Miscarriage: deeply traumatic, tragically common, too often misunderstood.
When a woman becomes pregnant, miscarriage is usually the furthest thing from her mind. Such was the case for Jessalyn Hutto when she became pregnant with her first baby. But as is all too common in our post-fall world, the life she carried came to an abrupt end. Death had visited her womb, and the horrors of miscarriage had become a part of her life’s story. ••• Ultimately, she would lose two children in the womb, at 6 and 15 weeks gestation. Through these painful losses, a whole new world of suffering opened up to her. It seemed that everywhere she looked women were quietly mourning the loss of their unborn children. Yet this particular type of loss has been grossly overlooked by the church. ••• Couples navigating the unique sorrow of losing a child are often left with little biblical counsel to draw upon. Well-meaning friends and family often offer empty platitudes and Christian clichés. But what these couples truly need is the hope of the gospel. ••• Short, sensitive, and theologically robust, Inheritance of Tears offers hope and comfort to those who are called to walk through the painful trial of miscarriage, and shows pastors and church members how to effectively minister to these parents in their time of need.
Endorsed by Russell and Maria Moore, Jen Wilkin, Courtney Reissig, Tom Schreiner, and more.
Jessalyn Hutto lives near Houston, Texas where she serves alongside her husband in his ministry as a church planter. They are blessed to have four young children: Elliot, Hudson, Owen, and Roseveare. You can visit her website, JessalynHutto.com, where she frequently writes about theology, shares personal devotions, and reviews books for women.
Beautiful and comforting. Read while suffering our family's loss of our first child. Highly recommend to anyone who has lost a child or would like to know how to counsel/support families going through it.
Note: I personally differ from the author regarding the election of infants. I affirm the following:
"Since we are to judge of the will of God from his Word, which testifies that the children of believers are holy, not by nature, but in virtue of the covenant of grace, in which they, together with the parents, are comprehended, godly parents have no reason to doubt of the election and salvation of their children, whom it pleaseth God to call out of this life in their infancy." – Canons of Dort – Chapter 1 Article 17
This book was truly a balm for my aching heart. I experienced a miscarriage last month, and though losing my child has been the most painful experience of my life so far, this book solidly stands on the truths of scripture and encouraged me with a grounded and eternal perspective. I highly recommend all Christians maturing in their faith to read this. One-in-four pregnancies end in miscarriage. Whether you have ever experienced loss yourself or are just looking to encourage those who have, this will help guide you as you search for answers to some of the hardest questions of life.
It took me a long time to get around to reading this. A dear friend of mine sent it to me after my husband and I experienced yet another loss. I tried reading this book right away but I ended up waiting a few months. One day, when the grief hit me, I started reading and this book was balm to my soul. This is rich in both compassion and theology. It wasn't what I needed in the midst of the loss, but it was what I needed when I was dealing with a wave of grief months later. I hope you don't need this book for you personally, but if you do or you have a friend who does, this is a good one.
Aside from the portion where Hutto argues that all babies who die in the womb are elect, this is an excellent book. Filled with scriptural references and sound teaching, Inheritance of Tears is sure to bring comfort and to point to our heavenly hope. Whether you have experienced a miscarriage or have a friend/family member who has, this small volume is definitely worth your time. Highly recommended.
I wish I had this book when I miscarried. I read it to evaluate as a potential resource for friends going through a miscarriage and I think it is awesome. Written by a woman who endured two miscarriages herself, she is very compassionate and kind yet does not shy away from the hard biblical truths that I, for one, need to hear no matter what I’m going through. Also provided a very helpful and comforting perspective based on scripture about what happens to our babies’ souls.
While not an easy read, this book was so helpful for me to see the unique trial of miscarriage within the broader context of the gospel. Even though I’ve never experienced miscarriage personally, I know many women who have, and this was so helpful for me to read to begin to know how to comfort loved ones who endure this kind of trauma
This was an excellent treatment of suffering and miscarriage. I thought her section on what happens to babies who die was particularly good. I wouldn't recommend this to women whose grief and pain is fresh, because while the ideas in this book are true, some of them are very difficult truths and might feel harsh to a hurting heart. I would recommend this to people who love women suffering through a miscarriage.
