Second Thoughts: The Power of Positive Regret

by Ralph Keyes

Who doesn’t have second thoughts? What-ifs? If-onlys? Why-did-I’s? and Why-didn’t-I’s? We all look back on our lives and wonder what might have been. And we should, says author Ralph Keyes. In Second The Power of Positive Regret, Keyes argues that regrets are a marker of full lives. “Anyone without regrets has lived a meager life indeed,” he writes. “Regrets are evidence that we’ve lived an active life, taken chances, made decisions, and wished we had made some differently.”With compelling illustrations from the many interviews he’s conducted, as well as research done on this subject, Keyes has developed a uniquely affirming attitude toward regret. Since it suggests that we are taking responsibility for our decisions, he writes, having regrets is far better than making excuses or blaming others for aspects of our lives we wish had gone better. Keyes goes further, suggesting ways in which second thoughts can enrich our lives. Musing about roads not taken provides an opportunity for thoughtful reflection, he says, a source of self-awareness, and a tool for growth. Looking back on decisions we regret can suggest ways to make better choices in the future. This is why, Keyes concludes in his thoughtful, reassuring book, “second thoughts are not only an inevitable but an invaluable part of a life fully lived.”

20 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 16, 2014

About the author

Ralph Keyes is an American author. His 16 books include Is There Life After High School?, The Courage to Write, and The Post-Truth Era. That 2004 book illustrated Keyes's anticipation of social trends in his writing.

Keyes's books have dealt with topics in popular culture such as risk-taking, time pressure, loneliness, honesty, and human height. More recently he has turned to language: researching quotations, words, and expressions. "Nice Guys Finish Seventh" and The Quote Verifier explore the actual sources of familiar quotations. I Love It When You Talk Retro is about common words and phrases that are based on past events. His most recent book is Euphemania: Our Love Affair with Euphemisms. (The British edition is titled Unmentionables: From Family Jewels to Friendly Fire, What We Say Instead of What We Mean.)

Keyes has also written numerous articles for publications ranging from GQ to Good Housekeeping. An article he co-authored in 2002 won the McKinsey Award for Best Article of the Year in The Harvard Business Review.

Keyes is a frequent guest on NPR shows such as All Things Considered, Talk of the Nation, and On the Media; and has appeared on The Tonight Show, 20/20, and The Oprah Winfrey Show on television. He also speaks to professional, corporate and educational groups.

After graduating from Antioch College in 1967, Keyes did graduate work at the London School of Economics and Political Science. From 1968 to 1970 he worked as an assistant to Bill Moyers, then the publisher of Long Island's Newsday. For the following decade he was a Fellow of the Center for Studies of the Person in La Jolla, California, then did freelance writing and speaking in the Philadelphia area.