The Undertaker's Wife: A True Story of Love, Loss, and Laughter in the Unlikeliest of Places

by Dee Oliver

On Dee Branch’s first date with Johnnie Oliver, a fourth-generation funeral director, she knew she was in for a unique relationship when he had to leave “for just a minute”—and he came back to the car with a corpse.

Over twenty years later, Dee was still in love with her charming southern gentleman when he passed away suddenly in 2007. Determined to carry on Johnnie’s work, Dee earned her mortuary science degree, only to find herself no longer needed in the family business. So Dee crossed the racial divide in the most segregated industry in America and joined the staff of an African-American funeral home as a single white woman.

In The Undertaker’s Wife, Oliver draws from her wealth of experience to provide candid and often hysterically funny advice on dying well and surviving the loss of those who have gone before. Her insights on the common ground of grief, survival, and the ever-present faithfulness of God (to all of us, regardless of our race, religious upbringing, or socio-economic background) will help readers prepare for one of life’s only certainties—and do it with wisdom, grace, and a healthy dose of joy.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Christian, Humor

215 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 24, 2015

Reviews

[Dorcas · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not quite sure what I was expecting when I chose this book, some funny macabre tales I guess, but the story wasn't quite what I expected and in the end it wasn't my style.

The book reads a bit like a diary that's trying to be funny but ends up being at best, a bit silly, and at worse, a boring account of daily life/ dating woes etc with some scriptures flung in higgeldy piggeldy.

I really hate to only give this 2 stars but

It just didn't work. For me.

* Thanks to Netgalley for a free ebook given for review

[Elise · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was not at all what I expected. I envisioned reading more about the life of Dee Oliver while she was married to a funeral director. However, this book is more about her life AFTER her late husband's death and her venture into the world of funeral director.

It was interesting but not overwhelmingly so.

The family is very rich so her practical advice for what to do or not do in your time of grief wasn't very applicable to most people. I mean, we can't all afford a night at the Ritz and shopping.

Her reliance upon God through prayer and study of His word in the wake of her grief was probably my favorite part. Although, she's one of those "anything goes" kinds of religious people.

[Hilary · Rating 4 out of 5]

A light treatment of what could be a very depressing subject. There's an almost accidental beginning, and no easy progression through life here: it'll never be counted as an inspirational "How To Succeed" book! But that's what makes it so real, seeing the false steps, the awkwardness, the rocky path in marriage caused when death is always squeezed into life. She shares the realities of death, from both sides (as both undertaker's wife and widow) without being morbid, and the impact of one woman's faith and prophecy on her life.

She skips over tedious details, instead sharing some interesting problems with ingenious solutions, her ineptitude while rejoining the dating scene and her newfound humility and culture shock when finally offered a job, while also reminding us of what no-one wants to consider: the practical and emotional aspects of becoming a widow, both the immediate and the longer-term, and some slightly humorous Dos and Don'ts for the bereaved, all drawn from hard-won personal experience.

Disclaimer: I received a free copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Pat Faley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having gone through the loss of a spouse, this book made me relive those days after the funeral in a good way. I was able to see myself in her stories and laugh remembering going through those same scenarios. She gives excellent advice in those last few chapters. It’s been eight years since I lost my husband. But that grief is something that never really goes away. I look back and see how strong I really was just because I had to be strong. This would be a great book for someone who has lost a spouse and has started to heal or anyone who is determined to plan for the inevitable in your marriage.

[Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you Net Galley for the opportunity to read & review this book.

Mortuaries & funerals have become my new obsession. I find the people who are in this line of work & their stories to be absolutely fascinating. So when I saw this up for review on NetGalley, I knew I had to read it. The Undertaker's Wife... how could I not!? Basically, the title & cover sucked me in. Once I started reading it, I didn't want to put it down. Unfortunately, I didn't love it even though I wanted to. I found Dee to be kind of annoying & entitled. I didn't really like her at all. Add the overall preachiness on top of that and it really lost points. Also, I'm left with more questions than answers. Why exactly did Morty not want to give her a job? There's some family drama there that piques my curiosity. Did anything ever happen with Bo?