I've been slowly reading through this small book over the last six months. What a blessing! "Inheritance of Tears - Trusting the Lord of Life when Death Visits the Womb" by Jessalyn Hutto.
"The key is not to *escape* the grief that miscarriage brings, but to drive our souls into the shelter of Jesus' gospel *during* that sorrow." The gospel makes all the difference to suffering mothers and I strongly encourage you to read this whether you've personally experienced a miscarriage or not.
I've included some of my favourite quotes here, including one at the end from Susannah Spurgeon.
. . .
🌱 "Though His sovereign *ability* to answer our prayers demands that we ask for the godly desires of our heart, it is His infinite *goodness* that demands we trust Him when He doesn't fulfill those desires." (pg. 37)
🌱 "Cursing God amid tragedy is natural...unless we *know Him*. That's the key. For if we know God as our Father who is ever good and wise and loving, we can trust Him, truly and deeply, even in the most difficult of circumstances." (pg. 44)
🌱 "Indeed, the way any Christian suffers can either testify to the reality of the gospel or obscure its world-altering glory. When we trust in God's goodness and sovereignty amid pain and despair, we demonstrate that something greater than our immediate circumstances matters." (pg. 80)
🌱 "Christians are never free from battling the darkness in this life. We cannot escape the pain and suffering we encounter. Never imagine there is some higher spiritual realm where the *really* godly Christians live unaffected by their pain. Instead, we must recognize our weakness and constantly turn to the only physician able to heal us in our times of malady." (pg. 100)
🌱 "Blessed be your dear name, O Lord, for this 'strong consolation' —this 'good hope through grace'. Tears may, and must come; but if they gather in the eyes that are constantly looking up to you and heaven, they will glisten with the brightness of the coming glory." - Susannah Spurgeon
Theologically heavy, less practical comfort than other books I’ve read. For those whose grief is less fresh and are asking big theological questions about miscarriage and suffering.
Without a doubt this book is solid theologically but it was not quite what I was hoping for. Although portions where autobiographical and did address the deep pain of miscarriage, as a whole the book comes across more as academic than pastoral, which surprised me. I was hoping for a resource to be able to give to women as a means of helping to cope with pain, however this is not such a book. I think it would have to be years after a miscarriage before a parent would be able to read this and it be helpful rather than hardening.
I couldn’t help but compare to Keller’s book “Walking with God through Pain and Suffering” which I read a few years back. There is much overlap between these two books on how suffering relates to the Gospel. I think what makes Keller’s writing unique is that he writes with a pastoral empathy that doesn’t quite come across here. For instance, Keller writes a whole portion on lament, and taking time to process pain. This feels much more “jump to the answers we need to believe.” Yes, ultimately sufferers need to believe the Gospel truths found here, but I don’t feel it teaches how to cope with the overwhelming pain of miscarriage for the everyday person.
Can't recommend enough for mothers after miscarriage
Read this book if you need God's truth and His sweet blessed promises to comfort you in the midst of mourning a miscarriage.
I had my first miscarriage at 12 weeks. We had already announced the pregnancy. We were staying with my brother's family for Christmas when I started spotting. After I told my husband in a near panic I immediately called my sister in law who had trained as a midwife. She said there was nothing I could do but pray and wait. That it might be nothing, many women spot during pregnancy and have normal pregnancies and perfectly healthy babies. I next called my midwife and she asked if there was cramping, I said no and she said we would do an ultrasound after I got back from our visit. I didn't want to ruin anyone's fun over the holiday so I didn't tell anyone else. But I sure prayed. I prayed like I never had before. I wanted to cling to the hope that my baby was still alive.
