thinks something to be the case, with or without there being empirical evidence to prove that something is the case with factual certainty. In other words, belief is when someone thinks something is reality, true, when they have no absolute verified foundation for their certainty of the truth or realness of something."
In short, we should be ever questioning our "reality". And Cam Girl is one of those rare books that might force you to do just that.
PLUS, THERE'S AN HEA THAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY-CRY. REJOICE!
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Read
November 21, 2015Update: November 20, 2015
Full blog post to come, but I had to share a sneak peek of this with you guys...
Cam Girl got a starred review in Publishers Weekly. Along with Black Iris, that's two stars for me in one year.
Not bad, eh? brb losing my shit
---
Previously:
---
Update: March 31, 2015
Just finished writing this tonight. Can't believe I've written three books for traditional publication already.
Unteachable was brash, impudent, and brave; Black Iris is dark and brutal and uncompromising. But Cam Girl? This one is my new favorite. (That's what writers always say about their current book, jsyk.) This one is sad and sweet, and intensely romantic, and writing the ending made me cry. Apparently I'm going soft in my old age.
I can't wait for you guys to read this in November.
Oh, and it's hella gay. Hella. Gay.
---
(Temporary cover.)
From Publisher's Marketplace:
This one is about obsession, friendship, secrets, the roles we play for each other, the male gaze, sex work, gender identity, disability, and art.
FYI, lots of f/f and other LGBT-spectrum stuff in hyeah.
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/leahraeder/c...
Spotify: http://open.spotify.com/user/leahzero...
Full blog post to come, but I had to share a sneak peek of this with you guys...
Cam Girl got a starred review in Publishers Weekly. Along with Black Iris, that's two stars for me in one year.
Not bad, eh? brb losing my shit
---
Previously:
---
Update: March 31, 2015
Just finished writing this tonight. Can't believe I've written three books for traditional publication already.
Unteachable was brash, impudent, and brave; Black Iris is dark and brutal and uncompromising. But Cam Girl? This one is my new favorite. (That's what writers always say about their current book, jsyk.) This one is sad and sweet, and intensely romantic, and writing the ending made me cry. Apparently I'm going soft in my old age.
I can't wait for you guys to read this in November.
Oh, and it's hella gay. Hella. Gay.
---
(Temporary cover.)
From Publisher's Marketplace:
Leah Raeder's CAMGIRL, about a talented young artist, struggling to make ends meet after a series of catastrophic setbacks, who forges a deep connection with a mysterious client who wants her camgirl performances to himself and who forces her to reconnect with the demons of her past.
This one is about obsession, friendship, secrets, the roles we play for each other, the male gaze, sex work, gender identity, disability, and art.
FYI, lots of f/f and other LGBT-spectrum stuff in hyeah.
Pinterest: http://www.pinterest.com/leahraeder/c...
Spotify: http://open.spotify.com/user/leahzero...
September 10, 2015
3 to 3.5 stars. Posted September 10, 2015.
I remembered to read the acknowledgments and suggest that you'll do the same.
Dear Leah,
I don't mean any offense but I would never have guessed that you are trans (nonbinary, that is). We have exchanged plenty of e-mails and PMs since we met on GR. In hindsight, I'm even more surprised because, without intending to being sexist, I don't think that a man could have written Unteachable the way you pulled it off: the lyrical sound of the story, sparkling with intricate colors, insanely beautiful and laden with a vast sea of intimate feels and emotions, felt, at least to me, distinctively female. So I really looked at you as female and not a mix of both, male and female. See? I'm guilty as charged because I have preconceptions and need to work on it.
I think that in the grand scheme of things it's not important what gender you are. But, on a personal level, and for your own peace of mind, and your happiness, I believe it must mean the world to you. And rightly so. In consequence, when you are stripped down to the essentials, to the bare bones of your identity, it means a lot.
I hope that you can be a beacon amidst the storm as well as a strong and encouraging voice to all those out there who still struggle with themselves and that they may come to terms with who and what they are. All in the hopes that they experience the unconditional love and support they need and deserve to pass that defining bridge and be exactly that person they have every right to be. Or, if they can't and won't be that defined person, they shall be that person who doesn't necessarily fit a gender. Because really, you are okay just as you are.
You have my utmost and sincerest respect for sharing this with us.
Sending you much love and the very best for your personal life and your career as an eclectic author. May your source of inspiration never run dry.
B.
I loved the ethereally beautiful writing. And I loved Max. But I didn't like the main characters and some actions were not ok (it was much, much worse than the lies). They.Were.Not. What she (one of the main characters) did was not excusable and the more I thought about it, the more pissed off I felt. I figured out all the important plot twists but the one that really angered me…I had a hunch but was in constant denial because, again, it was not ok. And when I say it's not ok then that must be the understatement of the year. I was fine with the subject matter as well as the message that was sent off. Gender exploration and how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us is something that needs to be discussed. However, what it comes down to is, that I have decided to not review Cam Girl because reasons.
I ask you to respect my decision.
All quotes are taken from the pre-published copy and may be altered or omitted in the final copy
**ARC courtesy of Atria Books via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review**
********************************************
Pre-reading Cam Girl: The synopsis in gifs...
It’s just a kinky escape from reality until a client gets serious. “Blue” is mysterious, alluring, and more interested in Vada’s life than her body. Online, they chat intimately. Blue helps her heal. And he pays well, but he wants her all to himself. No more cam shows. It’s an easy decision: she’s starting to fall for him. But the steamier it gets, the more she craves the real man behind the keyboard. So Vada pops the question:
Can we meet IRL?
I walked from the patio down to the sea, the whispery sweep of waves like jazz brush drumming. Strands of tinsel moonlight floated on the water. The anxiety and unease in me all gathered into an ache at my elbow and I felt as if I could fire bullets from it, or set it on fire, or rip it out of the socket. Wasn’t sure whether I wanted the badness out or if the badness could stay as long as I escaped. Pain makes a body a prison, the same way desire does.
I remembered to read the acknowledgments and suggest that you'll do the same.
Dear Leah,
I don't mean any offense but I would never have guessed that you are trans (nonbinary, that is). We have exchanged plenty of e-mails and PMs since we met on GR. In hindsight, I'm even more surprised because, without intending to being sexist, I don't think that a man could have written Unteachable the way you pulled it off: the lyrical sound of the story, sparkling with intricate colors, insanely beautiful and laden with a vast sea of intimate feels and emotions, felt, at least to me, distinctively female. So I really looked at you as female and not a mix of both, male and female. See? I'm guilty as charged because I have preconceptions and need to work on it.
I think that in the grand scheme of things it's not important what gender you are. But, on a personal level, and for your own peace of mind, and your happiness, I believe it must mean the world to you. And rightly so. In consequence, when you are stripped down to the essentials, to the bare bones of your identity, it means a lot.
I hope that you can be a beacon amidst the storm as well as a strong and encouraging voice to all those out there who still struggle with themselves and that they may come to terms with who and what they are. All in the hopes that they experience the unconditional love and support they need and deserve to pass that defining bridge and be exactly that person they have every right to be. Or, if they can't and won't be that defined person, they shall be that person who doesn't necessarily fit a gender. Because really, you are okay just as you are.
You have my utmost and sincerest respect for sharing this with us.
Sending you much love and the very best for your personal life and your career as an eclectic author. May your source of inspiration never run dry.
B.
"So, what is art? We take reality, and we filter it through our eyes and minds and hands, and remake it. What comes out is both more and less true than what went in. It illuminates some part of reality just as it obscures other parts. Art is an imperfect impression of the world. As the self is an imperfect impression of the soul."
I loved the ethereally beautiful writing. And I loved Max. But I didn't like the main characters and some actions were not ok (it was much, much worse than the lies). They.Were.Not. What she (one of the main characters) did was not excusable and the more I thought about it, the more pissed off I felt. I figured out all the important plot twists but the one that really angered me…I had a hunch but was in constant denial because, again, it was not ok. And when I say it's not ok then that must be the understatement of the year. I was fine with the subject matter as well as the message that was sent off. Gender exploration and how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us is something that needs to be discussed. However, what it comes down to is, that I have decided to not review Cam Girl because reasons.
I ask you to respect my decision.
All quotes are taken from the pre-published copy and may be altered or omitted in the final copy
**ARC courtesy of Atria Books via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review**
********************************************
Pre-reading Cam Girl: The synopsis in gifs...
It’s just a kinky escape from reality until a client gets serious. “Blue” is mysterious, alluring, and more interested in Vada’s life than her body. Online, they chat intimately. Blue helps her heal. And he pays well, but he wants her all to himself. No more cam shows. It’s an easy decision: she’s starting to fall for him. But the steamier it gets, the more she craves the real man behind the keyboard. So Vada pops the question:
Can we meet IRL?
