Because Your Vampire Said So

Broken Heart #3

by Michele Bardsley

Not just anyone can visit Broken Heart, Oklahoma, especially since all the single moms—like me, Patsy Donahue—have been turned into vampires. I’m forever forty, but looking younger than my years, thanks to my new (un)lifestyle. And even thought most of my customers have skipped town, I still manage to keep my hair salon up and running because of the lycanthropes prowling around. They know how important good grooming is—especially a certain rogue shape-shifter who is as sexy as he is deadly. Now, if only I could put a leash on my wild teenage son. He’s up to his neck in danger. The stress would kill me if I wasn’t already dead. But my maternal instincts are sill alive and kicking, so no one better mess with my flesh and blood.

Genres: Paranormal Romance, Paranormal, Vampires, Romance, Fantasy, Chick Lit, Humor

292 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published May 6, 2008

About the author

New York Times and USA Today bestselling author Michele Bardsley writes humorous paranormal romances and funny paranormal mysteries. Michele likes to write, read, crochet hats, drink wine, and eat chocolate!

Visit her website!

Reviews

[Jessica's Totally Over The Top Book Obsession · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

[Julie (jjmachshev) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. However, if you haven't read "Don't Talk Back to Your Vampire" and "I'm The Vampire, That's Why", you won't find it quite as funny. This series of vampire novels are hilarious. They feature the stories of working single mothers whose town of Broken Heart, Oklahoma suffered an attack by rogue vampires. The Consortium (good vamps) came in on the heels of the rogues and saved those they could. Now Broken Heart is the first ever paranormal town.

I find these hilarious because they deal in situations that all Moms face, single parents or no. If you become a vampire, who takes your kids to school? If your teenager wants to become a vamp, do you let them? What's the right 'turning age'? What supernatural creature would want to work at the grocery store that you still need for the kids' food? What do you do if your daughter wants to date a real wolf, well...werewolf, that is?

You see what I mean? Reading about these Moms as they try to carry on is like "I Love Lucy" meets "Dracula". How can you not love that?

[Yodamom · Rating 3 out of 5]

A human Paranormal investigator finds herself caught in the middle of a paranormal battle saved by a vampire and kissed by a dragon lady before her death. *That was only the first day. She is taken by the "others" to be studied, she seems to have collected some of the dragons powers and her vampire savior did as well. There is an extreme lust going on between the two, it's flaming things up in smoke. She remains a captive, while danger surrounds the compound. One dragon wants her powers, and another dragon carries an evil ancient who wants the Queen dead. Yes, a whole lot of wanting people dead going on. The two lust birds keep lusting and everything marches on to a torched ending.



I did not enjoy this one as much as the previous books. It just was too easy of a love match for me. I like more strife and struggle. I did find myself chuckling again, which it what I love about this series.

[Anita · Rating 2 out of 5]

To be honest, this book was not good. It seemed as though someone published the outline for the book, rather than bothering to actually write it. Maybe the editors set a page limit and cut 1/3 of the original writing. I don't know, but the result was bad. Half of the book is dedicated to explaining the history of vampires, and the other half to the epic unfolding of a phophesy that makes hairdresser Eva the queen of vampires. Which leaves about 10 pages total for her romance with werewolf Gabriel, and even fewer pages to develop the couple dozen new characters. There were five bewildering pages in the middle that took Eva from not trusting Gabriel to being ready to wed him - and none of it made any sense. To be completely fair, I read this book with a fever, so I might have missed some details, but really, this book was weak. I still like the series generally, though, so I'll give at least one more book a shot to see if it gets better.

[Amy · Rating 1 out of 5]

What. the. frick. I enjoyed the first two books, but this was just ridiculous. Honestly, I even liked the first half of this one. The second half felt too forced and rushed, though. Bardsley seems to have some kind of freakish crush on Mary Janice Davidson. She mentions MJD's books in each of the books in this series (so far), and in this one, Patsy is basically a white-trash version of MJD's Queen Betsy. Absolutely pointless.

