What do you think?
Rate this book
Portal Maintenance: Fer Sal
PORTAL FER SALLook, if you are looking for a serious, grimdark fantasy about a "Chosen One" fulfilling an ancient prophecy, I am not your author. But if you need a good laugh, interdimensional tax evasion, and weaponized 1970s upholstery? Pull up a chair.
My name is Joseph. I'm a bankrupt systems engineer who bought a falling-down estate in rural Alabama for forty-four grand, entirely because the phenomenally misspelled "Fer Sal" sign in the front yard spoke to my soul.
Turns out, the previous owners forgot to mention the property came with a five-hundred-acre magical forest and an active interdimensional portal.
My first squatter is Lexi. She's a 94-year-old, drop-dead gorgeous apex predator who crossed dimensions specifically to buy two cartons of Marlboro Reds. My real estate paperwork accidentally bricked the Wi-Fi password to her ride home, and she's stranded in my living room.
The compromise? I figure out a way to fix her commute, and she teaches me interdimensional capitalism.
Lexi is a "luxury" furniture dealer. She sells the absolute ugliest, mustard-plaid 1970s couches we can drag out of terrestrial thrift stores to medieval aristocrats who think Earth synthetics are high-status alien technology.
But I’m not just her delivery boy. I introduce the 14th century to premium Earth tobacco, trading cheap cigars for pounds of raw silver to officially become a medieval nicotine kingpin.
Now, if I can just figure out how to reverse-engineer their magical runes to get A/C to work in a sweltering medieval dimension called Dirt—yep, that’s literally the realm's name—our monopoly will be complete.
Between dodging the local agricultural cartel, laundering pirate treasure through the town hardware store, and building magical prototypes in a cinderblock bunker, my hands are full. Especially because my house is now inhabited by three highly lethal, immortal women.
The kicker? Their alien biology is specifically wired to feed on the kinetic output of male hubris.
Good thing I'm busy cornering a multi-dimensional economy. My ego has absolutely never been higher.
And they are eating it up. Literally.
My name is Joseph. I'm a bankrupt systems engineer who bought a falling-down estate in rural Alabama for forty-four grand, entirely because the phenomenally misspelled "Fer Sal" sign in the front yard spoke to my soul.
Turns out, the previous owners forgot to mention the property came with a five-hundred-acre magical forest and an active interdimensional portal.
My first squatter is Lexi. She's a 94-year-old, drop-dead gorgeous apex predator who crossed dimensions specifically to buy two cartons of Marlboro Reds. My real estate paperwork accidentally bricked the Wi-Fi password to her ride home, and she's stranded in my living room.
The compromise? I figure out a way to fix her commute, and she teaches me interdimensional capitalism.
Lexi is a "luxury" furniture dealer. She sells the absolute ugliest, mustard-plaid 1970s couches we can drag out of terrestrial thrift stores to medieval aristocrats who think Earth synthetics are high-status alien technology.
But I’m not just her delivery boy. I introduce the 14th century to premium Earth tobacco, trading cheap cigars for pounds of raw silver to officially become a medieval nicotine kingpin.
Now, if I can just figure out how to reverse-engineer their magical runes to get A/C to work in a sweltering medieval dimension called Dirt—yep, that’s literally the realm's name—our monopoly will be complete.
Between dodging the local agricultural cartel, laundering pirate treasure through the town hardware store, and building magical prototypes in a cinderblock bunker, my hands are full. Especially because my house is now inhabited by three highly lethal, immortal women.
The kicker? Their alien biology is specifically wired to feed on the kinetic output of male hubris.
Good thing I'm busy cornering a multi-dimensional economy. My ego has absolutely never been higher.
And they are eating it up. Literally.
373 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 30, 2026
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
September 6, 2026
I have been reading fantasy and science fiction for over 50 years. I support independent authors because it's hard to break into this market. I always look for a new spin on world building, character development and rules of magic when I find a new writer. I am also no prude and enjoy a steamy scene. All that said, this book is just an adolescent male fantasy and would frankly make a better x-rated short film about other worldly babes who like it every way possible and with a ridiculously egotistical 26 year-old boy-man. The writing is so redundant - I had to read the A/C was 68 degrees, the Tesla was dying, the women were apex predators, Lexi wore Daisy Duke shorts, and no one worn anything under their simple sun dresses way way way too many times.
There was the promise of some original ideas - I liked the setting of rural Alabama, some of the potential for conflict with the locals, a portal to a different world, and trying to make magic work between two different operating systems. There was also room to add humor. These ideas are squandered or overshadowed by redundant writing, no character development, and over the top male fantasy sex scenes. I'm not going to bother with the second book.
There was the promise of some original ideas - I liked the setting of rural Alabama, some of the potential for conflict with the locals, a portal to a different world, and trying to make magic work between two different operating systems. There was also room to add humor. These ideas are squandered or overshadowed by redundant writing, no character development, and over the top male fantasy sex scenes. I'm not going to bother with the second book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 16, 2026
Book one
There's an actual There's an actual reason I'm only giving this 2 stars. It has nothing to do with the sex and the book.
