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Things Unsaid
USA Best Books Finalist in Literary Fiction and in New Fiction
Readers Favorite Silver Medal for Best Fiction-Drama
Beverly Hills Book Award for Best New Adult Novel
A family saga, "Things Unsaid" is a tale of survival, resilience, and recovery. Family ties are stressed to the breaking point.
Jules Foster, her sister Joanne, and her brother Andrew all grew up in the same household—but their experiences have made them all very different people. Now, as adults with children of their own, they are all faced with the question of what to do to help their parents, who insist on maintaining the upscale lifestyle they’re accustomed to despite their mounting debts. A deft exploration of the ever-shifting covenants between parents and children, "Things Unsaid" is a ferocious tale of family love, dysfunction, and sense of duty over forty years.
Readers Favorite Silver Medal for Best Fiction-Drama
Beverly Hills Book Award for Best New Adult Novel
A family saga, "Things Unsaid" is a tale of survival, resilience, and recovery. Family ties are stressed to the breaking point.
Jules Foster, her sister Joanne, and her brother Andrew all grew up in the same household—but their experiences have made them all very different people. Now, as adults with children of their own, they are all faced with the question of what to do to help their parents, who insist on maintaining the upscale lifestyle they’re accustomed to despite their mounting debts. A deft exploration of the ever-shifting covenants between parents and children, "Things Unsaid" is a ferocious tale of family love, dysfunction, and sense of duty over forty years.
270 pages, Paperback
First published October 13, 2015
70 people are currently reading
1236 people want to read
About the author
Diana Y. Paul
8 books92 followersDiana Y. Paul is the award-winning author of THINGS UNSAID. Pushcart Prize Nominee, USA Best Books FINALIST, Readers Favorite SILVER Medal for Best Fiction in Drama, and the WINNER for New Adult Fiction from Beverly Hills Book Awards (National Indie Excellence Awards). , THINGS UNSAID has been ranked #2 on the "Top 14 Books about Families Crazier than Yours."
A former Stanford professor in Buddhism, writing and art are both forms of meditation, which I practice every day.
I am currently working on a second novel, Deeds Undone, a murder mystery that picks up where Things Unsaid left off. I live in Carmel, CA with my husband, Doug, and calico cat Mao. I love to create mixed media art with a Zen sensibility and visit our adult children, Maya (in San Francisco), and Keith (in Los Angeles). Please stop by my author website at http://www.dianaypaul.com and my blog about movies, art and food at http://www.unhealedwound.com or follow me on Twitter: @DianaPaul10. Instagram: @dianapaul10 or on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/diana.y.paul... love to hear from you!
A former Stanford professor in Buddhism, writing and art are both forms of meditation, which I practice every day.
I am currently working on a second novel, Deeds Undone, a murder mystery that picks up where Things Unsaid left off. I live in Carmel, CA with my husband, Doug, and calico cat Mao. I love to create mixed media art with a Zen sensibility and visit our adult children, Maya (in San Francisco), and Keith (in Los Angeles). Please stop by my author website at http://www.dianaypaul.com and my blog about movies, art and food at http://www.unhealedwound.com or follow me on Twitter: @DianaPaul10. Instagram: @dianapaul10 or on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/diana.y.paul... love to hear from you!
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 150 reviews
September 6, 2015
Thanks to Net Galley and the publisher for providing me with an e-version of this book in exchange for an honest review.
This wry portrait of a dysfunctional family is beautifully written and funny as well as poignant. It is one of a very few novels I have ever read where the central issue is what to do with the oldies, especially if they made your life hell as a kid (and are continuing to do so) and you don’t much like them. Indeed Bob and Aida Whitman, the almost unbelievably selfish elderly parents of this family, are amongst the most unpleasant people the reader feels glad they have never met! In spite of this, Aida is such a character that she is a delight to read. Bob—well it’s a pity he didn’t die much earlier in the book. There is not a cell in his chauvinistic body that is likeable. Their three adult children are all variously damaged by their upbringing and the “things unsaid” throughout their lives. The eldest daughter, Jules, at the expense of her amazingly generous husband and daughter, feels reluctantly obliged to bail out not only her patronizing parents, who continue to lavishly spend money they don’t have with a total lack of insight into their changed circumstances, but she also constantly comes to the rescue of her younger sister, who seems to be stuck in her teenage psych. Andrew, the only son, is of course permitted to remain removed from having to deal with his parents in any practical (or emotional) way, although he remains their favorite. Then there are the grandchildren, mostly thankfully so far able to avoid the family dysfunction, although Jules’s daughter, Zoe comes close to disaster… It sounds like a story that would depress, but no, it is a rollicking good read, with characters that leap off the page, and the moments of poignancy are always anchored with a touch of humour and plenty of chuckles.