[Nikki · Rating 2 out of 5]

This author’s story is interesting, but her theology is sorely lacking. Her beginning chapters talk flippantly about God and prayer, and while she does seem to gain a deeper faith by the end of her story, I was disappointed that she still wrote about God with that laughing flippancy, encouraging readers to “pick a team” before they die ... so that there won’t be any confusion for those trying to plan their funeral! She does not have a true grasp on the gospel, on sin, on repentance or on grace and admits to not knowing Scripture very well. I pray she grows into true knowledge of the gospel.

For those wanting a helpful, gospel-driven memoir on grief, loss or suffering, read And Still She Laughs by Kate Merrick.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a memoir of the true story told by the author about her life married to a funeral director. It’s a love story that includes loss, laughter, and trusting in God. The author writes with a sense of humor, sometimes in unexpected places, where she finds humor in life. The love and loss she writes about includes her life with her husband and children, working side by side in a funeral home, and his untimely death. What follows proves to be a “trusting in God” that things will turn out for the better. You can read the rest of my review here:
http://www.devinedesignsjewelry.blogs...

[Sheri · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know if it's sad to say or a good thing, but I thoroughly enjoyed this memoir! What an exciting, yet bittersweet life Dee has led. Her quick wit pulls you into her life adventures.
This a relatable book for anyone that has lost a spouse or loved one. Dee gives great advice to those mourning a loss.

[Susan Faloon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book. Review coming soon The Christian Manifesto.

[Janet Eshenroder · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book club selection. The author has a delightful sense of humor, which makes the first part of the book (courtship, marriage and family life) sure to make you smile.
Her husband dies suddenly and the book explores not only her own grief, but how other’s responses hurt or helped the situation. (Good advice)

Solid advice is given concerning what paperwork and arrangements to establish ahead of death, and how this makes life easier for the family left behind.


My father had updated his financial and bank information, plus power of attorney and medical directives . He had been with the cemetery director and chosen his coffin plus the arrangements to be attended to at the gravesite. He had written his own obit in his late sixties, listing the accomplishments, awards and group involvements that meant the most to him (he was deeply involved in business, community and church). He left copies or notes of songs and sayings to include in the funeral/memorial.

Despite all his records (which did help us know how he wanted to be remembered and what kind of service he wanted) the family was still left with an amazing load of detail work to carry out in midst of our own grieving. How people handle the overload of a funeral for someone who refused to discuss the subject is beyond me, especially when the family still has so much left to do even with the most careful planning.

I would recommend the book as an entertaining memoir of a different lifestyle, a peek behind the scenes at a funeral parlor . It also offers much food for thought about handling your own affairs

[Donna Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars, rounded up as usual. This interesting, accessible memoir will be published in March of this year. My gratitude goes to Net Galley and Zondervan Press for providing me with an ARC.

Dee Oliver grows up in a rarified atmosphere in Virginia Beach, where her parents own an oceanfront home. After completing her degree from a private college, she enjoys life and a series of part-time jobs that entail no serious commitment or career potential, supported by her parents. Eventually she is given a very Southern, Caucasian type of ultimatum: find a real job in which you can support yourself, or find someone to marry. It is understood, in this world in which debutante season actually exists, that the spouse in question will be a man, and that he will be a person of substance. A doctor is preferable, but instead, Dee marries a doctor to the dead, the co-owner of a funeral home.

Life is definitely different now. Dee and Johnnie, her newly betrothed, cannot travel for any length of time, since people don’t make appointments before dying and he could be needed any time. Their honeymoon is a three-way party: just the two newlyweds and the corpse in the rear of the car, being transported, by happy coincidence, to their honeymoon destination.

Their daughters grow up playing tag among tombstones and jumping rope with the velvet rope that keeps the mourners in line.

The one thing that surely does not change is her standard of living. Most of her friends, she tells us, would have to call the painters themselves. How fortunate that Johnnie understood that she needed the advice of a decorator, who would then call the painters personally!

This is a quick, almost flirty read as it begins, but because I make it a point (almost) never to read books by or about affluent people, I almost tossed the book down unfinished. But I knew that something about it had made me request this ARC, and so before throwing my hands up and abandoning ship, I went back to reread the synopsis. It was a good thing I did, because it gave me hope (as Christians like to say) of better things to come.

You see, Johnnie’s occupation taught him how to console and advise the bereaved, but it didn’t take him out of his state of denial about his own mortality. Dee packed him healthy lunches which he threw away, and bought him a gym membership which he never used. It caught up to him in his early fifties, in a sudden and final way.

As half owner of a funeral home, Dee realized that she should go back to school and get the credential necessary to do Johnnie’s job. However, once it was time for her internship, she whacked her well-coiffed head smack on the glass ceiling. No way, no how would her brother-in-law allow her to do such a thing.

It was at this point that Dee received one of life’s more valuable gifts: a new perspective. Riddick’s funeral home is in the African-American section of town, and its owner is not just a man of business, he is a man of the community. It is there that she was able to intern, and the results are really funny, because the area where she lives is exclusively pale, and Riddick’s funeral parlor is in an entirely Black area. Said one visitor, after enquiring whether she was a member of the press, and being told otherwise:

“ ‘So,’ he said slowly, chewing this piece of news the way a child might process his first lima bean. He wasn’t sure whether or not to accept it. ‘So what we got here is a white woman working in a black funeral home.’
‘Yes sir. That’s exactly what you got.’
‘Well, then,’ he concluded, ‘I guess you have overcome too.’ And with that, he tipped his hat to me and walked away.”

Along with her own unique story, Oliver provides us with a good deal of sound advice to follow now, while we are alive. Did you realize that if you die without a will, up to seventy percent of what you own may be taken as taxes? I don’t know whether this applies to those of us in humbler tax brackets than those in her milieu; Oliver did not specify. Either way, though, the point is made that those of us who are married and have divided the responsibilities of married life still need to be aware of a lot of nuts-and-bolts issues that it’s easy to ignore until someone has died.

Here, nobody knows better than Oliver. She has taken care of the dead, advised the bereaved, and she has been widowed. She really does know.

Everyone who writes a memoir is entitled to tell her own story with her own voice. Nevertheless, the class and religious biases here grated and could be toned down. She tells us that we need a “team” to be on to get us through the good times and the bad ones, and here are the teams she recognizes: Baptists, Lutherans,Catholics,Presbyterians, Episcopalians, and nondenominational …it isn’t going to get any more diverse in her world. Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, and especially Atheists like me are going to “the other place”, as she describes it earlier in the text, since we have not asked Jesus into our hearts. There’s not a lot of wiggle-room in Oliver’s somewhat limited sphere. Your team may not even exist in her universe.

So should you read this book? I vote that you ought to. Most of this memoir is either light and amusing, or full of down-to-earth, practical advice we can use. Ditch what you can’t use; for example, if you work in construction all day and come home to an empty house, her earnest suggestion that rather than marry too soon after bereavement, you “hire a housekeeper” may not be a real world option for you. But eighty or ninety percent of her recommendations should work for everyone, and if the Bible verses don’t work for you, you can skim past most of them as I did.

The real question is whether you should shell out full jacket price for this book, and that question is a very individual one. If your lifestyle is similar to that of the author, then get one for yourself, and another copy for your BFF. If you’re married, get one for your honey, too.

If not, you may want to pick up a copy less expensively later on, or check it out from your local library if it becomes available there.

Either way, the sobering message to tuck important information where your loved ones can get to it is worth its weight in gold.

[MaryN]

A blessing for those who are grieving and those who will be.