January 7, 2016
7 Reasons Why You Should Read Cam Girl
1. Cam Girl is intense as fuck, in more ways than one. For one thing, this book does sort of have a mystery aspect to it, which, let me tell 'ya, is a HOLY-MOLY-GIVE-ME-ANSWERS-NOW kind of mystery. It's also intense in a way that Leah Raeder clearly doesn't shy away from the nitty and gritty, and also points out a few of the things many of us don't normally talk or think about.
2. Cam Girl talks about all these societal in social issues in such a raw manner. This book features does of sexism, racism, and of course, cybersex. The good thing is that this book shows the two sides of each coin: that there are people who support these, and that there are people who are against them.
3. Cam Girl is narrated by a realistic heroine. Vada is constantly confused about many things, and sometimes this confusion leads to frustration and anger--anger towards herself, and anger towards the people around her. She had lots of internal conflicts and expressed them through lashing out externally, which is something I think a lot of us do as well.
4. Cam Girl has some pretty epic character development. A lot of the characters are really iffy and make tons of questionable choices in the beginning, but as the novel progresses, you can see their mindsets and actions shifting into much better things.
5. Cam Girl features complex relationships--and you'll loveall most of them. This book is basically the epitome of the "it's complicated" status. There are so many deep relationships in this book that are all woven together perfectly--from romances, to sort-of romances, to friendship, to family ties. This book has all of them, and they all play big roles in the story.
6. Cam Girl is written awesomely. Most of the time, it's written in an easy-to-read and easy-to-get-into conversational tone, which is why I was able to speed through the book, but when Leah describes art and emotional scenes, dammit, everything gets so flowery and beautiful--in an amazing, vivid and colorful way.
7. Cam Girl made me cry in the second chapter. What other book can do that?!
Also, just in case you're wondering, there are two reasons also why this book wasn't a perfect 5-star read for me. The first is that I really, really couldn't ship the main romance. Their relationship was way too toxic for me, and it hurt me to think that they might just continue to hurt each other. The other reason is that I didn't like how the book ended, personally--no spoilers! It just wasn't the ending for me.
All in all, I still highly recommend you to give Cam Girl a try. You won't regret it.
Deadly Darlings | The Social Potato | The Book Geek | Twitter | Instagram
1. Cam Girl is intense as fuck, in more ways than one. For one thing, this book does sort of have a mystery aspect to it, which, let me tell 'ya, is a HOLY-MOLY-GIVE-ME-ANSWERS-NOW kind of mystery. It's also intense in a way that Leah Raeder clearly doesn't shy away from the nitty and gritty, and also points out a few of the things many of us don't normally talk or think about.
2. Cam Girl talks about all these societal in social issues in such a raw manner. This book features does of sexism, racism, and of course, cybersex. The good thing is that this book shows the two sides of each coin: that there are people who support these, and that there are people who are against them.
3. Cam Girl is narrated by a realistic heroine. Vada is constantly confused about many things, and sometimes this confusion leads to frustration and anger--anger towards herself, and anger towards the people around her. She had lots of internal conflicts and expressed them through lashing out externally, which is something I think a lot of us do as well.
4. Cam Girl has some pretty epic character development. A lot of the characters are really iffy and make tons of questionable choices in the beginning, but as the novel progresses, you can see their mindsets and actions shifting into much better things.
5. Cam Girl features complex relationships--and you'll love
6. Cam Girl is written awesomely. Most of the time, it's written in an easy-to-read and easy-to-get-into conversational tone, which is why I was able to speed through the book, but when Leah describes art and emotional scenes, dammit, everything gets so flowery and beautiful--in an amazing, vivid and colorful way.
7. Cam Girl made me cry in the second chapter. What other book can do that?!
Also, just in case you're wondering, there are two reasons also why this book wasn't a perfect 5-star read for me. The first is that I really, really couldn't ship the main romance. Their relationship was way too toxic for me, and it hurt me to think that they might just continue to hurt each other. The other reason is that I didn't like how the book ended, personally--no spoilers! It just wasn't the ending for me.
All in all, I still highly recommend you to give Cam Girl a try. You won't regret it.
Deadly Darlings | The Social Potato | The Book Geek | Twitter | Instagram
December 2, 2020
3 "diamond in the rough" stars !!!
2017 Read Where I Wished I was Editor Award
For the moment, please disregard the 3 star rating.
I am so excited to have discovered Elliot Wake, formerly Leah Raeder who is an extremely talented author who happens to be a trans man and a very handsome one at that. I know, I know the fact that he is handsome is irrelevant but since this is a psychosexual thriller romance I had to mention that as well :)
We raced to the end of the pier, screaming for no other reason than that we are alive. Screaming into the face of this cold universe. Against unkindness, against accidents and inevitabilities. Against the randomness of being born into the wrong body or the wrong family, of hurting the wrong hand. Our voices carried over the water long after we fell silent, mine throaty and brazen, hers an avian shriek. At the pier's edge I collapsed, panting. Ellis sat next to me. For a while we stared out at dark water and clear sky, wild with stars.
Some of the writing is so fresh and alive like this previous paragraph and because of this I know that Mr. Wake can become a phenomenal writer that will straddle the line between literature and mass market psychological thrillers. However, this book is fraught with many challenges and I feel that with more work (and much better editing) that this book could have been a minor post-modern masterpiece !! My name for this phenomenom is The Goldfinch syndrome and don't get me started on that now.
What is absolutely superb about this novel is the genuineness and respect that is presented on Queerness in all its forms both in terms of sexuality and gender fluidity. This book presents the entire rainbow from heterosexual vixens and studs, bisexual sylphs and gnomes to lesbian gender fluid geniuses. They came in all shapes and sizes (ooops freudian slip) and in all skin tones. The love that the author has for his characters comes out in ooodles and oooodles.
Some of the writing is so gorgeous but is very inconsistent and at times highly repetitive. The sex scenes are both disturbing and hot. The mysteries are interesting but are not always sensesical in their resolution. I also struggled with the characters themselves who often were not psychologically consistent and congruent. The love between the two main female characters although very passionate and believable was at times overwrought and histrionic that actually took away from the romantic pathos in the story.
Having said this, however, I am filled with so much hope that this writer will continue to grow and continue with what he does so well but will also take greater care in decreasing repetition, aiming for more psychological congruence in his characters and most of all turn down the volume in his violin section. If he is able to do that these three stars will morph into five and his psychosexual thrillers will be an important contribution to this sometimes maligned genre.
My favorite line in the book :
Sometimes someone says "I love you" so clearly that adding the words would only ruin it.
2017 Read Where I Wished I was Editor Award
For the moment, please disregard the 3 star rating.
I am so excited to have discovered Elliot Wake, formerly Leah Raeder who is an extremely talented author who happens to be a trans man and a very handsome one at that. I know, I know the fact that he is handsome is irrelevant but since this is a psychosexual thriller romance I had to mention that as well :)
We raced to the end of the pier, screaming for no other reason than that we are alive. Screaming into the face of this cold universe. Against unkindness, against accidents and inevitabilities. Against the randomness of being born into the wrong body or the wrong family, of hurting the wrong hand. Our voices carried over the water long after we fell silent, mine throaty and brazen, hers an avian shriek. At the pier's edge I collapsed, panting. Ellis sat next to me. For a while we stared out at dark water and clear sky, wild with stars.
Some of the writing is so fresh and alive like this previous paragraph and because of this I know that Mr. Wake can become a phenomenal writer that will straddle the line between literature and mass market psychological thrillers. However, this book is fraught with many challenges and I feel that with more work (and much better editing) that this book could have been a minor post-modern masterpiece !! My name for this phenomenom is The Goldfinch syndrome and don't get me started on that now.
What is absolutely superb about this novel is the genuineness and respect that is presented on Queerness in all its forms both in terms of sexuality and gender fluidity. This book presents the entire rainbow from heterosexual vixens and studs, bisexual sylphs and gnomes to lesbian gender fluid geniuses. They came in all shapes and sizes (ooops freudian slip) and in all skin tones. The love that the author has for his characters comes out in ooodles and oooodles.
Some of the writing is so gorgeous but is very inconsistent and at times highly repetitive. The sex scenes are both disturbing and hot. The mysteries are interesting but are not always sensesical in their resolution. I also struggled with the characters themselves who often were not psychologically consistent and congruent. The love between the two main female characters although very passionate and believable was at times overwrought and histrionic that actually took away from the romantic pathos in the story.
Having said this, however, I am filled with so much hope that this writer will continue to grow and continue with what he does so well but will also take greater care in decreasing repetition, aiming for more psychological congruence in his characters and most of all turn down the volume in his violin section. If he is able to do that these three stars will morph into five and his psychosexual thrillers will be an important contribution to this sometimes maligned genre.
My favorite line in the book :
Sometimes someone says "I love you" so clearly that adding the words would only ruin it.
October 18, 2016
For the last three days I have been asking myself if I should review this book but in the end, the urge to let the words fly out of my fingers won out.
Here's the thing. I am bisexual. I am a person of colour and I come from a country where homosexuality is a criminal offence which means if I were to make love to my girlfriend, both of our arses would be thrown in jail.
Where's the fairness you ask?
NOT HERE.
I have been attracted to girls ever since I can remember and only in my early teenage years did I start developing an attraction towards boys. But living in the heteronormative society that I do, since childhood I was subconsciously conditioned that marriage means a union between a man and a woman. Not between a woman and a woman. Or a man and a man. I know how our society shames/hates/sidelines the LGBTQ+ community and somewhere down the line, it made me a little internally homophobic too. I have struggled with my sexuality for more than a decade. I constantly denied the fact that I liked girls, felt ashamed of myself because I had such 'impure' sexual thoughts and only recently did I make peace with the fact that I liked both boys and girls.
I have faced biphobia. I have 'friends' at the university who wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole if they knew that I was bi. I have had a (previously) close friend make homophobic comments on my person which made me completely stop talking to her and now we hate each other's guts. (In retrospect, I think I overreacted, but that was just my paranoia) I have had boys ask me for a threesome just because they thought I'd be completely down for it since 'I swing both ways'. I know for a fact that lesbians hesitate in getting into relationships with bisexual girls because they think we are just looking for some fun and would run off the moment a cute boy dropped us a line. (My answer is- NO, I WOULD NEVER. When I am in love, it doesn't matter. I don't think about missing out at all. I only have eyes for that person. ONLY.
I have been called greedy. Confused. On the fence. Promiscuous. Going through a phase. Seeking attention. "Make up your fucking mind." they said. And I'll be honest, it makes me doubt myself. I am not fully out of the closet. My closest circle of friends know and they continue to love me just the same. My mum knows and I don't think she's completely okay with it but she's taking it in stride. We have discussed this in great lengths and she'd prefer it if I ended up marrying a guy because our extended family is conservative and straying from cultural norm is considered taboo. Because this deeply homophobic society would shun me and my future wife.
I could relate to this book on a visceral level because the protagonist felt a lot of things I have felt too. Vada is a 22 year old bisexual POC artist feminist girl like me and although I didn't agree with a lot of her thought processes/actions, I could resonate with her because I know what it feels like to be so madly in love with a person that it seems as if you are drowning. I know what it feels like to be so fiercely protective of someone that their hurt feels like your hurt.
Leah R continues to stump me speechless with her writing style. It's so lyrically beautiful and soft and tender but hard and guttural at the same time. Because she writes from the heart. Because she writes what she knows is true.
It's still an uphill battle. I just hope that I continue to stay true to myself and love fully and truly. That's the only thing that matters.
Here's the thing. I am bisexual. I am a person of colour and I come from a country where homosexuality is a criminal offence which means if I were to make love to my girlfriend, both of our arses would be thrown in jail.
Where's the fairness you ask?
NOT HERE.
I have been attracted to girls ever since I can remember and only in my early teenage years did I start developing an attraction towards boys. But living in the heteronormative society that I do, since childhood I was subconsciously conditioned that marriage means a union between a man and a woman. Not between a woman and a woman. Or a man and a man. I know how our society shames/hates/sidelines the LGBTQ+ community and somewhere down the line, it made me a little internally homophobic too. I have struggled with my sexuality for more than a decade. I constantly denied the fact that I liked girls, felt ashamed of myself because I had such 'impure' sexual thoughts and only recently did I make peace with the fact that I liked both boys and girls.
I have faced biphobia. I have 'friends' at the university who wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole if they knew that I was bi. I have had a (previously) close friend make homophobic comments on my person which made me completely stop talking to her and now we hate each other's guts. (In retrospect, I think I overreacted, but that was just my paranoia) I have had boys ask me for a threesome just because they thought I'd be completely down for it since 'I swing both ways'. I know for a fact that lesbians hesitate in getting into relationships with bisexual girls because they think we are just looking for some fun and would run off the moment a cute boy dropped us a line. (My answer is- NO, I WOULD NEVER. When I am in love, it doesn't matter. I don't think about missing out at all. I only have eyes for that person. ONLY.
I have been called greedy. Confused. On the fence. Promiscuous. Going through a phase. Seeking attention. "Make up your fucking mind." they said. And I'll be honest, it makes me doubt myself. I am not fully out of the closet. My closest circle of friends know and they continue to love me just the same. My mum knows and I don't think she's completely okay with it but she's taking it in stride. We have discussed this in great lengths and she'd prefer it if I ended up marrying a guy because our extended family is conservative and straying from cultural norm is considered taboo. Because this deeply homophobic society would shun me and my future wife.
I could relate to this book on a visceral level because the protagonist felt a lot of things I have felt too. Vada is a 22 year old bisexual POC artist feminist girl like me and although I didn't agree with a lot of her thought processes/actions, I could resonate with her because I know what it feels like to be so madly in love with a person that it seems as if you are drowning. I know what it feels like to be so fiercely protective of someone that their hurt feels like your hurt.
Leah R continues to stump me speechless with her writing style. It's so lyrically beautiful and soft and tender but hard and guttural at the same time. Because she writes from the heart. Because she writes what she knows is true.
It's still an uphill battle. I just hope that I continue to stay true to myself and love fully and truly. That's the only thing that matters.
March 8, 2018
3.5 stars
A car accident ends with one fatality. The remaining survivors are two young women. One remembers everything. The other one doesn’t remember much of anything. Or does she?
This book touched on the topics of bisexuality and gender identity. It’s well written but there was endless push and pull between Vada and Ellis. Hurtful lies and deceptive actions were quietly dismissed after a very long buildup and that’s where this story was most disappointing for me. I loved how multilayered the characters were, how magnetizing the story was, but I wasn’t completely convinced by the end that Vada had followed her heart’s desire.
A car accident ends with one fatality. The remaining survivors are two young women. One remembers everything. The other one doesn’t remember much of anything. Or does she?
This book touched on the topics of bisexuality and gender identity. It’s well written but there was endless push and pull between Vada and Ellis. Hurtful lies and deceptive actions were quietly dismissed after a very long buildup and that’s where this story was most disappointing for me. I loved how multilayered the characters were, how magnetizing the story was, but I wasn’t completely convinced by the end that Vada had followed her heart’s desire.
April 15, 2016
"You know what I learned in all these months? That I built my whole fucking life around you. My entire adult life. Five years. I'm totally lost on my own. You know how terrifying it is, to be that dependent on someone?"
Play Taylor Swift's 1989 while you're reading Cam Girl. Blast it on your stereo, then go for a midnight drive because that's what Raeder's writing makes you feel. Like you're drunk and infinite and glowing neon in the dark.
"Onlookers see the finished result, polished and prettified, but all the artist remembers is the labor. The grueling, gloriously bloody becoming."
If you've read the blurb, you know Cam Girl is about a codependent relationship. Vada and Ellis are like the best friends in Dangerous Girls: unhealthy, destructive, consuming. But also surprising sweet and beautiful.
"Your best friend is your partner, right? The person you've lived with going on five years. Shared your life with. Shared everything with. Matching tattoos, an encyclopedia full of inside jokes, a scrapbook stuffed with memories. The person whose heart you know better than your own."
Without a doubt, Cam Girl is Raeder's fluffiest work. Despite the co-dependence, which didn't bother me at all, it's ultimately about Vada learning to embrace her sexual identity. Raeder never draws clear, defined lines in her work and this is no different. Gender is a spectrum; some days you feel like identifying as a girl, some days a boy.
The protagonist is Mexican, by the way. Someone call Donald Trump an ambulance because he just had a stroke in his stately mansion.
At the same time, Cam Girl is the darkest in Raeder's catalog. We're talking Gillian Flynn level of fuckery.
"Frankie, with her master's degree and scalpel blade of a brain, who took no shame cashing in on her looks till she could do what she really loved: run her own business.
If she didn't feel embarrassed, why should I?"
Sex work is a sensitive subject and it's rarely discussed in YA/NA novels for that reason. Vada works as a cam girl for clients with weird kinks, like choking herself. The narrative doesn't portray sex work as wholly bad or wholly good, sex-positive or slutty low-brow shit—and I like it.
I'm not going to deny it's problematic in some ways, but as long as there's demand, a supply will arise. Female porn actors earn more than their male counterparts; that's the economic aspect taken care of. As long as it's regulated and the workers themselves are content, I don't believe in prohibition.
Hands down, my favorite Raeder work.
March 17, 2016
I'm not a fan of New Adult. Like, at all. There are too many tropes in that territory and I'd rather avoid the trouble. My resignation to read NA stopped last year when I read my first book by Leah Raeder. Since then, I've read her three novels and they've yet to disappoint. They're this kind of book that's both sexy and addresses important themes inside them. In this case, it goes to sex trade by cam girls and the exploration of sexual identity.
But to add more spice to that, there's also a mystery that starts the day Vada has a car accident and her whole life disintegrates before herself. She's an artist that cannot do art anymore and she gets separated from her bestfriend Ellis Carraway. Plus, someone dies that day too. And not to mention Vada's broke, so she has to retort to working as a cam girl. In this job, one of the clients - Blue - wishes to have something more personal with her - something more than just the shows Vada plays before the camera - and to Vada's pleasure (or displeasure) she's becoming attached when she clearly knows she shouldn't.
Readers of Black Iris know the tone in that book was very dark, but this, in contrast to that has a tone filled with more sadness than anything else. The writing has the same charm Raeder's books are known for, that is: Extremely beautiful descriptions that can get a little purple without getting to the point of being awkward. The themes she uses for the metaphors in Cam Girl are art and colours, so the descriptions contain references to artists and drawing techniques. Of course I'm not the biggest expert in that, but it was still a pleasure reading them.
As in all of her books, the characters present are all pro-diversity and sex-positive. Vada, for example, is bisexual, and she sometimes made comments that were impossible to ignore, since they made you stop and wonder how true it was. Most of them were about sexual identity and how people love to put others into categories.
There are all kinds of relationships portrayed in this book: From the intense and consuming, to the sweet, the unhealthy and the dependent to many others. Vada's relationship with Blue, for example, was interesting because even when she didn't know who Blue really was, when they talked were the only moments she felt... free/herself. With Ellis it was intriguing as well, because they had their ups and downs. And with Max too, although I'm not very supportive of him.
Also, I should probably mention Vada is part Puerto Rican. Can I have a yass?
It's so rare I find Latin American characters (and less even protagonists) in books. It's even more rare when they use Spanish correctly - without mixing the verbal conjugations or putting accents where they shouldn't be. In this matter, this book did it almost perfectly. Why "almost"? Because of this:
It's a small thing, I know, but accents are a big deal in Spanish, and putting one in the word that should be spelled azul would earn you awkward faces and probably a not-so-nice reprimand. There were other little pet peeves I had with this, but they had more to do with how natural the phrases sounded than with grammatical errors, so I was more forgiving towards those ones.
The resolution of the mystery was another thing that didn't fully convince me. No, it wasn't predictable, nor was it convenient... or maybe it was? The thing is it felt to me as if Raeder totally forgot there was the whole mystery as to what really happened the night of the accident in all the romance, camming and explorations on sexuality. In few words, the solution was meh and the easiest possible answer as well. Also, the why behind it didn't convince me either.
However, those little complaints don't mean I'm not willing to recommend the book, because as I said, it's an important read, and I think it opens our eyes. And let's not forget the acknowledgements, in which Leah says some beautiful words that made me appreciate what she tried (and did) with the book even more. Hopefully if you read this, it'll make you ponder like it did to me. That's the best these books can offer, trust me. Not the steamy sex or the mystery, but the opportunity to think a little about everything it tells.
But to add more spice to that, there's also a mystery that starts the day Vada has a car accident and her whole life disintegrates before herself. She's an artist that cannot do art anymore and she gets separated from her bestfriend Ellis Carraway. Plus, someone dies that day too. And not to mention Vada's broke, so she has to retort to working as a cam girl. In this job, one of the clients - Blue - wishes to have something more personal with her - something more than just the shows Vada plays before the camera - and to Vada's pleasure (or displeasure) she's becoming attached when she clearly knows she shouldn't.
Readers of Black Iris know the tone in that book was very dark, but this, in contrast to that has a tone filled with more sadness than anything else. The writing has the same charm Raeder's books are known for, that is: Extremely beautiful descriptions that can get a little purple without getting to the point of being awkward. The themes she uses for the metaphors in Cam Girl are art and colours, so the descriptions contain references to artists and drawing techniques. Of course I'm not the biggest expert in that, but it was still a pleasure reading them.
As in all of her books, the characters present are all pro-diversity and sex-positive. Vada, for example, is bisexual, and she sometimes made comments that were impossible to ignore, since they made you stop and wonder how true it was. Most of them were about sexual identity and how people love to put others into categories.
It was easier, picking a side. Not fighting to be recognized as a fluid, nuanced individual, but simply accepting a premade label, a prefab identity.
There are all kinds of relationships portrayed in this book: From the intense and consuming, to the sweet, the unhealthy and the dependent to many others. Vada's relationship with Blue, for example, was interesting because even when she didn't know who Blue really was, when they talked were the only moments she felt... free/herself. With Ellis it was intriguing as well, because they had their ups and downs. And with Max too, although I'm not very supportive of him.
Also, I should probably mention Vada is part Puerto Rican. Can I have a yass?
It's so rare I find Latin American characters (and less even protagonists) in books. It's even more rare when they use Spanish correctly - without mixing the verbal conjugations or putting accents where they shouldn't be. In this matter, this book did it almost perfectly. Why "almost"? Because of this:
"Azúl," I said, kneeling behind her. "Azúl infinito."
It's a small thing, I know, but accents are a big deal in Spanish, and putting one in the word that should be spelled azul would earn you awkward faces and probably a not-so-nice reprimand. There were other little pet peeves I had with this, but they had more to do with how natural the phrases sounded than with grammatical errors, so I was more forgiving towards those ones.
The resolution of the mystery was another thing that didn't fully convince me. No, it wasn't predictable, nor was it convenient... or maybe it was? The thing is it felt to me as if Raeder totally forgot there was the whole mystery as to what really happened the night of the accident in all the romance, camming and explorations on sexuality. In few words, the solution was meh and the easiest possible answer as well. Also, the why behind it didn't convince me either.
However, those little complaints don't mean I'm not willing to recommend the book, because as I said, it's an important read, and I think it opens our eyes. And let's not forget the acknowledgements, in which Leah says some beautiful words that made me appreciate what she tried (and did) with the book even more. Hopefully if you read this, it'll make you ponder like it did to me. That's the best these books can offer, trust me. Not the steamy sex or the mystery, but the opportunity to think a little about everything it tells.
October 5, 2015
3 to 3.5 stars.
I'm sorry but it seems to me that I have once again made a mess with the different editions. You can find my "review" here:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
I'm sorry but it seems to me that I have once again made a mess with the different editions. You can find my "review" here:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
Want to read
October 9, 2015Denied the ARC, so someone let me know when this moment happens:
September 12, 2015
Fucking glorious. Review to come soon, but guys, do yourselves a favor and preorder this gem!
February 2, 2016
“You can fall in love again with someone you're already in love with. It's like waking from a dream within a dream and finding another layer, the colors more vivid, the light more lucid, the fantasy more real. Being in love is an endless loop of waking to reverie.”
Last year I read Unteachable by Leah Raeder and fell in love with her lyrical and incredible writing;so poetic and beautiful that I just couldn't put it down. And after reading this book,I can say that she is one of my favorite authors when it comes to New Adult genre.
This book is very intense.The story starts off with an accident which changes everything between Vada and Ellis. The story gets dark when Vada takes up a job as a Cam Girl. In this book both Ellis and Vada-mostly Vada-struggles with gender identity and their sexuality.
“If there's a better definition of love than mutual benevolent insanity, I haven't heard it.”
Cam Girl is not only about love because Vada and Ellis's relationship goes way beyond than that. I loved their cute banter,their fights,their love for each other which was so deep that they would do anything to keep the other from being hurt.And the feels! God,so many feels! Their relationship seemed real even with its flaws,and that's what made it so beautiful.
Even though the characters were messed up,little bit unlikable-I didn't like Vada in many situations,the story was powerful enough to keep reading it.The story can be predictable,but in between all those emotions,mysteries,and most of all-author's beautiful writing,it's hardly an issue.
The most interesting character was Blue,and despite assuming correctly who that person was,it was still shocking the way it was revealed. The ending was actually very unexpected,because even though I know what this book is about,nothing would have prepared me for the ending;and that is not just about the main characters,I also liked the ending to the story of Max.Then there was also an author's note which was very emotional and worth reading.
Overall,I loved this book.And the only reason for giving it 4 stars instead of 5 is that some things were repetitive.
“Not a boy or a girl, not any binary, rigid definition of a person. Just my everything.”
Last year I read Unteachable by Leah Raeder and fell in love with her lyrical and incredible writing;so poetic and beautiful that I just couldn't put it down. And after reading this book,I can say that she is one of my favorite authors when it comes to New Adult genre.
This book is very intense.The story starts off with an accident which changes everything between Vada and Ellis. The story gets dark when Vada takes up a job as a Cam Girl. In this book both Ellis and Vada-mostly Vada-struggles with gender identity and their sexuality.
“If there's a better definition of love than mutual benevolent insanity, I haven't heard it.”
Cam Girl is not only about love because Vada and Ellis's relationship goes way beyond than that. I loved their cute banter,their fights,their love for each other which was so deep that they would do anything to keep the other from being hurt.And the feels! God,so many feels! Their relationship seemed real even with its flaws,and that's what made it so beautiful.
Even though the characters were messed up,little bit unlikable-I didn't like Vada in many situations,the story was powerful enough to keep reading it.The story can be predictable,but in between all those emotions,mysteries,and most of all-author's beautiful writing,it's hardly an issue.
