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189 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2013
Half wake up then drift away, alternately surfacing and lapsing back into weightlessness. Gillian is lying in water with a blue luminescence. Within it her body looks yellowish, but wherever it breaks the surface, it disappears into darkness.The setting, though, is a hi-tech hospital in Zurich. At 39, Gillian has achieved fame as a Swiss television host; she has an English mother, hence her name. It soon appears that she is recovering from a car crash that killed her husband, another entertainment personality named Matthias. Although her body is merely bruised, she has suffered facial injuries that will take many months of plastic surgery to put right.
She thought about her early days at drama school, her strickenness when the teacher had criticized her. You're acting—that was his refrain—be yourself, show yourself. Only when she was completely exhausted, despairing and close to tears, did the teacher sometimes say, now that was the real you. Just for a moment. [Translation, as always, by the phenomenal Michael Hofmann.]It is more than her clothes that Hubert is taking away, it is the carefully-constructed identity behind which she is used to facing the world.