This wry portrait of a dysfunctional family is beautifully written and funny as well as poignant. It is one of a very few novels I have ever read where the central issue is what to do with the oldies, especially if they made your life hell as a kid (and are continuing to do so) and you don’t much like them. Indeed Bob and Aida Whitman, the almost unbelievably selfish elderly parents of this family, are amongst the most unpleasant people the reader feels glad they have never met! In spite of this, Aida is such a character that she is a delight to read. Bob—well it’s a pity he didn’t die much earlier in the book. There is not a cell in his chauvinistic body that is likeable. Their three adult children are all variously damaged by their upbringing and the “things unsaid” throughout their lives. The eldest daughter, Jules, at the expense of her amazingly generous husband and daughter, feels reluctantly obliged to bail out not only her patronizing parents, who continue to lavishly spend money they don’t have with a total lack of insight into their changed circumstances, but she also constantly comes to the rescue of her younger sister, who seems to be stuck in her teenage psych. Andrew, the only son, is of course permitted to remain removed from having to deal with his parents in any practical (or emotional) way, although he remains their favorite. Then there are the grandchildren, mostly thankfully so far able to avoid the family dysfunction, although Jules’s daughter, Zoe comes close to disaster… It sounds like a story that would depress, but no, it is a rollicking good read, with characters that leap off the page, and the moments of poignancy are always anchored with a touch of humour and plenty of chuckles.
August 10, 2015
Things unsaid is interesting for the same reason sickened or A Child called It are interesting, or why harry potter was so interesting when he was a boy under the stairs. No one knows why or how a family can be so dysfunctional, and these gossip type mysteries are things to be devoured by the human brain. The story mainly follows Jules Foster, the oldest of three, and how the parenting of her detached diva mother affected her own motherhood with her daughter Zoe. Jules is ultimately pushed too far by her parents and siblings always wanting help from her--not because she has money but because that's what she's "supposed to do" as a daughter and older sister--and all the threads unravel when Jules takes her own needs into account before worrying about others for once.
Character reviews:
As the main character, Jules was pretty well rounded. You could tell a lot of thought went into her. Joanne on the other hand came across as a bit two dimensional. Their brother, Andrew, was between the two but was written as too detached to really go into a whole lot of detail on him.
Overall:
A pretty good read. It didn't blow me away, but it was entertaining. I received an E-ARC that had some formatting errors, but there's plenty of time to fix that so no stars taken off for format.
My rating: 4/5
Character reviews:
As the main character, Jules was pretty well rounded. You could tell a lot of thought went into her. Joanne on the other hand came across as a bit two dimensional. Their brother, Andrew, was between the two but was written as too detached to really go into a whole lot of detail on him.
Overall:
A pretty good read. It didn't blow me away, but it was entertaining. I received an E-ARC that had some formatting errors, but there's plenty of time to fix that so no stars taken off for format.
My rating: 4/5
July 8, 2015
Things Unsaid is a gorgeous read. It is life on paper for anyone trying to raise a family while caring for parents and gracefully deflecting estate - motivated pressures. Through the family's saga, we are reminded to recognize and uphold the true meaning of love, duty, and honor.
April 3, 2016
Not since Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections has a family been dissected with such care, anger, and love. Painful as it is to remember our mishaps and our mistakes, it's the only way to find any lasting value in our memories.
May 17, 2016
This wry, wise novel about coming to terms with conflicting family obligations in middle age also addresses the roles that pain and loss can play in awakening people, and in healing dysfunctional family patterns.
Told in the third person, the protagonist is Jules, the oldest of three offspring of an unhappy marriage between an outspoken, Narcissistic drama queen and her disillusioned physician husband. In spare, Hemmingway-like prose, each character is artfully developed to expose not only flaws and foibles, but the root causes thereof, giving the reader a rich appreciation of each person’s motivations. The parents’ financial collapse and precipitous physical decline press upon Jules’s sense of duty and yearning to do the right thing, but also places her in a hot box between caring for her parents and fulfilling the needs of her teenage daughter and long-suffering husband.
Expertly written with restraint and irony, the reader is reminded that although we may have little control over life events, we are the lords of our own thoughts, decisions and behavior. When we choose to live our own truths and change old habits, we free not only ourselves but also other family members from unhelpful, static patterns. A deeply engaging book, filled with compassion. Wonderful!
Told in the third person, the protagonist is Jules, the oldest of three offspring of an unhappy marriage between an outspoken, Narcissistic drama queen and her disillusioned physician husband. In spare, Hemmingway-like prose, each character is artfully developed to expose not only flaws and foibles, but the root causes thereof, giving the reader a rich appreciation of each person’s motivations. The parents’ financial collapse and precipitous physical decline press upon Jules’s sense of duty and yearning to do the right thing, but also places her in a hot box between caring for her parents and fulfilling the needs of her teenage daughter and long-suffering husband.
Expertly written with restraint and irony, the reader is reminded that although we may have little control over life events, we are the lords of our own thoughts, decisions and behavior. When we choose to live our own truths and change old habits, we free not only ourselves but also other family members from unhelpful, static patterns. A deeply engaging book, filled with compassion. Wonderful!
August 11, 2015
"Things Unsaid" chronicles the growth and development of a very dysfunctional family through the years and touches on some of the most important Issues of our modern society. It was a wonderful read. I didn't want to put it down. It reminded me of some of the same weird dynamics I have in my own family of origin.
Ms. Paul tells her story through vignettes of family run-ins over the years, and the interrelations of the various characters. She presents the information and allows the reader to form his/her own opinion of the character. The main character, Jules, struggles with her sometimes debilitating Co-dependence problems which lead her to eventually face her control demons and live her life in honesty. Her changes cause ripples in the family structure which affects each member differently. When faced with a common problem which requires their joint cooperation, will the family fall apart from the stress or will they pull together like the close family they all profess to be?
Read this fine first novel and find out.
Ms. Paul tells her story through vignettes of family run-ins over the years, and the interrelations of the various characters. She presents the information and allows the reader to form his/her own opinion of the character. The main character, Jules, struggles with her sometimes debilitating Co-dependence problems which lead her to eventually face her control demons and live her life in honesty. Her changes cause ripples in the family structure which affects each member differently. When faced with a common problem which requires their joint cooperation, will the family fall apart from the stress or will they pull together like the close family they all profess to be?
Read this fine first novel and find out.
October 30, 2015
Diana Paul straightforwardly and with few frills tells the story of Jules, part of the sandwich generation dealing with both children and parents. Who is more important? How do we split our allegiances? Where do the boundaries of what we need to do for aging (and in this case, irresponsible) parents lie? I kept wanting to shake the dutiful daughter, Jules, as her always-responsible, do what is right for my parents inner child always took hold. Although a sad family portrait, I couldn't stop turning the pages.
December 26, 2015
This book is the reality for so many families. What to do when our parents get old and need us to take care of them, but they were less than kind to us when we were kids. Diana Paul writes this story and pulls at my heart strings as I am in the very position that Jules is in. When a book strikes so close to home it's difficult to put down. I highly recommend this book. It's a complex and realistic look at the family dynamics so many of us face.
August 10, 2015
Her novel, Things Unsaid, tears at the social fabric of family and generational relationships and she tells a compelling story – with a wellspring of Buddhist understanding thrown in. Choosing between the family you are born into and the one you create as an adult is always a moral dilemma. This exciting story has family members we can all identify with. It is raw and spares no one the pain that comes with making difficult choices. A real page-turner!
December 16, 2015
WordsAPlenty received a copy of this book from the author in exchange for an honest review.
Things Unsaid: A Novel is an eye opening book that makes one look not only at one’s self but at one’s family with an intensity that is staggering. Three children – Jules, Joanne and Andrew are faced with caring for their aged parents who are now in an expensive retirement home and accumulating debts at the speed of light. Neither of their parents appear to be as sharp as they once were mentally but their tongues are sharper than ever.
Jules, the oldest feels a sense of duty and responsibility to help her parents and siblings. Caught between caring for her aged parents or her daughter and husband, Jules has to make hard choices – they are not always the right ones but in the end, she does the best she can.
“Jules is the one who has to support us.”
“His mother didn’t understand any of them. Only her own needs. It had always been like that.”
Things Unsaid is a well written book that takes one family and follows them through their struggle to come to terms with their aging parents and where their duties lie. Diana Paul uses her story to highlight a growing situation with parenting – parents give up everything as the children grow but at what point does the parent become the responsibility of the children? And who takes the responsibility? The oldest, middle, youngest …? How much responsibility and to what extent do you jeopardize your own family and life?
Parents grow older and lose their strength of body and mind far too often forcing their children to make difficult choices – choices their children must live with in the end. Perhaps with loving parents the choices would be much easier to make, but with Aida and Bob … well, the choices were much harder to reconcile.
“My troubles began when I got married. She paused and looked at Andrew. “I didn’t mean for your father and me to be such party poopers. We can talk about this later. No need to ruin our visit. And Abigail, you needn’t get involved with our petty personal problems. That’s just for family to deal with you know.” She smiled at her daughter-in-law – a fake smile, Andrew thought.
Paul develops each character and situation to its fullest. Her plot development is perfectly executed and engages each reader in their own way based on their experiences. For me, I kept seeing my mother and aunt dealing with the difficulties of their aged and ill mother with Alzheimer’s. Knowing where their responsibilities lay with their parent and their own families. Paul skillfully draws the reader in and provides them with thought provoking questions … what will I do when … can I do that when the time comes … why do I need to let anyone go?
Paul is a talented storyteller that has a keen insight into family and emotions.
WordsAPlenty gives this book a 5 star rating.
Things Unsaid: A Novel is an eye opening book that makes one look not only at one’s self but at one’s family with an intensity that is staggering. Three children – Jules, Joanne and Andrew are faced with caring for their aged parents who are now in an expensive retirement home and accumulating debts at the speed of light. Neither of their parents appear to be as sharp as they once were mentally but their tongues are sharper than ever.