I gave it 2 stars because 1 entire chapter repeats itself. Also before that there was a sentence that just cut off right in the middle.
The story itself is pretty decent. The sex is not overly crude, But it can be skipped I skipped. I skipped most of them.
I know here lately I've been doing reviews for mostly litrpg books but this is portal harem fantasy.
4/10 Because it needs better editing.
There's an actual There's an actual reason I'm only giving this 2 stars. It has nothing to do with the sex and the book.
I gave it 2 stars because 1 entire chapter repeats itself. Also before that there was a sentence that just cut off right in the middle.
The story itself is pretty decent. The sex is not overly crude, But it can be skipped I skipped. I skipped most of them.
I know here lately I've been doing reviews for mostly litrpg books but this is portal harem fantasy.
4/10 Because it needs better editing.
August 4, 2026
As advertised
This book was exactly whay the author claimed it to be. Lite. Fairly quick paced and easy to track. No angst or waffling back and forth with some teen twit who spends most of the story with crippling anxiety or quick changing between multiple personalities and a compulsive need to apologize for everything. Much much better than the last few books I tried to read.
This book was exactly whay the author claimed it to be. Lite. Fairly quick paced and easy to track. No angst or waffling back and forth with some teen twit who spends most of the story with crippling anxiety or quick changing between multiple personalities and a compulsive need to apologize for everything. Much much better than the last few books I tried to read.
July 28, 2026
Best weekend. Ever.
A beautiful fiance, her insatiable girlfriends, and thermodynamic magic. Back county markets, high stakes sales, and malfunctioning steel carriages make distinctly non-low profile moments worth your time and attention.
A beautiful fiance, her insatiable girlfriends, and thermodynamic magic. Back county markets, high stakes sales, and malfunctioning steel carriages make distinctly non-low profile moments worth your time and attention.
August 31, 2026
want another please
Combo Harem-building, magi-tech,
(somewhat illegal) capitalistic empire building, and portal fantasy.
Situated in the very rural South.
Good enuf I want to read the (currently) non-existent series.
Combo Harem-building, magi-tech,
(somewhat illegal) capitalistic empire building, and portal fantasy.
Situated in the very rural South.
Good enuf I want to read the (currently) non-existent series.
September 10, 2026
Novel cross of technological magic and engineering hybrid.
A lively premise. Entertaining failures and successes in the novel world building and cross world logic. The magic science was well thought out.
A lively premise. Entertaining failures and successes in the novel world building and cross world logic. The magic science was well thought out.
September 15, 2026
Enjoyably hilarious.
Magic approached in a practical engineering way. Slightly bad engineering works better. Revisiting the70's bad styles of furniture and taste makes horribly funny.
Magic approached in a practical engineering way. Slightly bad engineering works better. Revisiting the70's bad styles of furniture and taste makes horribly funny.
June 3, 2026
Fun nonsensical read
The story is totally irrelevant but a very enjoyable read. I Found it to be a quick and easy read.
The story is totally irrelevant but a very enjoyable read. I Found it to be a quick and easy read.
June 7, 2026
New author to read
Enjoyed, had a few good laughs. Live in the south so the story location resonates. Will continue reading the series.
Enjoyed, had a few good laughs. Live in the south so the story location resonates. Will continue reading the series.
June 28, 2026
Good read.
I enjoyed reading this book and I recommend this book to anyone who likes LitRPG and progression types of books with spicy sex scenes.
I enjoyed reading this book and I recommend this book to anyone who likes LitRPG and progression types of books with spicy sex scenes.
July 10, 2026
First time I have read this author
I enjoyed the book. Looks like a good series. I have decided to follow the author. Just everyday life with a good setup.
I enjoyed the book. Looks like a good series. I have decided to follow the author. Just everyday life with a good setup.
August 8, 2026
Fun read
Fun read...kinda crazy...worthy of your time...fun relaxing story... looking forward to seeing what type of trouble they get themselves into in the next book... enjoy...
Fun read...kinda crazy...worthy of your time...fun relaxing story... looking forward to seeing what type of trouble they get themselves into in the next book... enjoy...
August 25, 2026
Entertaining
Pretty funny perspective on the world, as we know it anyway. I like the way male ego gets in the way in this story.
Pretty funny perspective on the world, as we know it anyway. I like the way male ego gets in the way in this story.
August 27, 2026
I gave up
I’ll give these books a lot of leeway, but “even through the GOGGLES, I could see her smile?!?!”
Geez, make a minimal effort, dude.
I’ll give these books a lot of leeway, but “even through the GOGGLES, I could see her smile?!?!”
Geez, make a minimal effort, dude.
September 5, 2026
Hilarious and creative
Easy to read and fun. For some reason a short positive phrase isn't enough. A review. Must have a minimum length
Easy to read and fun. For some reason a short positive phrase isn't enough. A review. Must have a minimum length
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews