Conquered by Clippy: An Erotic Short Story

Digital Desires #2

by Leonard Delaney

Christie Aackerlund doesn’t need help with anything. So when the world’s biggest technology company offers to fly her to a remote location and investigate an alien artifact, all by herself, she’s all like “I’ll do it!”

But the artifact isn’t what it seems, and soon an overly helpful giant living paperclip is getting her all bent out of shape.

Conquered by Clippy is a 4000 word short story featuring sexual situations with digital assistants. It’s for super mature audiences only.

Genres: Erotica, Short Stories, Romance, Smut, Science Fiction, Fiction, Humor

68 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 10, 2015

About the author

Fully ignoring the lame advice to "write what you know," Leonard Delaney uses a vivid imagination to overcome limited life experience. His unique blend of erotica, fantasy, and science fiction explores the lighter side of massacring good taste. His debut novella, Sex Boat, is two parts parody, one part satire, with a sprinkle of sea monsters.

See http://www.forestcitypulp.com for more information about Leonard, or email him at ldelaney@forestcitypulp.com

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve fantasized about a lot of different office supplies over the years. Staplers, colored pencils, 3-hole punchers, and who could forget that alluring laminator machine. Is it just me or is it hot in here? But I remember when I first opened Microsoft Office and saw Clippy pop up back in the day. He just had that look. That look that made me think ‘That paperclip is a slob. A true sexual deviant.’ And now look, I was right. So there wasn’t much here, but we follow the same character, Christie, who is banging her way across all sorts of inanimate objects, trying to help mankind somehow. She is now on a dangerous journey helping some random guy locate more alien technology. I thought she was a journalist, but here we are. Anyway, she ends up shagging Clippy. He rocked her like a hurricane and then it just ended. My brain hurts reading this stuff.

[Manda · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m only admitting to reading this because I’m behind on my reading goal.

[Marc *Dark Reader with a Thousand Young! Iä!* · Rating 2 out of 5]

Update: because life is like that, I just now read a passage about Clippy in an unrelated book, within days of reading this story:

Do you remember Clippy? That’s the cartoon paper clip in Microsoft Word from the late 1990s. You would open a new document and start writing and it would just up and force its fucking self into your attention and say “it looks like you’re writing a letter!” and try to offer all these unhelpful writing tips while you look around for the X button to shut it down. I think they also called it Office Assistant, if that rings a bell. If you don’t know what I’m taking about, try to imagine a cartoon character who just walks up and takes a shit on your face while you’re trying to work.

Thankfully that exact scenario does NOT play out in this story. I now return you to my original review.

********************

What is a free Kindle Unlimited trial for, if not to sample some weird erotica? My only regret (well, maybe not my only one) is its effect on my Amazon book recommendation feed. It barely recovered from my last KU free trial, and now it will start all over again.

Hey, remember Clippy? Ever wondered what it would be like to be fucked by a paperclip? Then this book is for you.

Naturally, Kissing the Coronavirus is the gold standard for this type of material. But this Clippy story came out five years earlier, so maybe it's not a fair comparison. Would I have found this story as boring if I had never read that other? Probably still yes. The framing story is not very interesting, and the sex scene, when it finally gets to it, is unexciting. There was a good basic idea in the main character, a fiercely independent woman who chafes at the idea of getting assistance from anyone, for anything. Otherwise, a few tame Microsoft-related jokes are the only potential draw.

But, BUT . . . I appreciate this Kindle title because—surprise!— it included the story I actually wanted to read (but didn't want to pay $0.99 for): Humping the Hambandit. I'll review that one under its own book page.

This kindle book also includes Pounded by Pluto: The Crappiest Planet but I didn't care to read that one.

[Amy Estridh · Rating 1 out of 5]

i did not just pay 3 € for 10 pages of bad comedy because i'm not a fucking clown

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

A masterpiece of women's erotica. No one can compare to the raw sexual energy of Clippy.

[Maggie]

I feel like the author popped four beers, cracked their knuckles, and hammered this out in one session without any help from Microsoft Word’s spelling & grammatical functions. Unfortunately, it just wasn’t funny enough for me, although the title is magnificent.

(Apparently I do have standards.)