Jules, the oldest feels a sense of duty and responsibility to help her parents and siblings. Caught between caring for her aged parents or her daughter and husband, Jules has to make hard choices – they are not always the right ones but in the end, she does the best she can.
“Jules is the one who has to support us.”
“His mother didn’t understand any of them. Only her own needs. It had always been like that.”
Things Unsaid is a well written book that takes one family and follows them through their struggle to come to terms with their aging parents and where their duties lie. Diana Paul uses her story to highlight a growing situation with parenting – parents give up everything as the children grow but at what point does the parent become the responsibility of the children? And who takes the responsibility? The oldest, middle, youngest …? How much responsibility and to what extent do you jeopardize your own family and life?
Parents grow older and lose their strength of body and mind far too often forcing their children to make difficult choices – choices their children must live with in the end. Perhaps with loving parents the choices would be much easier to make, but with Aida and Bob … well, the choices were much harder to reconcile.
“My troubles began when I got married. She paused and looked at Andrew. “I didn’t mean for your father and me to be such party poopers. We can talk about this later. No need to ruin our visit. And Abigail, you needn’t get involved with our petty personal problems. That’s just for family to deal with you know.” She smiled at her daughter-in-law – a fake smile, Andrew thought.
Paul develops each character and situation to its fullest. Her plot development is perfectly executed and engages each reader in their own way based on their experiences. For me, I kept seeing my mother and aunt dealing with the difficulties of their aged and ill mother with Alzheimer’s. Knowing where their responsibilities lay with their parent and their own families. Paul skillfully draws the reader in and provides them with thought provoking questions … what will I do when … can I do that when the time comes … why do I need to let anyone go?
Paul is a talented storyteller that has a keen insight into family and emotions.
WordsAPlenty gives this book a 5 star rating.
May 13, 2016
The baby boomers in America today are faced with the same dilemma as the characters in this book - how do they juggle taking care of their aging parents and their families and children at the same time and not go totally crazy themselves. Adding to the problem in this novel is that these parents have always treated their children terribly but the adult children still feel guilt over how to care for their parents.
Robert and Aida have three children - Jules, their oldest daughter who feels the most responsible for her parents; Andrew, the only son who hasn't visited in over five year and Joanne, the spoiled youngest daughter. Aida is probably one of the most narcissistic characters that I've read in a long time and if the reader thinks this is just a trait that develops as she grows older, there are lots of flashbacks to earlier times that show that she has always been this way. Robert is weak and didn't do much to take care of his family except provide his income. Their bills are mounting in their retirement home and they expect Jules to bail them out. Problem is that Jules has a husband and daughter at home and is maxing out their future to take care of her parents.
This is an extremely well written thought provoking book. I enjoyed the way the author opened up the characters little by little throughout the story. There were several characters that I didn't like at all but they were an integral part of the story that needed to be told. Overall, it left a great question that the reader needs to answer for themselves - it is more important to take care of our aging parents or the family that we create when we start our own lives?
Robert and Aida have three children - Jules, their oldest daughter who feels the most responsible for her parents; Andrew, the only son who hasn't visited in over five year and Joanne, the spoiled youngest daughter. Aida is probably one of the most narcissistic characters that I've read in a long time and if the reader thinks this is just a trait that develops as she grows older, there are lots of flashbacks to earlier times that show that she has always been this way. Robert is weak and didn't do much to take care of his family except provide his income. Their bills are mounting in their retirement home and they expect Jules to bail them out. Problem is that Jules has a husband and daughter at home and is maxing out their future to take care of her parents.
This is an extremely well written thought provoking book. I enjoyed the way the author opened up the characters little by little throughout the story. There were several characters that I didn't like at all but they were an integral part of the story that needed to be told. Overall, it left a great question that the reader needs to answer for themselves - it is more important to take care of our aging parents or the family that we create when we start our own lives?
October 12, 2015
Things Unsaid asks us to consider what children owe their aging parents and siblings. Beginning on page one — as a police officer explains to Julia (‘Jules’), the protagonist, that her elderly parents have sideswiped a car and left the scene of the accident — a pervasive sense of unease grips the reader.
It’s not the accident, per se, that causes the apprehension, but the cavalier manner in which her father dismisses the officer’s charges.
As we come to know this dysfunctional family — a narcissistic mother, a shadow-like father, and two calculating siblings — we watch as Jules struggles financially and emotionally to meet their needs. Repeatedly, she is called upon to rescue family members from self-inflicted problems;to wit, living beyond their means.
What’s more, everyone in the family keeps secrets, things unsaid that shape their relationships. Even Jules who is forced by her daughter's illness to take a stand.
In doing so, she breaks with her habit of enabling the dependent behaviors of her parents and siblings. Only then can the healing begin.
It’s not the accident, per se, that causes the apprehension, but the cavalier manner in which her father dismisses the officer’s charges.
As we come to know this dysfunctional family — a narcissistic mother, a shadow-like father, and two calculating siblings — we watch as Jules struggles financially and emotionally to meet their needs. Repeatedly, she is called upon to rescue family members from self-inflicted problems;to wit, living beyond their means.
What’s more, everyone in the family keeps secrets, things unsaid that shape their relationships. Even Jules who is forced by her daughter's illness to take a stand.
In doing so, she breaks with her habit of enabling the dependent behaviors of her parents and siblings. Only then can the healing begin.
July 30, 2017
The back cover says "A Ferocious Tale..." I couldn't agree more. The dynamic with the family, not unlike so many, was so turbulent. I was enrapt with Jules and her family's story. So much of it I could relate to and so much I was aghast. I could not put it down and like all good books, I didn't want it to end, but lost the battle of savoring it. I had to finish! Diana kept the pages turning with each character's plight and circumstance. The reader gets into the devilish mother's head and has rare moments of understanding her but still not liking her. Cheers to Diana Paul for this heartbreaking and touching family drama. I highly recommend it.
July 3, 2015
Diana Paul tackles issues near and dear to Boomer's hearts: challenges that arise from having elderly parents, including their financial irresponsibility, their favoritism, their declining abilities to navigate the world. As in Jonathan Franzen's The Corrections, the characters are not all likable, but it's hard not to sympathize with Jules, the adult child everyone is expecting to fix everything, while she experiences her own troubles with her husband and daughter. Family dynamics can be tough, and the author pulls no punches here. A courageous rendering.
July 20, 2019
Diana Paul’s novel Things Unsaid deftly invites us into the home of a family before they have time to clean for a surprise guest. Her main characters are complex, flawed, and human. We watch Jules as she navigates the landscapes of love, obligation, and freedom, what she is expected to do versus how she really wants to live her life. Her internal conflict, her place in the family, and her intricate, at times destructive, bonds with her parents and siblings, take us to the brink of catastrophe. We look out with Jules into the terrifying future and realize things have to change. Diana Paul brings us into the complicated nature of Jules’s relationship with her family by moving in and out of her point of view, showing us what each character is thinking and feeling. We see how Jules is perceived and how she perceives herself. Ultimately, Jules must decide if she will change or risk losing everything. Things Unsaid is a skillfully written novel about family relationships, dysfunction, and claiming one’s space in the world. Paul is a gifted and powerful writer who looks frailty in the eye and walks us to the core of what it means to be human. Her book is a gift.
March 16, 2016
Jules is a middle-aged woman trying her best to stay afloat. Her daughter needs her mom to "be there" for her. Her supportive husband is losing patience. Jules' job requires her to be on top of her game. And, she has aging parents who now require her emotional and financial support.
While Jules is the central character, the author lets us in on the hopes and dreams of the other important players in the family drama. This gave me sympathy for all the characters. I could see that, in their way of viewing the world, their actions were entirely consistent. The psychological complexity and underlying neediness of these flawed individuals will be familiar to anyone with "difficult" parents, as will Jules' efforts to prove her loyalty and stay the course.
While Jules is the central character, the author lets us in on the hopes and dreams of the other important players in the family drama. This gave me sympathy for all the characters. I could see that, in their way of viewing the world, their actions were entirely consistent. The psychological complexity and underlying neediness of these flawed individuals will be familiar to anyone with "difficult" parents, as will Jules' efforts to prove her loyalty and stay the course.
December 15, 2015
'Things Unsaid' is powerful and compelling. The book is not comfortable to read, I didn't like any of the characters and felt frustrated and angry at almost all of them. It is a real in-depth look at a dysfunctional family and a great portrayal of a narcissistic mother.
Diana Paul does an excellent job of pulling the reader into this family system; painful to read, but so powerfully written that I didn't want to put it down.
Diana Paul does an excellent job of pulling the reader into this family system; painful to read, but so powerfully written that I didn't want to put it down.
May 10, 2016
I read this novel over the holidays. Probably not my best idea as several characters and situations reminded me of my family- especially the parents and their struggle to get what they want. I meant to post a review right away, but I think I needed time to let the story stew in my head. I now realize that this novel reminds me of something I too often forget - that doing what I think is the right thing for my family isn't always easy or well received. Besides crafting an engaging story, Diana has done a great job with plot and pace.
July 3, 2015
In a carefully crafted cautionary tale, Diana Paul writes a story of a family that could be anyone's family. Dr. and Mrs. Whitman have lived a life of privilege. They have raised two daughters, Julia ("Jules") and Joanne, and a son, Andrew. Each of the children have families of their own and must grapple with how to handle their aging parents' decline in health, resistance to lifestyle changes, and financial irresponsibility.
