Covert Emotional Incest: The Hidden Sexual Abuse: A Story of Hope and Healing

by Adena Bank Lees, Adena Bank Lees LCSW

Traumatic. Intangible. Unspoken. All these words have one thing in a sexual abuse that is not widely known. In this provocative and intimate look at Covert Emotional Incest (CEI), Adena Bank Lees, LCSW, a leader in the field of traumatic stress and addiction, takes you on a moving and informative journey through her own experiences with this form of abuse. CEI, as she has defined it, is an elusive, emotional form of sexual abuse that occurs in a family system with the absence of direct genital contact. Being placed in the surrogate or substitute spouse role for a parent(s) is one of the primary tenets of CEI, but there is much more. Covert Emotional The Hidden Sexual Abuse is an enlightening read for both professionals and non-professionals alike. Adena’s story and easy-to-understand therapeutic explanations will help you fully comprehend the complex nature of CEI, its damaging consequences, and the path to restoration of health and well-being. A check-list of components, specific suggestions for healing, and what to address in psychotherapy are included. In summary, Covert Emotional The Hidden Sexual Abuse, combines a compelling story with clear and helpful strategies for recovery.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology

292 pages, Paperback

Published April 19, 2026

About the author

Adena Bank Lees is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW).

Reviews

[Kathleen McCormick · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book quickly because I'm trying to work out ways of alluding to emotional abuse in a character I'm writing about. Luckily, I've got a couple of other books because CEI, as defined by Lees, definitely has a sexual element to it, even if it's not sexual abuse, and that's not what I was looking for. Lees acknowledges in the opening chapter that not all in the community define CEI [or their various names for emotional abuse] as having an explicit sexual element in it. She also is a victim of CEI which may help some readers, but I felt that the specificity of her personal focus [SPOILER: her father is also a psychologist; her parents went to therapy and acknowledged the CEI nature of their relationship w/her] made a lot of the book pretty irrelevant to me because it flattened the conflict. I would imagine that if someone were reading this book because of their own CEI experiences, they'd likely find her detailed personal accounts [as well as the fact that she dedicates her book to her parents] off-putting or at least not easy to relate to if their parents didn't go to therapy w/them and admit to it all. But I did find the book useful in getting the lay of the land because it's the first text I've read on CEI, so readers who are looking to investigate the syndrome itself might well find it useful. It's also virtually jargon-free and a highly accessible read.

[JJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. When a child becomes a parent’s confidant, they become a spouse and a parentified child. After reading this book, I cried. If I had read this book 10 years ago, my life would have been completely different, and it would have saved me from hurting myself in many ways. If you might have suffered from covert emotional incest, this book is almost a roadmap for all the confusion and all the harmful choices you might make as a result. I found this book to be incredibly brave, and I think that it can prevent a lot of people from getting into detrimental relationships or hurting themselves after they leave a dysfunctional household. This book outlines the longterm effects that CEI might cause if you don’t confront it. It is preventative and I believe that it can help people to save themselves.

[Chance Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished the first half of this book in a single night, then needed a week long break before I could finish the second. It is incredibly well done, perfectly balancing the heavy themes with the promise of progress and healing. It’s full of so much worthwhile information that’s seldom talked about, and it can really help you start the process of looking at your own family relationships and struggles if you connect with it.

I unlocked a lot of my past with this book and have finally begun to work with what I learned, tackling the immense discomfort I’ve felt around other people for years without knowing why. I’ve also connected with a family member of mine from an older generation who apparently did some research into this topic as well—more than 30 years ago—so I’ve been able to trace how this unhealthy relationship style has been passed down from parent to child in my family for generations. It’s truly mind-blowing stuff if this is your first exposure to it, and even if it’s not, I think there’s much to be gained from giving this book a read.

Could not recommend more. Adena Bank Lees put so much heart into this work, and clearly has a talent for writing that not everyone in the psychology field possesses. I really loved it.

[W · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s an okay book. Helps to give you validation if you are just starting your journey into understanding CEI. But some components of the book just felt tone deaf, and otherwise written by a very white and privileged author. Lots of mentions of her religion helped her overcome it - and not to mention, both her parents are psychologists so she was able to somewhat mitigate the devastating impact of CEI. To me, the book felt relatable in some ways and very unrelatable in other ways.

[Cheyenne Hamel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great starting place, especially indexes at the back including topics to cover in therapy and symptoms of CEI. Mostly honest and insightful personal narrative, but does not delve into many examples of those issues to be addressed in therapy.

[Tiff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Much gratitude goes out to Adena for sharing her story. She is my inspiration and light at the end of the tunnel.