Finally a book that honestly and lovingly tells many truths about grieving, living with it, finding new life and letting God love us through it all.

I loved Dee's honesty about her walk through the death of her husband. It was comforting to read that what I experienced when my daughter died and four years my husband died,was normal. The "fog" was my reality for five years. Learning to be "it" is sometimes very painful but even if you don't see it now, you will survive, you will be okay and you will be stronger.

With delightful humor and no nonsense advice you'll want to get your affairs in order. You'll want your "deathday" to be less fearful and devastating for the loved one's you leave behind. There are things you can do to lift some of the pain of your death.

I was happy to read that her relationship with Jesus was strengthened during this painful time. He *is* with us always. He *does* comfort those who are grieving. He *is* always waiting for us to stop and have that cup of coffee and talk about everything and anything.

I cried, I laughed, I'll read this book again.

[LWF · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting, quirky and honest

Dee writes this book with both honesty and humor. She falls in love with a funeral director, breaks the engagement and then eventually marries him.

She works side by side with him in the industry until he unexpectedly passes away. As a now single mother of three daughters, she finds herself wondering what to do now that Johnie is gone? Dee decides to get her mortuary science degree, going back to college for two years. Her brother in law shuts her out of the family business and she isn't sure where she will get her needed hours of internship. She's offered a position at an all black funeral home but isn't sure if she should take the position.

Dee is a woman who had attended a girl's Catholic school and is very religious. This book is not only a book about the funeral industry but about faith, how Dee deals with the death of Johnie and her faith getting her through every circumstance.

Dee also has great advice for everyone about wills, obituaries, end of life stuff that we should all be discussing with our loved ones and not stuffing in a corner.

I wanted to read this because my grandfather and uncle were/are in the funeral business so I figured it would be a book I could totally relate too.

In the end, I feel this book is one that anyone should read especially if you know someone who has recently lost a spouse so you get a better idea what they are dealing with. It also gives you a great picture of what you can expect if you are the surviving spouse.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dee Oliver shares the deepest of tragedies, the sudden loss of her husband, with candor, humor, and shares insights about how to help someone who loses a spouse during the early days of grief and in the weeks, months, and years later.

One would not expect so many "laugh out loud" moments given the subject, but the author's witty writing style was part of why I enjoyed the book, but her devastation at the loss of the love of her life isn't glossed over, either.

While no two people's journey of loss in necessarily the same, her experience as an undertaker's wife prior to her husband's death, and the ensuing years when she studies to become a licensed funeral director herself offer many helpful suggestions about being as prepared as possible.

She also shares how her faith played an important role in her healing and moving forward. Definitely would recommend.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not much on memoirs but will say this has a self help aspect to it that might benefit many. Dee Oliver has done a lovely job sharing her story and how she ended up in the funeral business. With the loss of her husband she shares what it was like to process that unexpected life event and the accompanying stages of grief. The best part of the book is the "self help" advice she offers to the reader to basically have their house in order: wills, advance directives, funeral arrangements, etc prior to anything happening. She even suggests a date night with one's partner to write their own obituary (not a bad idea, I have already compiled a music play list for my memorial service). In a positive, uplifting way, and through her faith, the author shares one of the aspects of life we rarely if ever talk about: death.

[Helen Scheufler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny and touching! This book is a true story about an amazing life journey. This book will make you laugh and cry. She falls in love with a funeral director, breaks the engagement and then eventually marries him. Her stories of working in a funeral home and behind the scenes situations are priceless!! This book is not only a book about the handling of the loss of a loved one, but about how our faith helps us get through difficult circumstances. This book inspires me to remember that God is in control and answers our prayers. The only thing we can be sure of is in life; we're all going to die. I liked the tips she gives for those you leave behind. You will be surprised by the wisdom shared by the author, Dee Oliver.

[Monica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was interested in this book due to my past work with grief. It was a memoir/ self help/humorous book all rolled in one that was great in parts and fell flat in others. Dee meets her husband to be ( a funeral director ) and on their first date he has to pick up a body. She takes the reader through her journey of her life with him including his death and her grieving offering how she made it through and got her mortuary degree working at the African American funeral home when her brother in law refused her. At times I found her to be a spoiled wealthy socialite and at others a God filled woman struggling to figure out this thing called life.

[Len Knighton · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a terrific book, a book that takes us on a roller coaster of emotions. It is also a guide in dealing with grief and practical tips in preparing for death. As one who helps families during those difficult moments, I learned a great deal from Dee. She writes with more than a modicum of humor, sometimes self-deprecating. Sometimes we try humor in helping others and it is often untimely. Dee’s is not. She’s been in the valley and climbed out. Her faith, which she generously shares with us, is her foundation.
I’ve worked with many funeral directors over the past 32 years, but know very few of their spouses. I am glad I “met” Dee Oliver.

Five stars.

[Sandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Could not put this down. It was funny and sad all at the same time. My only thing was I needed more. Did she ever make up with her brother in law? Is she working in her husband's funeral home? I think if she has a stake in that business Marty would have to allow her to work there. I read that she did remarry. I would love to hear how she met your second husband.
Some things did bother me - like how her husband didn't really propose or how he never told her about his vasectomy. I cannot even begin to imagine that scenario. I also would have loved more on the funeral business and the different people she met.

[Frances Fielden · Rating 5 out of 5]

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF LOVE AND DEATH WITH A GOOD MESSAGE

An enjoyable and enlightening portrayal of a serious and inevitable life event which ultimately comes to us all, the time, place, and moment unpredictable. This story is written with humor, depth, and pathos. It will make you think about your own life and the legacy you wish to leave plus inspire your faith in the guidance of God.

[Erica · Rating 1 out of 5]

I tried to make it through this book, finding the premise interesting and touching. But I could not read through the superficial socialite life drivel between the few nuggets of emotion and insight. I can see some of it being an attempt at absurdist humor, but the joke seems to still mostly be on the author. I appreciate the Oliver's candor, but I couldn't really connect with her.

[Laurie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amusing, interesting and practical all rolled into one book. I was only left wondering if she did eventually meet someone to marry. But upon reflection it didn't matter, because Dee was living her life to the fullest each day. I loved her humble faith which was filled with wisdom and sweetness. I'm glad I read this.

[Sheila Omalley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a really “good read.” My family questioned my choice of book, “Why read about a funeral home?” “Was it kinky? “ No, it is just a really easy to read story about a woman’s life and her husband happened to be a funeral home director. It is her life story but it makes you think about yours along the way.

[Karen Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this book! Loved it!

The Undertaker’s Wife made me laugh, cry, and consider writing my own obituary. Seriously—this is one of the best memoirs I’ve read in awhile. I love the author’s sense of humor, honestly, vulnerability, and creative storytelling. Kudos for a well-written and engaging story! Can’t wait to read this author’s next book.

[Brenda · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was okay. The writing was not the best I've read. This is a story of love and loss, but I didn't really get the laughter - there are a couple of stories the author obviously thinks are really funny, but were not - she just doesn't know how to write it.

[Tammy Roberson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dealing with loss from a Christian perspective, but told with a twist

I liked this story, but found myself wanting more. More details of time in college, more details of internship, what job follows?
The tips from the undertaker wife perspective were great.

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting and thought provoking

Light and heavy reading all in one. Read this 10 month’s after my dad died, too soon for me. Thinking of what my mom must be going through now. Good insight on what is needed to be done to prepare for a future alone.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Part memoir, part inspirational, part how-to book, this book has some humor and some practical advice but it doesn't hang together overall.

[Lynne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Very Good Book

I liked this book it was a thought provoking story with an added bit of humor. I recommend it to every middle age or older woman.

[Susan Riggs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well

Written. Journey of love the business we ignore till we need it death. Raising family. Working hard Handling unkind family.