Jules emerges as the one to whom not only her parents but also her siblings turn on a regular basis for a financial bail-out. With a measure of guilt and compassion, duty and devotion, she struggles to always come through for each one's request for more money. She does so not only to the detriment of her own financial well-being, but to the eventual demise of her marriage and a heartbreaking challenge to her relationship with her daughter. All of this because "that's what a good daughter is supposed to do."
Paul's story is an intricate study in human behavior, perhaps no better illustrated than in the fact that Jules has been trying for years to write her own book, titled The Narcissistic Mother. A long, never-ending history of bailing out her siblings and her parents takes a huge emotional and financial toll on Jules, whose siblings seem unable to see past their own selfish need for Jules' financial assistance. When she makes herself unavailable to them during a family crisis of her own, her brother and sister are disgruntled at her unreturned phone calls, her inability to provide funds for them, her seeming unwillingness to "be there for them like she always has been."
In gripping detail, Paul unravels the threads that once bound these individuals together. Family ties are stressed to the breaking point. A crisis of health for some, relationship for others, and self-awareness for Jules, culminates in the realization of the toll that ill-placed priorities can take. Jules is forced to confront the difficult issue of choosing between the family she was born into and the one she created as an adult. Moral dilemmas, emotional roller-coasters, sacrifice and duty abound in this tense novel that exposes raw human emotion—sparing no one the pain that comes with such issues.
by Lee Ambrose
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women
Jules emerges as the one to whom not only her parents but also her siblings turn on a regular basis for a financial bail-out. With a measure of guilt and compassion, duty and devotion, she struggles to always come through for each one's request for more money. She does so not only to the detriment of her own financial well-being, but to the eventual demise of her marriage and a heartbreaking challenge to her relationship with her daughter. All of this because "that's what a good daughter is supposed to do."
Paul's story is an intricate study in human behavior, perhaps no better illustrated than in the fact that Jules has been trying for years to write her own book, titled The Narcissistic Mother. A long, never-ending history of bailing out her siblings and her parents takes a huge emotional and financial toll on Jules, whose siblings seem unable to see past their own selfish need for Jules' financial assistance. When she makes herself unavailable to them during a family crisis of her own, her brother and sister are disgruntled at her unreturned phone calls, her inability to provide funds for them, her seeming unwillingness to "be there for them like she always has been."
In gripping detail, Paul unravels the threads that once bound these individuals together. Family ties are stressed to the breaking point. A crisis of health for some, relationship for others, and self-awareness for Jules, culminates in the realization of the toll that ill-placed priorities can take. Jules is forced to confront the difficult issue of choosing between the family she was born into and the one she created as an adult. Moral dilemmas, emotional roller-coasters, sacrifice and duty abound in this tense novel that exposes raw human emotion—sparing no one the pain that comes with such issues.
by Lee Ambrose
for Story Circle Book Reviews
reviewing books by, for, and about women
August 31, 2015
Thanks to Net Galley and the publisher for providing me with an e-version of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Diana Paul has written a beautiful novel which perfectly illustrates the phenomenon know as the "sandwich generation." By definition, that is the generation of people who care for aging parents who may be ill, unable to perform daily tasks, or who need financial support, while also supporting their own children.
Bob and Aida Whitman, now in their early 80's, have three children: Julie, a psychologist and wannabe author; Andrew, a dentist and; Joanne, owner of a gem store. All three children have children of their own and are struggling with their own familial relationships. Bob, a retired physician, and his wife, Aida, are accustomed to living a lavish lifestyle. However, Bob's mismanagement of his investments and Aida's expensive tastes have resulted in the inability to maintain their lifestyle. Each of the three children handle their parents' crisis in their own way. Through their narrations, we learn how family secrets and things unsaid have shaped their relationships over the years, and how in turn, these same secrets have shaped their relationships with their spouses and children.
Ms. Paul allows us a glimpse into the microcosm of the baby boomer's world and does it in a entertaining and thought-provoking way.
Diana Paul has written a beautiful novel which perfectly illustrates the phenomenon know as the "sandwich generation." By definition, that is the generation of people who care for aging parents who may be ill, unable to perform daily tasks, or who need financial support, while also supporting their own children.
Bob and Aida Whitman, now in their early 80's, have three children: Julie, a psychologist and wannabe author; Andrew, a dentist and; Joanne, owner of a gem store. All three children have children of their own and are struggling with their own familial relationships. Bob, a retired physician, and his wife, Aida, are accustomed to living a lavish lifestyle. However, Bob's mismanagement of his investments and Aida's expensive tastes have resulted in the inability to maintain their lifestyle. Each of the three children handle their parents' crisis in their own way. Through their narrations, we learn how family secrets and things unsaid have shaped their relationships over the years, and how in turn, these same secrets have shaped their relationships with their spouses and children.
Ms. Paul allows us a glimpse into the microcosm of the baby boomer's world and does it in a entertaining and thought-provoking way.
September 15, 2015
This story was almost hard to digest, because it speaks of a family in such dysfunction that it is painstaking to read. But, that is exactly what makes this story so wonderful and different.
