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Behind the Wall: The True Story of Mental Illness as Told by Parents
Behind the Wall: The True Story of Mental Illness as Told by Parents provides a shared voice for millions of people who advocate for a child or loved one living with mental illness, fosters understanding for society at-large, and delivers an ultimately hopeful read.
The seven true stories in this book, told by nine parents, were selected from interviews conducted by sisters Mary and Elin Widdifield, and interwoven with one sister’s own experiences. Told with remarkable candor, these stories offer more insight than any single story or academic analysis.
When mental illness enters the national discussion, it typically comes in the wake of a violent tragedy, attracting temporary attention and further misunderstanding. Behind the Wall posits that the true story of mental illness can be told most accurately by the people in the trenches: the parents who watched it all unfold.
The seven true stories in this book, told by nine parents, were selected from interviews conducted by sisters Mary and Elin Widdifield, and interwoven with one sister’s own experiences. Told with remarkable candor, these stories offer more insight than any single story or academic analysis.
When mental illness enters the national discussion, it typically comes in the wake of a violent tragedy, attracting temporary attention and further misunderstanding. Behind the Wall posits that the true story of mental illness can be told most accurately by the people in the trenches: the parents who watched it all unfold.
322 pages, Paperback
First published March 2, 2015
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63 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
May 22, 2018
This is an important and sometimes horrifying book about parents dealing with children with serious mental illness--mostly psychotics of various types. There are seven stories of borderline personality, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, OCD, schizoaffective personality--all of them extreme cases that presented with a psychotic break. The parents had various reactions, from denial to acceptance to actions such as hospitalization and calling the police.
The worst cases seemed to be those suffering from borderline personality. One teenage kid left home and lived on the streets for a year, not communicating with his parents. Several of the kids strongly resisted therapy or hospitalization or even that they were sick. The parents struggled mightily with their child, endlessly searching for insurance that would pay for their hospitalization, psychiatrists and psychologists that would treat them, getting accurate diagnoses for the kids from psychiatrists. A couple of parents couldn't take the stress and ended up divorcing; others had to quit jobs to find work that had more flexible hours. It seemed like a full-time job for whichever parent was leading the fight for diagnosis and treatment.
I've peripherally known two borderlines; one of them was a drug dealer and died from an overdose; the other was gainfully employed but nasty as possible, telling her husband that HE should commit suicide and throwing a TV at him. When the husband remarried, she stole his car and left it in a bad area of town with the tires all deflated. Borderlines are a nasty, manipulative and hysterical type of psychotic. Some of the bipolar kids were also completely out of control, and parents, and ultimately the victims themselves, have to realize that these are lifetime disorders that need lifelong medication and monitoring. I felt sorry for the parents of these children, whose lives were forever altered by their psychotic child and had trouble maintaining their own sanity in the face of the insanity they were witnessing.
Reading this book will give a person huge empathy for what the parents go through, including the comments of clueless friends and acquaintances trying to give comfort as well as those who are just nosy. This book is a revelation about what it's like for parents and families to deal with a family member struck by these lifetime psychoses.
The worst cases seemed to be those suffering from borderline personality. One teenage kid left home and lived on the streets for a year, not communicating with his parents. Several of the kids strongly resisted therapy or hospitalization or even that they were sick. The parents struggled mightily with their child, endlessly searching for insurance that would pay for their hospitalization, psychiatrists and psychologists that would treat them, getting accurate diagnoses for the kids from psychiatrists. A couple of parents couldn't take the stress and ended up divorcing; others had to quit jobs to find work that had more flexible hours. It seemed like a full-time job for whichever parent was leading the fight for diagnosis and treatment.
I've peripherally known two borderlines; one of them was a drug dealer and died from an overdose; the other was gainfully employed but nasty as possible, telling her husband that HE should commit suicide and throwing a TV at him. When the husband remarried, she stole his car and left it in a bad area of town with the tires all deflated. Borderlines are a nasty, manipulative and hysterical type of psychotic. Some of the bipolar kids were also completely out of control, and parents, and ultimately the victims themselves, have to realize that these are lifetime disorders that need lifelong medication and monitoring. I felt sorry for the parents of these children, whose lives were forever altered by their psychotic child and had trouble maintaining their own sanity in the face of the insanity they were witnessing.