Not to mention that I am insanely tired of all the little "short stories" she puts within each of her books. The others had Lorcan's stories; this one had Ruadan's. I mostly skim those parts. The majority of the time, the point of the short story is to explain something from the past, such as the Turning of each Ancient. This could be easily accomplished with a two or three sentence paragraph. There's no need for a boring old short story. Although in all honesty, as rushed as she makes her books, the entire thing feels like a short story.

I am just mad. The last half of the book completely ruined the first half. And truth be told, I'm tired of the single parents rushing to get some nooky while their kids are in danger. Moms don't think like that. Patsy's in bed in a cave with Gabriel; her son Wilson is at the compound miles away. She hasn't talked to him in a day or two. She hasn't even been able to check up on him since this huge demon cloud surrounded the compound and took all the inhabitants hostage. She has no idea how her son is. What are her thoughts when Terran tells her they have to hurry and get moving? That she really wishes she could get some "nookie" before the end of the world. Seriously?

[Erin Henze · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5⭐️

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

The third book in the Broken Hearts Vampire Series.

The town of Broken Heart, Oklahoma is not your average town. After 11 of it's population were attacked on the same night and all turned vampire - the town underwent a shift to a Paranormal Community.

This book features another one of the 11 that were turned - the town hair stylist Patsy Donahue. Patsy is kind of bored now that she is a vampire. She doesn't have to worry about bills since the consortium paid off everyone's mortgages and pretty much ownes the whole town. Vampires don't need a whole lot of hair maintanence - so she is seriously thinking about adding Shifter grooming to the sign so she can drum in the werewolf business to keep busy.

Her primary concern is her son Wilson - typical jerk son who smoked pot and has a grudge the size of a house on his shoulders. That is until she is attacked outside of her shop on the way back to her double-wide. Apparently all the remaining Turn-bloods (One of the 11 went into the light in book 1) are being targeted. Fortunatly that very night all the Turn-bloods were issued additional security - so Patsy had a guard with her and together they were able to get the demon thing to go away. Unfortunatly - her guard was hurt - so she hauled him into her trailer and went to look for his things outside. When she gets outside she finds another man down - torn up just as bad as her guard. Confused and more than a little frightened - she calls the main compound and asks for help right away (Paranormal 911).

When the rescue crew get there they tell Patsy that the man down in her yard is her gaurd - confused Patsy tells them about the hot drink of water in her trailer who told her he was her guard and who got hurt trying to save her. They run into her trailer but the hot mystery hunk is gone - leaving only a little blood behind.

This is another fast and fun read. I am really hooked on this series - which says a lot. All of the books have featured single mothers in them - so there is a lot of "I would do anything to keep my child/ren safe" stuff in each book - but it's not what defines the main character and it is only an aspect of each book. I think it would be easy to go overboard with that - so I am happy that it's handled well and that - as a person with no children in her life - it doesn't alienate me and turn me off the series.

I am very anxious to dig into the rest of the series! Alot of stuff happened in this book and I am very curious to see where the next book takes us.

[Wealie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Third novel in Michele Bardsley's Broken Heart series, which focuses on a supernatural community, starting with I'm the Vampire, That's Why. The story picks up the timeline directly after the events of Don't Talk Back To Your Vampire and is heavily reliant on the back story of the first two novels, so best to read the series in order to avoid spoilers and get the most out of the exposition and world building.

This story felt a bit rushed and wasn't as good as the previous two novels, the insta love between Patsy and Gabriel felt forced and contrived. Added to that introducing Gabriel as the Loup-sang (basically born lycan-vamp hybrid) and shoe-horsing in Patsy's role as Queen of the Lycans and Vamps came out of nowhere. Considering Patsy had a small to nothing role in the previous novels it felt like she should have been a bigger character earlier and we should have had glimpses of Gabriel and his band of misfits at the very least. It felt like Patsy and Gabriel's story was told too early in the series and they need developing as secondary characters in a few books before getting their own novel.

[Sheila · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mmm. I need to save most of my comments for the book club but I will say a few things. I started out not really enjoying the tone of the book, kind of silly and fluffy-what I didn't like about the Sookie Stackhouse book I read. I continued to give it a whirl since that was the premise of the book club-light reading. I enjoyed it enough, I especially liked the back story on the creation of the vampires, and some of the myths used. Not sure how much was based on research and how much was made up, might have to look that up for book club!

The story with her son wasn't really the focal point, as the title and back of the book would lead you to believe, but I guess it's a good tie in for an older crowd that liked Twilight, but wanted things to move out of high school.

Twilight is (omg I don't believe I am saying this!) written better, but this is definitely more feminist leaning. (for a simple summer read that is)

In all it was okay. Perfect for reading on my floaty in the pool at the very least.

Oh! yeah...I must say I don't think I have ever read a vampire book with more sex, that was less sensual. I think this may count as my first bodice ripper.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Patsy Donahue is just your normal beautician in Broken Heart, Oklahoma. Oh wait, she's not. She's a single mom beautician with a alchoholic druggie son who's a vampire. Not to mention she can see ghosts, talk to them, and pretty much make a zombie army. Let's not forget that there is one sexy werewolf-vampire named Gabriel who is hot and dangerous, and wants Patsy as his mate. Well, what the hell? She binds with him and truly loves him. But, Patsy figures out she's supposed to rule the vampires and lycans as one. As if adding on that she's a single mother! And now, Koschei is back with a few of his Ancient friends. In this book, we meet all the Ancients as one and read their stories as to how they became vampires. So, you also see in this book how Lia is a biiiiiittttchhhh! Anyways, Koschei has an army, and is ready to take down Patsy, no matter what. This book is so funny...and once again very graphic. Patsy is probably just as funny as Jessica in the first book, and we get to see Jessica some more in this book. Yay! All in all, this book was so funny, and filled with love. (:

[Candice · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked this book out only because it was available immediately from my library as an e-book, and I wanted free books to try out on my new Barnes & Noble nook over my vacation. But the writing was so bad I had to stop reading.

It felt like a book outline or else the speed-written first draft that never actually got fully written. I found bits of it funny and amusing, but since I hadn't read book 1 or 2, the characters (which were more like character sketches than fleshed-out, fully formed characters) and backstory were impossible to follow.

Thank goodness I didn't waste any money or bookshelf space on this one!!

[The Kawaii Slartibartfast · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really didn't care so much for this one. It got bogged down with the mythology right in the middle of the story.

I enjoyed Jessica and Eva's story, but this one felt it was lacking something. I really didn't care for Patsy and Wilson and the story just seemed like it built up to a 2 second finale and that's it. With all the back story, I expected more.

[Tilequa]

Idk i just might read this!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun and enjoyable.

Fast paced easy read. Characters are delightful and some are even a bit snarky. I recommend this book to anyone who loves vampires with a little sass.

[Veronica · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book when I was 13, and in retrospect that makes perfect sense, because it reads like the it was written by a 13 year old.