To tell a tale of a family that is always at its breaking point must have been hard to do; but, Diane Y. Paul gives them a very loud voice. While uncomfortable at times, I did enjoy this book. I almost had to put it down at the beginning, but I am glad I ended up reading the entire book, in just one sitting. I was completely enraptured with the story.
This is the story of Bob and Aida Whitman and their three children, and grandchildren. We learn how Bob and Aida meet, and how they raise their two daughters, Jules and Joanne and son, Andrew. And, then years later, we learn how these children figure out how to take care of their ailing parents.
Their eldest daughter, Jules was a hero to me. She tried to do everything right by her parents, even if they had not done the same for her. She was the entire family’s safety net. Losing herself along the way may have been enevitable.
Diane Y. Paul writes of a time in life that we will all encounter.
No matter what, losing our parents is never easy. Not even for the Whitman family. Even when walking away may have been the easiest thing to do.
This is a wonderfully engrossing read.
To tell a tale of a family that is always at its breaking point must have been hard to do; but, Diane Y. Paul gives them a very loud voice. While uncomfortable at times, I did enjoy this book. I almost had to put it down at the beginning, but I am glad I ended up reading the entire book, in just one sitting. I was completely enraptured with the story.
This is the story of Bob and Aida Whitman and their three children, and grandchildren. We learn how Bob and Aida meet, and how they raise their two daughters, Jules and Joanne and son, Andrew. And, then years later, we learn how these children figure out how to take care of their ailing parents.
Their eldest daughter, Jules was a hero to me. She tried to do everything right by her parents, even if they had not done the same for her. She was the entire family’s safety net. Losing herself along the way may have been enevitable.
Diane Y. Paul writes of a time in life that we will all encounter.
No matter what, losing our parents is never easy. Not even for the Whitman family. Even when walking away may have been the easiest thing to do.
This is a wonderfully engrossing read.
March 30, 2017
As a current caregiver for my elderly mom with beginning stages of Alzheimer's and an older sibling that isn't always dependable, this book really hit home for me. I could relate to Jules Foster in that she's the one that everyone depended on to take care of everything, but I would not have made some of the decisions that she made especially when it came to her own daughter. There were a few characters that were not likable to me, especially the narcissistic mother, Aida, but I thought Diane Paul did an excellent job of writing a book that deals with very important family issues. I hope that younger readers reading this book will think about having a discussion with their parents and siblings about what is to occur should the need arise for elder care. It is not always needed but it is best to discuss and have a plan, not only for their parents, but for themselves. I enjoyed the audio version of this book and do highly recommend it!!
February 13, 2017
I love reading about family dynamics, and this one had a special attraction. The parents were trying to hold their children hostage to make sure that the parents' needs were met without any changes on their part. Each child had a totally different reaction to their parents' manipulations and emotional blackmail. I could see real families reacting in such ways. The dysfunction dripped from every page until everyone almost drowned and was almost carried out to sea by the storm's waves.
I so didn't expect such an enthralling novel. Caregiving when parents age and don't consider their new normal must be the most no-win situation one could ever be part of. I picked it up last night and could not put it down until I finished the last page.
I so didn't expect such an enthralling novel. Caregiving when parents age and don't consider their new normal must be the most no-win situation one could ever be part of. I picked it up last night and could not put it down until I finished the last page.
November 28, 2015
What is it about verbally abused children that make them keep trying to please their parents even though that will never happen? Julia (Jules) was the eldest daughter, now grown and married with a child of her own. She has a sister and brother, Joanne and Andrew. Jules and Joanne arrive for their mother’s birthday celebration. Soon after Jules arrives, her dad, Robert Whitman, goes to his computer, while her mom, Aida, starts in on her. Their financial crisis is all her fault for giving her dad the computer. He’s invested in penny stocks and they’re, quite frankly, losing their butts.
Not only that, but both parents seem to think it’s a drop in the bucket for Jules to bail them out of their crisis. Their assisted living community, Safe Harbor, is costing $5K per month! So, Jules dutifully doles out $11K at her mother’s insistence to get them through the next couple of months. Jules and her husband are now at odds. His main concern is their daughter who needs money for college. Yet Jules continues to support her parents who are refusing to move in with anyone and lose their lucrative lifestyle.
Oh boy! This book brought out some strong anger in me. As I read more, I could see a pattern forming. Some chapters were given over the Robert and Aida and the reader could see that they had also received their share of verbal abuse. Sadly, though, the abuse was also physical for Andrew. He had not shown up for Aida’s party. In fact, he didn’t show up for quite a bit of their lives. The scenes played out on the pages of this story are intense. The reader feels the desire to sit down with Jules and shake some sense into her. The author expertly places us in the midst of a very dysfunctional family. Rating: 4 out of 5.
Not only that, but both parents seem to think it’s a drop in the bucket for Jules to bail them out of their crisis. Their assisted living community, Safe Harbor, is costing $5K per month! So, Jules dutifully doles out $11K at her mother’s insistence to get them through the next couple of months. Jules and her husband are now at odds. His main concern is their daughter who needs money for college. Yet Jules continues to support her parents who are refusing to move in with anyone and lose their lucrative lifestyle.
Oh boy! This book brought out some strong anger in me. As I read more, I could see a pattern forming. Some chapters were given over the Robert and Aida and the reader could see that they had also received their share of verbal abuse. Sadly, though, the abuse was also physical for Andrew. He had not shown up for Aida’s party. In fact, he didn’t show up for quite a bit of their lives. The scenes played out on the pages of this story are intense. The reader feels the desire to sit down with Jules and shake some sense into her. The author expertly places us in the midst of a very dysfunctional family. Rating: 4 out of 5.
October 16, 2016
The story details some of the events in a very dysfunctional family consisting of: Aida and Robert, the parents (although I use the term loosely) who are the most self-centered, narcissistic and selfish people who act like their children were put on this earth for their comfort, welfare and amusement.
Jules is the oldest and has a warped sense of duty where her parents, sister and brother are concerned and which almost cost her her daughter and, in part, her husband. Andrew is the be all and the end where his mother is concerned but it is only lip service as she couldn't care less for the problems and/or turmoil in his life. Joanne, the youngest, clings to her sister for everything and her mother tries to help by taking her to the spa or buying a new dress which should "fix" everything. It's hard enough when you're part of the sandwich generation -- taking care of your own family while trying your best to help your parents -- but these "parents" made it next to impossible. The author did a fine job of showing the far end of this spectrum.
Jules is the oldest and has a warped sense of duty where her parents, sister and brother are concerned and which almost cost her her daughter and, in part, her husband. Andrew is the be all and the end where his mother is concerned but it is only lip service as she couldn't care less for the problems and/or turmoil in his life. Joanne, the youngest, clings to her sister for everything and her mother tries to help by taking her to the spa or buying a new dress which should "fix" everything. It's hard enough when you're part of the sandwich generation -- taking care of your own family while trying your best to help your parents -- but these "parents" made it next to impossible. The author did a fine job of showing the far end of this spectrum.
January 23, 2017
“Things Unsaid” fester through the length of Diana Paul’s fine novel of family dysfunction. Most poignant is the plight of Jules, a “good daughter” who is pulled between the needs of her husband and kids – which he loudly and frequently articulates as demands – and her aging parents, who blithely assume that of course she will take care of them. Their obliviousness and carelessness with her welfare, while extreme, is unfortunately not uncommon. While we get some glimpses into the world of the other siblings, Jules’s plight is the one we are meant to feel most acutely. The flashbacks are well used to help us see the characters in relation to each other, and the roots of the situation we are presented with. It’s a deep family drama that sometimes, like real life, goes toward melodrama, but it’s well handled. Despite the fact that traumatic patterns include a certain repetition by definition, Paul does keep the dramatic tension up, and the resolution at the end did seem realistic to me given the amount of hell the characters have to go through to get there!
July 18, 2016
THINGS UNSAID, by Diana Y. Paul, is a novel that could be a memoir. It is the universal story of a dysfunctional family, how they tear each other apart, and how if not stopped, their instability could bleed down through generations to come. It is a story of the conflicts between a set of elderly parents, their three grown children, and their granddaughters. All of them soaking in the sour brine of relationships gone bad. In today’s world of Baby Boomers taking over the care of their aging parents, it's a thoughtful tale we can all learn from. Do we give our all to those who brought us into the world despite their toxic behaviors? Or do we need to let them go their own way in order to preserve our own lives and those of our children? Every caretaker story is different, but this one holds a bit of everything that could go wrong and then some. Highly recommended to me by several other She Writes Press authors, I found it hard to put down.
February 12, 2019
Things Unsaid definitely takes the reader on an outrageous ride with a super dysfunctional family. Or are they a typical family that struggles with sense of obligation to each other. What exactly do we owe our aging parents and family members when life comes crashing down around them financially? And how does this affect our spouses and children? All these questions are in this well written story that at times made me very angry with certain characters while at other times made me LOL at their actions and thought process. This was very addicting read encompassing secrets, relationships, duty, sacrifice and love. This book will be on my mind for quite awhile!
May 11, 2016
It was a really good read examining the many challenges associated with love. The characters were vivid and real if not always acting in sympathetic ways. Their humanity made you almost feel you were part of the family too. I have to admit I felt a little fortunate and a little cheated a the same time that my parents died young. The writing is strong and carries you effortlessly along the stream of love and duty. Somehow the stones in the middle just add to the story.
December 2, 2018
Book clubs will savor this story of family dynamics and the questions of love and duty the protagonist Jules must face while navigating her mother’s narcissism and the secrets hidden by her siblings. A beautifully written book with a message of redemption and healing at its core. Highly recommended.
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