Reading this book will give a person huge empathy for what the parents go through, including the comments of clueless friends and acquaintances trying to give comfort as well as those who are just nosy. This book is a revelation about what it's like for parents and families to deal with a family member struck by these lifetime psychoses.
September 4, 2016
Loved it. I work with kids with mental illness. This rang true. Lots of times I have a different perspective than parents. It's good for me to see that side of things.
August 15, 2015
I have mixed feelings about this book. Honestly, I wish everyone would read it, especially if they know someone who is the parent of a person with serious mental illness. On the other hand, I would not recommend it to parents who are in the midst of crisis. Some of these true stories are very sad and frightening. These accounts all seemed to be about persons who were teens or in their twenties. I would have liked to have heard some accounts of people who were older and who had found a purpose in life, because they do exist!
That said, there is some really good advice in the book. Most important is to parent with a united front, without fracturing your own lives. The authors mentioned NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) many times, and the information and support that all-volunteer organization gives. Unfortunately, there are no clear paths through the mental health system. The HIPAA laws make it even more difficult. The very people who care the most about the patient can be shut out of the loop when it counts the most. A mentally ill patient is not able to advocate for himself, and parents need to be there for him. Finding the right doctor and diagnosis is extremely important. While early diagnosis is critical, the medical system is often reluctant to do so.
People handle the grief that comes with mental illness differently. What could be worse than seeing your child loose his personality and retreat from the world, becoming someone you hardly know? There is good advice about how to stay connected. Some people need to talk about the grief they feel and others do not, or can't. There is also the issue of siblings and the impact on the family. Because of the stigma that comes with mental illness, there is that wall against the outside world. It can be a very isolating situation if people don't have trusted friends and a good support system. This book is a peek inside that wall.
That said, there is some really good advice in the book. Most important is to parent with a united front, without fracturing your own lives. The authors mentioned NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) many times, and the information and support that all-volunteer organization gives. Unfortunately, there are no clear paths through the mental health system. The HIPAA laws make it even more difficult. The very people who care the most about the patient can be shut out of the loop when it counts the most. A mentally ill patient is not able to advocate for himself, and parents need to be there for him. Finding the right doctor and diagnosis is extremely important. While early diagnosis is critical, the medical system is often reluctant to do so.
People handle the grief that comes with mental illness differently. What could be worse than seeing your child loose his personality and retreat from the world, becoming someone you hardly know? There is good advice about how to stay connected. Some people need to talk about the grief they feel and others do not, or can't. There is also the issue of siblings and the impact on the family. Because of the stigma that comes with mental illness, there is that wall against the outside world. It can be a very isolating situation if people don't have trusted friends and a good support system. This book is a peek inside that wall.
June 8, 2019
Such an important and powerful book! The personal stories were both heartbreaking and inspiring.
January 25, 2021
Behind the Wall: The True Story of Mental Illness as Told by Parents was compiled by Marry Widdifield and Elin Widdifield, MA with a foreward written by John G. Looney, MD, MBA. The book is divided into chapters with each one devoted to the story of one child from the parental point of view. They are honest, emotional, and their words are very difficult to read at times. While I “know” about many mental illness symptoms it is impossible for me to totally understand what it is like to live with any of these diagnoses that were described in the book.
First off, this is NOT an easy book to read. Anyone associated with any type of mental illness knows that there are no easy fixes. There is no magic pill to take that will “fix” everything. Those who suffer with mental illness have a life of medicine adjustment, counseling and therapy, and challenges. But the positive is that IF you can navigate the system there is help available. Maybe the one affected can’t be “cured” of the illness but there are positive things that can be done to help control the symptoms.
One chapter began with the tagline “The journey begins, chaos erupts, and diagnosis seems elusive.” So many of the words of the parents in this book echoed those same words. As I read each selection I realized that without professional help parents feel isolated and adrift when trying to deal with their child. No matter how old your child becomes that is always your child. You always want the best for them. And so you continue, as these parents demonstrated, to search for help and solutions for your child.