No heartbeat. That's what the ultrasound told us. I stared at the tiny body of my baby on the screen. It looked perfect, like my four precious babies before, who were now thriving children. It was too small to tell if it was a boy or girl. It was only measuring 8-9 weeks so probably had died weeks earlier without fanfare, without me knowing I would never get to hold my baby on this earth. The grief didn't hit me til I was home in bed. The horror of knowing my baby was dead. Still inside my tummy. Not knowing when the more awful day would come when, without any conscious decision my body would take over and expel the little dead body into full view. A few days later I delivered. The little body was delivered within a blood clot inside its tiny placenta. I didn't even get to see my baby, one more time. We named him (as I came to think of my baby) Layne Jordan and buried him in a small decorated wooden box under a beautiful tree out in the pasture.
My grief really swallowed my soul. I didn't want to get out of bed, eat, and sleep came all too little. My husband had literally not said a single word (even after I begged him to) at the graveside, hadn't shed a single tear, had said no comforting words to me since we heard the bad news. I didn't know if he feared saying the wrong thing too much to talk but to me he seemed heartless and didn't care about our loss or that my soul was broken and bleeding.
My sister in law told me that it wasn't good to grieve so much and that Jesus said, "Let the dead bury the dead." Meaning, move on with your life and let your dead baby go. Well, I couldn't. My friends and family were little help, the nicest ones just said "sorry for your loss" or "trust God. " There were the comments that, at least you have four healthy children already. Or, at least you can have more. Some also said that it was a mercy God took my baby, it might have had a deformity, disability, or disease. Or it could have grown up to be a wicked person. My younger sister, with whom I already had a strained relationship, told me plainly that she thought my miscarriage was caused by my diet, through eating "too much chocolate." Apparantly any at all was "too much." All these words didn't comfort me, some added to my pain. I wanted to know where my baby was and why God had allowed my baby to die.
I was very new to Reformed Christian theology, coming out of charismatic Word of Faith teachings only a year or so earlier. I didn't feel I knew my pastor well enough to call him with something so personal, so I turned to more impersonal Reformed Christian Groups on FB. It shocked and angered me how some self confessed Christians were so cruel, so unloving just to try to win a point in a theological argument. I told them up front I had just had a miscarriage and was trying to work through some things Biblically. Some told me I can't know where my baby is, I should just trust God. Others would tell me, a grieving mother, that unborn babies were not saved, couldn't be saved because they couldn't have heard and understood the gospel. I stopped talking on these groups and just tried to get through the pain on my own.
Slowly, slowly the pain faded. I did get pregnant again in a few months. A normal pregnancy. A happy healthy girl.
Since then I've had two more miscarriages. Both times I lost one of a pair of twins.
I finally happened upon this book. With great Biblical insight and integrity it laid out in detail with clarity and thoughtfulness what the Spirit had led me to believe God said about the reasons and purposes for suffering, the salvation of the unborn, etc. Now I've given this book away to other grieving moms and it has helped them.
Now I can say with confidence: "Blessed be your name, on the road marked with suffering, though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name. You give and take away, you give and take away, but I will choose to say, Lord, blessed be your name"
This book is so full of Truth and is a great comfort to those suffering the loss of babies. I experienced back-to-back miscarriages in early July and late August this year. Navigating this grief has been so challenging, but I’ve strived so much to press into God and His Truth. This gospel-centered book will be a balm to your soul if you have walked this road. I even highly suggest reading it even if you personally haven’t experienced it—so that you may be able to comfort someone else well in their grief and understand this sorrow more deeply.
“Yes, there will come a time for self-introspection and growth in holiness as a result of every miscarriage, but those who desire to comfort the grieving would do well to heed the admonition to simply grieve with those who grieve, and weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15).”
“Though his sovereign ability to answer our prayers demands that we ask for the godly desires of our heart, it is his infinite goodness that demands we trust him when he doesn’t fulfill those desires.”
“We can have the same confidence that God sees our suffering and knows how deeply we mourn. Nothing goes unnoticed: he knows our own hearts and minds even better than we do (1 Chronicles 28:9). He sees our pain, he hears our cries, and he is perfectly suited to help us in our time of need.”
“Knowing that even Jesus had struggled to accept his Father’s will gave me great peace; he had come through the same temptation victoriously, so he could understand me and comfort me. Jesus faced a horrific reality and still trusted his Father, so he knows the emotions experienced by a woman who miscarries.”
“What’s more, as we suffer and experience the unique fellowship of the Son of God in our grief, our lives are being molded to more greatly resemble his, and our affections are being stirred toward greater love for him. In this way, our suffering with Christ makes us more like Christ as we behold him with greater clarity. This is the fountain from which all sanctification flows, and suffering is perfectly suited to drive us to the Good Shepherd who so lovingly suffered on behalf of his lost sheep.”
“Furthermore, Paul says we believers should know that all things are working together for our good. He does not say we should try to feel this is true, but rather that we must trust the revealed Word of God. This is particularly important for those going through terrible trials that feel altogether irredeemable.”
“This does not mean Christians should slap on a fake grin as their souls are bleeding. On the contrary, it means that we should be honest and genuine in our suffering, while simultaneously upholding the truths of God’s Word. By doing so, we display God’s supreme worth in our lives as well as his ability to uphold us in our weakness.”
“The tears we’ve cried over our empty wombs will be gently wiped away by his nail-pierced hands, and in their place he will substitute blush of eternal joy.”
“The key is not to escape the grief that miscarriage brings, but to drive our souls into the shelter of Jesus’ gospel during that sorrow.”
“…the light of his gospel will eclipse the darkness of death that has visited our wombs.”
Theologically heavy. My miscarriage happened about 12 days ago so this was hard to read at times because it felt a bit like a lecture which then made me almost feel guilty for grieving. I would recommend it to people though who are Christians who are ready to read it. I think adding in ways to cope besides Scripture would be helpful too. Like seeking out friends and accepting help when people offer. This topic isn't talked about a lot or even in church so this can be a very lonely time. Since it's not talked about I think it makes us want to handle this quietly when I think this should be an open topic and we can help our brothers and sisters out. Obviously everyone grieves differently though. Although Jesus is our true comfort having people walk alongside you is important and helpful.
Miscarriage is a common grief among women, but it's also common for others to belittle or forget the ongoing pain a mother (and father) carries in this loss.
How can Christian friends and family be intentional in loving someone if they've never experienced miscarriage themselves? How does the Bible give hope? How does our compassionate Savior relate to a grieving mother?
This book is an excellent resource not only for grieving parents but also for those who are trying to comfort them. I thought the author did an excellent job focusing mainly on who God is, where miscarriage fits into His plan, and how we can trust Him in the middle of it all. The book answers those hard questions every grieving person asks about death and God's sovereignty and goodness.
Powerful, encouraging, convicting, and thought-provoking truth delivered in a gentle yet firm manner. I appreciated it and was motivated to pursue perspectives and living with these truths as navigators through tough seasons of grief and loss. My biggest issue was that there was a lot of “Christianese” vocabulary which could be hard for some people to relate to or understand as it wasn’t always explained well. I also thought some of the points could have been emphasized or more easily relatable through more stories or personal testimony. I definitely recommend to those walking through miscarriage though! Specifically a month or two after the fact as it challenges you in a good way but a way that might not be as readily accepted in those early days of grief.
“Every heart knows its own bitterness, and every heart has bitterness to know. Sin must bring sorrow, tears are the inheritance of earth’s children; but in the city to which we are going, ‘God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any pain; for the former things are passed away.’ Blessed be your name, O Lord, for this ‘strong consolation’ — this good hope through grace.’ Tears may, and must come; but if they gather in the eyes that are constantly looking up to you and heaven, they will glisten with the brightness of the coming glory.” - Susannah Spurgeon
This book was a comfort in processing my miscarriage and provided some biblical understanding around the tragedy that is miscarriage. However, there were times it felt pretty idealistic. I would not recommend this book for someone who has experienced a miscarriage very recently and is deep in grief. It was better for me to read after a little time.
First read in 2015. Read again in 2018. A tremendous & approachable book for anyone touched by miscarriage or stillbirth. Compassionate & filled with truth. Highly recommend for those grieving a loss & those caring for those who are walking through loss.
A short book that serves as an excellent resource for anyone who has experienced the loss of life in the womb. I highly recommend it for anyone who is walking or walking alongside someone suffering through the pain of miscarriage.
I started reading this right after my second miscarriage and agree it wasn’t what I needed to read at that point in time as others have said. After a few weeks I picked it back up. I think it’s a book that may be great to some but too distanced from the pain for others.
Fantastic book! I cried my way through every chapter because there is real hope in Jesus. I would highly recommend this to anyone who has lost a child through miscarriage.
A solid little book, written for moms who have experienced miscarriage and stillbirth, that offers gospel-centered hope and encouragement in the midst of grief.
Gospel truth for the hurting heart! An encouragement to exalt the Lord of Life in trust while continuing to grapple with the realities of present death.
Why do bad things happen? Perhaps the sting of pain is most distinctly felt in the loss of a child, particularly the loss of a child through miscarriage. The cessation of that unborn life before there was the chance to break forth from the womb and for the parents to enjoy raising up their child assuredly is a heart-wrenching and devastating event. Is there good to be found in such tragedy? Is God still in control in the midst of such sorrow and grief? Jessalyn Hutto, in her powerful new book Inheritance of Tears: Trusting the Lord of Life When Death Visits the Womb, shares her experience with miscarriages and how she came to realize that in the midst of life’s storms, God is always there and remains sovereign.
The pain of miscarriage is quite evident and Jessalyn shares quite vividly the pain she experienced. I can only imagine what it must be like to have lost a child in such an early stage of pregnancy and what it must be like to come back to a church setting where it seems every other woman in the building is experiencing the joy of their baby boy or girl. This topic is something I have heard little spoken about in church, perhaps because as Jessalyn notes, most people do not know how to respond to someone who has gone through the pain of miscarriage. Perhaps this is because most do not have a good grasp on the sovereignty of God.
It is that very topic and how Jessalyn unpacks that important theological subject against the background of her own experiences that makes this book so powerful and important. Even if dealing with a miscarriage is not something you have experienced or are currently experiencing, the fact of the matter is at some point in life, you will face tragedy. Whether that is the loss of a loved one either expectedly or unexpectedly, the loss of your job, financial woes, health issues, or any number of problems, in this life we will have trouble. Scripture makes it quite clear that in a world dealing with the problem of sin, we will all come face to face with tragedy and sorrow.
How we handle such situations is key. Jessalyn aptly notes “Our holy God not only knows each and every event that will occur in our lives before it happens, he actually plans our lives down to the smallest detail – again, for our good and his glory.” Many will balk at such a statement, claiming that makes us robots or declaring that means God causes evil. Jessalyn recognizes the difficulty for a finite creation (humanity) to understand the ways of an infinitely holy, just, and righteous God who is our creator and sustainer. In response to those who take issue with her previous statement, she saliently comments, “What we must struggle to understand, of course, is how his goodness can also be expressed through the suffering he allows to enter our lives…we must assume that even something as horrible as miscarriage can be considered good as it passes through the Lord’s sovereign hand for his good purposes.”
Jessalyn also reminds the reader that we serve a Savior who is acquainted with grief. He came to earth and died on the cross for us. He experienced rejection. He shed tears of blood. Through that sacrifice, he has provided a solution to this sin and death problem. It is that glorious future that Jessalyn concludes her book with, reminding the reader that the “suffering we face presently will be overshadowed by the glorious inheritance yet to come. This is a battle we fight through faith. And as we fight, experiencing glimmers of our eternal reality along the way, our souls will be happy in Jesus.”
This is a book I highly recommend for anyone dealing with pain and sorrow in their life or who has questions about God’s sovereignty. Jessalyn Hutto does an excellent job of orienting the conversation to what God tells in His Word about His sovereignty and His plans for us. She shares these truths from the perspective of one who has gone through the midst of trial and who has been able to see God’s sovereignty work in her own life, even in the midst of the sorrow of miscarriage.
I received this book for free from Cruciform Press for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”