The Babysitter

Saccharin Valley Twits and Fiends #1

by Polly Esther Rayon

“A Sweet Valley Twins Evil Parody”
Did you read, and have a love-hate relationship with, Sweet Valley books in the mid-80s to late 90s? Do you also have an affinity for fantasy and horror? Then this parody is for you.
While Mr. and Mrs. Wastefeld are on vacation in San Francisco, identical twins Jessica and Elizabeth and their brother Steven are dismayed to learn that they’ll be left with a babysitter yet again. Only this time, she’s young, pretty—and a witch!
The Wastefeld kids soon discover that this is no ordinary babysitter. Piper Quintin is not only evil, she’s out to get them.
How will they survive the wrath of a teenage girl with supernatural powers?

The Babysitter is a bizarre horror-parody of books I used to read obsessively as a child and later realized were awful. The Babysitter combines elements of satire and horror, and is kind of meta. If any of it sounds familiar, it's inspired by a few of the actual books in the series, but I took their premises and concocted a plot of my own with original characters.
This isn’t really a kid’s book. The original series were aimed at preteen girls, and this book is based on the particular series where the twins are twelve. So there’s no blatant sexuality or violence, because it follows the rules of the original series. There’s definitely some dark humor, and “magical” violence.

181 pages, ebook

First published July 13, 2014

Reviews

[Nikita Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you ever obsessed over the pastel chaos of Sweet Valley books 👯‍♀️ in your youth—and now laugh at how ridiculous they were 😂—then The Babysitter is your perfect guilty pleasure. This horror-parody by Polly Esther Rayon takes all that preteen drama and throws in a witch 🧙‍♀️ with a grudge. It’s nostalgic, biting, and absolutely hilarious 🎯.

Jessica, Elizabeth, and Steven Wastefeld are stuck with another babysitter while their parents jet off to San Francisco 🌉. But Piper Quintin isn’t just any sitter—she’s young, beautiful, and a little too interested in curses and chaos 😈. The siblings quickly realize they’re not dealing with timeouts and juice boxes 🧃—they’re fighting for their lives 💥.

Rayon’s writing is sharp and full of meta-humor 📖, poking fun at the tropes we grew up on while mixing in just enough magical mayhem ✨. The tone stays true to its inspiration without slipping into kid-lit territory 🧼—this one’s clearly written for those of us who survived the 90s with a sense of irony intact 🌀.

Dark humor, paranormal twists, and just enough camp make The Babysitter a weirdly delightful read 👻. No gore or adult content, but plenty of witchy wickedness, sibling chaos, and razor-sharp satire 🔪. If Sweet Valley met Goosebumps at a haunted slumber party… this would be it 🛏️.

[Fran · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have kindle unlimited trial at the moment and saw this was on there so thought I’d give it a go as I read a lot of SVT in primary school. It was amusing for the first 10% or so, with its meta, fourth wall breaking narrative but it quickly got tedious. It’s not terrible but it’s not brilliantly written either and it’s much too long. I see future books in this series are much shorter, and perhaps the author improves as she goes (as is often the case) but I’m not going to be paying for the rest!