[Grapie Deltaco · Rating 2 out of 5]

“Lady-butter”

That’s all I have to say about it.

(Also the story ends at 22% and the bonus story for this one is about the Hamburglar)

CW: explicit sexual content, sexual harassment, death

[Clutch My Pearls Podcast · Rating 5 out of 5]

We're a podcast for smut!
*We rate every book 5 stars, we're here for the smut*

No icks allowed. 5 stars.
It looks like this story is haunting you, would you like some assistance with that? (vagina).

Episode 30, "Conquered by Clippy"

[Cassandra · Rating 2 out of 5]

THE GIRL WAS TOO STUNNED TO SPEAK?!?!?! LMAOOAOASJDNASKDA

I-

Truly, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, HUHHHH?!?! How does one COME UP WITH THIS LMAO?

Leonard. Leo. Nardman.... what is actually going on here. This was something else. I... I don't know what to SAY?

I have to go into hiding.

[Diana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even more ridiculous than the first book in this series. Best summed up by this line: "Yes, Clippy! Assist me! Assist me hard!"

[Janelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Absolutely breathtaking lmfaooooo

[Bon · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I suspect this was not at all written in good faith, like an anti-Chuck Tingle, it was hilarious.

[Kelly (AndKellyReads)]

Reading this was a group effort and I think all of us ended this story with more questions than with which we began.

Also this book is an incredible example about why sex ed is important in schools.

[Alex | | findingmontauk1 · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think I officially lost it when Clippy said he was "Microhard" as a play on Microsoft. And I am not even sure what "lady-butter" is but it scares me.

[Biblio]

Just as dumb as the first one but funnier. But also cringier. Clippy is a legend though so auto 5 stars. Miss that little silver fucker. I’m not here for plot but what happened to the Tetris baby? I need to know.

[Gemma · Rating 3 out of 5]

LAS RISAS SEÑORES😂😂😂 menuda maravilla

[Kate (The Quirky Kate) · Rating 1 out of 5]

Fucking hilarious, but terribly written.

[treofpaperbacks]

the things i read for tiktok.

[Natasha · Rating 1 out of 5]

listen... I had a lapse in judgement. I promise I'm not the type of person who reads these.


however, this was a wonderfully passionate and erotic tale of two lovers. 10/10

[Stephanie · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I ever needed to write a paper on why men shouldn’t write erotica, I would use this as my main argument.

[sylvie · Rating 1 out of 5]

i need to stop being curious.

[Leni ♥ · Rating 1 out of 5]

WTF

[Jon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hysterical and horrible, but man, the voice of Clippy is spot on *perfect*

[Breana 🍄 · Rating 1 out of 5]

I expected more from clippy tbh

[Alicia Ceasar · Rating 5 out of 5]

Format- Kindle Unlimited

L I S T E N this is what drives me crazy about these books. Look at the title, look at the cover, read the blurb. If you are going into this thinking it will be some revolutionary addition to the literary classics of the world, turn yourself right around because this is not the book for you. It’s not even trying to market itself towards you.

This is a book for when you want to grab a glass of wine and giggle your way through 25 ish pages of silliness that is full of tongue in cheek humor and nods to pop culture. I hate seeing people give books like this 1 and 2 stars. Bffr what did you expect when you started it? Because when I downloaded this book, this is exactly what I expected.

The KU version actually has three short stories in it and they are all immensely entertaining if you just want something silly that will make you laugh. I read several of the lines in this collection to my partner and we both laughed until our stomachs hurt and if that isn’t a sign of a good book, I don’t know what is.

[alexiosa · Rating 1 out of 5]

i read this as a joke and wow it still disappointed me! only the first 14 pages are the actual story, the author then throws in 2 other short stories?? sir, what the actual fuck.

also, “lady butter”. that is all

0 stars but i have to give it 1 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Keri | Books_and_Hookers · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nope.

[Jayna · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this. Idk how to feel other than violated lol

[Gia Davis · Rating 2 out of 5]

What the actual f*k

This is all you get
- She felt his warmth push past her pussy, toward her internal organs … including her heart.

Goodbye

[B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing really reccomend! If you want to laugh tho, if youre looking for a serious book dont read this.