Mother Zen

by Jacinta Tynan

In 2010 Jacinta Tynan innocently sparked a media storm when her article in the Sun Herald exposed a fault line in our perception of motherhood. Her premise — that motherhood could be easy — split the parenting community down the middle. Many agreed with Jacinta while others argued that motherhood was arduous and thankless, all were equally passionate in their beliefs.

Four years later, now with two small children, Jacinta takes us on a fascinating journey through her own experiences of motherhood — from being so sick with her first pregnancy that she was throwing up in between her on-air segments, to her doubts about her ability to cope — and shows us her struggle to parent ‘consciously’, using meditation and attempting mindfulness to help her find her path.

While on this journey, Jacinta gives us a compelling analysis of the ideas and philosophies that surround contemporary parenting, as she also tries to understand why her comments caused such a storm. She asks other parents, health practitioners and childcare experts some key questions, such as:

• Why do we feel so strongly about sleep, breastfeeding and discipline for our children?
• Why do some parents find parenting easy and others a terrible trial?
• And why are mothers made to feel so guilty, all the time?

Part memoir about her experiences as a new mum, part passionate manifesto, Mother Zen questions whether society’s default position — that parenting is a tough and unrewarding job — is a valid one and opens up an important debate that goes to heart of our identity. What kind of values are we passing on to our children? And are we teaching them, or are they teaching us?

Genres: Parenting

480 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2015

Reviews

[Alynda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started this book with a fairly naive perspective: my only daughter was born in 2013, so I wasn't particularly tuned into the parenting world before that time.

That said, it was fascinating hearing about the media circus that erupted over Jacinta's parenting beliefs from several years back. Even then, social media loves a good story - and it's so much worse now. Reading about the experience through the author's eyes was interesting, though at times came across as a little self indulgent.

I would describe my feelings towards Mother Zen as being love-hate. Actually, I wouldn't even call it hate - it's more like love-frustrated.

In one regard, I thoroughly do enjoy reading about women enjoying motherhood. It's a breath of fresh air, amongst the comparisons, the one-upping & the complaining. In another regard, yes, some of the comments do come across as glib or smug - not that they were intended to do so, perhaps it's just a tone. As we all know, it's very hard to be accurate about emotions when you're writing a column, or a blog, or a book.

I will say that it was hard reading about such easy conception stories and about not enjoying the pregnancy aspect - only because of my own background with infertility and pregnancy loss. That said, we all have our unique stories, and Jacinta is very lucky to be parenting two beautiful boys.

I suppose my review fits somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. I appreciate the good vibes and positive energy (and will be doing some research into meditation myself) & it was certainly an interesting read.

Aly @ breathegently.com

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remember Jacinta's article from 2010 when I had a new baby myself. I was Team Jacinta back then so was intrigued to read this book. We seem to enjoy the same authors and general perspectives on meditation and parenting - I felt myself nodding along to her thoughts as they were similar to my own so it was like a conversation with a likeminded friend.

[Alice · Rating 2 out of 5]

So many mixed feelings about this book. I actually strongly agree with Jacinta in her basic premise, that the positive aspects of motherhood aren't heard enough, and that all mothers have an equally valid story. I even agree with many of her views, particularly the importance of meditation (like her, discovering meditation during my pregnancy was life-changing for me), and her pro- but not forceful- emphasis on natural birthing.
However, what makes me uncomfortable about Jacinta's book/article is the repeated suggestion that happiness/unhappiness in parenting is something we consciously choose. She's correct in that it would be ideal for mothers to be mindful of the positive, but the insinuation that other mothers who fail to do this (or don't come from a position of privilege to do this) are somehow unnecessarily choosing hardship is insulting to so many people.
Yes, it's great to have had a wonderful experience of motherhood, and it's not taboo to discuss it. It's just that when you're publicly addressing a subject that's as sensitive as this - and as prone to cause hurt and insult - you have to choose your words and approach very carefully. It doesn't take the Buddha to know that if you've left readers in tears (as she admits to having done), then you're not getting it quite right. She states her intention was in part to reassure prospective parents, but she's hardly doing a service to mothers if she offends many more in the process.
Anyway, I liked the (more tactful) book much more than the terrible glib article, but contentious issues aside it actually wasn't a very interesting story, hence the 2 stars. It reads like an extended magazine piece, large portions just feel like a disclaimer for her article, although she does offer very good references.

[Kara S · Rating 1 out of 5]

I had vowed not to read anything by this author after her appalling one note article on motherhood but wanted to see what her follow up held. Whilst I think she has reflected somewhat on the furore that followed, she has failed to take away the main point that most of her critics made- that her experience was neither universal nor unique, and it wasn't her story but her condescension that was unwelcome. She's an astoundingly privileged woman who wants to believe that she's an expert, notwithstanding her whistle stop tour of true experts. I found this book defensive, light on content and again, breathtakingly self centred. Five years later and there is no evidence of any personal growth- Ms Tynan is cashing in on the 'mummy wars'. That would be an ideal tag line for this book.

[Melinda Crumblin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adored this book! It was so perfect for me right now! Jacinta is so easy to read and when you are open to the message this book can be amazing. I remember the fur ore over the column and I was surprised by the uproar. I don't know how people can be so offended by one woman's experience! Staggering!
It was wonderful to read about the impact of mindfulness and meditation on life and parenting. I'm looking at my situation with fresh eyes. This book, for me, was a revelation.