My immediate impression upon starting it was that the heroine and the dialogue were both stupider than I remembered, and my disgust only grew the further I read.
The entire book is just...flat. The big love story is insta-love garbage that goes from total strangers to soulmates in literally two days without ever giving him an actual personality or even much interaction between the two of them. Every single one of the "big reveals" is bland Mary Sue shit. The heroine is supposed to have this really big arc and destiny and it's just so bland because she insists she's just "plain ol Patsy" (I'm not even going to address how incredibly irritating her jargon got) and every conflict in the book is resolved in about 4 sentences, giving it a disorienting pattern of "oh no! Oh wait nevermind...oh no! Oh nevermind it's fine" through the whole book.
The whole thing reeks of someone who has aspirations of writing an amazing epic story with love and battles and cool magic powers but just doesn't have the technical ability to make it interesting. Maybe my biggest gripe is that the pacing for this book is wack. There's no clear sense of time passing, so it seems like all the events in the book happen in about 5 minutes, and they're all pretty boring.
In short, this one just re-proves my theory that you should never reread books you loved as a child as an adult, because they're all crap.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not just anyone can visit Broken Heart, Oklahoma, especially since all the single moms—like me, Patsy Donahue—have been turned into vampires. I’m forever forty, but looking younger than my years, thanks to my new (un)lifestyle. And even thought most of my customers have skipped town, I still manage to keep my hair salon up and running because of the lycanthropes prowling around. They know how important good grooming is—especially a certain rogue shape-shifter who is as sexy as he is deadly. Now, if only I could put a leash on my wild teenage son. He’s up to his neck in danger. The stress would kill me if I wasn’t already dead. But my maternal instincts are sill alive and kicking, so no one better mess with my flesh and blood.
Heather Notes
This story was ok. I really liked Gabriel but Patsy never impressed me. I felt like she should have treated her son differently. I also felt like her denial was not in character. I did like the way she stepped and did what she had to, but it was weird the way she suddenly just accepted it. The book did have some funny moments and overall I liked it.

[Ana G · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book's description was full of tropes I thought I'd enjoy -- middle-aged single mom with superpowers, urban fantasy setting, rich cast, supernatural romance -- but the execution fell flat.

Admittedly this is a highly subjective genre, so just because I didn't enjoy this book doesn't mean the next lady won't love it, but for me, this was almost a DNF. The plot felt horribly rushed, I didn't get to form any meaningful bond with the characters, the dialogue was stilted and filled with cliches, and the worldbuilding 'parallel-plot' interspersed with the main plot was hard to follow.

[Deana Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

A terrific novel, with plenty of action, humor, and .romance. Pasty and the other Turn-bloods of Broken Heart, Oklahoma face their biggest threat yet.

This book is about 40 year old beautician and new vampire Patsy. Her alcoholic husband has left her bitter, but stronger, with a sullen teenage son who is leaning on drugs and liquor. Enter a werewolf who is gorgeous and crazy about her. Mix a prophecy, rebellious ancients, demons, fairies, and a puzzling statue and you have the third saga of the Broken Heart vampires.

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

Plot holes, plot holes, plot holes. Entertaining read as long as you don't ask to many questions along the lines of... how did they know to do that? or... if that's a thing, why wasn't it done before?

Also no character development. People just kept popping up because it was convenient for the 'Swiss Cheese' story.

[Tiya Searcy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Agree with a 3.5 stars. Humorous and light “beach” read for adults. Some graphic scenes may not be appropriate for teens looking for a vampire/werewolf read (at least I would not want my daughter reading it). Otherwise, I enjoyed it to take a break from heavier reads. I may even pick up the next one when looking to take my next reading break.

[Patricia English · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book, this series goes into the lives of a set of People who got chomped on by a rouge vampire with a virus who where all turned. And their daily lives and the stuff they get into because other beings are not as happy that these guys are here. You have to read the books to learn more, its a really good series

[Jennifer, Just beyond normal ♑ · Rating 4 out of 5]

More of a 3.5 star read on this one. I enjoyed the book, but it just was not as good as books 1 & 2. I do think it is interesting the role Patsy is now playing. So it will be cool to see how all that plays out. Looking forward to the next book!

[Whitney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Because Your Vampire Said So is the third book in the Broken Heart series and oh my gosh this series just keeps getting better and better. I just can’t get enough of this world and it’s amazing characters. I can’t wait to read the next book in this series.

[Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyable book dealing with Patsy and Gabriel.

[Llaph · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really cute, more weird thrown into the mix. Adored the whole story. It had the right amount of everything and thankfully not too much of one thing or another.

[Josephine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highly entertaining. Love it!

[Avofaugust · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was okay. I didn't realize that it was already the third book. Gonna find the first two.

[Peggy Ranburger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great series.. can't wait to read the next book..

[Lorri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This series is getting weirder with each book but something about it draws me in.

[Wetdryvac · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fun fluff.