I was given this book for my honest review and while it is not one to sit down and read quickly it is an important one for anyone whose life has been affected by mental illness or if you just want to learn more. Education is always key in life and this book is a great example of how someone can learn from the writings of others.
First off, this is NOT an easy book to read. Anyone associated with any type of mental illness knows that there are no easy fixes. There is no magic pill to take that will “fix” everything. Those who suffer with mental illness have a life of medicine adjustment, counseling and therapy, and challenges. But the positive is that IF you can navigate the system there is help available. Maybe the one affected can’t be “cured” of the illness but there are positive things that can be done to help control the symptoms.
One chapter began with the tagline “The journey begins, chaos erupts, and diagnosis seems elusive.” So many of the words of the parents in this book echoed those same words. As I read each selection I realized that without professional help parents feel isolated and adrift when trying to deal with their child. No matter how old your child becomes that is always your child. You always want the best for them. And so you continue, as these parents demonstrated, to search for help and solutions for your child.
I was given this book for my honest review and while it is not one to sit down and read quickly it is an important one for anyone whose life has been affected by mental illness or if you just want to learn more. Education is always key in life and this book is a great example of how someone can learn from the writings of others.
November 27, 2022
I was quite interested to read this book as a parent of two children, now grown, living with multiple, complex mental health disorders.
I was fascinated when I read it, as there are so many parallels in the stories told and in our family's life. I have just written my first book, Hold on Tight: A Parent's Journey Raising Children with Mental Illness, to be released in March 2023: the cover of my book shows a roller coaster and I use that terminology throughout, as do the authors in Behind the Wall. Lots of other parallels.
I read one review that endorsed the book but that said they wouldn't suggest that parents in crisis read it, as it might frighten them: when I was a young parent and both my kids were in deep crisis, my son with daily two hour screaming rages (often associated with Tourette Syndrome) and non-stop, bizarre compulsive rituals form his OCD...when my daughter was out of control and sent to the Principal's office every day and when her anxiety was so severe as to paralyze her...I couldn't disagree with that reviewer more. It would have been so comforting to know that I was not alone, that others were experiencing terrible distress as well.
We are a community that needs each other. If I had the option, I would have rated this book 4.5.
I was fascinated when I read it, as there are so many parallels in the stories told and in our family's life. I have just written my first book, Hold on Tight: A Parent's Journey Raising Children with Mental Illness, to be released in March 2023: the cover of my book shows a roller coaster and I use that terminology throughout, as do the authors in Behind the Wall. Lots of other parallels.
I read one review that endorsed the book but that said they wouldn't suggest that parents in crisis read it, as it might frighten them: when I was a young parent and both my kids were in deep crisis, my son with daily two hour screaming rages (often associated with Tourette Syndrome) and non-stop, bizarre compulsive rituals form his OCD...when my daughter was out of control and sent to the Principal's office every day and when her anxiety was so severe as to paralyze her...I couldn't disagree with that reviewer more. It would have been so comforting to know that I was not alone, that others were experiencing terrible distress as well.
We are a community that needs each other. If I had the option, I would have rated this book 4.5.
June 12, 2015
'Behind the Wall' is an educational and emotional read, particularly for parents facing similar scenarios in their own lives; frightening, enlightening and yet at the same time reassuring that 'we' are not the only ones.
Parents of now-adult children recount true histories of their lives with them; the struggles, the battles, the problems - and yet still, overall, the love and the hope with which they deal.
I found this book hard to read as it strikes a little close to home; but at the same time that's why I chose it.
I give this book 3 out of 5 stars.
Parents of now-adult children recount true histories of their lives with them; the struggles, the battles, the problems - and yet still, overall, the love and the hope with which they deal.
I found this book hard to read as it strikes a little close to home; but at the same time that's why I chose it.
I give this book 3 out of 5 stars.
November 12, 2015
This was not an easy read by any means. The honesty is brutal and the pain these parents experience palpable. No mother or father should ever have to witness the life of their child spinning so out of control. It reminded me to really stop and count my blessings because there, but for the grace of God, I could easily go. Mental illness does not discriminate! There is no formula to predict who it will strike or when it will happen. The last bit of the book offers a glimmer of hope, but it wasn't enough to lift my pummeled spirits.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews