I made the mistake of going into this without having read the book description (which I've reproduced below) and, as a consequence, found myself completely confused about whether certain characters - Boat Woman, Bird Boy, etc - were real or imaginary. For a long time I couldn't work out who 'P' was, other than someone Sam seems in constant fear of, or whether Rosa, who often provides advice and encouragement to Sam, was alive or dead.
Sam is haunted by the conviction that he was responsible for the death of his mother, a woman who veered between manic highs and debilitating lows. The story unfolds (almost) in reverse chronological order so it's only towards the end that we discover what actually happened.
I found being inside Sam's head a troubling place to be and I found the stream of consciousness style used at certain points challenge. But the author has a real gift for observation and you do feel yourself walking alongside Sam as he navigates his small part of London.
Basically I struggled with the book but was engaged enough with Sam's story to read to the end.
I received a digital review copy courtesy of epoque press.
Book description: Sam, a 45-year-old Londoner of dual heritage, has lived his life accompanied by voices no one else can hear. Chief among them is the taunting echo of a childhood bully who refuses to let Sam forget the guilt he carries over his mother’s death.
When his elusive, dream-like girlfriend, known only as Boat Woman, disappears without warning, Sam’s fragile world begins to unravel, and he becomes convinced that only his death can protect those he loves.
As the past and present collide in Sam’s fractured mind, he is drawn into a labyrinth of memory and revelation that challenges everything he thought he knew. But the voices that haunt him may yet become his guides, if he can only find the courage to listen.
I really liked the journey we go on as a reader with Sam and learning more about him and his childhood.
Grief and guilt seem to be the main hits got me when reading this. Sam has a lot of both, mainly guilt I would say. His girlfriend who isn't really there but then disappears sends him into an even bigger spiral as he tries to find her again while listening to voices in his head and worries that people knew what he did and what kind of a person he is.
It was also touching to read about his upbringing and his relationship with his mom and how he was treated and how that ultimately affected him. It is a sad story yet holds out hope for Sam which kept me reading.