The most interesting character was Blue,and despite assuming correctly who that person was,it was still shocking the way it was revealed. The ending was actually very unexpected,because even though I know what this book is about,nothing would have prepared me for the ending;and that is not just about the main characters,I also liked the ending to the story of Max.Then there was also an author's note which was very emotional and worth reading.
Overall,I loved this book.And the only reason for giving it 4 stars instead of 5 is that some things were repetitive.
“Not a boy or a girl, not any binary, rigid definition of a person. Just my everything.”
February 25, 2016
Pre-read: Ye Gods, I really, really, really want to read this book.
Edit: Might as well start doing my happy dance ahead of time because I got a galley today, guys. Whoo-hoo! *dance, dance, dances*
This will be read in due haste.
Post-read: Finished this a while back, but marking it for today. I honestly wish more NA books could have this skill, depth, and intrigue. I really liked Cam Girl. Still debating on my reflection and rating though. 4 stars will probably be what I settle on.
Edit: Might as well start doing my happy dance ahead of time because I got a galley today, guys. Whoo-hoo! *dance, dance, dances*
This will be read in due haste.
Post-read: Finished this a while back, but marking it for today. I honestly wish more NA books could have this skill, depth, and intrigue. I really liked Cam Girl. Still debating on my reflection and rating though. 4 stars will probably be what I settle on.
Want to read
February 1, 2015Because Leah. Obviously.
November 10, 2015
Cam Girl isn’t what I expected, but I can’t say I didn’t find beauty in Vada’s story. What I expected when I picked up Cam Girl was the story about a girl who was broken beyond repair and turned to camming as a last resort. I expected a girl that found herself and love in the boy she met online. While some of that is true, the ending and delivery was completely unexpected.
Vada is bisexual and the story begins after she wakes up from a fatal car accident. There are flashbacks to the accident and we learn that Vada was with her girlfriend and best friend Ellis. In the accident they hit another driver, a young guy who was ejected from the vehicle and died immediately. Prior to the accident Vada and Ellis were not in a good place and this accident just escalated their ending.
Vada finds herself emotionally and physically broken after the accident. Due to her injuries from the car accident she can no longer draw, which was her life and way of expressing herself. She was a graduate art student, but now she isn’t sure where or how to continue. She is overcome with guilt and a skeleton of the person she used to be when she receives an invitation to be a cam girl.
This is not even the gist of the story, things run so much deeper and the way everything unfolds is unexpected. I had so many speculations while reading and while somethings did happen as predicted I was always just half correct in my assumptions.
I honestly can’t relate with this situations in this book, but I while reading it I was heartbroken for the people who experience these feelings and emotions. I can’t imagine feeling these things, feeling alone, lost and misunderstood. Not having people to relate to or discuss things with, or worse having the people who should love you best shun you. So again, while this isn’t my typical read I can’t deny the feelings I felt while reading Cam Girl. I can’t deny that this book made me think and empathize with others and their struggles.
ARC kindly provided in exchange for an honest review.
Vada is bisexual and the story begins after she wakes up from a fatal car accident. There are flashbacks to the accident and we learn that Vada was with her girlfriend and best friend Ellis. In the accident they hit another driver, a young guy who was ejected from the vehicle and died immediately. Prior to the accident Vada and Ellis were not in a good place and this accident just escalated their ending.
Maybe we needed to break a little, so we could put ourselves back together more beautifully than before.
Vada finds herself emotionally and physically broken after the accident. Due to her injuries from the car accident she can no longer draw, which was her life and way of expressing herself. She was a graduate art student, but now she isn’t sure where or how to continue. She is overcome with guilt and a skeleton of the person she used to be when she receives an invitation to be a cam girl.
This is not even the gist of the story, things run so much deeper and the way everything unfolds is unexpected. I had so many speculations while reading and while somethings did happen as predicted I was always just half correct in my assumptions.
I honestly can’t relate with this situations in this book, but I while reading it I was heartbroken for the people who experience these feelings and emotions. I can’t imagine feeling these things, feeling alone, lost and misunderstood. Not having people to relate to or discuss things with, or worse having the people who should love you best shun you. So again, while this isn’t my typical read I can’t deny the feelings I felt while reading Cam Girl. I can’t deny that this book made me think and empathize with others and their struggles.
ARC kindly provided in exchange for an honest review.
November 3, 2015
THIS BOOK IS RELEASED TODAY
YOU SHOULD GO BUY IT
Leah Raeder books are notoriously difficult for me to rate and review so you'll have to excuse my slight tendency to jump around or ramble. I think that may just be my honest reaction to her stories. Frequently the subject matter ventures dangerously close to where I draw my line, I never agree with the actions of the MC, and most of the time I don't even approve of the ending.
But I will continue to read everything Leah writes.
I know, I'm probably confusing the hell of of anyone trying to read this review, but there is a reason so stick with me for a minute.
This book is about a young woman who has lost everything that mattered to her. Vada is depressed... She is filled with guilt, self-doubt, aching loss...
She's broken.
But this book is also about struggling to figure out who you really are and what that means for your life. So few of us are born with a strong sense of self, it takes years to flesh out your beliefs and sense of identity. And we are deeply impacted by those around us that tell us what is acceptable and what to hide away for our own good. This theme plays out with practically every character in Cam Girl.
I don't think it's any secret that this book involves the sex trade industry and because I was reading a paperback arc during a cross country flight there was no hiding what I was reading. I'm pretty sure everyone except my friend Abby knows what a Cam Girl does so while sitting in the airport I don't think I was imagining a few pointed looks, not to mention the questions from the girl next to me on my return flight when she saw how flushed my face was after reading a certain scene towards the end of the book. What I didn't expect was how little the scenes would bother me. Strangely, they made me a bit uncomfortable at times, but I wonder if that was because of my own feelings towards the acts depicted in the story or because I felt like I too was on display while reading about it.
As I mentioned before I frequently don't like/agree with the main characters of Leah's books. Vada is no exception. I honestly wanted to punch her for not seeing what was in front of her face, and for being weak when the person that meant the most to her needed her to be strong. She made horrible selfish choices, conducted herself in ways that i would never even consider, and kept secrets that protected no one but herself and caused a wall to be built between her and the rest of the world.
I also mentioned that despite my feelings for *every* Raeder MC I will continue to read her books, there are several reasons why I feel so confident about that statement.
Leah Raeder writes in the most sensually beautiful style. I heard her voice once on a pod cast and now I have her voice in my head whenever I read her words, it's a very heady combination, and Leah if you ever read this review, you should know I totally have a crush on you. I could quote lines from her books all day and live in the lyrical way they float through my head long after I'm finished with the book. For that surreal sensation alone I would throw my money at every book that she puts out, but that's not the only reason.
Leah's characters are very compelling, complex, and authentic. I may not agree with them, or even like them, but they feel very real. And I love when I can find characters in literature that jump off of the page for me.
On a personal note...
Several of the characters in this book engage in their own versions of searching for personal acceptance, personal forgiveness, and individual identity. They all deal with their search in different ways. I have watched friends take their own journeys similar to both Vada and Ellis, and it's not easy. The lies that are told to themselves and others become their own version bubble wrap but the more they bounce around and pop that cushion the less there was to protect them from reality. Eventually there is nothing left but the truth you have to face. Leah has done a magnificent job of shedding light on how hard it is to accept your own identity and she has created a space online through a facebook page that is full of love, light, and support. People share the stories of their struggles and other group members rush in to prop them back up so they can continue their journey. There is so much positivity that comes through that page in addition to talking about the books that I urge anyone that is dealing with trying to find themselves to look into joining that group.
Raeder Readers
"You are okay just as you are"
In full disclosure I did receive a free ARC copy of this book from the author through a contest on her facebook page. It did not influence my review in any way.
Hey guess what... No seriously, GUESS WHAT???
Leah Raeder is THE BEST. I won a contest on her facebook page and I got signed copies of Unteachable, Black Iris, AND CAM GIRL.
I came home from a 12 hour workday to find the best care package EVER.
My excitement knows no bounds.
04/29/15
Annnd it's already pre-ordered because NEEDS
...
I'll just wait right here til this one is ready
YOU SHOULD GO BUY IT
Leah Raeder books are notoriously difficult for me to rate and review so you'll have to excuse my slight tendency to jump around or ramble. I think that may just be my honest reaction to her stories. Frequently the subject matter ventures dangerously close to where I draw my line, I never agree with the actions of the MC, and most of the time I don't even approve of the ending.
But I will continue to read everything Leah writes.
I know, I'm probably confusing the hell of of anyone trying to read this review, but there is a reason so stick with me for a minute.
This book is about a young woman who has lost everything that mattered to her. Vada is depressed... She is filled with guilt, self-doubt, aching loss...
She's broken.
But this book is also about struggling to figure out who you really are and what that means for your life. So few of us are born with a strong sense of self, it takes years to flesh out your beliefs and sense of identity. And we are deeply impacted by those around us that tell us what is acceptable and what to hide away for our own good. This theme plays out with practically every character in Cam Girl.
I don't think it's any secret that this book involves the sex trade industry and because I was reading a paperback arc during a cross country flight there was no hiding what I was reading. I'm pretty sure everyone except my friend Abby knows what a Cam Girl does so while sitting in the airport I don't think I was imagining a few pointed looks, not to mention the questions from the girl next to me on my return flight when she saw how flushed my face was after reading a certain scene towards the end of the book. What I didn't expect was how little the scenes would bother me. Strangely, they made me a bit uncomfortable at times, but I wonder if that was because of my own feelings towards the acts depicted in the story or because I felt like I too was on display while reading about it.
As I mentioned before I frequently don't like/agree with the main characters of Leah's books. Vada is no exception. I honestly wanted to punch her for not seeing what was in front of her face, and for being weak when the person that meant the most to her needed her to be strong. She made horrible selfish choices, conducted herself in ways that i would never even consider, and kept secrets that protected no one but herself and caused a wall to be built between her and the rest of the world.
I also mentioned that despite my feelings for *every* Raeder MC I will continue to read her books, there are several reasons why I feel so confident about that statement.
Leah Raeder writes in the most sensually beautiful style. I heard her voice once on a pod cast and now I have her voice in my head whenever I read her words, it's a very heady combination, and Leah if you ever read this review, you should know I totally have a crush on you. I could quote lines from her books all day and live in the lyrical way they float through my head long after I'm finished with the book. For that surreal sensation alone I would throw my money at every book that she puts out, but that's not the only reason.
Leah's characters are very compelling, complex, and authentic. I may not agree with them, or even like them, but they feel very real. And I love when I can find characters in literature that jump off of the page for me.
On a personal note...
Several of the characters in this book engage in their own versions of searching for personal acceptance, personal forgiveness, and individual identity. They all deal with their search in different ways. I have watched friends take their own journeys similar to both Vada and Ellis, and it's not easy. The lies that are told to themselves and others become their own version bubble wrap but the more they bounce around and pop that cushion the less there was to protect them from reality. Eventually there is nothing left but the truth you have to face. Leah has done a magnificent job of shedding light on how hard it is to accept your own identity and she has created a space online through a facebook page that is full of love, light, and support. People share the stories of their struggles and other group members rush in to prop them back up so they can continue their journey. There is so much positivity that comes through that page in addition to talking about the books that I urge anyone that is dealing with trying to find themselves to look into joining that group.
Raeder Readers
"You are okay just as you are"
In full disclosure I did receive a free ARC copy of this book from the author through a contest on her facebook page. It did not influence my review in any way.
Hey guess what... No seriously, GUESS WHAT???
Leah Raeder is THE BEST. I won a contest on her facebook page and I got signed copies of Unteachable, Black Iris, AND CAM GIRL.
I came home from a 12 hour workday to find the best care package EVER.
My excitement knows no bounds.
04/29/15
Annnd it's already pre-ordered because NEEDS
...
I'll just wait right here til this one is ready
Want to read
October 24, 2014A new Leah Raeder book!
...I just found mine :)
...I just found mine :)
November 10, 2015
ARC provided by publisher in exchange for an honest review
Bold. Heartbreaking. Emotional. Captivating. Brazen. Sensual.Thought provoking. Leah Raeder is one of those gifted authors who continually knows how to spellbind her readers with her beautiful prose and raw characters. CAM GIRL is unlike any story that I have read. It is bold, risky, raw, gritty and emotionally consuming.
CAM GIRL pushes boundaries and allows readers to explore their sexuality. It is a story that makes you question and reflect on your own sexuality, identity, and heart. This book begs you to look really inside yourself. To question what is the truth and what are the lies we keep we telling ourselves and others. Though CAM GIRL may have a romance aspect as it's main emphasis, this book was so much more. It had many layers and undertones of suspense, raw emotions, and secrets woven into the storyline to paint a bigger picture. Like any artwork, Leah Raeder paints a bold literary creation that will leave a lasting impression. It is often said to let the work speak for itself and so Ms. Raeder will hold you hostage as you are immersed with loss, pain, heartache, and a new found sense of love, hope, and finding oneself.
Review can also be found on Four Chicks Flipping Pages: http://fourchicksflippingpages.weebly...Leah Raeder
Bold. Heartbreaking. Emotional. Captivating. Brazen. Sensual.Thought provoking. Leah Raeder is one of those gifted authors who continually knows how to spellbind her readers with her beautiful prose and raw characters. CAM GIRL is unlike any story that I have read. It is bold, risky, raw, gritty and emotionally consuming.
CAM GIRL pushes boundaries and allows readers to explore their sexuality. It is a story that makes you question and reflect on your own sexuality, identity, and heart. This book begs you to look really inside yourself. To question what is the truth and what are the lies we keep we telling ourselves and others. Though CAM GIRL may have a romance aspect as it's main emphasis, this book was so much more. It had many layers and undertones of suspense, raw emotions, and secrets woven into the storyline to paint a bigger picture. Like any artwork, Leah Raeder paints a bold literary creation that will leave a lasting impression. It is often said to let the work speak for itself and so Ms. Raeder will hold you hostage as you are immersed with loss, pain, heartache, and a new found sense of love, hope, and finding oneself.
Review can also be found on Four Chicks Flipping Pages: http://fourchicksflippingpages.weebly...Leah Raeder
November 29, 2016
This book is exactly what is seems - an erotic new adult novel about a webcam girl, with some dark themes and gender/sexuality discussion - but it's also so much more than that, a depth I haven't seen in new adult since...well, the last book I had the pleasure of reading from this author!
"Sometimes I bought into the black-and-white mentality, too. It was easier, picking a side. Not fighting to be recognised as a fluid, nuanced individual, but simply accepting a premade label, a prefab identity."
You get immediately get sucked into Vada's life and her struggles with her sexuality, career, relationships, physical limitations and guilt. Basically Vada and her best friend/girlfriend Ellis were in an accident that ended tragically, leaving Vada emotionally and physically affected. Throughout the story, we get flashes from the past and gradually get insight into the truth of all that went down that day.
But besides the accident, we have the present day storyline, which has Vada working in the sex trade, a career that tends to have a negative connotation. We get to see both sides of the webcam world, which is powerful - the intense and creepy you expect, but also the control and empowerment cammers can feel.
If dealing with her job choice and people's idea of her isn't enough, Vada is also struggling with a lot more- her sexuality being at the forefront. We see Vada struggle with her own vs. her mom vs. Ellis vs. society's idea of who and what she is meant to be attracted to, and trying to figure out just how to identify. She is all about Ellis, but then "Blue" comes into her life, an extremely possessive webcam client who wants Vada all to himself - and she feels a connection to him like never before.
All the characters, from the major roles to the minor ones, were done well and written so thoughtfully that it's hard to choose a favourite. Surprisingly, this didn't overall feel a book about Vada - it felt more about the people in her life, especially Ellis, who is going through a lot of her own struggles. Seeing Ellis from Vada's perspective was the most interesting and moving part for me, and while yes Vada was a complex and interesting character all on her own, I found myself more interested in the people she interacted with.
The writing in this book was solid yet again - the use of such beautiful language, the kind we got from Black Iris - but mixed with really purposeful wording and important topics. Everything flowed together so well, and never felt like its intent was to educate - yet it really did bring up under spoken about subjects and under represented characters and handled them in such a great way. There are conversations about the sex trade, sexuality, gender identity, gender roles, women of colour, people with disabilities and many more- the book opens up conversation and let me dive into topics I maybe don't think about as much as I should.
"Girls are taught that our bodies are currency, that we owe them to men for being nice to us, for giving unasked gifts to us, for not assaulting and raping us."
The way this was written felt a little like a mystery, I was trying to connect the dots, and kept convincing and unconvincing myself of who was pretending to be who and what really happened during the accident. Not that Cam Girl is necessarily full of twists and shocks, but I still got that edge-of-your-seat feeling and really enjoyed the pace and depth to the story. Predictable or not, the reveals are not what make the story - but the journey to get there - the devastating pain and the great love - beautifully woven together by the author.
This galley was provided by Atria - thank you!
"Sometimes I bought into the black-and-white mentality, too. It was easier, picking a side. Not fighting to be recognised as a fluid, nuanced individual, but simply accepting a premade label, a prefab identity."
You get immediately get sucked into Vada's life and her struggles with her sexuality, career, relationships, physical limitations and guilt. Basically Vada and her best friend/girlfriend Ellis were in an accident that ended tragically, leaving Vada emotionally and physically affected. Throughout the story, we get flashes from the past and gradually get insight into the truth of all that went down that day.
But besides the accident, we have the present day storyline, which has Vada working in the sex trade, a career that tends to have a negative connotation. We get to see both sides of the webcam world, which is powerful - the intense and creepy you expect, but also the control and empowerment cammers can feel.
If dealing with her job choice and people's idea of her isn't enough, Vada is also struggling with a lot more- her sexuality being at the forefront. We see Vada struggle with her own vs. her mom vs. Ellis vs. society's idea of who and what she is meant to be attracted to, and trying to figure out just how to identify. She is all about Ellis, but then "Blue" comes into her life, an extremely possessive webcam client who wants Vada all to himself - and she feels a connection to him like never before.
All the characters, from the major roles to the minor ones, were done well and written so thoughtfully that it's hard to choose a favourite. Surprisingly, this didn't overall feel a book about Vada - it felt more about the people in her life, especially Ellis, who is going through a lot of her own struggles. Seeing Ellis from Vada's perspective was the most interesting and moving part for me, and while yes Vada was a complex and interesting character all on her own, I found myself more interested in the people she interacted with.
The writing in this book was solid yet again - the use of such beautiful language, the kind we got from Black Iris - but mixed with really purposeful wording and important topics. Everything flowed together so well, and never felt like its intent was to educate - yet it really did bring up under spoken about subjects and under represented characters and handled them in such a great way. There are conversations about the sex trade, sexuality, gender identity, gender roles, women of colour, people with disabilities and many more- the book opens up conversation and let me dive into topics I maybe don't think about as much as I should.
"Girls are taught that our bodies are currency, that we owe them to men for being nice to us, for giving unasked gifts to us, for not assaulting and raping us."
The way this was written felt a little like a mystery, I was trying to connect the dots, and kept convincing and unconvincing myself of who was pretending to be who and what really happened during the accident. Not that Cam Girl is necessarily full of twists and shocks, but I still got that edge-of-your-seat feeling and really enjoyed the pace and depth to the story. Predictable or not, the reveals are not what make the story - but the journey to get there - the devastating pain and the great love - beautifully woven together by the author.
This galley was provided by Atria - thank you!
March 27, 2016
I never know what to say about a Leah Raeder novel. It made me uncomfortable. It was difficult to read because I kept wanting to stop, to leave these messy, unlikable characters with their dark flaws in the pages of the book. It made me think, late into the night, unable to make sense of myself, the characters, or the world. And all of these are good. It is so rare to find a book that makes me reflect, that forces me to take a long time anguishing over the language, that genuinely shoves me outside of my comfort zone.
I both love and hate Raeder for her ability to do this; I relate to aspects of her novels, always, but I always want them to be a little less dark and messy and them so they can fit into the tropes I know and am comfortable with. I am so very glad that Raeder does not do this disservice. Not to me and not to her readers. She writes the stories she wants to write--the stories she wishes were being told--and I applaud her for that. Plus, her prose is gorgeous and the topics she tackles are hard-hitting and challenging to understand and discuss in a complex manner, which she always manages to do. It's so rare to see queer characters--those who identify along the spectrum of "queer" and do not always fit into the categories of LGBT but rather LGBTQIA--and I am so grateful that Raeder writes the diverse stories she does.
This doesn't mean that I loved Cam Girl without reservation or would even read it again--I wouldn't--but it does mean that it made me re-consider a wide range of topics I simply hadn't spent too much time thinking about. Whether it be gender, sexuality, or the sex trade, Raeder covers so much in this novel--densely packing it with meaning and feeling--and I can't really describe or fully discuss it without ruining the story. Raeder almost has too much going on--Vada, the main character loses function of her right hand in a car accident, disabling her for life and ending the career she thought she had as an artist. But Vada is also in love with her best friend, Ellis, yet she clings on to the hope of a future where she marries a man. And then Vada and Ellis have a falling out--over Vada, the accident, the true story of that night--and Vada is approached by two young entrepreneurs to cam for them. From there, the story only gets more complicated--Vada's empowerment and agency through her role as a cam girl, her feelings for Ellis which won't abate, her involvement with Max, the father of the boy who was killed the night of the accident, and then her late-night chats with "Blue" who pays her for her time and thoughts, not her camming skills.
It's intense, it's messy, and I wish Raeder had taken on a little less, only so that I could fully wrap my mind around it all. But, it works. It definitely works and its message is strong, beautiful, and full of hope. Needless to say, for readers familiar with Raeder's work and her brand of dark--as in mentally, emotionally dark, going to places you won't be familiar with, necessarily--and fans of Black Iris, Raeder's latest is definitely up your alley. I'd suggest readers new to Raeder's work to pick up Unteachable first--it's the most heteronormative and familiar of her works to other New Adult tropes--but if you're looking for New Adult that explores disability and difficult topics of LGBTQIA then this is a must-read. I don't look forward, necessarily, to what Raeder is putting out next but I'm eager to pick up yet another thought-provoking, emotional read by her.
I both love and hate Raeder for her ability to do this; I relate to aspects of her novels, always, but I always want them to be a little less dark and messy and them so they can fit into the tropes I know and am comfortable with. I am so very glad that Raeder does not do this disservice. Not to me and not to her readers. She writes the stories she wants to write--the stories she wishes were being told--and I applaud her for that. Plus, her prose is gorgeous and the topics she tackles are hard-hitting and challenging to understand and discuss in a complex manner, which she always manages to do. It's so rare to see queer characters--those who identify along the spectrum of "queer" and do not always fit into the categories of LGBT but rather LGBTQIA--and I am so grateful that Raeder writes the diverse stories she does.
This doesn't mean that I loved Cam Girl without reservation or would even read it again--I wouldn't--but it does mean that it made me re-consider a wide range of topics I simply hadn't spent too much time thinking about. Whether it be gender, sexuality, or the sex trade, Raeder covers so much in this novel--densely packing it with meaning and feeling--and I can't really describe or fully discuss it without ruining the story. Raeder almost has too much going on--Vada, the main character loses function of her right hand in a car accident, disabling her for life and ending the career she thought she had as an artist. But Vada is also in love with her best friend, Ellis, yet she clings on to the hope of a future where she marries a man. And then Vada and Ellis have a falling out--over Vada, the accident, the true story of that night--and Vada is approached by two young entrepreneurs to cam for them. From there, the story only gets more complicated--Vada's empowerment and agency through her role as a cam girl, her feelings for Ellis which won't abate, her involvement with Max, the father of the boy who was killed the night of the accident, and then her late-night chats with "Blue" who pays her for her time and thoughts, not her camming skills.
It's intense, it's messy, and I wish Raeder had taken on a little less, only so that I could fully wrap my mind around it all. But, it works. It definitely works and its message is strong, beautiful, and full of hope. Needless to say, for readers familiar with Raeder's work and her brand of dark--as in mentally, emotionally dark, going to places you won't be familiar with, necessarily--and fans of Black Iris, Raeder's latest is definitely up your alley. I'd suggest readers new to Raeder's work to pick up Unteachable first--it's the most heteronormative and familiar of her works to other New Adult tropes--but if you're looking for New Adult that explores disability and difficult topics of LGBTQIA then this is a must-read. I don't look forward, necessarily, to what Raeder is putting out next but I'm eager to pick up yet another thought-provoking, emotional read by her.
January 9, 2016
* Buddy-Read Review with Beatrix posted on Way Too Hot Books.
Dark, raw, thought-provoking, erotic, poignant, inspiring... but above all beautifully written. It's such a complex, powerful and skilfully written story that makes me feeling inadequate to even write a review about it, that's why I'll keep it short. I thought it will be pretty impossible to dethrone Black Iris, but L. Raeder has yet again stolen a piece of my heart with Cam Girl and set the level much higher for my every next read. As always the synopsis does not do justice to her books and it's better to dive into it without any prior knowledge.
I won't say anything about the plot, because if you're familiar with this author's work you are aware that she is the master of mindfucks and this book is another one of those, meaning the less you know the better the reading expirience, so stay away from potential spoilerish reviews. All I can say that it's the type of a book which will make you question and give another, inside perspective about themes such as self-discovery, sexuality and genders in general. Knowing some background about the author I feel as if she has given us a sneak-a-peak of her soul. The book deserves 5 stars soley taking into consideration the superb writing style. It finds itself already on my top-reads-of-2016 shelf. That says it all. Highly recommended to every fan of dark, suspensful, steamy and thought-provoking mindfucks which will keep you second-guessing till the very end.
Her next book is due on May 31st 2016 and the only info we know it will be about one of the characters from Black Iris and Cam Girl. From the title itself I have my suspicion who will it be and can not freaking wait!
As the tradition requires it- buddy-read with my girl Beatrix! <3
"All art comes from pain."
Dark, raw, thought-provoking, erotic, poignant, inspiring... but above all beautifully written. It's such a complex, powerful and skilfully written story that makes me feeling inadequate to even write a review about it, that's why I'll keep it short. I thought it will be pretty impossible to dethrone Black Iris, but L. Raeder has yet again stolen a piece of my heart with Cam Girl and set the level much higher for my every next read. As always the synopsis does not do justice to her books and it's better to dive into it without any prior knowledge.
"My love is savage and rapacious. It isn't content to touch. It wants to be inside, crawl into the marrow, caress each vein until the cells are all mixed up and there is no you and me anymore, no secrets or shadows sliding between our skin. Only this endless devouring of each other."
I won't say anything about the plot, because if you're familiar with this author's work you are aware that she is the master of mindfucks and this book is another one of those, meaning the less you know the better the reading expirience, so stay away from potential spoilerish reviews. All I can say that it's the type of a book which will make you question and give another, inside perspective about themes such as self-discovery, sexuality and genders in general. Knowing some background about the author I feel as if she has given us a sneak-a-peak of her soul. The book deserves 5 stars soley taking into consideration the superb writing style. It finds itself already on my top-reads-of-2016 shelf. That says it all. Highly recommended to every fan of dark, suspensful, steamy and thought-provoking mindfucks which will keep you second-guessing till the very end.
Her next book is due on May 31st 2016 and the only info we know it will be about one of the characters from Black Iris and Cam Girl. From the title itself I have my suspicion who will it be and can not freaking wait!
"If two people could make each other smile and laugh and forget all the pain and darkness in the world for a moment, why should we feel ashamed of it?"
As the tradition requires it- buddy-read with my girl Beatrix! <3
January 29, 2016
**Buddy-Review with *P*u*r*p*l*e* Masochist posted on Way Too Hot Books.**
Once upon a time (okay, when I read Unteachable) I fell in love with Leah Raeder’s words. And ever since, I await her next novel with delightful anticipation. It’s like (s)he has this deep, profound relationship with words, and we, as readers, should feel lucky we get to read what comes out of her/his pen. (S)he is an artist, just like Vada, MC of this novel.
Cam Girl is another beautifully written novel, and one which raises a lot of important issues, main one being our preconceived notions about gender and sexuality. Masterfully portrayed, Cam Girl is a novel I will for sure recommend to many people!
Now, one may wonder, if I loved it so much why not give 5 stars? Well, the reason for that is that I loved Unteachable and Black Iris just a bit more. Plus, there were some parts that I found to be too slow. During the middle part there was also too much focus on Vada and Eliis’ relationship drama, which was also repetitive, same fight over and over.
On the other note, can I just say how happy I was that my favorite psycho made an appearance! (Zoeller, whom you may know from BI)
“I’ve always cared deeply about the Earth. I want it to be pretty for the day I assume control.”
Overall, despite some of my hang-ups, I think Cam Girl is a great novel, one that deserves praise and recognition. Firstly, the writing style will always be my favorite thing about Raeder’s novels, and secondly, the topics (s)he chooses.
Therefore, all I can say is – cannot wait for Bad Boy now!
What a strange world where we pay people to listen to our problems, and pay them to fuck themselves while we watch, and pay them to save us.
Once upon a time (okay, when I read Unteachable) I fell in love with Leah Raeder’s words. And ever since, I await her next novel with delightful anticipation. It’s like (s)he has this deep, profound relationship with words, and we, as readers, should feel lucky we get to read what comes out of her/his pen. (S)he is an artist, just like Vada, MC of this novel.
Cam Girl is another beautifully written novel, and one which raises a lot of important issues, main one being our preconceived notions about gender and sexuality. Masterfully portrayed, Cam Girl is a novel I will for sure recommend to many people!
You pretend everything’s fine. Even when you feel heavier every day, when the air smothers like a pall. When you feel something pulling you under but can’t escape, because it’s pulling from the inside.
Now, one may wonder, if I loved it so much why not give 5 stars? Well, the reason for that is that I loved Unteachable and Black Iris just a bit more. Plus, there were some parts that I found to be too slow. During the middle part there was also too much focus on Vada and Eliis’ relationship drama, which was also repetitive, same fight over and over.
On the other note, can I just say how happy I was that my favorite psycho made an appearance! (Zoeller, whom you may know from BI)
“I’ve always cared deeply about the Earth. I want it to be pretty for the day I assume control.”
Overall, despite some of my hang-ups, I think Cam Girl is a great novel, one that deserves praise and recognition. Firstly, the writing style will always be my favorite thing about Raeder’s novels, and secondly, the topics (s)he chooses.
Therefore, all I can say is – cannot wait for Bad Boy now!
Want to read
November 9, 2014 A new Leah Raeder book!!!!
It's about a talented young artist, struggling to make ends meet after a series of catastrophic setbacks, who forges a deep connection with a mysterious client who wants her camgirl performances to himself and who forces her to reconnect with the demons of her past.
It's about a talented young artist, struggling to make ends meet after a series of catastrophic setbacks, who forges a deep connection with a mysterious client who wants her camgirl performances to himself and who forces her to reconnect with the demons of her past.
January 3, 2016
Meh. This is easily the worst Raeder book so far. I saw potential with Unteachable but it seems that her new books are not really for me. As usual, the prose in Cam Girl attempts to heighten the mood by using lyrical prose like with Raeder's other works but this time I thought the writing was verging on the purple end of the scale. Raeder writes beautifully, don't get me wrong. The writing in Unteachable was perfect, Black iris also had its moments of good writing (although some metaphors in there verge on purple prose too) but here in Cam Girl, it felt as if the author tried so hard to produce poetic musings in every step of the way. There were some far-fetched metaphors that don't really serve much purpose. I have also noticed Raeder repeatedly using nebulas, galaxies, stars, froth etc, in all her books. It's getting tiring and repetitive already. I wish she can think of other ways to make her prose lyrical. Metaphors make novels beautiful but only when used deliberately like in All the Light We Cannot See. The author's Unteachable is also a good example of metaphors used deliberately. But with Cam Girl, I thought the metaphors were interjected randomly and thrown all over the place.
Another qualm of mine is the preachy tone that the narrative took. If Raeder was planning to incorporate her own beliefs and ideologies on this book, then I wish it had been done in a more clever and subversive way instead of the in your face kind of preaching about LGBT and romance.
These are all small qualms though and maybe the real reason this didn't work for me is because I wasn't invested in the story especially the characters. They are your plain old Raeder characters.
Vada's basic characterization is just the same as her other protagonists. They're all brash, impudent, lacking in morals, confused, whiny and unreasonable at times. I wish the author could construct a different kind of protagonist than the ones we've witnessed from her. Her protagonists have some small tweaks in terms of characterization but I feel as if they're all grounded on the same basic characterization of forming an unlikable protagonist with zero morals. At this rate, Raeder is becoming like another John Green because they can't move on from their characterization formula (but at least she doesn't craft carbon copy characters like JG but still . . .)
There were too many sex scenes as well and it became repetitive in the long run. It felt like erotica at times thus making it lacking in depth and complexity compared to Raeder's Black Iris. I almost wanted to skim read some of them just to get to the actual story.
All these flaws are probably what made Cam Girl such a dull and boring read for me. I guess it's time to reduce my expectations on her next books.
Another qualm of mine is the preachy tone that the narrative took. If Raeder was planning to incorporate her own beliefs and ideologies on this book, then I wish it had been done in a more clever and subversive way instead of the in your face kind of preaching about LGBT and romance.
These are all small qualms though and maybe the real reason this didn't work for me is because I wasn't invested in the story especially the characters. They are your plain old Raeder characters.
Vada's basic characterization is just the same as her other protagonists. They're all brash, impudent, lacking in morals, confused, whiny and unreasonable at times. I wish the author could construct a different kind of protagonist than the ones we've witnessed from her. Her protagonists have some small tweaks in terms of characterization but I feel as if they're all grounded on the same basic characterization of forming an unlikable protagonist with zero morals. At this rate, Raeder is becoming like another John Green because they can't move on from their characterization formula (but at least she doesn't craft carbon copy characters like JG but still . . .)
There were too many sex scenes as well and it became repetitive in the long run. It felt like erotica at times thus making it lacking in depth and complexity compared to Raeder's Black Iris. I almost wanted to skim read some of them just to get to the actual story.
All these flaws are probably what made Cam Girl such a dull and boring read for me. I guess it's time to reduce my expectations on her next books.
September 15, 2016
FINALLY finished this after months and months and months. This definitely didn't live up to how much I loved Unteachable and Black Iris and tbh I'm pretty bummed about it. I felt like the plot was messier in this book compared to the other two, which is odd considering that's usually something I would say about an author's first book, not their third. Either way though, I enjoyed this well enough in comparison to all other new adult things, but I feel like I hold Elliot Wake (formerly Leah Raeder) to a higher standard of new adult and this just didn't quite get there for me. Womp :(
November 6, 2015
ARC provided by Atria Books via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
November 4, 2015
Without a doubt one of the best books I've read this year... My review will be up on the blog on November 12
October 11, 2016
4.5 stars.
Finished during Diverseathon in September :)
This is the first time in months that a book has really wrenched my soul out and I can truly say that I LOVED this and highlighted so many passages that I want to revisit. It's not an easy read with very few likeable characters but they all had so many facets and every word and event added something new to their structure. Ugh, so good.
Finished during Diverseathon in September :)
This is the first time in months that a book has really wrenched my soul out and I can truly say that I LOVED this and highlighted so many passages that I want to revisit. It's not an easy read with very few likeable characters but they all had so many facets and every word and event added something new to their structure. Ugh, so good.
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